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Kinsa

I'm so heartbroken, and angry

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I am so sorry.  THe family court system is so messed up from what I keep seeing both on this board and from other accounts.  I really hope she gets a court date soon.

I think the real problem with family court is that the most selfish person gets appeased. That seems to be what most judges do.

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Just a bit of an update:

 

The child support hearing was recently held. (It had been postponed because the dumbass didn't get his financials turned into the court in time for the first scheduled hearing. I swear I don't know what he does beyond sitting on the couch drinking beer all day. And dumbass didn't ask for arrears, either. Smh)

 

Sis is now covering 70% of the children's expenses, plus she is now required to carry them on her health insurance plan. She is paying approximately 30% more per month than she EVER received from him in his ten years of child support. So, whatever.

 

(Just as a sidenote, when he first got custody, sis offered to cover the kids on her insurance at that time. He refused, saying he had it covered. He has been buying COBRA insurance on those kids this whole time. With what money, I have no idea, cuz COBRA is very expensive And he's STILL unemployed. Again, smh.)

 

Anyway...

 

Sis has filed not one but TWO "show cause" suits against him, which her new aggressive lawyer is positive they will win. If found guilty (which he likely will), he will be guilty of two felonies, forced to pay fines for disobeying the court orders, and will have to pay sis's legal fees associated with the cases.

 

The first Show Cause is for him switching their schools to a out-of-district schools (how did he get them into schools neither he nor sis are districted for? Lied to the schools about his address?) without consulting or notifying sis (even though she is still a decision-making parent, according to the court) and even though the court order specifically said the kids were to remain in their original schools, and even though the kids didn't want to leave their schools. The second Show Cause is for alienation of both sis and her side of the family (me!), and there is a LONG documented list in support of this. I'll spare you the details.

 

Also, sis has filed for custody.

 

So the two show causes and the custody hearing will be heard in family Court at the same time. It is scheduled for April.

 

The kids very much want to come home. Dumbass is too stupid to realize that he's making his own kids hate him more and more every day. But he's "RIGHT", and that's all that matters.

Edited by Kinsa
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Thank you for the update Kinsa, I think frequently of your sister and her kids. I can't believe the court won't hear her cases until April! Those poor kids.

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My very best wishes to your sister. I have all the sympathy in the world. Our trial looks to be delayed again. It's been nearly two years. At least dd is still with me for now.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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My very best wishes to your sister. I have all the sympathy in the world. Our trial looks to be delayed again. It's been nearly two years. At least dd is still with me for now.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

In your case, the delays are a good thing! I think one thing that has shocked me the most in all this is how S-L-O-W-L-Y family Court runs. Ohmygosh, it's painfully slow. And secondly, how the wishes of the kids have been ignored. By the time the trial comes in April, the kids will be 17, 15, and nearly 13. It's not like they want to stay with mommy because "she gives me candy", know what I mean?

Edited by Kinsa
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Yep. So slowly that you have to pay to redo paperwork because it's all obsolete by the time you make it back in.

 

 

 

Your sister shouldn't even have to fight over kids that age. They're plenty big enough to know what they want. 

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I keep obsessively checking this thread, I'm so sorry... thanks for the update and I so desperately hope it goes well for the kids this time... 

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I'm so sorry your sis and kids are still swimming through this BS. :( Those poor kids. :grouphug:

 

Best wishes for them in April.

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I've been quietly following this from the beginning.  It made me so mad, I only had words to say that I shouldn't type here.  In the short, this just pisses me off.  That being said, I am hoping for the best for your sister in the end.  I hope she gets those kids back!

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In your case, the delays are a good thing! I think one thing that has shocked me the most in all this is how S-L-O-W-L-Y family Court runs. Ohmygosh, it's painfully slow. And secondly, how the wishes of the kids have been ignored. By the time the trial comes in April, the kids will be 17, 15, and nearly 13. It's not like they want to stay with mommy because "she gives me candy", know what I mean?

 

 

QFT.  In our simple case of removing a now adult child, and changing physical custody/child support  of the 15 year old to dh we STILL don't have it legally done.  I just can't believe it.  So we have had him since last June and for some inexplicable reason the xw decided to start paying cs this month.  So at this point, we have decided to just let the legal part go.  It just isn't worth it to try to get our stupid attorney to do his job.  I want to report him but I doubt dh will do so. 

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I know it seems like a long time, but April is really soon considering the scope of this. Hang on KINSA. I know your sister needs you.

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I am so very sorry for everything your sister and her kids have been dragged through these past months. Can't even imagine. I hope everything works out in April and that this can be resolved in the best interest of the children.

 

Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk

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I'm out of likes, but thank you for the update.

 

:grouphug:

Edited by idnib

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My blood just boils over this. Your poor sister and children! It's absolutely insane. I hope the new lawyer can do everything he says he can because that would be sweet, sweet justice.

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Yep. So slowly that you have to pay to redo paperwork because it's all obsolete by the time you make it back in.

 

 

 

Your sister shouldn't even have to fight over kids that age. They're plenty big enough to know what they want.

This!! In our state, once a kid is 14yo, they can choose who they stay with. Are all states like this? Maybe in your sis's state, it's 14yo or even younger? (Although, I doubt the older kids would go with mom, if 13yo had to stay... but maybe the age is 13, perhaps??). Anyway, it should be 13. Once a teen, the kid should choose, provided the parent has a steady job and is stable (and your sis is, obviously).

Praying for a wonderful and quick outcome!

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How's the girlfriend doing with all this? Is she still wanting to keep them?

She's the impetus behind it all. I think she's starting to get annoyed at how much this is costing her (she's financing all of it including the $30K they spent to get the kids; rather, was, until the recent child support hearing), and (s)he'll be hit with fines and more legal costs soon. There's been a series of events where she has shown her outright disdain over the fact that the kids still prefer their ACTUAL mother to her, but so what. And I've deleted the rest of what I had typed out because it's a nasty bit of truth and I don't have anything nice to say about her.

Edited by Kinsa
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This!! In our state, once a kid is 14yo, they can choose who they stay with. Are all states like this? Maybe in your sis's state, it's 14yo or even younger? (Although, I doubt the older kids would go with mom, if 13yo had to stay... but maybe the age is 13, perhaps??). Anyway, it should be 13. Once a teen, the kid should choose, provided the parent has a steady job and is stable (and your sis is, obviously).

Praying for a wonderful and quick outcome!

 

 

What most states say is that after 12 or 14 years of age the judge will consider the kids wishes.  Usually, unless one parent is really really unfit (and it usually has to be bad) the judge will defer to the kid's wishes.

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She's the impetus behind it all. I think she's starting to get annoyed at how much this is costing her (she's financing all of it including the $30K they spent to get the kids; rather, was, until the recent child support hearing), and (s)he'll be hit with fines and more legal costs soon. There's been a series of events where she has shown her outright disdain over the fact that the kids still prefer their ACTUAL mother to her, but so what. And I've deleted the rest of what I had typed out because it's a nasty bit of truth and I don't have anything nice to say about her.

I remember that her wish to have them factored into the husband's actions. I'm sorry she's been so tenacious. Totally irrational behavior. She must have some delusion that she is Maria Von Trapp. I hope they get hit with massive fines and bills.

 

I know April seems like forever but it's good to know that your sister's case with the new lawyer is shaping up well in her favor.

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What most states say is that after 12 or 14 years of age the judge will consider the kids wishes. Usually, unless one parent is really really unfit (and it usually has to be bad) the judge will defer to the kid's wishes.

That's part of what is so upsetting about this. I know you can't believe me through an unknown person's internet claim, but my sister is far from unfit. Even the children's representative (their "ad litem") said in court that it would be in the best interest for the children to stay with my sister. It might be one thing of her ex was some sort of Special Awesomeness, but he's a lazy, unemployed, milk-the-system, drunk, spiteful a-hole. Baffling, I tell you.

 

Eta: I know I've said all this before. I'll stop now.

Edited by Kinsa
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That's part of what is so upsetting about this. I know you can't believe me through an unknown person's internet claim, but my sister is far from unfit. Even the children's representative (their "ad litem") said in court that it would be in the best interest for the children to stay with my sister. It might be one thing of her ex was some sort of Special Awesomeness, but he's a lazy, unemployed, milk-the-system, drunk, spiteful a-hole. Baffling, I tell you.

 

Eta: I know I've said all this before. I'll stop now.

Oh I know. Sorry if it sounded like I was implying your sister was unfit in some manner. I was just responding to how normally kids that age get a big say in where they live....and clearly that judge had a bad day or something weird.

 

Family court is a mess.

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oh I saw this bumped and hoped it was to say those kids are back where they belong. I am so sorry this is still ongoing.  I will add you sister's X to the list of people I'd like 10 minutes alone with in international waters and the weapon of my choice.  (I'm joking, don't sue me!)

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Thanks for the update, Kinsa. Every once in awhile, someone tells me some divorce something and I think of this thread for a moment and get irrationally angry on behalf of your sister. I hope the court date goes in her favor.

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Can y'all stand another (non)update?

 

She was scheduled to be back in court April 17th, Monday past. We all (including my sister) thought it was the date of the custody trial, but it was only for another child support hearing. (Why there needed to be another one, I'm completely confused about. Sis says the first child support hearing was only a temporary order and April 17th was supposed to be for a permanent order? Whatever.)

 

So Monday was postponed until August, per the request of my sister's lawyer. The custody trial is scheduled for July. And it just so happens that our ENTIRE family will be together that day because we're celebrating our mother's 75th birthday that following weekend. I'm so excited about being there for my sis when the trial actually happens. It's either going to end really, really good (which I think it will) and we will celebrate with her and the kids, or it will end really, really badly and we will be her moral support.

 

My other sisters and I have been helping her through this financially, as we are able.

 

And of course there is the ongoing update of all the numbskulled things the ex has been doing, but it's just more of the same old crud: neglect of the youngest (she's filthy when sis gets her for visitation) , not keeping the middle one under control (a 15yo meeting "friends" at bars???), and the anti-college message for the oldest (refused to pay for him to take the SAT, actively telling him not to bother with college, refusing to help him with college admissions, etc). Just, ugh.

 

Anyway, that's where we are. Still more waiting. Until July. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

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This guy is a total a-hole. Document, document, document. And take pics of anything that can be used to prove her right, like the dirtiness of the youngest.

(((Hugs)))

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I was hoping for a better update :( July seems a long way off but keeping my fingers crossed that the insanity stops then and that the kids don't experience too much long term trauma from the whole thing.

 

Thank you for keeping us in the loop.

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It's so ridiculously slow moving. Praying that good things happen in July and the kids aren't traumatized in the meantime.

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I am grateful for an update, even though I was hoping for a better one. I'm very pleased to hear you all will be together for the next hearing!

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I have been thinking you'd have another update about the end of April; I'm sorry it wasn't a more conclusive hearing.

 

So, so glad that you can all be there in July. Your presence will mean so much!

 

I feel bad for those kids, having to wait until July. At least during the school year they have had the distraction of classes. What does their summer promise? Boo.

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Thank you for the update.  

 

Every time I read these, the lines of a letter from a friend who went through this rattle in my head.  "I will never trust the US justice system again."  And I see why, again.

 

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Thank you for the update.

 

Every time I read these, the lines of a letter from a friend who went through this rattle in my head. "I will never trust the US justice system again." And I see why, again.

Yes. It's really sad, but I used to think better and have more faith in the judicial system. I have lost all confidence in it. And it moves so PAINFULLY slow. SO, so slow. This should have been resolved long ago.

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Thanks for the update.  Sooooo hoping this will resolve positively but goodness knows how the kids will deal with everything even if when they are finally allowed to come home.  I hope with all my heart they will be o.k. and this will be just a really bad blip in their lives.

 

 

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

Thanks for the update. Every time I see your flag, I think of you and your sister.

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Thank you for the update.  

 

Every time I read these, the lines of a letter from a friend who went through this rattle in my head.  "I will never trust the US justice system again."  And I see why, again.

 

It's not just the US justice system.

 

 

 

Best of luck, Kinsa.

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It is so long.  And even longer when you consider children live their lives quicker.  I am sorry.  I have been following the story and praying at times.  Will keep praying.

 

Rosie, hugs to you too.  Yes, I think many court systems are overwhelmed and filled with people who shouldn't be there.

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Kinsa, I am sick about the wait. This is awful. My friend is waiting for the judgement from her case. In her case her ex had stalked her all over their state (she worked a job where she traveled a lot) trying to prove she is a drunk. He never got any witnesses to say they saw her intoxicated, he had no record or surveillance of her even buying alcohol, but two people he knows say they saw her drink in a bar on her birthday, (she had two glasses of non alcoholic wine). That's it. That's what they based their whole case on. She spend 18 grand and they spent 60K on this. I can't imagine that the judge is going to give the ex custody, but he is a rich doctor and the judge has appeased him before, so...

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Well folks, we are ten days from the new custody trial.

 

There has been so, so, so much bad stuff that I haven't updated on. The kids are a mess.

 

Bottom line, my sister is suing to get full custody. I can't think that this won't go in her favorite this time. The kids NEED to be back to their real home.

 

Ten days. I'll keep you posted.

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Karen, I liked your update post in support, not liking what's happened with the children.

Edited by myblessings4
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