S/o sensory spouse--what can I change?

[maize]

This is a spin-off of the larger house thread.

 

Let's say a larger house or significant upgrades to this house are not an option at the moment. What could we change to make things less stressful to the spouse with sensory issues?

 

Dh had a meltdown of sorts tonight in response to ds3's massive screaming meltdown. Dh retreated to the back bedroom but could still hear the screaming from the dining room and just got more and more uptight.

 

Ideas are welcome, someone did mention solid doors; that might be one thing to try. Other ideas?

[Stacia]

Noise-cancelling headphones? (He doesn't have to listen to anything through them, just have them on.) Earplugs? White-noise or a fan that is loud enough to create white noise in that back bedroom?

Edited May 2, 2016 by Stacia

[maize]

Noise-cancelling headphones? (He doesn't have to listen to anything through them, just have them on.) Earplugs?

The funny thing is he is already half deaf, and wasn't wearing hearing aids tonight. Maybe though if he had noise canceling headphones and some kind of calming music to listen to?

[EmilyGF]

Headphones helps in our household. Hubby (or, rarely, I) puts them on and just ignores everyone, usually reading a book.

Emily

[Guest]

I turn on music I really love and listen to it on headphones while taking a walk, if the bedroom isn't far enough. Sometimes I go for a drive and do the same - run a small errand, grab coffee. A shower also really helps when I pair it with deep and full released breaths.

 

I'm the person in the house who struggles with this most, unfortunately.

[PinkTulip]

I have an app called Wave Sounds that is very peaceful and calming to me. With the right headphones, I can be an island of calm while the chaos swirls around me.

[BooksandBoys]

Definitely noise-cancelling headphones, with or without music/nature sounds. When my sensory issues spiked after DS3 was born, we spent money on high quality ones. It was worth it. They take the edge off of the noise.

 

If the other parent is willing to handle the meltdown, a walk/run is very helpful. If not, when it's all over, I try to find a few moments to read. Reading resets me.

[Arcadia]

What noise frequencies is he sensitive to? Screaming by a kid is usually high pitch, and friends and relatives with hearing aid could still hear them.

 

I had turn on loud rock or heavy metal music as an anti-noise. My screamer would stop if ignored. My non-screamer child would need to be calmed down on the rare occasions that he screamed when he was younger.

 

My hubby had just walked out of the house though and walk to the grocery store and back. He isn't noise sensitive but he gets upset when kids meltdown because he doesn't know how what to do.

[Tsuga]

This is a spin-off of the larger house thread.

 

Let's say a larger house or significant upgrades to this house are not an option at the moment. What could we change to make things less stressful to the spouse with sensory issues?

 

Dh had a meltdown of sorts tonight in response to ds3's massive screaming meltdown. Dh retreated to the back bedroom but could still hear the screaming from the dining room and just got more and more uptight.

 

Ideas are welcome, someone did mention solid doors; that might be one thing to try. Other ideas?

I take a drive in my car. As a single mom, a drive in the car with the radio all the way up so I could not hear the screaming. Five point harness FTW!

 

I myself keep lobbying for locks on doors so the kids can't come out and scream at me and cling to me but apparently that is not considered ok in the US. We had them in Germany and the former USSR and it was great. Just--lock the door.

 

I play loud music in headphones when my kids are bugging and it has been addressed and I cannot leave.

 

Also, we all prefer low lighting.

[lllll]

nm

Edited May 17, 2016 by _ ?^..

[Junie]

Sometimes taking a hot shower helps me.  I did this a lot earlier this year when I was having daily migraines.  The water is soothing and drowns out lots of other noises.

[TammyS]

Lock the screamer in his room until he's done.  Send dh to another part of the house (or just out).

 

If possible, carpets and runners and such to absorb sound.  If you hang blinds, consider adding curtains.  Sound realllly bounces of glass and blinds.  In bedrooms it helps to put furniture against shared walls (especially bookcases). 

 

A small home improvement project: pull the moldings off of your interior doors and spray Great Stuff (spray foam, you can get it at the hardware store about $6/can) into the gap between the door frame and the wall.  The put the molding back (you may need to fill/touch paint over the nails).

[Guest]

Wen he feels himself about to have a melt down (or you see the telling wild look in his eye), he should lay upside down.

 

Or get out and act like homo erectus and start hoofing it. Walk until the exhausting wiggly feeling in his legs and face abates.

[maize]

Wen he feels himself about to have a melt down (or you see the telling wild look in his eye), he should lay upside down.

 

Or get out and act like homo erectus and start hoofing it. Walk until the exhausting wiggly feeling in his legs and face abates.

Oh, this reminds me of my grandpa. He said that anytime he and grandma had an argument they worked it out by walking and talking--he went outside and walked and she stayed in the house and talked :D

[kbutton]

An acquaintance whose husband worked shifts told us to put a twin air mattress up against the closed door for more sound-proofing. Haven't needed to try it yet.

 

Our house is one story, and the bathroom is about the dividing point between living and sleeping areas. We turn on the bathroom fan if noise is bothering one end of the house or the other.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm not sure this is a problem you CAN solve for another adult.

[BooksandBoys]

Wen he feels himself about to have a melt down (or you see the telling wild look in his eye), he should lay upside down.

 

Or get out and act like homo erectus and start hoofing it. Walk until the exhausting wiggly feeling in his legs and face abates.

I can always tell when my extremely sensory son is getting more disregulated because he starts spending all his time on his head.

[maize]

I'm not sure this is a problem you CAN solve for another adult.

 

I agree that I cannot solve the problem, but there are things I can do to be supportive and lessen the environmental stress.