Is throwing a basketball at someone's head just playing around?

[Jan in SC]

The boys have been friends for many years so it's not as if the friend was not used to my son's teasing him. My son said that the teasing was not worse than usual so he was quite surprised when he was hit by the ball. I am not sure if his teasing was getting worse or if the friend's temper was getting worse this past year or maybe both. .

If this happened to my son, I would tell him to stop being an ass, and then I'd let him pay for his own glasses.

[sassenach]

At 15 and older, these boys need to work it out on their own. 

 

The most I would do would be to stand them up next to each other and say, "Whatever problem you two are having, get it under control. The next set of broken glasses comes out of both of your pockets."

 

 

[8circles]

This.....this is why I posted and asked about whether I was being overprotective or not.  It seemed to me that throwing a basketball at someone's head was serious.  The boys have been friends for many years so it's not as if the friend was not used to my son's teasing him.  My son said that the teasing was not worse than usual so he was quite surprised when he was hit by the ball.  I am not sure if his teasing was getting worse or if the friend's temper was getting worse this past year or maybe both.  I was not there when that happened.  

 

I will talk again with him about toning down his teasing. 

 

The P E class was already over when this happened but they were hanging around while waiting for the younger siblings' class to end.  So the teacher was not responsible for them.  I plan on being there from now on just to keep an eye on them and serve as a deterrent to their tussles, so I hope.

 

I won't pursue this any further as most of you seem to think that I was overreacting.  Thanks for the feedback.

 

Ummm, does this sentence not give you pause?

 

Maybe his teasing has always been inappropriate & the other kid finally got fed-up.

[abcmommy]

I have a mouthy teen and frankly I would occasionally like to toss something at him.  ;)

 

I do not think at 15 we should be over parenting and contacting parents about our kid's squabbles, and I would lay this squarely at my own kid's feet: you express yourself appropriately you are unlikely to provoke.  If you put your arm in the cage often enough don't be surprised when it gets bitten.  Teens are impulsive.  Equating tossing a ball at someone to assault is ridiculous.

[Bluegoat]

This.....this is why I posted and asked about whether I was being overprotective or not.  It seemed to me that throwing a basketball at someone's head was serious.  The boys have been friends for many years so it's not as if the friend was not used to my son's teasing him.  My son said that the teasing was not worse than usual so he was quite surprised when he was hit by the ball.  I am not sure if his teasing was getting worse or if the friend's temper was getting worse this past year or maybe both.  I was not there when that happened.  

 

I will talk again with him about toning down his teasing. 

 

The P E class was already over when this happened but they were hanging around while waiting for the younger siblings' class to end.  So the teacher was not responsible for them.  I plan on being there from now on just to keep an eye on them and serve as a deterrent to their tussles, so I hope.

 

I won't pursue this any further as most of you seem to think that I was overreacting.  Thanks for the feedback.

 

Yeah, I wouldn't feel the need to supervise them over this, I would see that as a bad outcome really. 

[Murphy101]

Ummm, does this sentence not give you pause?

 

Maybe his teasing has always been inappropriate & the other kid finally got fed-up.

This. Also, relationship dynamics change as they age. A kid who always hated it but tolerated it bc the annoyer was a bit younger is eventually going to reach a point where he decides, hey, he isn't a little kid who doesn't know better anymore and neither am I, so either knock it off or I'll knock it out.

[Soror]

My husband tells the story about breaking his hand on his best friend's face. I don't even know why and they remained friends afterwards. My husband is not the aggressive type, he has not had any physical altercation of any kind in all of his adulthood. I don't understand those demonizing the one who threw the ball but not the one who did the provoking. I don't see one as any more innocent than the other. If anything the kid provoking is more to blame for not stopping when being told to stop. As a mom I would have told the other mom as an FYI and had a discussion with my son about his own behavior. I expect teasing back and forth between my son and friends with 2 caveats- if someone tells you to stop you stop and if you dish it out expect to get it back- otherwise keep your mouth shut.

Edited April 16, 2016 by soror

[abcmommy]

I think really what I want to say is that verbal sparring is every bit as ugly as a punch in the face and its time we teach our kids this truth.

 

My STBX-husband verbally berated me for years and I was far more scarred by that than I was from the occasional physical attacks. 

[Valley Girl]

This.....this is why I posted and asked about whether I was being overprotective or not.  It seemed to me that throwing a basketball at someone's head was serious.  The boys have been friends for many years so it's not as if the friend was not used to my son's teasing him.  My son said that the teasing was not worse than usual so he was quite surprised when he was hit by the ball.  I am not sure if his teasing was getting worse or if the friend's temper was getting worse this past year or maybe both.  I was not there when that happened.  

 

I will talk again with him about toning down his teasing. 

 

The P E class was already over when this happened but they were hanging around while waiting for the younger siblings' class to end.  So the teacher was not responsible for them.  I plan on being there from now on just to keep an eye on them and serve as a deterrent to their tussles, so I hope.

 

I won't pursue this any further as most of you seem to think that I was overreacting.  Thanks for the feedback.

 

I may be confusing your posts with someone else's comments. If your son was asked to stop, then he needs to STOP, not just tone it down. Even if the other kid used to deal with it well. Even if it isn't unkindly meant. Even if it was all in good fun. For both their sakes.

[Murphy101]

I may be confusing your posts with someone else's comments. If your son was asked to stop, then he needs to STOP, not just tone it down. Even if the other kid used to deal with it well. Even if it isn't unkindly meant. Even if it was all in good fun. For both their sakes.

Absolutely.

 

Stop means stop.

No means no.

Continue at your own peril and don't come whining to me about the results.

 

Don't care what your intention was, don't care if they normally have the patience of Job about it, don't care if you thought it was funny and he just doesn't have a sense of humor, don't care if he started off laughing about it, don't care if everyone thought you were so smart and funny for it, don't care once you heard stop it in any form, and you didn't - you had a hard thump or two coming.

[Candid]

Absolutely.

 

Stop means stop.

No means no.

Continue at your own peril and don't come whining to me about the results.

 

Don't care what your intention was, don't care if they normally have the patience of Job about it, don't care if you thought it was funny and he just doesn't have a sense of humor, don't care if he started off laughing about it, don't care if everyone thought you were so smart and funny for it, don't care once you heard stop it in any form, and you didn't - you had a hard thump or two coming.

 

Another Law & Order point here, given events on college campuses in recent years, all boys need to learn that stop means stop even if it doesn't sound like stop. 

 

This does not mean the OPs son is bad or evil, just that this is a teachable moment. 

[TranquilMind]

There is a homeschool PE class that takes place once a week.  A friend of my son's, an older teenage boy, got into a quarrel with my son or maybe my son started the quarrel.  Then he picked up a basketball and deliberately threw it at my son's head, breaking his glasses.  Fortunately, only the frame was broken and the insurance covers the replacement frame but my son will be without glasses for one week.  So I texted the boy's mother about it.  I also told her that this was not the first time her son had been rough with my son and hurt him.  She texted back that my son kept saying stuff to upset her son and so he told him to stop but when my son wouldn't stop, they got into it.  She said that playing around could get too far. 

 

First of all, her son is bigger and older than my son.  Second, I don't think hurting my son is the right way to go about making him stop picking on him.  I agree that playing around could get too far but still....

 

Am I being overprotective of my son who is now fifteen years old by the way?  How should I deal with this?  Leave it up to them?  They do see each other quite a bit at the PE classes and some homeschool events.

 

I don't think you are being overprotective.  Your kid was being obnoxious perhaps, but that doesn't excuse the older kid from hurting him and breaking his glasses. 

That is not right or ok, nor should it be excused by the mother of the one who hit him. 

 

 

 

Edited April 17, 2016 by TranquilMind

[BlsdMama]

I may be confusing your posts with someone else's comments. If your son was asked to stop, then he needs to STOP, not just tone it down. Even if the other kid used to deal with it well. Even if it isn't unkindly meant. Even if it was all in good fun. For both their sakes.

 

I remember being 14 and switching schools and being teased by an older boy.  I think he meant it in all good fun.  Honestly a couple years later we were friends and in a play together.  I don't think he had any idea how I viewed his teasing.  It was awful for me and I was raised with pretty tough skin - but at the time was going through a whole life change of moving, switching schools, etc.  It was just too much.   Your son's teasing might not have been more than on any other given day - but as some point, enough is ENOUGH.  And it's too much.

 

My oldest son considers himself quite witty, and I admit it, he's pretty quick AND pretty funny most days... But there are some days when he crosses the line.  And frankly we spent a good year teaching him the difference between a little tease and being an ass.  It's a good thing to know and understand.  We've all known (or been related to) those guys who just never picked up on the nuances of knowing when and not erring on the side of caution. Frankly I've had the urge to throw something too - just can't - it's being an adult and all that.

 

Truly, truly, I think we do our kids a favor by teaching them the line.  And if it is just " a little" teasing, EVERY. FREAKING. DAY. even among friends, it gets to be too much. :(  It's like a scab that never gets to heal.

[Lanny]

Depending on who is throwing the ball, and the velocity, I think that could be considered attempted murder. 

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Depending on who is throwing the ball, and the velocity, I think that could be considered attempted murder.

No.

[SKL]

Speaking of wanting to throw something at one's kid - that reminded me of when my very sweet, patient great aunt threw a ketchup bottle at her sassy teen daughter.  Everyone has a limit.  ;)

[wintermom]

Depending on who is throwing the ball, and the velocity, I think that could be considered attempted murder. 

 

In the context of a PE class just ended, you're way off base.  

 

In the context of weapons for attempted murder, a basketball is ineffective - unless it's shot out of a canon. ;)

Edited April 18, 2016 by wintermom

[TXBeth]

Depending on who is throwing the ball, and the velocity, I think that could be considered attempted murder.

I certainly hope you're joking. This is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've read today, which is saying something!