DD having panic attacks over fear of death

[Misha]

DH took off yesterday and we took DD to a therapist for the panic attacks she's begun occasionally having about her fear of losing me or DH to death.

 

The therapist had a huge list of behavioral issue questions to answer, a questionnaire for DD, and after she reviewed what we had written, she called us in.

 

She questioned DD, spoke to her, listened to what she said, and, at first, seemed incredulous that DD is only having anxiety attacks on occasion, like there must be a deeper reason. She said to me that DD is great, seems very smart, is in a good place, but she doesn't seem to know what to do with her. She seemed at a loss at what to for further appointments and said "I could see her a couple more times, maybe work on positive affirmations." It seems like her patients tend to have far more issues.

 

I don't know what to do, and when a therapist seems at a loss, I think it's time to find another therapist, but I also wanted to ask if anyone here has dealt with this type of fear with their DC? Did anything specific help? (If it's too personal to share on the forums, I'd truly appreciate a PM).

 

My m-i-l suggested a ministerial counselor, but we tried that at one church and had a truly terrible experience (I spoke to the minister before hand, explained what was going on and asked them if they could talk about heaven - they said yes, and when we got there and my daughter asked some questions the minister said, "I don't know what happens after we die". That made things far, far worse than they had been and the panic attacks began to increase in severity. Now she's terrified that she'll be alone in the dark and be aware of those facts).

We've stopped reading books that deal with death, and I called the insurance company to get another list of names, but I'm just at a loss right now.

 

[Pawz4me]

My first thought is -- How much anxiety is she having about it beyond full blown panic attacks?  I don't think I've ever had an actual panic attack, but day in and day out anxiety even at a low level can be debilitating.  And I say that as someone who as a child did have intense anxiety about losing a parent but who hid that anxiety from everyone.

[DawnM]

 

DH took off yesterday and we took DD to a therapist for the panic attacks she's begun occasionally having about her fear of losing me or DH to death.

 

The therapist had a huge list of behavioral issue questions to answer, a questionnaire for DD, and after she reviewed what we had written, she called us in.

 

She questioned DD, spoke to her, listened to what she said, and, at first, seemed incredulous that DD is only having anxiety attacks on occasion, like there must be a deeper reason. She said to me that DD is great, seems very smart, is in a good place, but she doesn't seem to know what to do with her. She seemed at a loss at what to for further appointments and said "I could see her a couple more times, maybe work on positive affirmations." It seems like her patients tend to have far more issues.

 

I don't know what to do, and when a therapist seems at a loss, I think it's time to find another therapist, but I also wanted to ask if anyone here has dealt with this type of fear with their DC? Did anything specific help? (If it's too personal to share on the forums, I'd truly appreciate a PM).

 

My m-i-l suggested a ministerial counselor, but we tried that at one church and had a truly terrible experience (I spoke to the minister before hand, explained what was going on and asked them if they could talk about heaven - they said yes, and when we got there and my daughter asked some questions the minister said, "I don't know what happens after we die". That made things far, far worse than they had been and the panic attacks began to increase in severity. Now she's terrified that she'll be alone in the dark and be aware of those facts).

 

We've stopped reading books that deal with death, and I called the insurance company to get another list of names, but I'm just at a loss right now.

 

 

The minster said he didn't know what happens after we die?  What kind of minister was that?

 

I don't have time to post much right now, but I do know that most of us have had anxiety at some point or another over dying and the idea of death.  I think she needs to know that.....it is perfectly normal to worry about it.  

 

Honestly, I think you just haven't found the right person for her to talk to yet.

[clementine]

I would think one of two ways:

 

1.  She doesn't have the expertise to deal with this type of anxiety in teens?  OR

 

2.  She doesn't feel that this is an issue that necessarily needs therapy?  

 

I have a dd with anxiety, but it's not severe enough that we've needed to seek therapy.  Talking, reassuring (for what seems like a billion times), and open discussion without frustration is what we do on an almost daily basis.  Our dd knows that therapy is an option, but she feels that she is able to cope with it in the way we have been.  

 

I hope you find the answer that is best for your family!

[SparklyUnicorn]

What comes to mind is maybe there is some sort of chemical imbalance.  So maybe there is only so much talk therapy that is going to help with this. 

 

But maybe try someone else.  At least the therapist was honest about not being sure what to do.  That I commend the therapist for. 

 

 

[Ravin]

My instinct would be to find a different therapist as well. Also, I don't know that I would necessarily avoid the topic of death. One of the things that makes people afraid is the unknown, and death is a topic in our society where we often are particularly isolated from experience. Reading about the experiences of others is one way to learn to cope. Also, having plans in place--if you have a will, letting your DD know who would take care of her if something happened to you both, might be reassuring.

 

On more solid ground, having a plan for when she has a panic attack is a good idea. You have an idea what triggers it, but have you been able to identify in the moment coping strategies? My DD will text me when she feels her anxiety rising and tell me what is bothering her--and whether she actually wants to talk about it or just let me know. If she says she doesn't want to talk about it, we don't, but just letting me know what's going on helps her feel better, because she gets anxious over keeping secrets on top of whatever else she is feeling anxious about.

[Misha]

My first thought is -- How much anxiety is she having about it beyond full blown panic attacks?  I don't think I've ever had an actual panic attack, but day in and day out anxiety even at a low level can be debilitating.  And I say that as someone who as a child did have intense anxiety about losing a parent but who hid that anxiety from everyone.

 

She's not having any anxiety over it or anything else except when she does (did that make any sense?) 

 

She's 9 years old, has not experienced any loss, and this started after we began reading a list of books that had a main character that had lost one or both parents to death. They happen only at bedtime, as she's trying to fall asleep, and we've deduced that when she's over tired she seems more prone to have one. 

 

By 'panic attack' - I mean, being very upset but still able to communicate how she's feeling and what her concerns are, and hyperventilating (the hyperventilating started after we saw the one minister). My DH suffered a lot of crippling anxiety as a child and still has occasional anxiety attacks, at 43. 

[bibiche]

The minster said he didn't know what happens after we die? What kind of minister was that?

.

An honest one. Nobody knows what happens after we die.

 

OP, how old is your child? Old enough to read Kubler-Ross? Or maybe she could do a sort of anthropological study of what different societies believe happens after death? Maybe something that she reads while researching will give her comfort.

 

DS had his crisis about this when he was very young, which probably made dealing with it easier, but what helped was discussing death as part of the natural order of things - whatever is living will one day die. We were always honest and told him that no one knows what happens after death, some people believe ____ some people believe ____.

 

Is she having an existential crisis or is her fear from a more practical standpoint? Can you reassure her that she will be secure in the event of your deaths, that whoever is her guardian will take care of her, etc.?

 

I'm sorry she is having a hard time and I hope you will find a way to help her.

Edited April 13, 2016 by bibiche

[SparklyUnicorn]

She's not having any anxiety over it or anything else except when she does (did that make any sense?) 

 

She's 9 years old, has not experienced any loss, and this started after we began reading a list of books that had a main character that had lost one or both parents to death. They happen only at bedtime, as she's trying to fall asleep, and we've deduced that when she's over tired she seems more prone to have one. 

 

By 'panic attack' - I mean, being very upset but still able to communicate how she's feeling and what her concerns are, and hyperventilating (the hyperventilating started after we saw the one minister). My DH suffered a lot of crippling anxiety as a child and still has occasional anxiety attacks, at 43. 

 

Which leads me to believe that maybe there is some sort of chemical imbalance.

 

Talking about death is hard.  We can't say hey don't worry about it because it will never happen. It's going to happen and we can almost never know when it will.  Yet despite that, the thought doesn't cause anxiety attacks in all people.  Probably not even in most people. 

[Misha]

Sparkly Unicorn - I will certainly ask the therapist to consider an imbalance but she has no other symptoms that often accompany a chemical imbalance. Thank you for suggesting that as a possibility. 

[Misha]

An honest one. Nobody knows what happens after we die.

 

OP, how old is your child? Old enough to read Kubler-Ross? Or maybe she could do a sort of anthropological study of what different societies believe happens after death? Maybe something that she reads while researching will give her comfort.

 

DS had his crisis about this when he was very young, which probably made dealing with it easier, but what helped was discussing death as part of the natural order of things - whatever is living will one day die. We were always honest and told him that no one knows what happens after death, some people believe ____ some people believe ____.

 

Is she having an existential crisis or is her fear from a more practical standpoint? Can you reassure her that she will be secure in the event of your deaths, that whoever is her guardian will take care of her, etc.?

 

I'm sorry she is having a hard time and I hope you will find a way to help her.

She's 9, almost 10. I will read the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross book first and see if I can't some passages that would be appropriate. 

 

We talked to her about whether she has concerns over what would happen if anything did happen to DH or me, and she said she was worried since she doesn't know my parents that well (they would become her and her sister's guardians in that event). We decided to spend more time talking with my parents to help ease her mind (they live on the other side of the country). That seems to have helped a bit. 

[lovinmyboys]

I would try explaining to her that parent deaths happen in books and movies way more often than in real life. While there is no guarantee, it is far more likely that her parents are going to be alive until she is an adult. An average person who is alive at 30 has about a 1% chance of dying before 50.

[Isabella]

If she was my child I'd find an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner, or alternatively a Theta practitioner.  Both work in different ways, but both have the aim of eliminating emotional blocks, which are, perhaps not surprisingly, one of the root causes of many anxiety-type disorders. 

[mamiof5]

I'm not the "go to a professional" type of gal, so I can't say anything on that (as far as finding another one etc). I do believe in Heaven and that's the approach we take. Even with that, the thought of it still causes anxiety in our kids, and we just pray about it. You mentioned your parents...fantastic idea for her to get to know them better, regardless of. Maybe e-mailing (if that's OK with them), using Skype to chat with them, they can write letters (the good, old fashioned way). Maybe that could ease her mind a bit, and strengthen her relationship with her grandparents? A win/win :)

[Katy]

Well, if you're going to go to a therapist, go to a cognitive behavioral therapist, who help you recognize logical errors in thinking and realize the truth rather than hash over a bunch of emotional crap.

 

If you're going to go to a minister, I'd take her to someone who can talk to her about renewing her mind - which is basically the Christian version of cognitive therapy but uses knowing the truth from knowing the bible well instead of logical reasoning.  You learn the Biblical version of what happens at death, you memorize those verses, and every time a thought comes that's contrary to those verses you dismiss it as a lie.  You can do this yourself with a concordance.  Spend the day looking up every verse that applies to anything she is worried about, and read the whole chapter rather than a single verse, so she can get context.

 

One other option, and I hesitate to say this at all because it's not particularly aligned with Christian doctrine... a friend's daughter was having anxiety about this sort of thing and went to a hypnotist and did a past life regression.  She's not sure she believes it to be a memory, I'm definitely not, it's possible it's just a fear. But basically daughter described going back to a previous life where she had the same mother and the mother died around that same age of what seemed like the flu, which started a long series of horrible occurrences where daughter wasn't safe or protected the way she should be. When the session was over she felt much better, like she could see these emotions weren't connected to reality, at least not in this life.  And the parents then took the time to explain what the plans were to protect her in the event they did die...  they showed her their plans, life insurance, a legal trust they had set up for her if they did pass, and changed their will for who would be her guardian until she was an adult (her godparents weren't someone she particularly cared to live with).  Now this girl believes she can find verses in the Bible that support a limited sort of reincarnation, and that her worries were based on something that really happened in a past life.  So if that concept is offensive to you in some way, beware.

[BigMamaBird]

In addition to any therapy you seek out, I would also have a serious, loving and perhaps detailed discussion with her about your plans for her if something were to happen to you.  The uncertainty of her future might be adding to her anxiety of death.  Knowing that yes, Mommy and Daddy have legal plans, I will be cared for and loved, etc. might help.

[Mergath]

That's actually how my OCD first manifested- obsessing and terrified about death and going to hell. If your religious culture is one that believes in the possibility of hell and she is dealing with the initial stages of a mental illness like OCD, bringing religion into the picture might only make things worse. It certainly did for me.

 

My advice would be to have her meet with a psychiatrist who can evaluate her for OCD or an anxiety disorder and discuss possible medication and specific types of therapy.

[texasmama]

I am a therapist, and I had a 9 year old with crippling anxiety which started after dh's grandmother lived with us the last two months of her life and then passed away at the age of 96.

 

What we did that had at least some benefit:  Went to a therapist who used a very specific approach (Short-term Soluction Focused Trauma therapy), went to a grief group for kids (not relevant for your dd), added a high quality magnesium supplement to her diet, moved her in with a sibling to sleep at night, got a night light, got an amber necklace (not sure if this helped but she believed it did), and I did two programs at home with her listed below.  These are programs that any parent can use to help their kids.  I also recommend Freeing Your Child from Anxiety by Tamar Chansky.  That one is a book for parents to read.

 

http://www.amazon.com/MindUP-Curriculum-Brain-Focused-Strategies-Learning%C2%97/dp/0545267137/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1460649106&sr=1-2&keywords=mind+up

 

http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You-Worry-Much/dp/1591473144?ie=UTF8&psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_search_detailpage

 

You need a new therapist.  This one has been honest that she does not know how to help your dd, and that is good.  Now you can move on.  Do not focus on the after life and spiritual issues of death is my advice.  Your dd is at a concrete stage of development, and death is very abstract.  Her issue is not the afterlife - it is the fear of losing a parent.  Much anxiety is passed on biologically or through modeling.  Anxiety in kids this age (or any age...or adults) is very, very common.)  The longer anxiety goes on, the more the brain becomes used to having a heightened response.  

 

When my dd was anxious, I hit it hard and with everything I could do.  We spent a few months absolutely miserable, and then the things we were doing began to work.  She is doing very well now.  In reality, she spent about 2 1/2 months in therapy.  We still attend a once a month grief group (after six months).  We discontinued the programs and the supplements.  She still wears the amber necklace.  We are almost a year post death of dh's grandmother.

[TianXiaXueXiao]

I remember going through that phase around 8 or 9 years old. I was really plagued with fear of my parents dying. I remember staying up all night, waiting for them to get home whenever they went out for a date or in a trip. It took time to process what death is and what it means. The fear of oblivion is pretty normal. The issue has a lot to do with eschatology according to your faith. A therapist isn't likely to want to speak out of turn regarding your religious beliefs. I would consider watching or reading stories from your faith that deal with the afterlife. Perhaps the book or movie Heaven is for Real?

 

I think the therapist sees this as within the normal range. Her brain is still developing and now that she's coming into the logic stage she is becoming more aware of the bigger picture.

 

Her anxiety attacks do not sound like true panic attacks where the sufferer believes herself to be dying. I'm not a therapist but I have panic disorder and so does my dd.

 

Your daughter is at the age where you can now discuss worst case scenarios and brainstorm practical methods of dealing with hypothetical tragedy and loss.

 

Take heart. (((Hugs)))

[goldberry]

That's actually how my OCD first manifested- obsessing and terrified about death and going to hell. If your religious culture is one that believes in the possibility of hell and she is dealing with the initial stages of a mental illness like OCD, bringing religion into the picture might only make things worse. It certainly did for me.

 

 

 

I agree that it would have a lot to do if your beliefs were comforting or potentially scary.

 

The minister though... could have worded that 1000 ways differently...  "I believe this, and that brings me comfort" would have been infinitely more helpful.

[Incognito]

National Geographic has some really interesting stuff going on right now regarding life/death/afterlife/god.  Not just the Morgan Freeman thing, but various articles as well.

 

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/the-story-of-god-with-morgan-freeman/

 

FWIW, I understand the desire to protect from the anxiety trigger, but it has to be done in a such a way that you are building towards tolerance.  Death is not going to go away, and hiding it will likely only increase the anxiety around it.

 

BUT, pre-bedtime probably isn't a good time for books with any death in them. ;)  Lesson learned on that one, eh?

[Mergath]

I agree that it would have a lot to do if your beliefs were comforting or potentially scary.

 

The minister though... could have worded that 1000 ways differently...  "I believe this, and that brings me comfort" would have been infinitely more helpful.

 

That's true. The people I grew up around were members of the First Assembly of God, and they were ALL about hell and using it as a threat to keep kids in line. I think some people have a blind spot when it comes to their own religious beliefs too. My mom couldn't figure out why all the talk of hell bothered me because of course, I must know I wasn't going to hell. But when you're a kid with an anxiety disorder, it isn't that black and white. Just believing it existed was enough to send me into a long period of severe, debilitating anxiety while I tried to figure out if I was going to suffer through eternal torment if I died tomorrow.

 

Oh, and that saying about how when the rains have worn down the mountains into sand after millions of years and how that's just the first second of eternity when you're being tortured in hell? Anyone who says that to a child should have the crap kicked out of them.  :mad:

 

Anyway, just something for the OP to consider while she's working out what exactly is going on with her child. Faith is often a comfort, but occasionally it's not.

[texasmama]

Coming back to reiterate that this is really not related to spiritual beliefs of the afterlife, and I would not address it at such.  It is related to a child who fears the death of one of both parents because she recognizes that she is completely dependent on them and that life is a bit unpredictable but she lacks the life experience and maturity to realize that the odds of losing both parents before one is an adult are very small.  The fear of the loss of a parent to death is a very common one for kids, regardless of spiritual beliefs.  The OP's minister could have handled this situation a million times better, no doubt, but he also completely missed the point, which is that a child is afraid of her parents dying, not afraid of what will happen to her parents in the afterlife.  She is at a very self-centered stage of life developmentally.   Young kids really just want to know what will happen to them and how things will affect them.  They need reassurance and not too much detail about abstract matters such as the afterlife.  That can come later, when they have the maturity to manage this information.  In order to work with kids effectively, one needs to understand them developmentally and not treat them as short adults.

[Incognito]

Sorry if it sounds like I think you should go deep on death stuff - just wanted to point out an interesting resource you might find useful for some discussions if/when the time seemed appropriate.

[Kerileanne99]

That's actually how my OCD first manifested- obsessing and terrified about death and going to hell. If your religious culture is one that believes in the possibility of hell and she is dealing with the initial stages of a mental illness like OCD, bringing religion into the picture might only make things worse. It certainly did for me.

 

My advice would be to have her meet with a psychiatrist who can evaluate her for OCD or an anxiety disorder and discuss possible medication and specific types of therapy.

My dd6 has PANDAS/PANS, which brought in her OCD behavior...our first indication that something was really wrong was her full-blown panic attack regarding death and dying. There was no loss, no obvious warning. She is really, really captivated by Greek Mythology and immortality, and it did happen around Easter last year in an area where death/resurrection themes are ubiquitous...and very detailed/graphic. These are the only things that may be partly causal.

I will never forget her standing on a chair, sobbing, screaming. It was heart-wrenching. She insisted there must be a vaccination, a cure, why couldn't she be put back into a 'computer-womb', why weren't Hera's apples of immortality real?! And so on. Dying just wasn't FAIR, and completely illogical as you never know when it is coming.

 

OP:

For her, logical and very real discussions were key (as was treatment for the underlying medical issues), and we specifically had to target a study of how the brain works: she could work on training her brain to refocus and 'ignore' those thoughts before a full-blown attack develops. We work on a few specific techniques. At night, she still has night terrors that often center on death. She has her phone and we have put in a few very light and cheerful audiobook favorites that she turns on. We have some meditation/mindfulness techniques that help, and for her, doing math calms and focuses her:) she will tell me she is going to work on some math to calm down. She memorizes things as well, large chunks of information...this was her idea as she says that when she gets upset she uses her memory to recite the Gettysburg Address, or sing the periodic table song and there 'is no room for the bad stuff.' The key was just to find things that empowered HER to help herself. Honestly, after the initial big discussion on death, and a few specific questions she asks over and over again just to make sure she is going to get the same answer, continuing to have long conversations and details just made things worse...in the middle of the anxiety attack was most definitely not the time to have those discussions as her brain shut down on the rational, logical parts and any further discussion just served as fodder for escalating the attack. Instead we reiterate the answers to those 4 main points we know are triggers and then focus on calming techniques, assuring her we can talk about anything she has concerns about later when her body/brain are more rational.

She still has problems with anxiety regarding death and a few other key topics. And yes, they tend to occur more when she is over stimulated, tired, hungry or ill. I also confess to believing that the issue gets compounded when she realized that she gets lots of extra cuddles and attention when she starts to get upset. We have learned to ask if that is what is really upsetting her or if she just is anxious and would like some extra attention. With a 1 yo baby brother everyone dotes on, I think that is a contributing factor. It doesn't obviously start out from there, but is a component.

I don't know if any of that will be useful to you, but this was our experience. Hugs and best wishes as you go through this with her. Anxiety it awful...and when it is over something where you cannot even provide a child with anything concrete to help rationalize I think it is even worse:(

[Janeway]

Is she nearing puberty? I would take her to a medical doctor. Sometimes, thyroid issues or PMS or other such things can cause what feels like panic attacks but are actually physical. After one baby, I felt panic attacks. I had just been discharged that day. I went back to the ER and my BP was very high. To me, it felt like a panic attack.

[sparrow]

My daughter started having anxiety about death at 9 years old as well.  Typically, it would happen at night. I'd hear her just sobbing in her room.  Through MUCH  talking, reassuring, and, I know this is somewhat controversial, and I'm not a true convert myself, essential oils, we've moved past this issue.  Whether EOs really work, or it works as a placebo, I don't know, but her anxious feelings subsided dramatically once she was able to roll something on her wrist. It felt a little like spraying air freshener under the bed and in the closets to kill the monsters.  Whatever it was, giving her a little rollerball of some sort of peppermint and/or lavender mix empowered her. She is still my worrier, but she is able to move on more quickly as she's matured.

[TianXiaXueXiao]

When my dd was 8 she started to grasp the finality and irreversibility of death which is quite common as children move into abstract thinking and the logic stage. Her therapist told me not to be alarmed by her fears unless they were debilitating and prevented her from doing her normal activities (going to bed mostly) for 6 months continuously. We started having worry time every evening after dinner, giving her 10-15 minutes to speak freely about the thoughts that worry her. We would talk about how each worry could be handled practically speaking. I did not develop ocd after this anxious phase when I was a child but my dd did develop some ocd characteristics, but has successfully moved past it now at age 12.

[Janeway]

I am curious to if you are religious? This is not a judgement call, I am asking for me own information. Because, I am not religious really but worry if I do not raise the children with religion, they will feel this way too. Please "like" this when you go to answer so I remember to come back to check. Thanks!

[MaeFlowers]

I sent you a PM.

[Laurie4b]

 

DH took off yesterday and we took DD to a therapist for the panic attacks she's begun occasionally having about her fear of losing me or DH to death.

 

The therapist had a huge list of behavioral issue questions to answer, a questionnaire for DD, and after she reviewed what we had written, she called us in.

 

She questioned DD, spoke to her, listened to what she said, and, at first, seemed incredulous that DD is only having anxiety attacks on occasion, like there must be a deeper reason. She said to me that DD is great, seems very smart, is in a good place, but she doesn't seem to know what to do with her. She seemed at a loss at what to for further appointments and said "I could see her a couple more times, maybe work on positive affirmations." It seems like her patients tend to have far more issues.

 

I don't know what to do, and when a therapist seems at a loss, I think it's time to find another therapist, but I also wanted to ask if anyone here has dealt with this type of fear with their DC? Did anything specific help? (If it's too personal to share on the forums, I'd truly appreciate a PM).

 

My m-i-l suggested a ministerial counselor, but we tried that at one church and had a truly terrible experience (I spoke to the minister before hand, explained what was going on and asked them if they could talk about heaven - they said yes, and when we got there and my daughter asked some questions the minister said, "I don't know what happens after we die". That made things far, far worse than they had been and the panic attacks began to increase in severity. Now she's terrified that she'll be alone in the dark and be aware of those facts).

 

We've stopped reading books that deal with death, and I called the insurance company to get another list of names, but I'm just at a loss right now.

 

 

A dear friend's child is almost identical. 

 

I agree: find a new therapist. Look for a therapist who uses cognitive behavioral therapy, better yet someone who specializes in anxiety and depression. The book, Stop Panicking by Reid Wilson gives a good overview, but I would not diy with a teen. 

[Tanaqui]

I am curious to if you are religious? This is not a judgement call, I am asking for me own information. Because, I am not religious really but worry if I do not raise the children with religion, they will feel this way too. Please "like" this when you go to answer so I remember to come back to check. Thanks!

 

I know many people who were raised religious who say that their anxiety over death (and whether or not they got into the good afterlife, or the end times, or demons) went away after they lost their religion.

[Misha]

I am curious to if you are religious? This is not a judgement call, I am asking for me own information. Because, I am not religious really but worry if I do not raise the children with religion, they will feel this way too. Please "like" this when you go to answer so I remember to come back to check. Thanks!

 

I am spiritual but not a church goer, DH is a former Catholic who gave up his faith after some pretty terrible experiences in Catholic school.

 

We have talked about this in-depth and have determined that it might be best for DD to find a church that could be a potential source of strength, spiritually, for her, and one that has a real sense of community along with an active youth component. I haven't gone to church in so long, I'm rather looking forward to going back. DH - not so much, but hopefully he will find his way back too. 

[TianXiaXueXiao]

I am spiritual but not a church goer, DH is a former Catholic who gave up his faith after some pretty terrible experiences in Catholic school.

 

We have talked about this in-depth and have determined that it might be best for DD to find a church that could be a potential source of strength, spiritually, for her, and one that has a real sense of community along with an active youth component. I haven't gone to church in so long, I'm rather looking forward to going back. DH - not so much, but hopefully he will find his way back too.

Going to church has really helped my dd. We were spiritual but not religious until she was 9 when we started attending an Eastern Orthodox church. She has benefited greatly from our conversion to Christianity. She has a wonderful relationship with our priest who has had a special role in helping her overcome her anxiety.

[Rosie_0801]

I am curious to if you are religious? This is not a judgement call, I am asking for me own information. Because, I am not religious really but worry if I do not raise the children with religion, they will feel this way too. Please "like" this when you go to answer so I remember to come back to check. Thanks!

 

A specific religious story had my daughter thinking that if she grew up to join this religion, she could have her brother back.

 

She thought that for a whole year before she told me, and that was a very messy morning we spent finally dealing with it.

 

Whether religion helps or hinders kids coping with this topic is something you won't find out until afterwards.