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Personality types and homeschooling

What is your personality type?  

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  1. 1. What is your personality type?



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Do the rest of you INTJs often feel like your life is in a holding pattern and will only resume once your youngest graduates? I feel like as a person I've been in stasis for the last ten years and won't really come out for another eleven years, when my youngest graduates.

 

Honestly, I feel like I'm in a malfunctioning Tardis.  My oldest is graduating this year, and my younger son is 5.  I'm starting over.  I love my little guy and we wanted another baby for years and years before he was born, but the starting over thing.  It's rough, man.  I'm emotionally burnt out and having a really hard time finding the homeschool joy or excitement (or at this point just tolerance) that I had when my older son was 5. 

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 "Well, how would anyone know what to do without a chart??

 

Exactly!  This is why I need time away to think of what to do when I am with the children.  Because if I don't decide ahead of time (and make a list/chart) I waste enormous amounts of time trying to figure out what to do (mostly because it takes forever before I have a complete, uninterrupted thought).

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ENFJ or ENFP

 

Can't remember exactly and don't have time to retake tonight.  

 

I hate being home.  I am only a SAHP because my special needs son needed me.

I am going back to work now.  Can't stand being home all the time.  I find it depressing.

 

I find this fascinating.  I've always felt sad by people who find staying home depressing.  I feel rather like, "If your home is depressing, fix your home." But maybe it's just your "E" coming out?  Or my "I", depending on which side you look at it from.

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INFJ here - married to an INTJ (and most of my good friends are INTJ, INFJ or INFP). I've noticed a higher than normal number of INFJ homeschoolers and attributed it to that types' intense devotion to idealism.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree - I feel such a need to do something meaningful with my time! So I homeschool and am devoted to my religion. I spend time volunteering. Yep.

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Do the rest of you INTJs often feel like your life is in a holding pattern and will only resume once your youngest graduates? I feel like as a person I've been in stasis for the last ten years and won't really come out for another eleven years, when my youngest graduates.

 

I haven't re-taken the test just now, but I've taken it a few times before, and always come out ENTP - but very close to the midline on both the E/I and P/J, so I probably have some overlap with all you INTJ's ;) - and I totally feel like the bolded - especially as my kids have gotten into high school and I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I guess it's good I had my three so close together... I have loved, loved, loved homeschooling, but I have to say I'm feeling ready to be done and get on with my life (although I'm still trying to figure out what that will look like...)

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This is SO fascinating. I'm an ISTJ... also rare among female populations but not here. No wonder I feel at home with you all! I think homeschooling was a fit for me (more so than others). I stopped this year because I was emotionally tapped out. My type is very duty-driven and I found it nearly impossible to identify and meet my own needs. That was my homeschooling Achilles heel. But I may go back to it now that I have had a break.

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I find this fascinating.  I've always felt sad by people who find staying home depressing.  I feel rather like, "If your home is depressing, fix your home." But maybe it's just your "E" coming out?  Or my "I", depending on which side you look at it from.

 

I gain energy from being with other people.  I also gain energy from doing things......being productive.  And cleaning the spilled milk for the 8th time that day is NOT productive, it is simply putting out the next fire.  And there will be a next.....like a hamster on a wheel.

 

It isn't my actual, literal house that is the problem.  It isn't even my family.  I love my family.  But even coop once a week or church twice a week, or whatever, doesn't fulfill that deep desire to be outside the home working around other people all day.

 

I worked very hard for my graduate degrees and I worked outside the home for 17 years.  I have been home for about 10, close to 11.  I feel like I have been dying on the vine.  Seriously.  

 

And, as this thread has confirmed, most homeschoolers are more introverted, so once a week coop is plenty for them.  

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I am always surprised at how even though I feel like I have changed (in some ways changed a lot!) over the years, I am always an ISFJ.  I took the full test on a high-school science retreat and tested as an ISFJ at 16 years old.  Took it again in a college psych class - still ISFJ.  Another opportunity to take it as part of a workplace enrichment course - still ISFJ.  And out of curiosity, took the mini-quiz linked here and once again, ISFJ.  If I look back at my 16 year old self vs my 38 year old self, I feel like I am practically a completely different person.  My views on so many things have changed, but I guess my core personality has really stayed the same over all this time.  Just interesting to contemplate.  

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I gain energy from being with other people.  I also gain energy from doing things......being productive.  And cleaning the spilled milk for the 8th time that day is NOT productive, it is simply putting out the next fire.  And there will be a next.....like a hamster on a wheel.

 

It isn't my actual, literal house that is the problem.  It isn't even my family.  I love my family.  But even coop once a week or church twice a week, or whatever, doesn't fulfill that deep desire to be outside the home working around other people all day.

 

I worked very hard for my graduate degrees and I worked outside the home for 17 years.  I have been home for about 10, close to 11.  I feel like I have been dying on the vine.  Seriously.  

 

And, as this thread has confirmed, most homeschoolers are more introverted, so once a week coop is plenty for them.  

 

I always wonder about this though - didn't you have things like the eqivalent of mopping up spilled milk in your paid career or school?  I don't think I've ever had a job that didn't include that kind of thing.

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I gain energy from being with other people.  I also gain energy from doing things......being productive.  And cleaning the spilled milk for the 8th time that day is NOT productive, it is simply putting out the next fire.  And there will be a next.....like a hamster on a wheel.

 

It isn't my actual, literal house that is the problem.  It isn't even my family.  I love my family.  But even coop once a week or church twice a week, or whatever, doesn't fulfill that deep desire to be outside the home working around other people all day.

 

I worked very hard for my graduate degrees and I worked outside the home for 17 years.  I have been home for about 10, close to 11.  I feel like I have been dying on the vine.  Seriously.  

 

And, as this thread has confirmed, most homeschoolers are more introverted, so once a week coop is plenty for them.  

 

I totally get what you are saying about putting out fires and spilled milk.  There is definitely an element of that with kids.  But isn't there an element of that with all jobs?  I like being productive, too, and creating something "finished", if you know what I mean.  I just prefer to do it at home most of the time. 

 

If find being around people exhausting.  I was at an all day meeting Sat 8a-6p.  By the time I got home I felt like I was going to die. 

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I find this fascinating. I've always felt sad by people who find staying home depressing. I feel rather like, "If your home is depressing, fix your home." .

If I can host a big party everyday at my home that would help :)

I like lots of humans and mixed age ones, so opening a childcare won't work.

I stay in a condo and my neighbors tend to be chatty and often out. Probably why they don't mind staying in a condo instead of a townhome,

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SparklyUnicorn, on 03 May 2016 - 3:08 PM, said:snapback.png

Well first off I'm impressed you typed out all those types.  And second, I went to take the quiz and got bored.

 

So....

So you're a TL;DR then. :p  :lol:

 

:hurray: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :hurray:

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Last time I was helping to plan a baby shower, I created an excel chart of job duties with due dates for the other people planning the party. I made it a shared document so they could update it when they'd completed their tasks. Yeah...no one made any updates. I'm really embarrassed by it now. I'm sure they were rolling their eyes at me behind my back. I always forget that most people are not like me. Except my lovely INTJ DH. When I told him the story he was all like, "Well, how would anyone know what to do without a chart?? Duh! It was a good idea, but they weren't smart enough to see it." :)

 

I'm ENTJ, y'all's outgoing cousin. ;)

 

I am just like this, but I spend a lot of time concealing it. So I would totally have made that chart, but kept it a secret and updated it myself when people finished their tasks, so I could keep an eye on stuff that might not get done and casually remind/have a contingency plan. And I never say, "Did you get the balloons?" Because that makes you demanding or bossy or something or like you assume they forgot. Instead, if I am pretty sure they have forgotten the balloons, I'll ask, "Hey, when's the earliest they'll let us get the balloons on Saturday?" And they will either 1) tell me the answer because they have it covered, 2) realize they forgot, or 3) realize they forgot but pretend they didn't to save face - but will take care of it post haste. No matter what, the balloons get ordered. 

 

When we vacation plan, I have a plan, and a plan b, and a plan c. And I will say, "Well, since we're in this neighborhood, we could do X or Y, but Z is only open on this day, so if we want to see it, it has to be now. And then whatever happens, happens. In this way, I plan vacations to the hilt, but also appear to the casual observer to be laid back.  :laugh:

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You'd have loved the chart! It was color coded, with big thick lines between different categories of tasks. Oh, it was beautiful.

 

COLOR CODED?!?  :001_tt1:  My CHILDREN are color-coded!

 

Seriously!  See my signature here... Their colors are based on their favorite colors from their little years. NONE of them still loves their color, but it is permanently embedded in my brain. I mostly use it now for post-it-notes of their activities on the calendar, and other things that are really more for "me" than for "them", meaning- I no longer buy them beach towels and shirts in "their" color so I can keep track of them when we're out.

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I think my favorite quote from a recent thread about INTJs was "We don't have time for stupid." I think that's ultimately why so many of us homeschool our kids, even though it sounds like most of us aren't the type that actually enjoys staying at home, especially with little kids.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

YES, a MILLION times YES! I realized I can be infinitely patient in some circumstances, but in others, I am *done* within seconds of the person opening their mouth or even appearing nearby.

 

I thought I was crazy, but I realized that it's stupidity, not the "I don't understand but I'm willing to learn" lack of knowledge, or an actual inability (due to age/maturity/etc.) but just plain idiocy that I have zero tolerance for.

 

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I'm ENTJ, y'all's outgoing cousin. ;)

 

I am just like this, but I spend a lot of time concealing it. So I would totally have made that chart, but kept it a secret and updated it myself when people finished their tasks, so I could keep an eye on stuff that might not get done and casually remind/have a contingency plan. And I never say, "Did you get the balloons?" Because that makes you demanding or bossy or something or like you assume they forgot. Instead, if I am pretty sure they have forgotten the balloons, I'll ask, "Hey, when's the earliest they'll let us get the balloons on Saturday?" And they will either 1) tell me the answer because they have it covered, 2) realize they forgot, or 3) realize they forgot but pretend they didn't to save face - but will take care of it post haste. No matter what, the balloons get ordered. 

 

When we vacation plan, I have a plan, and a plan b, and a plan c. And I will say, "Well, since we're in this neighborhood, we could do X or Y, but Z is only open on this day, so if we want to see it, it has to be now. And then whatever happens, happens. In this way, I plan vacations to the hilt, but also appear to the casual observer to be laid back.  :laugh:

 

 

See, those are the kinds of people skills I wish I had. I would just say "Did you get the balloons?" and be bossy and demanding, then not understand when people don't want to help me with stuff anymore.  :lol:

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:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

YES, a MILLION times YES! I realized I can be infinitely patient in some circumstances, but in others, I am *done* within seconds of the person opening their mouth or even appearing nearby.

 

I thought I was crazy, but I realized that it's stupidity, not the "I don't understand but I'm willing to learn" lack of knowledge, or an actual inability (due to age/maturity/etc.) but just plain idiocy that I have zero tolerance for.

 

 

I'm INTP, but I find this too.  The total illogic of some of the school policies and practices are what I find most difficult about public schools.  In part that is because the schools here are not bad - I don't like their educational approach but they are nice places, safe, with teachers and staff that care.  But - the administrative idiocy is hard to take.

Edited by Bluegoat
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See, those are the kinds of people skills I wish I had. I would just say "Did you get the balloons?" and be bossy and demanding, then not understand when people don't want to help me with stuff anymore.  :lol:

 

Maybe it's because I'm extroverted, I have a lot of practice with what drives people away. :D. I didn't bother with that mess in the professional world, because seriously, I'm not going to coddle people's feelings when it's your JOB, but most of the homeschoolers I know (contrary to here) are FEELERS. With big FEELINGS and if you don't treat their feelings as if they are equal with like, facts, you're soon not going to have many friends. And since we are very social...I am learning to adapt. 

 

I am totally that person who assigns you to bring duct tape, but then brings it myself. But I leave it in the trunk unless (until) you say you forgot it and then, "Oh gosh, I wonder if I maybe have some in here from the other week..."

Edited by Sk8ermaiden
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I thought I was crazy, but I realized that it's stupidity, not the "I don't understand but I'm willing to learn" lack of knowledge, or an actual inability (due to age/maturity/etc.) but just plain idiocy that I have zero tolerance for.

 

 

It's the people who treat ignorance like a virtue, who not only don't know what's true, but don't care.  No intelligent person likes these people, but INTJ is almost literally incapable of dealing with them.

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 but most of the homeschoolers I know (contrary to here) are FEELERS. With big FEELINGS and if you don't treat their feelings as if they are equal with like, facts, you're soon not going to have many friends.

 

We could just write this as the definition of why I don't co-op.

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I find this fascinating.  I've always felt sad by people who find staying home depressing.  I feel rather like, "If your home is depressing, fix your home." But maybe it's just your "E" coming out?  Or my "I", depending on which side you look at it from.

 

The latter.

There is nothing wrong with my home that needs fixing. I have a lovely home. But in order not to feel depressed, I need stimulating in-person interaction with lots of people. How would I fix my home to make this happen?

That's why I have been so much happier since I quit trying to be a SAHM and took a job teaching physics at a university. If I feel down, I go in for some extra shifts at the help center; the interaction with the students (and colleagues) makes me feel good.

 

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I gain energy from being with other people.  I also gain energy from doing things......being productive.  And cleaning the spilled milk for the 8th time that day is NOT productive, it is simply putting out the next fire.  And there will be a next.....like a hamster on a wheel.

 

It isn't my actual, literal house that is the problem.  It isn't even my family.  I love my family.  But even coop once a week or church twice a week, or whatever, doesn't fulfill that deep desire to be outside the home working around other people all day.

 

I worked very hard for my graduate degrees and I worked outside the home for 17 years.  I have been home for about 10, close to 11.  I feel like I have been dying on the vine.  Seriously.  

 

And, as this thread has confirmed, most homeschoolers are more introverted, so once a week coop is plenty for them.  

 

Dawn, I am right there with you and can relate to the "dying on the vine" feeling. I lasted only 4 years at home; I developed serious depression that got only resolved once I resumed working. Hang in there.

 

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I always wonder about this though - didn't you have things like the eqivalent of mopping up spilled milk in your paid career or school?  I don't think I've ever had a job that didn't include that kind of thing.

 

I guess you could equate some things with home, but I also gained a paycheck, benefits, retirement, and felt self sufficient.  

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Dawn, I am right there with you and can relate to the "dying on the vine" feeling. I lasted only 4 years at home; I developed serious depression that got only resolved once I resumed working. Hang in there.

 

 

Yeah, I am not sure anyone who truly loves being home and has no desire to work will get what I am saying.  

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We could just write this as the definition of why I don't co-op.

 

 

I run a co-op. I could not attend one. 

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INFP here

 

I think this may explain why I can never seem to decide between all of the curriculum choices. I want to use it all! :drool:

Also INFP, and I'm right there with you in wanting to do it all!

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I always wonder about this though - didn't you have things like the eqivalent of mopping up spilled milk in your paid career or school?  I don't think I've ever had a job that didn't include that kind of thing.

 

I am not Dawn to which the question was directed, but I am a similar personality and feel similarly.

Sure, there is the equivalent of mopping up spills in my job. There are parts I strongly dislike (grading papers tops that list). But those are a small part of my work, and I enjoy most of my tasks. I see an accomplishment, and - important for my ESFJ self - feel that what I do is recognized and appreciated by my colleagues and students.

If I should pinpoint what I disliked about being a SAHM, it would be the combination of loneliness and the lack of any recognition/appreciation/feeling of accomplishment. I enjoyed being with my kids, but that was not enough to make me feel happy and fulfilled.

 

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I guess you could equate some things with home, but I also gained a paycheck, benefits, retirement, and felt self sufficient.  

 

Those things seem to be linked with the desire to be productive, then.

 

But I think that understanding of what it means to be productive is very culturally driven.  Even the idea that we can or should be self-sufficient at the level of the individual.  Those things to me are just generally accepted symbols of productivity, but there are lots of kinds of productivity that don't create those symbols.

 

Something I think which also creates some perspective is that getting on towards the 40s a lot of people who are working for things like start to feel their jobs are in fact not producing anything of real value - the paycheck is great but people want the work in itself to be valuble.  It seems like there is a larger problem with how we learn to value work, even our own.

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I am not Dawn to which the question was directed, but I am a similar personality and feel similarly.

Sure, there is the equivalent of mopping up spills in my job. There are parts I strongly dislike (grading papers tops that list). But those are a small part of my work, and I enjoy most of my tasks. I see an accomplishment, and - important for my ESFJ self - feel that what I do is recognized and appreciated by my colleagues and students.

If I should pinpoint what I disliked about being a SAHM, it would be the combination of loneliness and the lack of any recognition/appreciation/feeling of accomplishment. I enjoyed being with my kids, but that was not enough to make me feel happy and fulfilled.

 

 

Do you feel then that if you had lived in a situation where being a SAHP was more socially valued, and had more chance for interaction, you would have enjoyed it more?

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I run a co-op. I could not attend one. 

 

You run a co-op that you don't attend?  What's the set up with that?

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Do you feel then that if you had lived in a situation where being a SAHP was more socially valued, and had more chance for interaction, you would have enjoyed it more?

 

No. When I was a SAHM, I had several friends who were; it was the norm, and socially accepted, to stay home for several years after the birth (just not long term except for moms of many). There was no stigma attached; in fact, our society valued it and tried to make it financially feasible. Every young mother I knew stayed home for at least a year (Civilized country with paid maternity leave and 3 year parental leave with job guarantee). So that played absolutely no role.

 

I don't think "more chance for interaction" in scenarios that are common for SAHPs would have made a difference.

I already feel that teaching physics does not challenge me intellectually and am bored and looking for new challenges and a feeling of purpose. Just filling my time with more playgroups, book clubs, mom's night out etc would not have helped - it would have been a band aid on a bleeding gash.

Edited by regentrude
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I gain energy from being with other people.  I also gain energy from doing things......being productive.  And cleaning the spilled milk for the 8th time that day is NOT productive, it is simply putting out the next fire.  And there will be a next.....like a hamster on a wheel.

 

It isn't my actual, literal house that is the problem.  It isn't even my family.  I love my family.  But even coop once a week or church twice a week, or whatever, doesn't fulfill that deep desire to be outside the home working around other people all day.

 

I worked very hard for my graduate degrees and I worked outside the home for 17 years.  I have been home for about 10, close to 11.  I feel like I have been dying on the vine.  Seriously.  

 

And, as this thread has confirmed, most homeschoolers are more introverted, so once a week coop is plenty for them.  

 

:grouphug:

 

I think that's where types differ. I (INFP/J) have felt like I'm dying on the vine, but I also like being at home. What wakes me up and makes me feel productive is taking on a project. For example, I took a class on how to lay tile and can see myself in a big empty floor with my playlist and going zen laying tile. I get fulfillment from the planning and research of it all the way through the end of the project and then residual fulfillment whenever I look at it.  Being able to fix my own faucet or lay my own tile is what gives me the feeling of being self-sufficient and I can be satisfied with that.

 

It doesn't have to be home improvement, but some kind of hands-on work. It could be volunteer work.

 

Or maybe homeschooling at the park or other more public outdoor places would help you. I've found the park and the library to be places my introverts can manage and not get overstimulated. They do have trouble straying from their routine and get distracted. It never fails that the first few times we move to even the backyard their behavior makes me want to go back inside, but we stick with it. 

 

 

Edited by Plum Crazy

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Either ESFJ or ENFJ.  Probably depends on the day.  Interestingly, my mom is very much an N and my dad is very much an S.  I was a confused child.   :lol:

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That's us here, too. My dh took the test before me a few years ago and was an INTJ. He was so proud because it's such a rare type. He was going on and on about how special he was and logical and intelligent and blah blah blah and was just the tiniest bit acting like he was superior to me.

 

And then I took the test and was an INTJ as well. Took the wind of his sails.

 

My kids can't possibly be INTJ because they are so inefficient and never think of writing lists or making charts.

 

Last time I was helping to plan a baby shower, I created an excel chart of job duties with due dates for the other people planning the party. I made it a shared document so they could update it when they'd completed their tasks. Yeah...no one made any updates. I'm really embarrassed by it now. I'm sure they were rolling their eyes at me behind my back. I always forget that most people are not like me. Except my lovely INTJ DH. When I told him the story he was all like, "Well, how would anyone know what to do without a chart?? Duh! It was a good idea, but they weren't smart enough to see it." :)

 

I am an ESFJ and totally do the chart thing. The J makes me want to be organized, and the S gives me attention to detail.

Ps drive me nuts.

 

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No. When I was a SAHM, I had several friends who were; it was the norm, and socially accepted, to stay home for several years after the birth (just not long term except for moms of many). There was no stigma attached; in fact, our society valued it and tried to make it financially feasible. Every young mother I knew stayed home for at least a year (Civilized country with paid maternity leave and 3 year parental leave with job guarantee). So that played absolutely no role.

 

I don't think "more chance for interaction" in scenarios that are common for SAHPs would have made a difference.

I already feel that teaching physics does not challenge me intellectually and am bored and looking for new challenges and a feeling of purpose. Just filling my time with more playgroups, book clubs, mom's night out etc would not have helped - it would have been a band aid on a bleeding gash.

 

Were they people who were around you on a daily basis?  I have friends at home with kids too which is great - unfortunately I need to make plans to see them.  I find there is a kind difference to seeing people daily without the need to seek out any kind of special meeting.  Especially if they are people at different stages of life who are tied to you through location. 

 

It sounds like you are now somewhat in the position of someone running a household who is not finding that work enough in terms of a sense of purpose.  So I wonder if that is so much about the work as it is a desire for new things, which is a bit different.

 

I'm not sure that past the small years it is usual to be stuck with only activities that involve other SAHPs or activities related to children.  My recent activities involving valuble work with other people are being on the board of an arts group and building a community oven, neither of which included exclusively or mostly involved young parents.

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No. When I was a SAHM, I had several friends who were; it was the norm, and socially accepted, to stay home for several years after the birth (just not long term except for moms of many). There was no stigma attached; in fact, our society valued it and tried to make it financially feasible. Every young mother I knew stayed home for at least a year (Civilized country with paid maternity leave and 3 year parental leave with job guarantee). So that played absolutely no role.

 

I don't think "more chance for interaction" in scenarios that are common for SAHPs would have made a difference.

I already feel that teaching physics does not challenge me intellectually and am bored and looking for new challenges and a feeling of purpose. Just filling my time with more playgroups, book clubs, mom's night out etc would not have helped - it would have been a band aid on a bleeding gash.

You and I are the same personality type, and if I could describe my life/career with one phrase, it would be "easily bored".  I have to mix things up or I feel stagnant.  I move the furniture around a lot at home.  I can't do the same job for very long.  Homeschooling is ever changing, and I have opportunities to stretch myself with new things as a homeschooler (such as teaching high school English at co-op), but I will enter year 4 of literature analysis/English teaching at co-op, and I know I can squeak out only one more year and then I'm done.

 

I do not know what I want to be when I grow up.  It all sounds really interesting. :lol:

 

I will say that as I have gotten older, I have slowed down my frenetic activity and now prefer to spend most of my time at home.  There is always something to do here, though, and the care of the home, the children, my father, English class preparation, homeschooling, sports/extracurriculars for my kids, picking up the odd person here and there who needs help, the therapist in training I supervise, and keeping up friendships keeps me busy and takes most of my time and energy.

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Were they people who were around you on a daily basis?

 

Yes. My entire circle of young mom friends met, daily, at the park 50 yards from my house - unless it was pouring rain. We stayed the entire afternoon while our kids played. That certainly helped, but it was a very different kind of interaction - a lot kid centered, some chit chat - you can't have deep conversations while you have to supervise toddlers.

 

 

It sounds like you are now somewhat in the position of someone running a household who is not finding that work enough in terms of a sense of purpose.  So I wonder if that is so much about the work as it is a desire for new things, which is a bit different.

 

Yeah, I never found running the household a big enough deal to get purpose out of it. Maybe if I were homesteading in the woods. But in a modern, on the grid, house with only two kids? Not even close.

The novelty aspect may be part of it, but mainly it is about meaningful work that challenges me. Whenever I have a project like new course development etc, I feel energized. Just teaching my classes? Enjoyable, but boring. Not enough thinking involved.

 

 

 

I'm not sure that past the small years it is usual to be stuck with only activities that involve other SAHPs or activities related to children.  My recent activities involving valuble work with other people are being on the board of an arts group and building a community oven, neither of which included exclusively or mostly involved young parents.

 

I never made it past the "small years" when the kids required constant supervision. So, I could not have done anything not involving kids and young parents- except for the 90 minutes of choir each week when my DH had come into town for the weekend, that was my "me" time. But as long as you have to supervise kids, it's fairly limited what you can do with your time.

(I can do many such things now)

 

I remember the evenings when I finally had the kids in bed, was exhausted, lonely, and bored. I was craving adult company like a starving person craves food.No, not for me.

Edited by regentrude

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(Very) INTJ here.  Homeschooling my one and only, an ENFP.

 

God has a sense of humor.

 

Unlike some of the other INTJs, I do not have the "time-out" feeling.  Homeschooling the short person is my mission job, and I take it very, very seriously.  Poor kid.  :laugh:

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I gain energy from being with other people.  I also gain energy from doing things......being productive.  And cleaning the spilled milk for the 8th time that day is NOT productive, it is simply putting out the next fire.  And there will be a next.....like a hamster on a wheel.

 

It isn't my actual, literal house that is the problem.  It isn't even my family.  I love my family.  But even coop once a week or church twice a week, or whatever, doesn't fulfill that deep desire to be outside the home working around other people all day.

 

I worked very hard for my graduate degrees and I worked outside the home for 17 years.  I have been home for about 10, close to 11.  I feel like I have been dying on the vine.  Seriously.  

 

And, as this thread has confirmed, most homeschoolers are more introverted, so once a week coop is plenty for them.  

 

 

Yes, yes, yes, yes.  It is why I am going back to work next year.

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Yes. My entire circle of young mom friends met, daily, at the park 50 yards from my house - unless it was pouring rain. We stayed the entire afternoon while our kids played. That certainly helped, but it was a very different kind of interaction - a lot kid centered, some chit chat - you can't have deep conversations while you have to supervise toddlers.

 

 

Yeah, I never found running the household a big enough deal to get purpose out of it. Maybe if I were homesteading in the woods. But in a modern, on the grid, house with only two kids? Not even close.

The novelty aspect may be part of it, but mainly it is about meaningful work that challenges me. Whenever I have a project like new course development etc, I feel energized. Just teaching my classes? Enjoyable, but boring. Not enough thinking involved.

 

 

 

I never made it past the "small years" when the kids required constant supervision. So, I could not have done anything not involving kids and young parents- except for the 90 minutes of choir each week when my DH had come into town for the weekend, that was my "me" time. But as long as you have to supervise kids, it's fairly limited what you can do with your time.

(I can do many such things now)

 

I remember the evenings when I finally had the kids in bed, was exhausted, lonely, and bored. No, not for me.

 

It is a funny thing though - pretty much everyone I have met finds those years the hardest, but they are also in many ways the most tied down/difficult to farm out well to other people.  It's one of the effects though I suspect of the model of having social security to stay home for those first few years (which is a great thing in many ways) that people tend to think that is what being a SAHP or homemaker or whatever you want to call it, is.  I don't know that it is true though - the later years have different kinds of demands and possibilities, but it is still being a SAHP.

 

Personally I like the later years a lot better, I am not entirely looking forward to being tied down, or that constand distraction, again.

 

I agree - general household stuff is not the most interesting - to me it is like the boring parts of many jobs where you have to add up the numbers or write stupid grant proposals or clean out the machinery.  I do find schooling more interesting as my kids get older, and I put a lot of effort into gardening and growing our own food. That includes extending my own education to that end.  But much of the really rewarding and challenging stuff, and what includes more significant interactions, are activities in the community.  To me that is a natural extension of the earlier stage, because the community is also our home in a larger sense.  Even things like volunteering in the last election is part of that.

 

 

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. So I wonder if that is so much about the work as it is a desire for new things, which is a bit different.

...

My recent activities involving valuble work with other people are being on the board of an arts group and building a community oven, neither of which included exclusively or mostly involved young parents.

I don't even desire new things, more like desire ever changing people. I would be happy in a crazy busy airport like SFO, a hotel during peak season or an overcrowded big university. Anywhere with extremely hugh human traffic.

 

I also love to be on the ball all the time. I like high adrenaline or total relaxation. Homeschooling my kids is like in limbo land. Its not as energizing as having crazy deadlines nor as relaxing as lazing at the beach. Here my local boards aren't active which would be too relaxing for me.

 

The SAHMs locally also keep themselves busy or maybe extroverts SAHMs keep meeting each other since we are usually out and about.

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You run a co-op that you don't attend?  What's the set up with that?

 

:) No, we attend, too. I meant that I couldn't JUST attend. I need to run things. 

 

I also love to be on the ball all the time. I like high adrenaline or total relaxation. Homeschooling my kids is like in limbo land. Its not as energizing as having crazy deadlines nor as relaxing as lazing at the beach. Here my local boards aren't active which would be too relaxing for me.

 

 

 

I agree with this, and I like how you phrased it as 'limbo land'. I like to work hard, I love to be productive. So often homeschooling is standing over my kids while they work.. not the same, but I can't just check out and read a book either. There are parts of homeschooling during which I am fully engaged - those are the parts I love. 

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I remember earlier being surprised by the number of INTJs in that earlier thread. I wonder what it would be on other hs sites. 

 

NTs are way over-represented on the Internet or previous studies of the general population were just wrong.

 

I think NTs spend a lot of time online sharing information. It's so convenient!

 

 

 

Yes. My entire circle of young mom friends met, daily, at the park 50 yards from my house - unless it was pouring rain. We stayed the entire afternoon while our kids played. T

 

We all must find each other, people like us. I used a very similar strategy to cope when my children were that age. Park ladies. 

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I took the quick 15-minute test, and apparently I'm pretty much in the middle of everything.  Of the 8 they recommended (pretty much across the board!) I chose the INFJ.  I think I need to take a more detailed test to find out for sure though...

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(Very) INTJ here.  Homeschooling my one and only, an ENFP.

 

God has a sense of humor.

 

 

 

I have the same combination.  My son isn't an only anymore (he was for 12 years, though, so I get it).  What helped me back then was to borrow someone else's kid for a few hours.  I know some people call these playdates.  Whatever.  As far as I was concerned that kid had a job, that job was to be someone else for my son to talk to - someone who wasn't me.

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As far as I was concerned that kid had a job, that job was to be someone else for my son to talk to - someone who wasn't me.

This is funny. I need to find ways for my kids to have friends over more often...as long as they stay outside.

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, a hotel during peak season

 

Man, that brings back memories.  I worked as a front desk person at a beach resort hotel years ago, for about 1.5 years.  It almost killed my INTJ self. Thinking back, I honestly don't know how I survived.  During the season there would literally be 4-12 people immediately in front of you wanting help, and 6 phone lines ringing off the hook that we were supposed to answer.  I can only imagine that the only way that I survived was because I was younger and more energetic back then.  Winter was lovely, though.  I was very often literally the only person in the building. 

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Those things seem to be linked with the desire to be productive, then.

 

But I think that understanding of what it means to be productive is very culturally driven.  Even the idea that we can or should be self-sufficient at the level of the individual.  Those things to me are just generally accepted symbols of productivity, but there are lots of kinds of productivity that don't create those symbols.

 

Something I think which also creates some perspective is that getting on towards the 40s a lot of people who are working for things like start to feel their jobs are in fact not producing anything of real value - the paycheck is great but people want the work in itself to be valuble.  It seems like there is a larger problem with how we learn to value work, even our own.

 

 

A lot of assumptions there that do not apply to me.  I didn't even grow up in this culture.  It was driven in to me growing up that a human services job was highly rewarding AND could produce a paycheck.  That is what I went in to.  

 

If we all just value work without pay, we wouldn't eat.  Being able to pay for my kids' college is part of the driving force in me returning to work now, but there are other reasons as well, one of which is that I CAN make a difference and have lasting value in what I do for a living.

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