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pinkmint
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So I think we need some camaraderie.

 

INFJ is the rarest of all the Myers-Briggs personality types and yet here we are hugely represented on this board according to the poll in a current thread. 

 

More likely to vote/ be active on a internet forum/ etc etc etc... maybe, but still. It's sort of fascinating that we would be disproportionately choosing to homeschool. 

 

I want to see if you all are experiencing things similar to me and how it relates to the homeschool path. I seem to experience a lot of conflict. I want to homeschool and I don't feel equipped to handle it. I want things to be a certain way but get bogged down in the details of making it happen. I get easily overwhelmed by the chaos of children, loudness, untidiness, things not going as planned. I'm calm on the outside (usually) and not calm on the inside. I am not really a good "multitasker" at all. I feel like I'm a "unitasker" in a multitasker calling. I'm a "creative type" but rigid in many ways. Does this ring a bell? Have anything else to add?

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I used to be INTJ, but after I had kids I was too tired to think so much. :p

 

Now I'm INFJ. :)

 

 

You sound like you are "suffering" from a bunch of little kids. I remember reading someone on here saying women tend not to feel they are back to their normal selves until their youngest was 4. I was dealing with special needs, so it stretched out a bit longer for me, but it seems to be about right for people I've spoken to (or eavesdropped on. :p )

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Yes, that is a pretty accurate description of my life. I think it's the idealistic part of infjs plays a big part in homeschooling.

 

Eta- Rosie, yes, the little kid chaos is a killer. But they're so cute and full of possibility! If only they'd listen, and toilet train easier... 2 more years, then I'll feel normal ish again.

Edited by LMD
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Another INFJ here. I could have written your post Pinkmint! I keep waiting to finally hit my stride and feel like I have this homeschool/parenting thing down, and it has yet to happen. The rigid/creative is a constant struggle for me--I want to live this big, creative, messy life, but not until the living room is tidy and the dishes are put away. :laugh:

Edited by Jayne J
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Another INFJ here. I could have written your post Pinkmint! I keep waiting to finally hit my stride and feel like I have this homeschool/parenting thing down, and it has yet to happen. The rigid/creative is a constant struggle for me--I want to live this big, creative, messy life, but not until the living room is tidy and the dishes are put away. :laugh:

I'm an INFJ too, and this is exactly me.

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INFJ bordering on INTJ.

 

Homeschool for me has been the hardest thing ever.  I did it for my daughter or I would have never done it.  She is opposite of my personality and I feel like although I love her and she is a wonderful amazing girl she has drained every last drop of my energy and brain away.  *sigh* I dream of recovering.

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I used to be INTJ, but after I had kids I was too tired to think so much. :p

 

Now I'm INFJ. :)

 

 

You sound like you are "suffering" from a bunch of little kids. I remember reading someone on here saying women tend not to feel they are back to their normal selves until their youngest was 4. I was dealing with special needs, so it stretched out a bit longer for me, but it seems to be about right for people I've spoken to (or eavesdropped on. :p )

I hover right in the center on the T/F criteria; I have taken the test and come out either way, with a 49/51 split. :) I think (SEE?) I have moved more in the "think" direction as I have gotten older. I'm not as feely as I used to be; I've become more stoical.

 

I do think the type lends itself readily to homeschooling.

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Hello :)

 

I value being in tune with what my kids are experiencing on an emotional level, so as I watched kindergarten steal older DD's joy I thought, "Oh, heck no.  We'll have none of this," and we pulled her at the end of the year.  

 

I guess it was the "NF" in me that impelled me to pull her and the "J" in me that decided she should finish out the year first, because the idea of an incomplete year made me twitchy.

Edited by shinyhappypeople
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Hmm. I'm definitely an INFJ - have been since I first took the test many years ago, but I have gradually veered toward E and T. Apparently you get more balanced as you age, but your core preferences aren't supposed to change?

 

Anyway, homeschooling is magical for me. I definitely feel the conflict between my relaxed, idealistic side (Michael Clay Thompson feeds this- let's sit down and read this lovely book about grammar) and my detailed-oriented, rigid side. Yeah, it's never going to be quite what I want, because a day that makes part of me happy frustrates the other part. Ha!

 

This year we added a time in our school that is fully satisfying, though. After lunch we have quiet reading time - we all hang out in my room (I get the bed, they make nests in the floor) and read for a set amount of time. The kids read literature I've assigned them. It's amazing. I get to read books that I want to read AND have school at the same time.

 

Teaching from Rest by Sarah Mackenzie spoke to me, making me want to embrace my idealism and focus less on the checklist. We'll see how that goes this year.

 

In terms of always researching and needing the next thing, that's 100% my life. I just go with it - right now, I spend my research time on new classes I'm teaching at our co-op, and I'll be adding some music lessons for me in the summer. I figure I'll drive the kids nuts if all my need for change is focused on them. ;)

 

Edited for a typo. Phone typing, bleh.

Edited by basketcase
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INFJ here.  We decided to homeschool when our oldest was 3.  I should say "I" decided and dh was game.  I was bullied in school and did not see school as a safe place.  My oldest had a lot of the personality traits that seem to invite bullies.  Plus, he had a bowel disorder that would have made him an even bigger target.  Homeschooling allowed him to have a reasonably happy childhood, in spite of the social anxiety issues he has.  I was much better at planning that execution.  However, being such a perfectionist, my standards were impossibly high so missing the mark means that I didn't do too badly.  It's just that my mentors were so much better at it ... they had clean houses, perfect organic vegetarian meals, and learned Latin so they could teach it to their kids.  So much of my identity was wrapped up in being a mom and a homeschooler.  I wanted to be the best at each.  Having a kid with some special needs led me to more research and find alternative ways of remediating the weaknesses. 

 

Perhaps my "I" is not so strongly expressed.  I crave connection with other people and get quite lonely without community.  But I find them tiring and need to retreat to my introvert cave after too much.  Being married to an introvert and having 2 introverted kids meant my home life was relatively calm. Dd is much more extroverted than the rest of us and she makes her own social life now that she is in school part-time. Now that my kids are older and my homeschooling life is nearing the end, my community has mostly dissolved and I am miserable.  But, seeking out and making new friends and developing those strong connections is just so exhausting.  It is easier to download books onto my Kindle and escape inside a book than it is to force myself to make those connections, risk rejection and realize that I am just not all that important. 

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I have come up INFJ every time I have taken the test. I am married to an INTJ.

 

Initially, I was almost paralyzed by too many options. I figured my way through that. Then I tended to hold back on anything that I couldn't do to the idealistic max. I would come to a dead stop in history because I didn't have everything ready for the lapbook, or the right cardstock for the hands-on projects, and I couldn't possibly do that chapter without the ingredients for the cool recipes etc. 

 

I love to plan and tweak...sometimes too much. I am making my own custom planner and gradetracker for next year because I couldn't stand all the blank pages left behind in my over-the-counter planner. And it has to be as pretty and fun as it is functional. 

 

I can't think straight if the part of the house that I can see is untidy. It is very difficult for me to homeschool if conditions are not optimal.

 

Each year, though, I get better. I am nervous, but finally feel prepared to go into high school.

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I'm another INFJ married to an INTJ! Also identify with creative but rigid - I think that's absolutely an INFJ think too. Constantly tweaking systems, looking for the best way to do things, but resisting being too constrained by routine at the same time. I also have a lot of sensory sensitivities - not sure if those are related to personality or not, but I get overwhelmed by lots of noise or light - so kid wrangling can get challenging.

 

 

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This is why I indentify with INFJ.

http://introvertdear.com/2015/07/11/signs-infj-personality-type-infj-refuge/

 

 

They all resonate with me. I think I always had INFJ tendencies even though I would test strong INFP. Over the years, I've moved closer and closer to INFJ.

 

I'm always curious and driven to find out more, more about curriculum, more about methods, more research. But that just makes me realize how much I don't know and makes me think that I must not be meeting their needs. That there is something perfect out there that I completely missed and won't find until they've passed the age or graduated. It's my perfectionist tendencies mixed in with all of my self-doubt.

There is always more that I could be doing.

Homeschooling puts my futuristic mindset to good use. I plan out everything for the big picture. I see the goal and drill down the details once and stick to the plan. Otherwise I'd be all over the map. Stick to the plan and trust my research.

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So I think we need some camaraderie.

 

INFJ is the rarest of all the Myers-Briggs personality types and yet here we are hugely represented on this board according to the poll in a current thread.

 

More likely to vote/ be active on a internet forum/ etc etc etc... maybe, but still. It's sort of fascinating that we would be disproportionately choosing to homeschool.

 

I want to see if you all are experiencing things similar to me and how it relates to the homeschool path. I seem to experience a lot of conflict. I want to homeschool and I don't feel equipped to handle it. I want things to be a certain way but get bogged down in the details of making it happen. I get easily overwhelmed by the chaos of children, loudness, untidiness, things not going as planned. I'm calm on the outside (usually) and not calm on the inside. I am not really a good "multitasker" at all. I feel like I'm a "unitasker" in a multitasker calling. I'm a "creative type" but rigid in many ways. Does this ring a bell? Have anything else to add?

INFJ here, and I'm exactly like this too.

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Anyway, homeschooling is magical for me. I definitely feel the conflict between my relaxed, idealistic side (Michael Clay Thompson feeds this- let's sit down and read this lovely book about grammar) and my detailed-oriented, rigid side. Yeah, it's never going to be quite what I want, because a day that makes part of me happy frustrates the other part. Ha!

 

Ha indeed! I'm lucky, dd learns best if I hit her with both styles- there's some kind of sweet spot in the middle for her and I get both of my fixes. :lol:

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This is why I indentify with INFJ.

http://introvertdear.com/2015/07/11/signs-infj-personality-type-infj-refuge/

 

 

They all resonate with me. I think I always had INFJ tendencies even though I would test strong INFP. Over the years, I've moved closer and closer to INFJ.

 

I'm always curious and driven to find out more, more about curriculum, more about methods, more research. But that just makes me realize how much I don't know and makes me think that I must not be meeting their needs. That there is something perfect out there that I completely missed and won't find until they've passed the age or graduated. It's my perfectionist tendencies mixed in with all of my self-doubt.

There is always more that I could be doing.

Homeschooling puts my futuristic mindset to good use. I plan out everything for the big picture. I see the goal and drill down the details once and stick to the plan. Otherwise I'd be all over the map. Stick to the plan and trust my research.

The link you posted resonates with me too.

 

I love being an INFJ.  :001_wub:

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Pretty much true for me as well except I am not the creative type, more the analytical type. I can deal with one thing and to do it well I cannot have 50 other things crowding it. The whole multitasking baloney just means that some people can fake it better and don't pay attention to detail. :laugh:

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This is why I indentify with INFJ.

http://introvertdear.com/2015/07/11/signs-infj-personality-type-infj-refuge/

 

 

They all resonate with me. I think I always had INFJ tendencies even though I would test strong INFP. Over the years, I've moved closer and closer to INFJ.

 

I'm always curious and driven to find out more, more about curriculum, more about methods, more research. But that just makes me realize how much I don't know and makes me think that I must not be meeting their needs. That there is something perfect out there that I completely missed and won't find until they've passed the age or graduated. It's my perfectionist tendencies mixed in with all of my self-doubt.

There is always more that I could be doing.

Homeschooling puts my futuristic mindset to good use. I plan out everything for the big picture. I see the goal and drill down the details once and stick to the plan. Otherwise I'd be all over the map. Stick to the plan and trust my research.

 

Great link! 

 

Another INFJ here. I could have written the OP myself. Sometimes I wonder when the mothership is coming to pick me up and take me home. So good to know I am in such good company here!!

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Another INFJ married to an INTJ.

 

After years I found my balance.  I usually make up a loose schedule or outline, sometimes I post it but most often it gets stuck in a drawer and we just dive in and go with the books and materials we've picked out.  In the early years it was hard because I didn't have my kid's learning styles and personality types figure out and we muddled through a lot.  But since I figured out that I have a ISTJ that learns best from textbooks and an ISFP who does best when left to be creative that things really settled down.

 

 

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I'm an INFJ who's homeschooled for 23 years. Yes, your post rang a bell, OP.

 

A few things that have helped:

 

Finding a routine to get the skill subjects done using open-and-go curricula (math, grammar, writing, spelling) and exercising creativity/ following passions in content subjects (elementary science and history).

 

Embracing one-on-one tutoring. I can handle up to 3 kids at a time, any more than that and  I feel overwhelmed. For a few years, this meant my days were really long, but I don't do multi-tasking well, so this was a trade-off that was worth it to me. 

 

Designating a small room for homeschooling. I keep that clean and close the doors to the rest of the house during school hours.

 

Finally convincing my ESTJ dh that I need alone time like he needs oxygen. For the first two decades of our marriage, he couldn't bear to leave me at home by myself. He was sure I would die of loneliness (as he would). Now, he takes the kids to play sports for a few hours every week while I enjoy being in the quiet of my own company. Before he understood this, I survived by having a two hour quiet time here every afternoon. Now that I'm not nursing babies in the middle of the night, I get daily quiet time by waking up early. The quiet time keeps me sane and makes me a better mom. It took me years to get over the guilt I felt every time I took it.

 

 

Edited by Jane Elliot
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Yep, INFJ here as well. I struggle between my visions of perfection versus the messy reality that is my day to day. My idealism tends to drive everything. I can never just do something--there always has to be some deep philosophical underpinning for why/how the activity is beneficial.

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Finding a routine to get the skill subjects done using open-and-go curricula (math, grammar, writing, spelling) and exercising creativity/ following passions in content subjects (elementary science and history).

 

Embracing one-on-one tutoring.  

 

 

Finally convincing my ESTJ dh that I need alone time like he needs oxygen.

 

Same here.  Especially the alone-time.  That is my time to recharge and refresh my brain so I can function and do the stuff I need/want to do.  I try to get an hour a day and have at least one day a week where we all stay home.

 

We do a lot of that open and go stuff or use the computer and they just do the next thing.  But I also let them have plenty of free time to explore their interests and be creative on their own.

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  • 8 months later...

Same here. Especially the alone-time. That is my time to recharge and refresh my brain so I can function and do the stuff I need/want to do. I try to get an hour a day and have at least one day a week where we all stay home.

 

We do a lot of that open and go stuff or use the computer and they just do the next thing. But I also let them have plenty of free time to explore their interests and be creative on their own.

This is beautiful. This is how I am learning to survive, too. When my littles were preschoolers, I was so excited about homeschooling and so full of beautiful visions of our idyllic days curled up together with books. Then the rubber met the road. XD

 

This has been the year of me and DH (an ENTP) realizing what a much better mother, homeschooler, and sane human being I am when I get alone time. It has been life-changing to stop fighting how I'm made or wishing I didn't need a break from mothering (like all my ISFJ friends who seem so happy to just hang with the kids all day and bake and take care of the house, without needing to disappear for hours to read and write and think) and begin embracing it. It enables me to be fully present and available for my family when I'm with them. 💜

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In my teens and early 20s I always tested as INTJ (I worked in labs, studied science/engineering type things). Later I started coming up with INFJ, which I think is more accurate. My husband is a textbook INTJ and while I'm similar to him, I'm...not him. But as I develop I show as more INFP. I keep testing and trying to do P/J testers, and always fall right on the dividing line of INFJ and INFP. I can't really say which one I am anymore! Maybe a few more years will tell.

 

I think personality systems need to take into account personal growth. I think it's totally normal to test as one thing but really be another, because you haven't matured quite enough yet, or you've put a lot of stock into thinking yourself to be a personality that you're not (been  there, done that, at least once!). I really like personalityjunkie.com because it takes that into account, if you care to read about it in depth.

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When someone mentions they are thinking about starting a graduate program in anything, I need to spend the whole next day researching everything about that kind of program. The prerequisites. The best local options. The pros, the cons, the starting salaries. I need the vicarious planning fix!

 

(You can't plan your preschooler's high school curriculum every day of the week, you know?)

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I'm an INTJ that borderlines on T/F as well, married to another INTJ. We make a pretty stable, happy pair of analytical introverts :p

 

The older I get the less F I become. That seems to be the minority on here - the feeling thing carries less and less weight as I gain more and more experience. Huh.

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So I think we need some camaraderie.

 

INFJ is the rarest of all the Myers-Briggs personality types and yet here we are hugely represented on this board according to the poll in a current thread.

 

More likely to vote/ be active on a internet forum/ etc etc etc... maybe, but still. It's sort of fascinating that we would be disproportionately choosing to homeschool.

 

I want to see if you all are experiencing things similar to me and how it relates to the homeschool path. I seem to experience a lot of conflict. I want to homeschool and I don't feel equipped to handle it. I want things to be a certain way but get bogged down in the details of making it happen. I get easily overwhelmed by the chaos of children, loudness, untidiness, things not going as planned. I'm calm on the outside (usually) and not calm on the inside. I am not really a good "multitasker" at all. I feel like I'm a "unitasker" in a multitasker calling. I'm a "creative type" but rigid in many ways. Does this ring a bell? Have anything else to add?

INFJ here. Your description is 100% me. Seriously, eerily similar.

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I used to be INTJ, but after I had kids I was too tired to think so much. :p

 

Now I'm INFJ. :)

 

 

You sound like you are "suffering" from a bunch of little kids. I remember reading someone on here saying women tend not to feel they are back to their normal selves until their youngest was 4. I was dealing with special needs, so it stretched out a bit longer for me, but it seems to be about right for people I've spoken to (or eavesdropped on. :p )

 

I've gone from T to borderline T/F!  And it started right around when #5 was 3 or 4.  (I knew nothing of MB before I started my 15 year stint as a parent of under-4s, so maybe I was an F before.)

 

I'm a perfectionist who says F-it (haha) a lot.  House, homeschool, all of it.  Shoot for the moon, land among the stars, belly flop into the ocean, whatever.

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Hello, fellow ISFJ! :seeya:

 

 

I hope no one minds if I follow along on this thread - we're only one letter apart!

Another ISFJ here! Although the F is very borderline, so much of the INFJ fits me as well.

 

I totally agree with the idea of being a unitasker in a multitasker calling. I love my children, love having them around, love small children, love homeschooling them all, but being "on" so much is hard.

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Yeah. Me too. And I want everyone to be happy around me all the time. I cannot deal with conflicts.

 

 

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i need to expand on this. Personally I don't talk about my feelings that much and i seldom act upon them. They're there but I've gotten good at second guessing them and keeping them at bay

. My problem is that I'm like an emotional sponge. I absorb the moods of those around me. Even if they don't outwardly say much I pick it up. I can't spend much time watching the news because I can't shake it off. I'm good at helping others work through problems but I absorb their feelings and it's exhausting.

 

 

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INFJ here married to an ENFP/ENTP (he's borderline for both).

 

One thing I've noticed lately is that when overwhelmed I hide (in a book, in knitting, at home, by myself). This is good as a short term solution to help me balance, but it's hard to shake myself up and re-connect to people when I'm exhausted and overwhelmed...and sometimes I just really need that deep connection but it's so hard when you're tired. 

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