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Painful Parent- Adult Child Religious Conflict more widespread today?


TranquilMind
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As for religious conflict...my sister walked away from the church and pretty feels that if someone goes to church they hate her b/c she doesn't go to church.  She has this idea that all church goers are super hateful toward non  believers.  I finally had to tell her the world doesn't do religion like our mom.  Stop judging the church goers.  She admits she assumed we all thought like mom.  ugh. 

 

Yes, there is a lot of misunderstanding, isn't there? 

 

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I don't think it's that different when there are plenty of theologians online who say it's okay to be Christian and gay. People struggling with these issues Google and find theologians who teach that it really is only a matter of interpretation, not a matter of morality.  Who take Ephesians 5 to mean the law really is meant to serve us, not us the law.  Who take Matthew 19:12, when Jesus talked about how some people are born eunuchs to refer to people who were born gay and that it is okay.  Who interpret the thorn in Paul's flesh to mean that the struggle he couldn't pray away was being gay.

 

Now whether you interpret that it's okay to follow through with an act when one is born with the inclination or not is also a matter of interpretation.

 

I'm really glad that I wasn't born gay because I've come to the conclusion that I would choose to be celibate because of my faith.  But I've also come to the conclusion that if one of our children is gay we will love them and support them and look down on promiscuous and self-destructive behavior to exactly the same degree we do everyone else.  Their struggle is between them and God.  My main concern would be that they not throw out their relationship with God because of who they are.

 

ETA:  we would go to a wedding.  We would encourage them to find a church.  We would encourage them to read scripture.

Eunuchs are presumed gay now?  That's news to me, as it arises from a common ancient practice.  From Biblestudytools.com:

 

Primarily and literally, a eunuch is an emasculated man (Deuteronomy 23:1). The Hebrew word caric seems, however, to have acquired a figurative meaning, which is reflected in English Versions of the Bible where "officer" and "chamberlain" are found as renderings (compare Genesis 37:36; 39:1, where caric is applied to married men; Esther 4:4). The barbarous practice of self-mutilation and the mutilation of others in this way was prevalent throughout the Orient. The religious disabilities under which men thus deformed labored under the Mosaic law had the effect of making the practice abominable to the Jews as a people (Deuteronomy 23:1; Leviticus 22:23-25). The law excluded eunuchs from public worship, partly because self- mutilation was often performed in honor of a heathen god, and partly because a maimed creature of any sort was deemed unfit for the service of Yahweh (Leviticus 21:16; 22:24). That ban, however, was later removed (Isaiah 56:4,5).

 

On the other hand, the kings of Israel and Judah followed their royal neighbors in employing eunuchs (1) as guardians of the harem (2 Kings 9:32; Jeremiah 41:16), and (2) in military and other official posts

 

I think you are right that one should not throw out the relationship, in either direction (parent or child!). 

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As for the "being cool" part: I do not really believe it is "cool" to be homosexual or - even more so - transgendered. Making yourself a target of taunts, ridicule and violence to appear "cool"? I don't think so.

 

Maybe I'm just in upper class liberal areas but I'm told that it is quite cool in school now by teens.  And colleges. 

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I guess we cannot fully understand because we are not living in an environment that tells us over and over again that being gay is a bad choice, a character flaw, a sin, and that we must safeguard our children against this evil.

We would be heartbroken if our children turned out criminals, right? Some people view homosexuality in a similar vein.

We are lucky because we see it as something that just "is" - like brown eyes. But parents whose family, friends and church tell them that homosexuality is a matter of choice and that making this choice is a bad thing cannot as easily accept their gay child because for them, it would mean choosing between their religious views and their kid.

 

I agree.  Although I do have SOME understanding in that direction.  Maybe not so much that I understand feeling as if something evil has taken hold of my child or that they are evil, but even if a person is totally cool about their kid being gay, they might also be sad and worried.  They might be afraid their kid will have a more difficult life because really even in the most liberal areas they encounter problems.  If they want kids that isn't always as straightforward and might not be possible.  That is important to some parents and I think they could mourn that part.  The grand kid part I don't care.  That's not my choice and not something I've "dreamed" about forever.  But the worry about their life being difficult.  I can relate to that.  No parent wants to think their kid's life will be more difficult.  Not that it won't be difficult without that, but with that no doubt it could be.

 

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My parents are quite conservative and we disagree on politics, religion, and lifestyle choices. Yet, they have neither jettisoned their faith (to be fair, my dad isn't terribly religious though he is the more conservative of the two in many attitudes, he doesn't go to church unless his wife wants him to, and then not often; mom is still a regular churchgoer in a conservative denomination), nor rejected me even though I have pushed their boundaries repeatedly (came out as lesbian at 16, renounced Christianity at 16; have lived in a polyamorous arrangement for the last 8 years; transitioned to male a few years ago). They have kept up unconditional love for all their kids.

 

My mom was bothered more when my DD briefly joined the LDS church than she is by my heathenism, and my dad has had a harder time dealing with my younger sisters not working full time because of mental illness than he has my transition.

 

Do my parents like and agree with everything I do and who I proclaim I am? No. Am I still their child, and do they do their best to accept me for who I am? Yes. They accept my family and my gender and don't waste time/energy trying to change me. The last hurrah of trying to bring me back to the faith was a book my dad sent me when I was maybe 19. 

 

Religion is a lousy excuse to reject your child. Nor does it require it.

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<snip>

 

Being homosexual is not about "activities". It is about being the person they are. It would be very difficult to give up being the person one is to conform to a faith that makes it clear that the way one is is unacceptable.

 

<snip>

 

Not necessarily.  Some Christian denominations consider that the activity itself is the sin.  People who experience same-sex attraction are expected to remain celibate, just as unmarried people are.  I'm not speaking for all Christian denominations, but I know there are some with this philosophy.

 

Sexual orientation may not be a choice, but sexual activity is.  

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Maybe I'm just in upper class liberal areas but I'm told that it is quite cool in school now by teens. And colleges.

I think you are misunderstanding the way "cool" is being used in this sense. There is "cool" in the sense that you want to emulate someone. There is also "cool" as in acceptable, not a problem. "Oh, you're gay? That's cool."

 

The latter is what people are probably talking about. The fact that it is not a problem for them. You can be who you are. They are "cool with it".

 

Not, "oh I want to emulate that! How cool!" They have their own sexuality. They don't need someone else's.

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I don't know of any faith that does not allow you to treat your children civilly and with respect and love even when you disagree with them.

 

 

Some groups of Amish practice shunning. If the child leaves the religion, the parent is to have zero contact, the child is dead to the community. While less common in other circles, some reformed groups who have gone extreme such as those associated with Ligonierre (sp?) Ministries has encouraged and at times required shunning/excommunication, and Boernne Christian Assembly in San Antonio (formerly Doug Phillips church) has encouraged shunning as well. I have heard of this associated wih some snake charming churches in eastern Kentucky, and it has been also practiced at various times by scientologists and Christian Scientists. There are probably others, but I have a headache and can't remember the list.

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Maybe I'm just in upper class liberal areas but I'm told that it is quite cool in school now by teens.  And colleges. 

 

That's my understanding too.  It's like a counterculture thing, like being a hippie in the '60s. 

 

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I agree.  Although I do have SOME understanding in that direction.  Maybe not so much that I understand feeling as if something evil has taken hold of my child or that they are evil, but even if a person is totally cool about their kid being gay, they might also be sad and worried.  They might be afraid their kid will have a more difficult life because really even in the most liberal areas they encounter problems.  If they want kids that isn't always as straightforward and might not be possible.  That is important to some parents and I think they could mourn that part.  The grand kid part I don't care.  That's not my choice and not something I've "dreamed" about forever.  But the worry about their life being difficult.  I can relate to that.  No parent wants to think their kid's life will be more difficult.  Not that it won't be difficult without that, but with that no doubt it could be.

 

I think that is all true and well-stated.

And about grandkids, I get that too, but only because I am grandparent age.  Ten years ago,  I would not have considered this important either but now, it really does matter to me, especially not having a huge family.   That surprises me actually.  One of the big turnarounds in the past decade that never would have occurred to me. 

 

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As for the "being cool" part: I do not really believe it is "cool" to be homosexual or - even more so - transgendered. Making yourself a target of taunts, ridicule and violence to appear "cool"? I don't think so.

 

I honestly believe that this is possibly happening, but it remains to be seen to what extent. 

 

I can't tell if more people are just willing to come out or finding it easier to come out, or if some people are wanting to be a member of a club and get attention.  I have reason to believe the first scenario is not outrageous.  Probably this isn't so much in very conservative areas, but in liberal areas definitely.  I mean here it is good enough for a kid to go to a guidance counselor at school and tell them they think they are XYZ and that sets in motion a whole bunch of things for the kid including actions taken despite the parent's permission. 

There are organizations on the Internet where kids can contact strangers to get them stuff that could potentially be hazardous to their health but this is all done behind the parent's back.  And I don't think we know enough about when these situations are about the actually being gay or trans or if it is something else. 

 

 

edited...sorry i meant the second scenario is not outrageous...

Edited by SparklyUnicorn
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That's my understanding too.  It's like a counterculture thing, like being a hippie in the '60s. 

 

 

That's actually quite comforting, I would think, and wish I'd thought of it on the spot.

 

All those 60's kids turned out  - largely, though there were some casualties, especially of the drugs - to be fine, and survived the drugs, sex, and rock and roll culture, though I am sure some of their parents worried a great deal at the time.  Imagine being a clean cut 50's dad with a crew cut, whose teen son suddenly turns into Abbie Hoffman or Steppenwolf.  I can imagine the shock of the counterculture to them in those clean cut 50's. 

Maybe it is similar. 

 

 

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I think you are misunderstanding the way "cool" is being used in this sense. There is "cool" in the sense that you want to emulate someone. There is also "cool" as in acceptable, not a problem. "Oh, you're gay? That's cool."

 

The latter is what people are probably talking about. The fact that it is not a problem for them. You can be who you are. They are "cool with it".

 

Not, "oh I want to emulate that! How cool!" They have their own sexuality. They don't need someone else's.

 

Well, my first year in college I once heard some of the older students talking about how it was trendy the previous year to be lesbian, where there were several girls that came out as lesbian that year (including making out in bars), and that that next year most of those girls had boyfriends again. So, YMMV, but I think that was more the former definition of cool.

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But what about what the spouse and kids?  Is this ok to dump them, simply because it is more acceptable today? 

 

Imagine being that person.  "Honey, by the way, these 19 years have been great, but I just have to be with Fred now, and kids, I will see you when I'm not busy on the weekend."

 

 

 

I went through something similarly painful in my childhood (not this specific thing, but still bad), and believe me...it has lifelong effects. 

 

 

 

There are issues either way.......... if you were the spouse, wouldn't you want to know? I think I would. As for the kids, divorce is always hard, no matter "why", so hopefully, the parents still work together to parent. I have actually watched a family at church go through this. They were married around 15 years, I think. They are both in better places now, one in a new marriage, one working their way to one. They share custody, 50/50. They are doing a better job than many divorcees as far as co-parenting and getting along. It wasn't easy at first, especially for her. What was interesting was that when I first met him, I thought he was gay. That was about 5 years before he came out.

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I live in a liberal area. I have a gay kid. It is not remotely like being a hippy. It is like being a person, with one's own very real set of struggles, made more difficult by the heterosexual assumptions abounding in society. It is not a fashion.

 

Most of dd's friends are straight ( thankfully, they are also allies, even the religious ones). The friends who aren't straight are accepted by their peers, but they do not have an easy time of it as they navigate their way through adolescence with the extra challenges that being LBGTIQ brings.

 

I'm sorry; I was just following on from a pp's comment and relating things I have been told by people I know, people with kids in school.  It doesn't negate the fact that people are going through real struggles.  It's not an either/or thing.  I'm sure some of it depends on where people live.

 

ETA: One example being that guys were more likely to ask out girls who had been seen making out with other girls.  This was at college and high school level.

 

Edited by marbel
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Well, my first year in college I once heard some of the older students talking about how it was trendy the previous year to be lesbian, where there were several girls that came out as lesbian that year (including making out in bars), and that that next year most of those girls had boyfriends again. So, YMMV, but I think that was more the former definition of cool.

 

I really think females are different in this department.  I hear of stuff like this with females far more often than males. 

 

Although a therapist once told me that she thinks some parents are possibly being a little too proactive.  For example, a client heard her daughter kissed a girl so mom got her in therapy and 150% embraced her daughter being gay.  She was very excited about it.  The therapist said after talking to that girl for months she concluded that the girl isn't gay at all.  She was just goofing around with friends and she kissed a girl.  But now the girl is in activist groups, pride clubs, etc. All through her mother's nudging.  Maybe that's not such a huge deal.  She hasn't had to take drugs and alter body parts so...no major harm done. 

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Parents naturally and rightfully teach their children what they believe to be true. For those who believe that God has certain standards he commands we live by, it is no simple thing to see our children go against those standards.

 

The reaction doesn't have to be harsh for the relationship to be painful and strained. There is really no way around that unless the parent disavows their beliefs of God's standards.

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And the contest is ? 

 

I have very little sympathy for these parents. Grow up, do some proper research on the topic, put your child first. 

 

Will it be hard ? Yes. Might you lose your faith community, family, friends ? Yes. Suck it up. This is your child. 

 

We have posters here who have done this very same thing - hopefully they are not reading a thread with ridiculous assertions, yet again, about how it's all so cool and fashionable to be trans or gay, and how the entire liberal world just wants to turn your kid LBGT - but if they are. they'll tell you. Child comes first.

 

This would be beyond difficult for some people.  Imagine you live in an area where there are almost no people who aren't ultra conservative about their religious views.  Imagine every "friend" and family member is in that club.  I'd always choose my kid over that because I personally don't care and am so introverted I'd be fine if nobody ever talked to me again.  BUT I can imagine this would be incredibly difficult for some people.  And reactions towards them could get violent.

 

I live in a liberal area so this would not really happen here.  (This is not to say that bad stuff does not happen.)  It's just so so different in some places.  I talk to a lot of atheists on-line and some of them go through some incredibly difficult things and I never really quite get it because it has not been my experience.  I am 100% free to be an atheist around here.  I think I made one friend once who turned out to have an issue with it.  Whatever.  One person ever...that's not a big deal. 

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Parents naturally and rightfully teach their children what they believe to be true. For those who believe that God has certain standards he commands we live by, it is no simple thing to see our children go against those standards.

 

The reaction doesn't have to be harsh for the relationship to be painful and strained. There is really no way around that unless the parent disavows their beliefs of God's standards.

 

Absolutely.  And the way I look at it, who is to say they are wrong? 

 

I believe what I believe and I could find a lot of people who think I'm so wrong I might as well dig a hole to hell because I'm going straight there. 

 

 

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I really think you have no evidence for this. 

 

Statements like this belong to the school of misogyny that assumes because lesbianism doesn't involve penis in orifice sex, it's not 'real'. Not a real threat, not a real identity. 

 

You misunderstand me I think.  But there have been studies done about this.

 

I didn't make this statement with any thought to your second statement. 

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The reaction doesn't have to be harsh for the relationship to be painful and strained. There is really no way around that unless the parent disavows their beliefs of God's standards.

 

Not really. "I think you're wrong. I disagree with you. I'll see you next Saturday; I'm making mac and cheese. Love you sweetheart."

 

I mean what are you gonnado? Sometimes parents don't want heir STRAIGHT kids to get married, or divorced. The latter for religious reasons. It's unnecessary to disavow either Lord or child.

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But what about what the spouse and kids?  Is this ok to dump them, simply because it is more acceptable today? 

 

Imagine being that person.  "Honey, by the way, these 19 years have been great, but I just have to be with Fred now, and kids, I will see you when I'm not busy on the weekend."

 

I went through something similarly painful in my childhood (not this specific thing, but still bad), and believe me...it has lifelong effects. 

 

 

I'm familiar with one situation where a marriage broke up because the man was gay, and had married because it was the expected thing. Their divorce has been a lot more amicable than mine has been, I can tell you.

 

Divorce, for whatever reason, is what the two adults involved make it. If they both choose to be civilised, there are few problems (and everyone in life has problems, even if their parents stay in proper heterosexual marriages.) Divorced people can choose to be supportive of each other and their children if they want to.

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I really think females are different in this department.  I hear of stuff like this with females far more often than males.

 

Right, though I've seen a skit about having a Gay (male) Best Friend being trendy and something every girl needs. I haven't encountered that one in person, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were a thing somewhere at some point.

 

And I do think it's a lot easier to just be fooling around and maybe being (a little) bi, versus being 100% gay, forever. And lipstick lesbians are probably a lot more likely to be 'trendy' than butch ones, etc. IME, a lot of the issues people have with gay people is more to do with defying gender norms than with sex or religion.

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Absolutely. And the way I look at it, who is to say they are wrong?

 

I believe what I believe and I could find a lot of people who think I'm so wrong I might as well dig a hole to hell because I'm going straight there.

If I believe it to be true enough to live that way, teach my child that way, I am not going to think it is ok to just ' change my mind' because my child decides to go against it.

 

In these situations, there will be divisions and pain unless everyone takes on the attitude that there is no right or wrong.

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Not really. "I think you're wrong. I disagree with you. I'll see you next Saturday; I'm making mac and cheese. Love you sweetheart."

 

I mean what are you gonnado? Sometimes parents don't want heir STRAIGHT kids to get married, or divorced. The latter for religious reasons. It's unnecessary to disavow either Lord or child.

I agree. However, as I listed above, there are some Christian denominations as well as other faiths that practice and demand shunning, as in your kid is practically dead to you, kind of shunning. They are not super common, on the other hand not as rare as some would like to believe. While I could not personally ever participate in a faith based group that required such a thing or even hinted that it was acceptable, I can appreciate that there is probably serious mental strife for a parent faced with such a situation. I still hope and encourage them to do the right thing and go on loving their child, having relationship with their child. However, I can accept that the pressure on them is enormous, and a heart wrenching break with their faith may be necessary.

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Anecdotes aren't data. 

 

And how do you know /? Did every friend who tried to kiss you sign affadivits that they were straight and not, say, bi and in a straight marriage, or gay and in straight relationships in order to have kids, or lesbians who keep their identity and relationship quiet ?

 

The MOST you can say is that girls are more tolerant of experimentation. 

 

You cannot extrapolate from that and say that girls think it['s cool to play at being gay.

 

Yeah I think you aren't understanding me.  Or I am doing a lousy job explaining myself. 

 

Bottom line is I wonder if some kids who are coming out as gay or trans today are really all gay or trans.  I only have anecdotal reasons to wonder.  Do I think it's happening a lot?  No, I don't believe so, but I do think it is happening.

 

 

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Not really. "I think you're wrong. I disagree with you. I'll see you next Saturday; I'm making mac and cheese. Love you sweetheart."

 

I mean what are you gonnado? Sometimes parents don't want heir STRAIGHT kids to get married, or divorced. The latter for religious reasons. It's unnecessary to disavow either Lord or child.

Depends on the 'thing' I guess but even if a parent says those words there is still strain and pain in the relationship.

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My parents are quite conservative and we disagree on politics, religion, and lifestyle choices. Yet, they have neither jettisoned their faith (to be fair, my dad isn't terribly religious though he is the more conservative of the two in many attitudes, he doesn't go to church unless his wife wants him to, and then not often; mom is still a regular churchgoer in a conservative denomination), nor rejected me even though I have pushed their boundaries repeatedly (came out as lesbian at 16, renounced Christianity at 16; have lived in a polyamorous arrangement for the last 8 years; transitioned to male a few years ago). They have kept up unconditional love for all their kids.

 

My mom was bothered more when my DD briefly joined the LDS church than she is by my heathenism, and my dad has had a harder time dealing with my younger sisters not working full time because of mental illness than he has my transition.

 

Do my parents like and agree with everything I do and who I proclaim I am? No. Am I still their child, and do they do their best to accept me for who I am? Yes. They accept my family and my gender and don't waste time/energy trying to change me. The last hurrah of trying to bring me back to the faith was a book my dad sent me when I was maybe 19. 

 

Religion is a lousy excuse to reject your child. Nor does it require it.

 

Wow, now there would be a few challenges for my neighbor.

And no one said that one should "reject" the child at all.  I'm merely talking about the dissension between faith tenets and behavior in some cases. 

 

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If I believe it to be true enough to live that way, teach my child that way, I am not going to think it is ok to just ' change my mind' because my child decides to go against it.

 

In these situations, there will be divisions and pain unless everyone takes on the attitude that there is no right or wrong.

 

It gets even weirder when you can't blame your beliefs on religion. 

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My oldest is gay and we're Catholic. She still very much identifies as Christian. She's actually very conservative. All of that doesn't make her less gay, though.

 

It's also definitely not considered cool to be gay. Dds weekly therapy sessions to deal with the anxiety and depression are proof of that. She's terrified to tell extended family, such as grandparents, because she's afraid of their reaction.

 

We've felt no reason at all to leave our faith to continue loving and supporting our dd either. She's felt no reason to leave our faith either.

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I've never had an issue finding the abstracts for free. 

 

Me either. 

 

Abstracts only give a small blip. 

 

And really I could be here for the next 10 years sifting through all of that.  I have read several related books and studies.  But honestly I am not really trying to convince anyone of anything. 

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My oldest is gay and we're Catholic. She still very much identifies as Christian. She's actually very conservative. All of that doesn't make her less gay, though.

 

It's also definitely not considered cool to be gay. Dds weekly therapy sessions to deal with the anxiety and depression are proof of that. She's terrified to tell extended family, such as grandparents, because she's afraid of their reaction.

 

We've felt no reason at all to leave our faith to continue loving and supporting our dd either. She's felt no reason to leave our faith either.

Confused by why this upset anyone...but ok.

Edited by Scarlett
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That's my understanding too. It's like a counterculture thing, like being a hippie in the '60s.

 

Well, working on a college campus to that is a destination for gay students, rest assured that hate crimes are alive and well and we get students coming from all over to flee homophobia.

 

As common as it is, students do not feel that being gay is "cool" in that sense.

 

I cannot imagine where, outside of a narrow band of cultural tourists living the most sheltered of lives, this is a "cool activity", normal adolescent experimentation not withstanding.

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Depends on the 'thing' I guess but even if a parent says those words there is still strain and pain in the relationship.

 

But would a parent be wrong for making his opinion known?  Say adult child is engaged in a relationship with someone who is already married? 

 

If the parent objects strenuously, and the kid knows it is wrong according to his ingrained faith, he will still resist the parent and state that this particular case is different, of course, and that no one understands unless he is in it. 

 

Of course it is more likely that the kid will just hide it.  But even hiding it shows knowledge that it is wrong, or he wouldn't hide it. 

 

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Oh I know and I didn't mean that literally. But just sometimes if you think very strongly that something is not right, but you don't know why. Or you can't say because I've been taught to believe XYZ.

I have tried to teach my son to know the reasons for his beliefs....not to just say 'because my religion says so'.

 

But yes I think we all,have things we feel strongly about but can't articulate why.

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Yeah I think you aren't understanding me.  Or I am doing a lousy job explaining myself. 

 

Bottom line is I wonder if some kids who are coming out as gay or trans today are really all gay or trans.  I only have anecdotal reasons to wonder.  Do I think it's happening a lot?  No, I don't believe so, but I do think it is happening.

 

The kids I know who are trans* spend a significant amount of time in therapy or otherwise working through the issue.  To come out as trans, especially at school or at work, is a huge undertaking, involving YEARS of psychological and medical things to consider and work through.  It's not something that can be done on a whim.  

 

Now of course anyone can move their fashion choices to be more masculine or feminine than they've previously been, but actually coming out as trans* is a long, involved process that is much, much more complicated than choosing a different outfit for the day.

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But would a parent be wrong for making his opinion known?  Say adult child is engaged in a relationship with someone who is already married? 

 

If the parent objects strenuously, and the kid knows it is wrong according to his ingrained faith, he will still resist the parent and state that this particular case is different, of course, and that no one understands unless he is in it. 

 

Of course it is more likely that the kid will just hide it.  But even hiding it shows knowledge that it is wrong, or he wouldn't hide it. 

 

 

Hard to answer that. Your example is not in the same category as gay for me.  And probably not for lots of people. 

 

But then are we talking about an adult kid?  What's the point of objecting strenuously when they are an adult?  KWIM? 

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Depends on the 'thing' I guess but even if a parent says those words there is still strain and pain in the relationship.

 

Yeah but don't you just expect to disagree with your kids and have ups and downs (strains) with them? To me the difference in a close relationship and a passing relationship that doesn't matter, is that you hang on tight even when it's hard. Not that there's never strain.

 

What kids who are gay and have religious parents are asking them to do (usually, I think), is not to abandon everything they've ever believed. They, like all people, just want parents that reach out toward them and HOLD ON even when it's a bit of a stretch.

 

"you"== everyone, inescapably.

 

I think if your child has not hurt you maliciously and isn't a dangerous psychopath.....they just do some stuff you strongly disapprove of (whether the issue of homosexuality or not)....and you disavow them, then you're a bad parent fullstop. I think that's a fair thing to say. Your kids are stuck with you as their parent...be freaking nice.

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But would a parent be wrong for making his opinion known? Say adult child is engaged in a relationship with someone who is already married?

 

If the parent objects strenuously, and the kid knows it is wrong according to his ingrained faith, he will still resist the parent and state that this particular case is different, of course, and that no one understands unless he is in it.

 

Of course it is more likely that the kid will just hide it. But even hiding it shows knowledge that it is wrong, or he wouldn't hide it.

 

If my son was involved with a married woman I would flip my lid. And he ended up with said person it would take a long time for me to feel ok about it.

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Wow. I'm not going to post your reply to me Scarlet because I hope you do the right thing and remove it.

 

Dd has talked with our priest and thankfully he feels differently about this than you.

Edited by Joker
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Not necessarily.  Some Christian denominations consider that the activity itself is the sin.  People who experience same-sex attraction are expected to remain celibate, just as unmarried people are.  I'm not speaking for all Christian denominations, but I know there are some with this philosophy.

 

Sexual orientation may not be a choice, but sexual activity is.  

 

This is the Catholic position, as I understand it.

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