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Kinsa

I'm so heartbroken, and angry

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I don't understand all the legal nuances, so forgive me if I bungle this...

 

The ex knows she's got him over a barrel. Yesterday afternoon he offered to compromise. She accepted this morning. So they have three weeks to hash out a very detailed 50-50 shared custody plan.

 

I don't know what to think, quite honestly.

 

I think she must be very, very tired and must understand the sentiment "no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse," all too well.

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Yes, I know, without a doubt, that she's mentally exhausted. I was on the phone with her for a while today.

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I don't understand all the legal nuances, so forgive me if I bungle this...

 

The ex knows she's got him over a barrel. Yesterday afternoon he offered to compromise. She accepted this morning. So they have three weeks to hash out a very detailed 50-50 shared custody plan.

 

I don't know what to think, quite honestly.

I dearly hope she is working this out with her lawyer by her side. As in, she writes down what she wants, and her lawyer presents it as non-negotiable.

 

My knee jerk reaction would have been hell no, but your poor sister has seen so much injustice I imagine she fears facing another blindly rotten judge in court. I hope that with only 50% custody, the xh will lose interest and the kids will be able to figure out how to spend more and more time with mom. And I hope she is fighting for the right to make all decisions regarding education and medical care.

 

And in all of this, I hope the kids are being heard. My heart aches for them.

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I imagine it's kind of like people who are not guilty of a crime but take a plea deal anyway, because they don't trust the process to be fair and are afraid of being found guilty - the compromise seems like the safest path to at least not the very worst outcome.  

 

I really hope it works out for your sister and kids.  I imagine if the ex is trying to hold onto child support, he may not want much to do with the kids without the child support (which, presumably, he wouldn't get in a 50-50 arrangement) and therefore might end up giving her more time and control.

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I "liked" your post as a show of solidarity, not because I think the hashing it out is a great idea.  :sad:

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I hope her lawyer is a shark and that your sister doesn't do anything without the lawyer's help. That poor woman. She must feel so abandoned by the legal system. What she and those kids have been through is unconscionable.

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Your poor sister and those poor kids.

 

I hope this ends up being an improvement for them. At least they will get to spend time with their mother.

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50/50 usually means no child support doesn't it? Or at least a lot less. Maybe the ex and girlfriend will decide it is not worth it without the money. Although of course one parent always ends up picking up the financial slack - reasonable people buy food, clothes and shoes even if the other person is shirking their responsibilities.

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50/50 usually means no child support doesn't it? Or at least a lot less. Maybe the ex and girlfriend will decide it is not worth it without the money. Although of course one parent always ends up picking up the financial slack - reasonable people buy food, clothes and shoes even if the other person is shirking their responsibilities.

 

In most (maybe all but not sure) it would lessen it and possibly eliminate depending on the incomes of the two parents.  If custody is fully 50/50 and parent A earns more than parent B, then parent A will have to pay support (all else being equal - different factors can change individual support rulings).

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I dearly hope she is working this out with her lawyer by her side. As in, she writes down what she wants, and her lawyer presents it as non-negotiable.

 

My knee jerk reaction would have been hell no, but your poor sister has seen so much injustice I imagine she fears facing another blindly rotten judge in court. I hope that with only 50% custody, the xh will lose interest and the kids will be able to figure out how to spend more and more time with mom. And I hope she is fighting for the right to make all decisions regarding education and medical care.

 

And in all of this, I hope the kids are being heard. My heart aches for them.

 

Yes, she may have felt 50% is better than not at all and she has not seen her kids at all if I understood this correctly.

Agreeing with everyone who said to let her lawyer hammer this one out and get the best arrangement possible.

Edited by Liz CA
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I don't understand all the legal nuances, so forgive me if I bungle this...

 

The ex knows she's got him over a barrel. Yesterday afternoon he offered to compromise. She accepted this morning. So they have three weeks to hash out a very detailed 50-50 shared custody plan.

 

I don't know what to think, quite honestly.

 

I'm another who's praying the ex has discovered how much "work" and "a bother" the kids are so 50-50 is mainly a way for him to "save face" and she'll end up with far more.  For now, something is better than nothing IMO.

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50/50 could also be a a way for her to demonstrate good will and pave the way for full custody in the future if he continues to be an *ss.

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But 50-50 means he has no financial obligation! Still, can see why she’d take the quickest route to getting her kids back into her home.

At this point, I imagine she would pay to get the kids back. Which may have been the dirtbag's scheme all along.

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But 50-50 means he has no financial obligation! Still, can see why she’d take the quickest route to getting her kids back into her home.

 

If I remember correctly, when she lost custody, she began having to pay him child support. So this could be to her benefit. But I may not be remembering clearly.

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If I remember correctly, when she lost custody, she began having to pay him child support. So this could be to her benefit. But I may not be remembering clearly.

Yes I think you may be right.  I don't have time to go back through the whole thread but besides this process costing her a fortune in legal fees while she fought to get them back, I also seem to recall she may have been having to pay him child support since isn't he unemployed?

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Yes I think you may be right. I don't have time to go back through the whole thread but besides this process costing her a fortune in legal fees while she fought to get them back, I also seem to recall she may have been having to pay him child support since isn't he unemployed?

She was paying so much she couldn't keep on top of her house payments etc.

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I would not agree to her paying hm any child support. She should tell hm she is near destroyed financially as it is from all these sheneigans. If the money stops maybe he will leave the kids alone.

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But 50-50 means he has no financial obligation! Still, can see why she’d take the quickest route to getting her kids back into her home.

 

Whether one party or the other has an obligation in 50/50 custody depends on their relative income.  

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Whether one party or the other has an obligation in 50/50 custody depends on their relative income.

Yes but if they are in mediation they can agree to non standard.

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Also, I am confused because KINSA said they have three weeks to Hammer out a 50/50 split. So does that mean she has to agree to 50/50? Cause that still sucks for these kids. I think one is al out 18 too....so that will be good.

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I would not agree to her paying hm any child support. She should tell hm she is near destroyed financially as it is from all these sheneigans. If the money stops maybe he will leave the kids alone.

 

It's probably best not to tell him his financial abuse is working.

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It's probably best not to tell him his financial abuse is working.

Well....yes. You are probably right.

 

But still I wouldn't agree to child support in this situation.

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If you have been following this for the past two years...

This is FINALLY going to trial Wednesday.  Three things will be addressed at the trial: custody, criminal charges (contempt of court), and child support. Unless the butthead pulls yet another fast one (like he did last fall when it was originally supposed to go to trial), then this will be happening. 

I haven't said much about the situation recently,  because honestly it's just a constant stream of sh!t from him. The kids are in a bad place because of this fiasco. It is just constant.  Con. Stant.

Update on the kids:

The boy is now 18. He graduates high school soon and has enlisted in the USN just so he can get the hell away from it all. Because he's been 18 since February,  he now spends most of his free time at my sister's house (his real home).

The middle child, daughter,  is now on FOUR medications.  I know one is the Zoloft that she was immediately put on when the jackass got custody.  No idea what the other three are for. Even my sister doesn't know. My niece is now 16.

The last child,  daughter,  has been completely and thoroughly neglected,  as she always has been by him. She's the one we all worry about the most. She's now 13 1/2.

Oh, and I thought I would mention that the loser ex is STILL unemployed.  

So, if you are inclined,  please be thinking about and praying for my sister.  She's a nervous wreck, and it's no wonder considering how she was trampled all over the last time. He is countering by asking the court to only allow her supervised visitation of the kids once a month for two hours.  (Ugh, he's such a jackass.) She is asking for physical custody and for him to be removed from decisions regarding the children's welfare.

I'll post Wednesday or Thursday as I hear what happens. 

Eding to add: I never updated on what happened in November.  He offered to "compromise" instead of go into court,  one day before the scheduled trial. Sis accepted the offer to compromise.  We all should have known it was just a delay tactic.  Sis offered up some pretty reasonable demands (like the ability to take the kids out of state for family weddings,  etc - which would have applied to him too!), but he rejected EVERY SINGLE ONE of my sister's requests.  There was *NO* attempt to compromise on his part.  Looking back,  we all now realize it was a legal trick to keep from going into court.  Well, she won't fall for it this time. 

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Kinsa, I'll be holding your sister, her kids and you in my thoughts this week. What an awful time this has been for them. I hope so much the decision finally works out well for those poor kids.

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prayers.. my mama heart breaks for these kids.   Thanks for the update.   

 

p.s.: When you do on Wed.s could you put the post number in the Title??  No worries if you can't or don't want to.  

hugs. 

 

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Oh my. I have been following, thinking about and praying for your sister and her children. I really really hope things go her way on Wednesday and that her kids can go back home with her. I’m wondering if there’s a Guardian Ad Litem involved to protect the interests of the kids? 

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Just now, PinkTulip said:

Oh my. I have been following, thinking about and praying for your sister and her children. I really really hope things go her way on Wednesday and that her kids can go back home with her. I’m wondering if there’s a Guardian Ad Litem involved to protect the interests of the kids? 

 

There was a GAL last time who said in court that the kids should stay with my sister.  Fat good that did! My nephew is now out of the equation since he's 18 now,  but my sister has subpoenaed the girls this time. 

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13 minutes ago, PrincessMommy said:

prayers.. my mama heart breaks for these kids.   Thanks for the update.   

 

p.s.: When you do on Wed.s could you put the post number in the Title??  No worries if you can't or don't want to.  

hugs. 

 

 

I don't see post numbers???

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1 minute ago, Kinsa said:

 

There was a GAL last time who said in court that the kids should stay with my sister.  Fat good that did! My nephew is now out of the equation since he's 18 now,  but my sister has subpoenaed the girls this time. 

I’m glad the girls will be able to voice their opinions this week and hopefully the judge will be more reasonable and actually do the right thing. I’ll be praying for everyone involved. 

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21 minutes ago, Kinsa said:

 

There was a GAL last time who said in court that the kids should stay with my sister.  Fat good that did! My nephew is now out of the equation since he's 18 now,  but my sister has subpoenaed the girls this time. 

 

Now that your nephew is an adult, can he speak in court on behalf of his sisters?

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This whole thing is such a fiasco.  I will be praying this is the END.  And I agree, if your nephew can speak as an adult in court, along with the subpoenaing of little sisters, I think that would be so helpful.

 

My heart breaks for your family on this.  May this finally be the END.

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I have been following and praying; thank you for letting us know when the next date is. Praying for Weds' court date, for the kids and your sister and all of you, and wisdom for the judge to do the right thing...courage to do the right thing. 

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I will be praying for your sister.

Are you (or is she) aware of One Mom's Battle?  There are a lot of women on there (and some men) who have dealt with crappy narcissist controlling jerks/co-parents in divorce.  Lots of tips, lawyer recommendations, etc.  They even can anonymously send a package to educate judges, GALs, etc. on NPD and other personality disorders.  https://www.facebook.com/onemomsbattle/

 

 

 

There are other support groups out there on Facebook.  Kids Best Interest  https://www.facebook.com/kbi.kidsbestinterest/?hc_ref=ARQfF0Ujxnw1oi4iPDLybN6qwoMj8qu9klPh2baOmKNbOo2YnZxgikzkfZESPOMzRoE&fref=nf&hc_location=group

 

 

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Ugh....I thought my ex was a buttmunch...this guy takes the cake. Do you know what time she goes to court Wed so we can be praying specifically at that time? I hope she (and the kids) can finally get some justice.

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5 hours ago, PrincessMommy said:

 

Now that your nephew is an adult, can he speak in court on behalf of his sisters?

 

I was unaware,  but I just learned that my nephew has been subpoenaed also.  He will be advocating for his sisters.

1 hour ago, tbog said:

Ugh....I thought my ex was a buttmunch...this guy takes the cake. Do you know what time she goes to court Wed so we can be praying specifically at that time? I hope she (and the kids) can finally get some justice.

 

It is scheduled to begin at 9:00 on Wednesday (eastern time), and they have the courtroom all day. 

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I still think of your sister and the kids. I was wondering if the 50/50 thing happen and how the kids were doing. I hope this new court date goes well. She is in my thoughts. 

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I'll be praying. My heart breaks for those kids. I'm so glad your sister keeps fighting and fighting for them. 

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