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cave canem

Daughter getting cold feet about chosen college

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I already reported in another thread that my daughter surprised us with a last-minute decision to attend a college that she had barely mentioned before.  

 

She had been planning to attend a small research U.  When she visited, had an interview, had lunch with a student, she thought the culture was a great fit.  I agreed with this perception.

 

The school she accepted is a well-regarded large flagship state U, OOS.  Not UVa or UMich but respectable and up-and-coming.  She complained during the tour there that she did not like the vibe at all there and did not even want to finish the tour.  She did meet with a professor and a couple students.  That went better.

 

She gave several reasons for her decision in favor of state U.  None were silly, but they didn't seem to be real to me.  She seemed confident about her choice.

 

Today she says that she has not been confident about her choice.  She thinks her decision was a mistake and that she should have chosen the small research U.  She says she just chose state U because of a five-course minor that she is very interested in.  Half of the courses in the minor are available are at small research U and she could pick up the rest during study abroad--just not an official minor.  She now thinks this isn't a great reason to turn down small research U. 

????

Does anyone have experience with college buyer's remorse so soon after the decision?

 

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I don't have any experience but just wanted to express  :grouphug: . Has she officially notified the other school? It is so soon after Decision Day that maybe she could talk with the small school and see if there is still an opening and financial/merit aid would be available.

 

At any rate, I think that if she can come to a place of going into big state u with an open mind, it will be okay. The key with the big schools is that you find the "little schools" within the big. There is a niche for her, she just has to do some exploring to find it.

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I think the cold feet is very common! Especially when there were a couple of well-liked choices at the end. The kids have spent the last several months building these "relationships" with various schools, then all of a sudden they have to irreversibly choose one! And they have a few months before they even start with the chosen one, so it all feels a little weird.

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My dd accepted LAC #1 with a very strong music program. I had some grave reservations about this college, but it had been her top choice since spring of junior year and they had awarded her a full-ride scholarship. She had visited the college three times and had a great relationship with the prof on her instrument. She sent in her deposit and was happy.

 

Then she stayed there for two days in late June for the summer orientation program. She was a wreck afterwards and said that she absolutely could NOT attend that college. We listened, and her reasons seemed reasonable to us. As a measure of how strongly she felt about NOT going, she said that she was fine attending the local CC and transferring somewhere else later.

 

On June 20 she wrote a gracious (well, as gracious as you can be given the circumstances) letter to her prof and to the admissions people thanking them for the generous scholarship but saying that she would not be attending.

 

On June 22 she contacted the local "Public Ivy" she had been accepted to in the spring and asked if she could enroll. The secretary at the admissions office said of course not, that they had frozen the freshman class at this point, and it was impossible. Dd personally emailed her admissions person, and this woman contacted dd an hour later to say that yes, she could be re-accepted but not as a ___ Scholar!!!  Three hours later the admissions person called and said that dd could even enroll as a _____ Scholar! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

 

(This late enrollment thing does make for awkward conversations when you discover that people you are talking with are the parents of kids who were wait listed and who were told several weeks before your dd was re-accepted that they would NOT get in!!!!!)

 

(Ending of story -- dd transferred from the Public Ivy to a conservatory at the end of her freshman year, but she had a GREAT freshman year and is now happy at her conservatory. We are so amazingly glad she didn't go to the college she originally accepted!)

 

So definitely call the admissions office. The freshman class may not be 100% "frozen" on May 1. And soometimes miracles do happen!

 

Best wishes. And yes, for rising college freshman, buyer's remorse isn't always just fear -- it can be a new realization or a change of direction on the part of the student.

Edited by Gwen in VA
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Wow, that's tough. 

 

Is she thinking about talking to the small school to see if she can get in? 

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My daughter was admitted by ten--eleven?--colleges.

She said yes to the big OOS state school on time but just started notifying the other schools yesterday.

Meanwhile she received an email from the school she is having remorse over rejecting--and only that school--asking her to please confirm that she is not accepting their offer.

 

So, she called and they gave her til midnight to accept, which she did do.

 

She is so happy and more relaxed than any time in the last n months, where n takes us back to application time.

 

However, she is out $400.

 

 

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Wow. This was so easily resolved. I think you can count yourself, that is your daughter, lucky.

 

Just keep telling yourself that $400 is not too big a loss in the big picture. :001_unsure: Really it isn't.

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 However, she is out $400.

 

A small price to pay! 

 

I'm glad it worked out for her. 

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I already reported in another thread that my daughter surprised us with a last-minute decision to attend a college that she had barely mentioned before.  

 

She had been planning to attend a small research U.  When she visited, had an interview, had lunch with a student, she thought the culture was a great fit.  I agreed with this perception.

 

The school she accepted is a well-regarded large flagship state U, OOS.  Not UVa or UMich but respectable and up-and-coming.  She complained during the tour there that she did not like the vibe at all there and did not even want to finish the tour.  She did meet with a professor and a couple students.  That went better.

 

She gave several reasons for her decision in favor of state U.  None were silly, but they didn't seem to be real to me.  She seemed confident about her choice.

 

Today she says that she has not been confident about her choice.  She thinks her decision was a mistake and that she should have chosen the small research U.  She says she just chose state U because of a five-course minor that she is very interested in.  Half of the courses in the minor are available are at small research U and she could pick up the rest during study abroad--just not an official minor.  She now thinks this isn't a great reason to turn down small research U. 

????

Does anyone have experience with college buyer's remorse so soon after the decision?

If she contacts the school she originally wanted, maybe they will still let her come. But she needs to be 100% certain if she is going to change direction now.

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The $400 is actually trivial compared to the cost differential between the two colleges, but it is out of her pocket.  Her final choice is much more expensive than the big OOS U, and most of the different will come come from Mom and Dad, but we did allow her the choice.

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