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Kinsa

I'm so heartbroken, and angry

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Kinsa,

 

I cannot bring myself to *like* any of your recent posts b/c what you had to say is so nauseating.  Praying for a real pitbull of an attorney for your sister and protection for the kids.

 

Anne

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Well, it's been slightly more than two weeks, and already the sh!t's hitting the fan.

 

Friday afternoon, my sister got a desperate email from the 11yo, imploring her to intervene because dad was about to take away all her electronics, including her cell phone (bought and paid for by my sister) and school-issued iPad. Sis tried to help (since she is supposed to have a liberal contact policy with the kids, hence the cell phone), but dad said butt out. So not only did dad DEFY the court order that says my sister is supposed to HAVE the kids on Mothers Day, he also cut off all communication from the children to their mom. On Mothers Day weekend. Two weeks after they are ripped away from their mother.

 

Also, my sister is supposed to have the kids for dinner tonight (Tuesday), and he has "changed his mind" and won't allow her to see them, even though the court order says she is supposed to have them one evening each week.

 

So, my sister is calling a new lawyer today. I knew it wouldn't take long. The man is a complete and total a-hole. There was no way this was going to go well.

Absolutely let the new AGGRESSIVE lawyer do the engaging. As awful as this is, Karen, such blatant disregard for the agreed upon custody arrangement will eventually work in your sister's favor. I hope she gets a great judge for future hearings. Prayers!

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Earlier this week, my sister was served with child support papers with a court date in August, not surprisingly. (What is surprising, however, is that his live-in girlfriend's income is not being counted in the child support algorithm, even though his+girlfriend's TOTAL household income was used as a determining factor in his getting custody. Sis is speaking to a lawyer about that inconsistency.)

 

Today, however, sis was notified by her lawyer that stoopid pantz is bringing her back into court in June because he doesn't want the kids to see her without at least 48 hours notice. She has no idea what this is all about because she has only seen the kids on her specific court-ordered weekly visits (that is, when he "allows it", see upthread). She has been trying to contact him via email for nearly a week trying to iron out details about her three weeks visitation in the summer, but he hasn't responded. She gave him three days notice last time she had the kids for her evening, even though the court order only specifies a 2-hour notification.

 

No. He's a nasty, nasty man. I have honestly never known such a vengeful, hateful, selfish man.

Edited by Kinsa

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I have to hope that if she keeps following the rules to a T and he keeps bending them, that eventually that will catch up with him.  I hope she is documenting every.single.thing. including dates, times, how often she tries to contact him with no response, etc.  Anything and everything.  It will be hard to remember those details later.  Is she keeping a diary and a calendar and saving everything?

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Holy sh!t.

 

I didn't see this thread before. I'm so, so sorry, OP.  I'll put you, your sister, and those poor kids on my prayer list.

 

I spent the better part of two decades working in the court system and came out of it a bitter cynic.  The court system is just another bureaucracy, filled with some good people and a whole lotta lazy good-for-nothings.  Lazy good-for-nothings with a terrifying amount of power.  I'm so sorry that those kids are caught in the crossfire.

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Forgot to mention a few things.

 

One, stoopid pantz made the kids all return their cell phones to my sister, and he went out and got them his own cell phones for them. Why? Cuz he's a controlling bastard.

 

Two, already he's got the 13yo on Zoloft because he can't handle her moods. Ya think??? Maybe, just maybe, she's pissed off at him and she's showing it. Sis never had trouble with 13yo's moods.

 

Three, the girlfriend isn't happy that the kids spend all their time in their rooms with the doors shut. She actually approached the 13yo and said, "Your dad thinks you hate him." To which the 13yo rolled her eyes and didn't say or do anything.

 

Sis says the kids are dirty and stink. Apparently stoopid pantz and the girlfriend have five large indoor dogs and, according to the kids, the house is very dirty. No wonder they never come out of their room.

 

Ugh. There's so much more. It's just so bad.

Edited by Kinsa

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That is seriously where I pack up my kids and go on the run.  I think you're being kind by using the word "dufus" to describe this guy.

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That is seriously where I pack up my kids and go on the run. I think you're being kind by using the word "dufus" to describe this guy.

It is really bad of me, but for the first time in my life I'm praying the the Lord will take someone's (his) life. Bad, right???

 

Eta: Yes, very bad, I know. I'm ashamed to admit it, but there it is.

Edited by Kinsa
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It is really bad of me, but for the first time in my life I'm praying the the Lord will take someone's (his) life. Bad, right???

 

Eta: Yes, very bad, I know. I'm ashamed to admit it, but there it is.

And I used to think poorly of tarring and feathering, but it might have its moments...

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It is really bad of me, but for the first time in my life I'm praying the the Lord will take someone's (his) life. Bad, right???

 

Eta: Yes, very bad, I know. I'm ashamed to admit it, but there it is.

You are in good company. I will cry out to the Lord with you.

 

https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/asbury-bible-commentary/Imprecatory-Psalms

Edited by Seasider
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So many hugs to your sister, prayers continue for her and the kids. And you as you support her.

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Hopefully the kids can be returned in June after the child support hearing. This makes me very sad, but I think it's pretty typical of family court today. I have a good friend in a similar situation.

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Kids don't always choose the better parent--sometimes they'll ask for ice cream when they need carrots--but it's still worth asking.

I don't know. Sometimes it is good to hear from the child depending on age, maturity, family dynamic. Often it's horrid. It puts the child in a wretched position that can cause guilt for some time and cause strain on their relationship with a parent. It can also result in parents being nervous about parenting because they always have their approval rating in the back of their minds.

Edited by Danestress
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Is there any way to get documentation of the state of the house and kids? If living conditions are unsanitary, that definitely should come up. 

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It is really bad of me, but for the first time in my life I'm praying the the Lord will take someone's (his) life. Bad, right???

 

Eta: Yes, very bad, I know. I'm ashamed to admit it, but there it is.

 

lol, I try to wish for a really wonderful opportunity for the disliked/hopeless/want them to die person that will thrill them, but at the same time, will take them far, far away and make them forget to make other people's lives hell. 

 

It makes me feel more virtuous than wishing them dead. Sometimes it really does seem the easier option though.

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 I agree that the kids need to be documenting the filth. It should be a main issue. Lots of pictures should be emailed to their mom's lawyer ASAP. That is the sort of thing a judge might care about. Also, lots of this stuff should be being documented for the lawyer regarding taking away the kids electronics pertaining to school. The mom needs a good specialist to take the kids to as a professional witness. That's probably why the Dad now wants 48 hours notice. He knows that they are going back to court and he wants to keep them from seeing someone who will testify against him.

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Maybe the kids can text pictures of their filthy new digs to a GAL.

You know, on reflection, this is a very bad idea.

 

Undoubtedly their dad has put their phones on parental control plans, which means that he will be able to see and keep all of their texts as well as know who they call when.

 

They need throwaway cameras or something.

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As always I want to stress that although suggestions made here are with good intentions, the sister should stick to whatever advice she gets from her attorney.

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It is really bad of me, but for the first time in my life I'm praying the the Lord will take someone's (his) life. Bad, right???

 

Eta: Yes, very bad, I know. I'm ashamed to admit it, but there it is.

Well, way back when you started the thread, I sort of thought it would be appropriate for Tony Soprano to pay xdh a visit.

 

Putting a child on medication? When it might not be needed? I have no words.

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Just bringing this up to date, for anyone who remembers this thread...

 

I can't divulge a lot of details, but I can report that my sister has filed CRIMINAL charges against her ex-husband (arraignment is in January, which is too long from now if you ask me) for deliberately going against the last custody court order in multiple ways, the ex's bulldog lawyer has dropped him because he's such a dumb-ass that she can't work with him (bringing the count up to at least his seventh lawyer), and as of last week my sister has filed for custody of the kids again.  The kids are *VERY* unhappy there and really want to go back home. 

 

Oh golly, there's so much I wish I could divulge.  The kids are in a REALLY bad place right now mentally/emotionally, and thank the Lord that they can see my sister occasionally.  I honestly think it's the only thing that is keeping them from completely breaking down... and they are really, really close to breaking down.

 

Edited by Kinsa
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I'm glad she is going the criminal route with all the crazy that's happened. I think that's her best bet for resolution at this point and I'm praying for her and those poor kids :(

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I hope your sister regains custody quickly and that the ex gets what he deserves in criminal court and leaves her alone forever after.

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Praying! So sorry this has continued to drag on for the kids. I know it must feel like an eternity to them. Praying this is resolved once and for all SOON.

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I am so sorry you are all going through this. Prayers for the children's quick return to safety. This is just terrible for your sister, the kids, and you :(

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