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Kinsa

I'm so heartbroken, and angry

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Kinsa, I really hope this works for you. Right now I am avoiding calling a friend who has a problem similar to your sister's in that, an asshat judge made a horrible decision that is really hurting her kids. In my df's case her ex's new wife is telling her dd,  "your mom's mom is crazy, your mom is crazy, you are crazy." The step mom is hiding things and telling my dh's dd that she "lost" them to make her feel more crazy. To make matters worse, the ex in my friend's case will probably hurt my friend if he doesn't get what he wants. He was abusive when they were married but she didn't file charges because he would have lost his license to practice medicine. None of the kid's counselors want to testify to the truth because they are afraid someone will get "hurt" if the dad gets shown up for who he really is in court. Because they all know the judge will still send the kids to him unsupervised, so they can't tell the truth. It is maddening to say the least. I suspect this is very common with NPD. 

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Ugh.  From bad to worse.

 

Last evening was supposed to be my sister's night for visitation.  She went to the house to pick them up, and was told to leave, that he wouldn't let the kids go with her.  She asked to physically see the kids to make sure they were okay, and he denied her access.  So she went back to her car and called the police for a welfare check of the kids.  The police came, and it was a very ugly scene.  The kids wanted to go with my sister, asked him why they couldn't go with her, and were crying, etc.  At one point, the 16yo boy walked out of the house.  Finally, she was allowed to take the kids, after the police were there for 45 minutes talking to stupid-butt.

 

She thinks he's going to file a trespassing charge against her today, but so be it.  She's going to see her lawyer on Monday.

 

The worst part of this is that he has no concern for what he's doing to the kids.  None whatsoever.  It's all about HIM.  And yes, the kids have all asked to go back to living with my sister.  They are not happy being there.  They actually hate it there.

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Wow, what a jerk. I feel so sorry for your sister and her kids. May Justice be served and your sister's family restored.

I'll be praying for all of them!

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What the hell is wrong with that guy? You must feel so helpless.

 

Edited to add: I'd be getting a copy of that police report to take the lawyer. I hope the lawyer is taking your sister's case seriously and doing his/her best to right this wrong.

Edited by Reluctant Homeschooler
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Oh Karen, that is heartbreaking. Yet now she has further documented evidence of his unfathomable behavior. I hope any judicial entity seeing a trespassing charge will recognize it for what it truly is, harassment.

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Hopefully, a good thing to come from all of this is that your sister may get to completely (and legally) shut him out of those poor kids' lives.  (Assuming the system steps up and does what it's supposed to do; serve justice and protect the innocent and all that...)

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Hopefully, a good thing to come from all of this is that your sister may get to completely (and legally) shut him out of those poor kids' lives. (Assuming the system steps up and does what it's supposed to do; serve justice and protect the innocent and all that...)

This is what I am hoping--that his actions are perceived for what they are--so egregious that no sane judge could fail to determine that he is completely unfit to parent.

 

It sounds like he is shooting himself in the foot with his blatant violations of court orders. May sanity and good sense prevail in the courts.

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Does she have any idea what he is trying to achieve?  Any sane person would have to realize once these kids are able to leave they will most likely never see him again.

 

And the girlfriend must be just as crazy.  Is she fueling this?

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Does she have any idea what he is trying to achieve? Any sane person would have to realize once these kids are able to leave they will most likely never see him again.

 

And the girlfriend must be just as crazy. Is she fueling this?

Probably just trying to hurt his ex-wife any way he can; the kids to him are nothing more than pawns in that game.

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Does she have any idea what he is trying to achieve? Any sane person would have to realize once these kids are able to leave they will most likely never see him again.

 

And the girlfriend must be just as crazy. Is she fueling this?

Is just a control game. My sister left him ten years ago (any wonder why???), and he's STILL bitter about it and wants revenge. He's had her in court AT LEAST once a year since the divorce. He doesn't give a rat's patootie about the kids, I can honestly say. They are just pawns in his game of control.

 

Let me repeat that: He doesn't care about the kids. At all.

 

And yes, the girlfriend is behind a lot of this. Absolutely.

 

And in your post, you used the word "sane". Do not assume he is.

Edited by Kinsa
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Hopefully the police report will speak volumes. Custodial interference here is a big No No. In my area, he woukd have been given about 15 minutes to abide by the police orders to release the childreb for visitation and then arrested. Face down, cuffed, go to jail. It is pretty sad that he was given all that time to comply.

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Hopefully the police report will speak volumes. Custodial interference here is a big No No. In my area, he woukd have been given about 15 minutes to abide by the police orders to release the childreb for visitation and then arrested. Face down, cuffed, go to jail. It is pretty sad that he was given all that time to comply.

 

Y'know, I'm a little unclear about that.  She said that after 45 minutes, he finally let the kids go with her.  I assumed she meant after 45 minutes of the police being there, but she could've meant 45 minutes after SHE arrived.  Cuz now that I think about it, there's no way the police would stick around for that long for this type of ass hattery.  So you're probably right.

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He shouldn't have any sort of case for trespassing. She has a court-ordered reason for being there. She retreated to her vehicle and waited for police. He's awful. :(

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Is just a control game. My sister left him ten years ago (any wonder why???), and he's STILL bitter about it and wants revenge. He's had her in court AT LEAST once a year since the divorce. He doesn't give a rat's patootie about the kids, I can honestly say. They are just pawns in his game of control.

 

Let me repeat that: He doesn't care about the kids. At all.

 

And yes, the girlfriend is behind a lot of this. Absolutely.

 

And in your post, you used the word "sane". Do not assume he is.

 

I can't imagine doing any of this to my kids. 

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As a 49 yo woman I'm trying to wrap my head around pouting and making my boyfriends kids come give me a hug.  Yuck.

 

And mental.

Edited by Callie
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Is just a control game. My sister left him ten years ago (any wonder why???), and he's STILL bitter about it and wants revenge. He's had her in court AT LEAST once a year since the divorce. He doesn't give a rat's patootie about the kids, I can honestly say. They are just pawns in his game of control.

 

Let me repeat that: He doesn't care about the kids. At all.

 

And yes, the girlfriend is behind a lot of this. Absolutely.

 

And in your post, you used the word "sane". Do not assume he is.

This event which is now documented since the police came (right?), sounds like a very good piece of new evidence with which to reopen the custody issue.  The police were right there and saw the whole thing. The attorney can subpoena them if necessary. 

I'm sorry. 

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I'm just now seeing this and read all the pages. What a painful mess. This poor kids.

 

I am sending all the hugs and support I can.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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Just popping in with the latest...

 

My sister was not allowed to see the kids over Thanksgiving weekend.  The custody order is vague in that it says the ex-dh is supposed to have the kids for the "Thanksgiving holiday".  Since it was sis's normal weekend to have the kids, she assumed the kids would spend Thanksgiving Day with stupid-head and then spend the weekend with her as they usually do.  The kids came over on Friday at the normal time.  Ex called the kids and demanded they return back "home".  So the kids - who are scared to death to make any waves - returned back to his house (actually, his sugar-mama's house) and sat in their bedrooms all weekend long doing nothing.  And this means that my sister will go nearly a month without seeing the kids this time.

 

Also, he has not only changed their schools into a school district he is not zoned for (I'm not even sure how he was able to do that), but he also changed their family doctor, their counselor, and as of this week, their dentist.  For no reason.  It's not like the new doctors are any closer than the ones the kids have had for the past decade and who know their medical history.

 

So... anyway... that's the latest.  It was just more fodder for my sister to funnel to her lawyer.  She has filed for custody of the kids again, but we don't think he's been served with the papers yet.  We don't think the court date has been set yet.  (The holidays are coming up, so things slow way down in family court.) 

 

And the kids are now saying that they HATE their dad, and they definitely want to come home - their REAL home.

 

The new custody court date can't come quickly enough.

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Well, we all know what "no reason" means. It means to create the paper trail he wants to exist and burn your sister's.

 

 

I hope there is a sane judge in charge when they finally come to court. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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It might be helpful if her lawyer is able to bring up all the changes (school, counselor, doctors) in court. Taken as a group, it looks concerningly like dad could be trying to isolate the kids or prevent them from having anyone they know well to report on problems in the home too.

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I hope there is a sane judge in charge when they finally come to court.

 

 

From what sis has told me, the same judge who ruled in her favor the first five? six? times will be presiding over this custody case again. Ex's bulldog lawyer who won the custody case for him in appeals court refuses to represent him again. And family Court IS allowed to review past history (unlike the appeals court which awarded him custody), and once this judge - who KNOWS what an ass the ex is and KNOWS the history of asshattery - sees what's going on, I can't think that it will go anyway but in sis's favor. Thank God. Those kids need to come HOME.

 

It just needs to happen SOON, but the courts are soooo slow.

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It might be helpful if her lawyer is able to bring up all the changes (school, counselor, doctors) in court. Taken as a group, it looks concerningly like dad could be trying to isolate the kids or prevent them from having anyone they know well to report on problems in the home too.

There's no doubt that's exactly what he's trying to do.

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From what sis has told me, the same judge who ruled in her favor the first five? six? times will be presiding over this custody case again. 

 

Hopefully the judge will have grounds to charge him as a vexatious litigant or something so he can't do it again.  :cursing:

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From what sis has told me, the same judge who ruled in her favor the first five? six? times will be presiding over this custody case again. Ex's bulldog lawyer who won the custody case for him in appeals court refuses to represent him again. And family Court IS allowed to review past history (unlike the appeals court which awarded him custody), and once this judge - who KNOWS what an ass the ex is and KNOWS the history of asshattery - sees what's going on, I can't think that it will go anyway but in sis's favor. Thank God. Those kids need to come HOME.

 

It just needs to happen SOON, but the courts are soooo slow.

Good! This sounds like much needed progress after months of this crap. Those poor kids! Your poor sister!

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I wish there was a category of charges like "rat bastard minimum sentence 1 yr in jail and $10,000 fine payable to the victims of the rat bastardness". Sadly, being a horrifically lousy excuse of a human being is not illegal.

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From what sis has told me, the same judge who ruled in her favor the first five? six? times will be presiding over this custody case again. Ex's bulldog lawyer who won the custody case for him in appeals court refuses to represent him again. And family Court IS allowed to review past history (unlike the appeals court which awarded him custody), and once this judge - who KNOWS what an ass the ex is and KNOWS the history of asshattery - sees what's going on, I can't think that it will go anyway but in sis's favor. Thank God. Those kids need to come HOME.

 

It just needs to happen SOON, but the courts are soooo slow.

This is hopeful!

 

She should notify the previous care providers that the children's records may be required for legal proceedings and need to remain safely intact and on file at the old locations.

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I feel so bad for those kids and your sister. I am glad that she will have another custody case with a better judge and court. It is an absolute travesty what is happening and that he got away with it.

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I feel so bad for those kids and your sister. I am glad that she will have another custody case with a better judge and court. It is an absolute travesty what is happening and that he got away with it.

Perhaps when it all shakes out she can actually get some sort of protective order so he can't hurt them again, through litigation or any other avenue. Perhaps he needs a psych evaluation.

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I just wanted to say that I'm purposefully leaving out a lot of details about the "down and dirty" with regards to the kids and their mental health, out of respect for their privacy. I will just say that they were mentally stable up until seven months ago when the ex-dh got control of them. Now they are in really dark places. It is very sad to watch the downward spiral and feel helpless against it.

 

It is imperative that sis gets the kids out of there. Unfortunately, I think the SOONEST it can possibly happen is sometime after the new year, just based on how booked up the family court is.

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Are they in TX? I hope not. Family members just went thru a process there in FamilyCourt. We were told it would take 90 days, that was in late May and we're still waiting.

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Thanks for the update and I'm so sorry this is happening. Is there an agreement for Christmas/New Years?

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I've been following and I hope that things get better. Your latest news, re: the court, is a ray of hope. I agree with the suggestion to call the the doctors, dentist,etc. that the kids were using as a precautionary measure. That he's trying to isolate them from previous connections seems clear.  Hoping for the best!

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The new custody court date can't come quickly enough.

 

I really, really wish that family courts would move quickly on these things. Even weeks can be a long time for a child, and given the anecdotes you've shared, the kids must be scared. What is he saying or doing when their mother isn't around?

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: For your sister and your kids and for you. I can only imagine the frustration and anger you must feel.

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I am so sorry.  THe family court system is so messed up from what I keep seeing both on this board and from other accounts.  I really hope she gets a court date soon.

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Maybe this has been said, but the kids need to document EVERYTHING. Everytime they have a substandard dinner. Everytime they gask for homework help and it isn't given, every curse word, negative thing said about their mom, everything. With dates and in a hidden notebook. I suggest the two teens each keep one and hide them is separate locations (like their school lockers) in case one is found.

 

They document everything and submit those notebooks (after copies are made) to the court along with well-written letters of their own preferences at the end of the trial period. If any of these children are girls, that should be factored in too. It is tough for a young woman with no blood relative woman in the house to help with girl stuff.

 

They may have to suck up a trial period, but they can go back to court swinging.

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