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Remember when you thought you'd married the perfect man...


Ann.without.an.e
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I have so many newlyweds in my Facebook feed lately and it is so sweet - these poor souls are going on and on about how they've married the perfect husband. Oh sweet girls, just wait and see...it is going to get very real with time. Not necessarily bad. Marriage is definitely full of ups and downs. I'm holding my tongue and letting them think they have found perfection and venting this here instead 😂

Edited by Attolia
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I married the perfect guy for me. Five kids and ten years later I am more convinced of that than ever. I didn't really love him when I married him because I didn't understand or have experience with what a mature, fire-forged love could be. It was attraction and friendship and infatuation, but nothing like what I have today.

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I don't know. I've been married 20 years and honestly, there isn't one thing I can think that I would like to change about my DH. I won't say perfect because I don't believe anything is perfect, but I honestly can't imagine it being any better. Am I in the minority?

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I don't think I ever thought I married the perfect man. I knew he wasn't perfect. But I believed our love and commitment would be enough to see us through. We are coming up on 31 years. It's a very good marriage, thankfully, between two very imperfect people.

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I have so many newlyweds in my Facebook feed lately and it is so sweet - these poor souls are going on and on about how they've married the perfect husband. Oh sweet girls, just wait and see...it is going to get very real with time. Not necessarily bad. Marriage is definitely full of ups and downs. I'm holding my tongue and letting them think they have found perfection and venting this here instead 😂

Aww, let them enjoy it.

 

I still think I married the perfect man, decades later.  He's perfect for me.  

 

He actually is as close to perfect as anyone I have ever known.   Which balances out my abject imperfection and multiple flaws, so I guess that's good. 

Edited by TranquilMind
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Although last night he almost lost "perfect husband" status.  :lol:   Turned out to be a crazy misunderstanding.  I thought he said he invited someone over to come the next day.  The house isn't company presentable.  I don't care if it is perfect, but ya know...I'd feel rather embarrassed.  So I nearly chopped his head off because I thought how in heck does he think I'm going to pull that off.  And he wouldn't be here to do it.  Turned out he invited that person over two weeks into May.  I should have known better because he really wouldn't do anything that crazy. 

 

 

Edited by SparklyUnicorn
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Everyone I know well enough has their own stuff in their marriage.

I am still madly in love with dh, we celebrate 13 years next month. But there are times I most certainly hated him with equal passion. I'm sure he's felt the same about me.

 

I liken the newlywed bliss to that first pregnancy bliss, everything is all hope and innocence and it's purely beautiful. Then the baby is born and screams non stop, or you miscarry and the innocence is gone, or the birth was harrowing. Reality is less polished than the hope but it is real and imperfectly beautiful.

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My DH is extremely flawed. He'd have to be, to live with me for 21 years...I didn't actually think he was perfect when we got married, because I'd dated Mr. Perfect LOTS of times and knew better. Mr. Perfect doesn't really exist, and if he did, he'd get on my nerves. I think DH thought I was better than I am, but he's adjusted.

 

I don't begrudge the young couples a thing. The magic of this time will stay with them when the very ordinary or very challenging days inevitably come. 21 years later, I'm so glad for those memories and the good life we built on that foundation. It's a gift to be so happy and to feel so loved when starting out as husband and wife. It's a GOOD thing for married people to be "all in" with each other.

 

 

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We're still wildly in love after 30 years.... but heck no, it in no way resembles what I was thinking marriage would be when we first got married!

 

That's what I think about them saying they found the perfect man.  He may even BE the perfect man for them, but they won't really know that until they have been through much, much more together.  (Obviously there are a few couples out there who have been through a lot before marriage, but I don't think that's the norm.)  I think newlywed time is typically a wonderfully naive period...  I love seeing it, honestly.  I figure if people weren't young and naive at some point probably nothing would ever happen in the world!  

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Going on 28 years here and more madly in love with him now than if I'd posted on something like FB way back then.  I mean, I liked him enough then to get close to him and marry him, but now it's 100% genuine love - as in - I'll be thoroughly devastated if anything ever happened to him - not sure life should go on type of feeling.  We are so much a (good) part of each other's lives.

 

He's also a heck of a lot better of a husband (generic husband) than I am a wife TBH.

 

Best wishes to all the happy newlyweds out there!  I wish you the same continuing love in your marriage that I have in mine!

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If he would just stop parking the car next to that pole. I don't understand why he does that. It means he also can't open the car door all the way. It's so weird. Just back up two inches and then you don't have to shimmy out.

 

But, you know, as character flaws go, I'll take it.

Edited by Farrar
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Going on 28 years here and more madly in love with him now than if I'd posted on something like FB way back then. I mean, I liked him enough then to get close to him and marry him, but now it's 100% genuine love - as in - I'll be thoroughly devastated if anything ever happened to him - not sure life should go on type of feeling. We are so much a (good) part of each other's lives.

 

He's also a heck of a lot better of a husband (generic husband) than I am a wife TBH.

 

Best wishes to all the happy newlyweds out there! I wish you the same continuing love in your marriage that I have in mine!

Yours too? My husband is awesome and I'm a mediocre wife, at best. I do prioritize the things important to him and that probably has earned me street cred ;)

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We're still wildly in love after 30 years.... but heck no, it in no way resembles what I was thinking marriage would be when we first got married!

 

That's what I think about them saying they found the perfect man. He may even BE the perfect man for them, but they won't really know that until they have been through much, much more together. (Obviously there are a few couples out there who have been through a lot before marriage, but I don't think that's the norm.) I think newlywed time is typically a wonderfully naive period... I love seeing it, honestly. I figure if people weren't young and naive at some point probably nothing would ever happen in the world!

So true.

 

I am not even to the 6 year mark with this marriage but the differences are astounding. I am in heaven and I do think he is perfect for me.

 

I was so sad to,see a newly wed couple seperate after just 6 months of marriage. Heck at 6 months Dh and I were still newlyweds even at our ages.

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Marriage can be tough and I have a lot of respect for couples who discover they have a lot more differences than they realized at first, yet still figure out how make it work and make something beautiful out of it.

 

I'm just lucky though I guess, as I keep finding out how even more amazing my husband is as years go by.

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I don't mind much gushing, but I have a few people in my feed who always seem to have the subtext, "if you are married/have kids and aren't overflowing with happiness like me, you must be doing it wrong. And I'm happy to tell you what you are doing wrong." Generally there are pictures of perfectly plated meals with lots of vegetables to accompany a faux-humble post at least once a week from those folks, or links to articles like "One hundred things never to say to your husband"

My husband is great and we are in love, but if he had thought I was.perfect I wouldn't have married him, and he would say the same of me. We do complement each other close to perfectly, though.

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90% of the time I still can't believe someone so awesome married me. He still is just - so wonderful. 10% of the time I wonder what alternate universe I inhabit what he seems great, because it's suddenly clear to me that he's a jerk. But those 90% times feel real overall.

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You know, when we were young and newlyweds, I had zero illusions that dh was perfect. He had just stopped drinking at that point. I knew he was issue laden. He just aged really well - I don't mean physically (though he looks pretty good) - I mean emotionally. He's just so much more stable and grown up. I feel like the "I married the perfect man" thing for newlyweds is part of that every moment is heady and romantic thing. Which, okay, sure, that's part of a relationship. The real test isn't if you feel that heady rush of excitement later on, but rather the contented happiness of thinking you made the right choice.

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I never thought I married the perfect guy, so it's hard for me to relate to. I was well aware of his faults, but still knew he was perfect for me. I still think that today. I thought he was just as aware of my faults. I felt bad for him later when I realized he had been much more romantic in his judgment of me and didn't quite get what he expected.

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I don't think I married the perfect man.  But I don't think he married the perfect woman either.

 

I think I married the perfect man for me, and I think he married the perfect woman for him.  

 

(We'll celebrate our eighteenth wedding anniversary this summer and our twenty-fifth anniversary of being together in the fall.  I'd say there's plenty I'd change, because who wouldn't want to change the hard times, but all the times, good and hard, shape us and make us who we are, and we wouldn't be *us* without all of it.)

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We must be one of those weird ones that after 18 years we still sleep best going to bed together. I don't think it's funny but just the way we prefer things.

 

I know I hit the jackpot with dh. I didn't feel the way about him as a newlywed that I do now. My feelings are much stronger now.

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I have so many newlyweds in my Facebook feed lately and it is so sweet - these poor souls are going on and on about how they've married the perfect husband. Oh sweet girls, just wait and see...it is going to get very real with time. Not necessarily bad. Marriage is definitely full of ups and downs. I'm holding my tongue and letting them think they have found perfection and venting this here instead 😂

I still think DH is perfect after 30+ years.

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We must be one of those weird ones that after 18 years we still sleep best going to bed together. I don't think it's funny but just the way we prefer things.

 

I know I hit the jackpot with dh. I didn't feel the way about him as a newlywed that I do now. My feelings are much stronger now.

we sleep best if we go to bed together as well.

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Nooo... I don't remember ever feeling that way. I felt that he was perfect for me. But I always knew he had flaws. He still has flaws but he's grown up a ton and we're pretty great together. I'm not the type of person to gush on Facebook though. I always find it incredibly awkward. I have women in their 40s going on and on about their totally awesome marriage. They also say happy birthday to their children on Facebook. When their kids don't have an account, and they live with their kids, in their home. The message is addressed to the kid, and just gets a few likes from people on their list. It's weird. I don't get addressing messages in public (on Facebook) to people in your own home.

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I think the OP was just kidding around a bit and a lot of people got really serious. Newlyweds are adorable. I mean they just are. I like watching them.

 

 

ummm...yes, I was trying to be lighthearted.  I love newlyweds and I have a good marriage.  I just remember thinking that we surely had it all figured out because our marriage was so perfect. 18+ years later, it is not perfect and we don't have it all figured out.  Is he still right for me?  Absolutely!  Am I the perfection in the equation?  Absolutely NOT.  If anything about our marriage has been disappointing, it has been seeing the imperfections revealed in ME, not him.

Edited by Attolia
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