Jump to content

Menu

I'm so heartbroken, and angry


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 659
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Well, it's done. I talked directly with my sister.  It's not all good, but it's not all bad either. Bottom line:  The judge split the girls.  My sister has custody of the 13yo.  The 16yo sta

While I understand your point, I am really saddened for Kinsa that you are continuing in this vein when she and her family are suffering and her thread is about how emotionally devastated she is. I do

It's showtime, folks.   Custody trial is tomorrow, Thursday, November 9th, at 1:00 PM eastern time zone.   There has been a ****LOT**** of... "stuff"... happen that I haven't shared, including stu

Yep. So slowly that you have to pay to redo paperwork because it's all obsolete by the time you make it back in.

 

 

 

Your sister shouldn't even have to fight over kids that age. They're plenty big enough to know what they want.

This!! In our state, once a kid is 14yo, they can choose who they stay with. Are all states like this? Maybe in your sis's state, it's 14yo or even younger? (Although, I doubt the older kids would go with mom, if 13yo had to stay... but maybe the age is 13, perhaps??). Anyway, it should be 13. Once a teen, the kid should choose, provided the parent has a steady job and is stable (and your sis is, obviously).

Praying for a wonderful and quick outcome!

Link to post
Share on other sites

How's the girlfriend doing with all this? Is she still wanting to keep them?

She's the impetus behind it all. I think she's starting to get annoyed at how much this is costing her (she's financing all of it including the $30K they spent to get the kids; rather, was, until the recent child support hearing), and (s)he'll be hit with fines and more legal costs soon. There's been a series of events where she has shown her outright disdain over the fact that the kids still prefer their ACTUAL mother to her, but so what. And I've deleted the rest of what I had typed out because it's a nasty bit of truth and I don't have anything nice to say about her.

Edited by Kinsa
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

This!! In our state, once a kid is 14yo, they can choose who they stay with. Are all states like this? Maybe in your sis's state, it's 14yo or even younger? (Although, I doubt the older kids would go with mom, if 13yo had to stay... but maybe the age is 13, perhaps??). Anyway, it should be 13. Once a teen, the kid should choose, provided the parent has a steady job and is stable (and your sis is, obviously).

Praying for a wonderful and quick outcome!

 

 

What most states say is that after 12 or 14 years of age the judge will consider the kids wishes.  Usually, unless one parent is really really unfit (and it usually has to be bad) the judge will defer to the kid's wishes.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

She's the impetus behind it all. I think she's starting to get annoyed at how much this is costing her (she's financing all of it including the $30K they spent to get the kids; rather, was, until the recent child support hearing), and (s)he'll be hit with fines and more legal costs soon. There's been a series of events where she has shown her outright disdain over the fact that the kids still prefer their ACTUAL mother to her, but so what. And I've deleted the rest of what I had typed out because it's a nasty bit of truth and I don't have anything nice to say about her.

I remember that her wish to have them factored into the husband's actions. I'm sorry she's been so tenacious. Totally irrational behavior. She must have some delusion that she is Maria Von Trapp. I hope they get hit with massive fines and bills.

 

I know April seems like forever but it's good to know that your sister's case with the new lawyer is shaping up well in her favor.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

What most states say is that after 12 or 14 years of age the judge will consider the kids wishes. Usually, unless one parent is really really unfit (and it usually has to be bad) the judge will defer to the kid's wishes.

That's part of what is so upsetting about this. I know you can't believe me through an unknown person's internet claim, but my sister is far from unfit. Even the children's representative (their "ad litem") said in court that it would be in the best interest for the children to stay with my sister. It might be one thing of her ex was some sort of Special Awesomeness, but he's a lazy, unemployed, milk-the-system, drunk, spiteful a-hole. Baffling, I tell you.

 

Eta: I know I've said all this before. I'll stop now.

Edited by Kinsa
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

That's part of what is so upsetting about this. I know you can't believe me through an unknown person's internet claim, but my sister is far from unfit. Even the children's representative (their "ad litem") said in court that it would be in the best interest for the children to stay with my sister. It might be one thing of her ex was some sort of Special Awesomeness, but he's a lazy, unemployed, milk-the-system, drunk, spiteful a-hole. Baffling, I tell you.

 

Eta: I know I've said all this before. I'll stop now.

Oh I know. Sorry if it sounded like I was implying your sister was unfit in some manner. I was just responding to how normally kids that age get a big say in where they live....and clearly that judge had a bad day or something weird.

 

Family court is a mess.

Link to post
Share on other sites

oh I saw this bumped and hoped it was to say those kids are back where they belong. I am so sorry this is still ongoing.  I will add you sister's X to the list of people I'd like 10 minutes alone with in international waters and the weapon of my choice.  (I'm joking, don't sue me!)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the update, Kinsa. Every once in awhile, someone tells me some divorce something and I think of this thread for a moment and get irrationally angry on behalf of your sister. I hope the court date goes in her favor.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

Can y'all stand another (non)update?

 

She was scheduled to be back in court April 17th, Monday past. We all (including my sister) thought it was the date of the custody trial, but it was only for another child support hearing. (Why there needed to be another one, I'm completely confused about. Sis says the first child support hearing was only a temporary order and April 17th was supposed to be for a permanent order? Whatever.)

 

So Monday was postponed until August, per the request of my sister's lawyer. The custody trial is scheduled for July. And it just so happens that our ENTIRE family will be together that day because we're celebrating our mother's 75th birthday that following weekend. I'm so excited about being there for my sis when the trial actually happens. It's either going to end really, really good (which I think it will) and we will celebrate with her and the kids, or it will end really, really badly and we will be her moral support.

 

My other sisters and I have been helping her through this financially, as we are able.

 

And of course there is the ongoing update of all the numbskulled things the ex has been doing, but it's just more of the same old crud: neglect of the youngest (she's filthy when sis gets her for visitation) , not keeping the middle one under control (a 15yo meeting "friends" at bars???), and the anti-college message for the oldest (refused to pay for him to take the SAT, actively telling him not to bother with college, refusing to help him with college admissions, etc). Just, ugh.

 

Anyway, that's where we are. Still more waiting. Until July. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

I was hoping for a better update :( July seems a long way off but keeping my fingers crossed that the insanity stops then and that the kids don't experience too much long term trauma from the whole thing.

 

Thank you for keeping us in the loop.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been thinking you'd have another update about the end of April; I'm sorry it wasn't a more conclusive hearing.

 

So, so glad that you can all be there in July. Your presence will mean so much!

 

I feel bad for those kids, having to wait until July. At least during the school year they have had the distraction of classes. What does their summer promise? Boo.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for the update.

 

Every time I read these, the lines of a letter from a friend who went through this rattle in my head. "I will never trust the US justice system again." And I see why, again.

Yes. It's really sad, but I used to think better and have more faith in the judicial system. I have lost all confidence in it. And it moves so PAINFULLY slow. SO, so slow. This should have been resolved long ago.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the update.  Sooooo hoping this will resolve positively but goodness knows how the kids will deal with everything even if when they are finally allowed to come home.  I hope with all my heart they will be o.k. and this will be just a really bad blip in their lives.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for the update.  

 

Every time I read these, the lines of a letter from a friend who went through this rattle in my head.  "I will never trust the US justice system again."  And I see why, again.

 

It's not just the US justice system.

 

 

 

Best of luck, Kinsa.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It is so long.  And even longer when you consider children live their lives quicker.  I am sorry.  I have been following the story and praying at times.  Will keep praying.

 

Rosie, hugs to you too.  Yes, I think many court systems are overwhelmed and filled with people who shouldn't be there.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Kinsa, I am sick about the wait. This is awful. My friend is waiting for the judgement from her case. In her case her ex had stalked her all over their state (she worked a job where she traveled a lot) trying to prove she is a drunk. He never got any witnesses to say they saw her intoxicated, he had no record or surveillance of her even buying alcohol, but two people he knows say they saw her drink in a bar on her birthday, (she had two glasses of non alcoholic wine). That's it. That's what they based their whole case on. She spend 18 grand and they spent 60K on this. I can't imagine that the judge is going to give the ex custody, but he is a rich doctor and the judge has appeased him before, so...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

Well folks, we are ten days from the new custody trial.

 

There has been so, so, so much bad stuff that I haven't updated on. The kids are a mess.

 

Bottom line, my sister is suing to get full custody. I can't think that this won't go in her favorite this time. The kids NEED to be back to their real home.

 

Ten days. I'll keep you posted.

  • Like 26
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well folks, we are ten days from the new custody trial.

 

There has been so, so, so much bad stuff that I haven't updated on. The kids are a mess.

 

Bottom line, my sister is suing to get full custody. I can't think that this won't go in her favorite this time. The kids NEED to be back to their real home.

 

Ten days. I'll keep you posted.

Sorry to butt in. I just joined the hive a few weeks ago and this just popped up, so it is new for me. But, I have a friend who is going through nearly the same situation with her DS and her ex-husband in CO. Is your family in CO, too by chance? I cannot even begin to describe the horrid conditions of the courts in CO for children. The ex-husband leaves loaded hand guns around, unlocked and has brought this child into contact with ex-husband's registered pedophile uncle, ex-husband's sister's dog has bitten DS twice badly, and is emotionally abusive to DS. DS's teachers, therapist, and pastors, all want DS to go full custody with mom and have testified in court. Yet, the court continues to side with ex-husband/father. It is horrible. Just horrible. Ex gave legal written consent for mom and DS to move out of state, then after they lived there for 3 weeks with a fresh start, he retracted his documents, accused mom of kidnapping and had them hauled back to CO under threat of criminal charges. All that got dismissed, but the court still sided with ex husband.

 

I feel for you so much. Once my friend wins this battle, she is taking on the court system and is going to expose them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...