9yo crying for hours with no explanation, dr hive?

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'm in need of some help for my ds, 9yo.  

 

In brief, we just got home (to Switzerland, after a month in California) about a week ago.  The second day home, my ds sobbed and sobbed because he missed the family in CA.  This is "normal" for him, he did it on our last trip and it resolved quickly then by skyping with grandparents, reconnecting with local friends and family, etc.  So this time around, I thought nothing of it.  

 

The next night, he sobbed again, for probably two hours, but this time said he couldn't explain what was upsetting him, he was just sad for no reason.  I calmed him as best I can, and after he's really cried hard for over an hour, he is able to start to relax, count his breaths, relax his muscles, etc, and eventually fall asleep.  

 

Then he did it again last night (3rd night in a row).  Still totally unable to explain why he's sad.  Says it's not missing the family, that he doesn't know why, and is upset and scared that he is so sad and doesn't know why.  I have both gently and with goading tried to ensure that there is no deep dark secret he is keeping from me, no one who has told him "not to tell mommy" about some incident, etc.  He is a completely transparent kid, so I believe him when he tells me it's nothing scary like that.  Also, he's been basically in my line of sight for the entire last month!  

 

And now this afternoon, he's come to me scared and crying that he's going to repeat this sobbing attack again tonight.  The more he thinks about it, the more he is getting worked up and sobbing harder.  I told him that I could call the pediatrician to see if he had any ideas (this was a bit of a bluff, as he usually doesn't like to go in to the pediatrician) and he said yes, to call.  The office has already closed, and when I told him that I'd have to call tomorrow, he got really upset that he'd have to wait, and so I called anyway, and the secretary was still still there and has put us in for an appointment tomorrow evening.  The fact that he actually wants to go see the ped is worrying me!

 

So, is this in the realm of normal for tween emotional swings?  What else could this be???  We have some depression on DH's side of the family, but generally speaking, my ds has always been a very cheerful, amenable, happy, calm child.  No nightmares, no phobias.  

 

 

[zoobie]

That sounds like anxiety more than depression.

[regentrude]

How does he normally handle the transitions?

I am asking because after long, especially transatlantic, trips, it takes me several days to feel in equilibrium again. Three days are really bad with jetlag, and then another 3-4 days until my circadian rhythm has normalized again and I feel my soul has "arrived", too.

So, I would imagine this contributes to his feeling off.

Still, it seems more dramatic than one would expect. If it were my child, before seeing a doctor, I would try relaxation techniques, chamomille tea, etc, and let him know why we are doing this. I'd hope for a possible placebo effect, especially since he seems to work himself up about the possibility of having another episode. The feeling that there are things he can do to help may be empowering and enough to solve the problem.

If it persists for much longer despite actively working on it with the child, I'd consult the ped.

[Katy]

The first time was probably stress, overtired, and pre-teen hormones combined.  Since then it's probably anxiety.

 

To calm him down I wouldn't tell him that.  Just have a talk about puberty and hormones and how this is the sort of thing people talk about when they discuss teens and tweens getting moody.  Knowing it's normal will probably get him half way to calm.

[Katy]

Ohh, Chamomile tea, and lavender essential oil on his pillow.  It might be real or it might be placebo, but who cares if it helps?

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

That sounds like anxiety more than depression.

 

I've asked him if he is worried or anxious and he says no, has no idea why he's upset.  Certainly right at this minute, he is upset because he's anxious he'll go crazy again tonight with crying.  And he does have a tendency to get anxious, though I would not go so far as to call him an "anxious" child, he is by far my easiest kid in all ways, generally speaking. 

 

 

 

 

How does he normally handle the transitions?

I am asking because after long, especially transatlantic, trips, it takes me several days to feel in equilibrium again. Three days are really bad with jetlag, and then another 3-4 days until my circadian rhythm has normalized again and I feel my soul has "arrived", too.

So, I would imagine this contributes to his feeling off.

Still, it seems more dramatic than one would expect. If it were my child, before seeing a doctor, I would try relaxation techniques, chamomille tea, etc, and let him know why we are doing this. I'd hope for a possible placebo effect, especially since he seems to work himself up about the possibility of having another episode. The feeling that there are things he can do to help may be empowering and enough to solve the problem.

If it persists for much longer despite actively working on it with the child, I'd consult the ped.

 

I do think jet lag is a part of what's going on.  Our sleep has been back on schedule for two days now, with lots of sunshine, but upon waking up the morning after our arrival, he spent about 6 hours vomiting and feeling very unwell.  This is typical for him and how jet lag tends to hit the poor guy, unfortunately.  

 

We've done the relaxation techniques, tea, talking about tween hormones thing many times in the last few days.  

 

 

 

 

The first time was probably stress, overtired, and pre-teen hormones combined.  Since then it's probably anxiety.

 

To calm him down I wouldn't tell him that.  Just have a talk about puberty and hormones and how this is the sort of thing people talk about when they discuss teens and tweens getting moody.  Knowing it's normal will probably get him half way to calm.

 

 

We've been discussing the tween hormone uproar, as I initially blamed this, but the fact that this is persisting now for four nights in a row to me seems a bit much for "just" hormones.

 

I do hope this is a combo jet lag/hormone/homesick sort of bombshell and that it will all be better tomorrow, but I am getting really concerned because I feel like it's  lasted a long time already!  Four nights, 2 hours a night, WITH comfort measures from mom and dad.  Sigh.   

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

p.s.  He is now reading Harriett the Spy and perfectly calm.  He says as long as he can stay busy, it's ok, but as soon as he stops, he gets really sad and starts crying for no reason.  He told me the same thing yesterday as well.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Monica_in_Switzerland

[zoobie]

I wouldn't expect a 9 year old to be able to fully comprehend "anxiety." My dad has anxiety and would benefit from treatment, but he is 62 and eschews any suggestions in that realm saying that he isn't anxious. BIL also, despite multiple medical professionals urging him to seek treatment. :) Uncontrollable crying can be how anxiety attacks manifest. It could be something entirely different, and anxiety and depression often overlap. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

I'm wondering if he's actually coming down with something, on top of the jetlag.  Maybe he caught a bug, and his resources are particularly low right now.  It's probably good that he's seeing the doctor.  Keep an eye out for symptoms.  Tell the doc about the vomiting.

 

((hugs))

[Guest]

Sounds like hormones and readjusting. A little on the extreme side but I wouldn't worry too much.

[Jan in SC]

It sounds like he's readjusting, but I'd probably take him to the pediatrician to make sure he didn't have strep. My kids have had it with vomiting and random grumpiness- anxiety, and no sore throat.

 

Eta- I would not be above giving my child something to help him sleep if the ped okayed it.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Jan in SC

[mumto2]

What a coincidence we just got home from visiting the states also and are still adjusting to the time changes. I wonder if it might be anxiety because he can't fall asleep easily at the earlier time. Instead of putting him to bed at his normal Swiss time maybe let him stay up until everyone else goes to bed. Less time to worry.

[mathnerd]

Still totally unable to explain why he's sad.  Says it's not missing the family, that he doesn't know why, and is upset and scared that he is so sad and doesn't know why. 

When my 8 year old gets anxious, he is unable to express it and says similar things like - I am "afraid" or "scared" or "butterflies in my stomach" - it is usually anxiety due to something. What works for us is diversion - lots of tiring physical activities in the sun (basketball, running, biking etc) and his favorite audiobooks. They put him in a different frame of mind and alleviate the anxiety. Good luck.

[happi duck]

Being afraid of it happening again reminds me of panic attacks and phobias. I'm not saying that's exactly what it is but the concept might help.

 

Here's an example:

My body reacts while I'm in a grocery store and I get the urge to fight, flee or freeze. My brain gets the emergency message from my body and looks to connect the dots with no discernable danger brain decides "grocery stores are dangerous!"

 

The next time I go to the store brain says "wait, that's dangerous". I can get to the point of just the thought of going to the store panics me...a phobia.

 

To overcome it I might have someone I trust drive me there and I sit in the car for a few minutes and working up to getting out and going in.

 

With your DS it sounds like the jet lag and emotions started it but now it is a fear of the big emotions which are now associated with going to bed. I would have him lay down periodically during the day and get up if he starts to feel uncomfortable...sort of reteaching his body and brain that bed is "safe".

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Thanks to everyone for your experiences and suggestions!  I will keep our appointment tomorrow and rule out sickness.  He has been very calm for the last little while, reading and planning what to put in his Harriet-The-Spy style notebook, and writing might be just the sort of cathartic activity that he needs.