PagesandFields Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 I am looking for ideas on how families that might feel religiously isolated manage it... Especially with homeschooling... So many of the homeschool groups anywhere near us are very faith based, and my kiddos are too young to be mature enough to know how to deal with it... We socialize as best we can but it is really hard to find the balance between socializing, but still feeling like we are being open and honest, and if you have a faith, community is so important... There is none near us, and we can not move... Anyone else managed this through the tender early years? Does it get better or worse? When my kids are much older there is somewhere we could go an hour or two away... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 I'm not sure what you're looking for here. We've had ups and downs that way. DH and I are currently unhappy with our church, so we've pulled back some, but our teens are happy. So we go just on Sundays. We don't belong to any homeschool groups that we're active with. Our kids have their friends and activities. Frankly most of my good friends aren't from church and homeschooling, so we just accept that. The reality is that we've never really had a "perfect" situation in terms of both church and homeschooling, but overall we're fine. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PagesandFields Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 We practice Buddhism, my family heritage is Catholic, and I have Hindi family members... I am very much ok with learning about Christianity (as well as other religions), teaching my kiddos about their family's religious heritage, etc... So basically we are very open to enjoying people around us, and have considered joining several Christian homeschool groups, but many of our beliefs scare some of the members... So it doesn't feel like we can be open or honest, or ourselves when we go... My kiddos have some deep beliefs in Vegetarianism, and some other spiritual beliefs, and have a hard time dealing with others who don't know or understand, or worse are afraid of our beliefs... In our community everyone assumes you are Christian, so it leads to some awkwardness... So what I am looking for is how any others have dealt with this, either In terms of how to broach the subject with parents, how you talked about it wit kiddos, ways you have found a community, or whether you just made peace with being isolated... If I found a church, Meditation Center, or any other worship center that my kids were happy in I wouldn't have a problem... The fact that I don't have such a thing is sort of what I am talking about... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 I wouldn't focus on trying to fit in with Christian groups. Instead maybe focus on 4H or sports or nature study programs at a park or maybe a kids book club at a local library. Did you ever read And the Skylark Sings with Me? Those parents just looked for things in the community. If your kids are into music or dance, that can create social opportunities too. Then to support yourself, I'd focus on reading and finding a good on line group. Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Any UU churches near you? They would at least be accepting and not scared of your beliefs. And might be fascinated by them and want you to share! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 We're Muslim in the South. In general, we've had much better luck with things like Scouts or other non-Christian-exclusive groups. I think Faithr's advice is right on the money. It can be lonely, though. Even in some groups where I thought it would be O.K., our faith has proved to be an issue. I don't think being Buddhist or vegetarian is as difficult as Muslim, though. At least I hope not, for your sake. If there are Seventh Day Adventists near by, being vegetarian might not be as strange. Many Orthodox Christians have fast days where they are vegetarian as well. Now that they're older, online friends/relationships are helping with my kids, too. For faith, is there a UU church near you? That might be a good fit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Yes, I agree. Finding more neutral ground is the key. Mine do martial arts and music in the community, and religious beliefs aren't an issue at all there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 It can be a real drag not having a faith community. We lived in a different town for a while, and while it was actually unusually churchy for our part of the world, there was not a good place for us to fit in. It was lonely, and while we could travel, there is something much less ideal about attending a faith community well outside the place you are living. I think my approach with the other homeschoolers would be to be as open as possible. People might be taken aback at first, but I suspect that might well lessen over time. Sometimes people of a different faith can actually "get" what another faith is about in a way non-religious people don't, so there can be real room for some connection over time. I think with vegetarianism, depending on the age of your kids, maybe that is something they would find it useful to explore in a more in depth way - not just their own tradition, but the way other people and other traditions think. It could help them communicate their thoughts more comfortably with others. It might be worthwhile to consider reaching out in some way in the community and seeing if you could find other isolated people from your own faith tradition. A lot of North American Budhists are fairly isolated, and maybe have never had a community, and so haven't looked for one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 We're Muslim in the South. In general, we've had much better luck with things like Scouts or other non-Christian-exclusive groups. I think Faithr's advice is right on the money. It can be lonely, though. Even in some groups where I thought it would be O.K., our faith has proved to be an issue. I don't think being Buddhist or vegetarian is as difficult as Muslim, though. At least I hope not, for your sake. If there are Seventh Day Adventists near by, being vegetarian might not be as strange. Many Orthodox Christians have fast days where they are vegetarian as well. Now that they're older, online friends/relationships are helping with my kids, too. For faith, is there a UU church near you? That might be a good fit. I just wanted to say, this makes me sad for you. :( As a Christian living in the south, I am sorry you find it hard to be Muslim in your community. In particular that you imagine Buddhist or vegetarian would be harder than being Muslim; that just really stood out to me, and I just can't walk past this without offering you a hug. ((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 We practice Buddhism, my family heritage is Catholic, and I have Hindi family members... I am very much ok with learning about Christianity (as well as other religions), teaching my kiddos about their family's religious heritage, etc... So basically we are very open to enjoying people around us, and have considered joining several Christian homeschool groups, but many of our beliefs scare some of the members... So it doesn't feel like we can be open or honest, or ourselves when we go... My kiddos have some deep beliefs in Vegetarianism, and some other spiritual beliefs, and have a hard time dealing with others who don't know or understand, or worse are afraid of our beliefs... In our community everyone assumes you are Christian, so it leads to some awkwardness... So what I am looking for is how any others have dealt with this, either In terms of how to broach the subject with parents, how you talked about it wit kiddos, ways you have found a community, or whether you just made peace with being isolated... If I found a church, Meditation Center, or any other worship center that my kids were happy in I wouldn't have a problem... The fact that I don't have such a thing is sort of what I am talking about... I understand what you mean about being isolated; we are Christian, but had a Buddhist member in our homeschool group many years ago. Our group was very informal, mostly just Park Days and such, but even at that we ran into issues -- one of our other members children, innocently and not intending offense, asked her children about heaven, hell, Jesus, etc. and the conversation that ensued was not especially friendly. The kids didn't know they were being hurtful, they were honestly concerned about their friend, but I can see why you'd be uncomfortable in such a group. I agree with those who said look for community activities vs. homeschool groups, where you'll be more likely not to have a faith based activity (Scouts, 4H, art classes, etc.). Barring that, when we were isolated (in Brazil, partly due to faith, partly due to homeschooling in general), we became very tight knit as a family and just focused on building our relationships with one another, with those we did know, and with online groups. It was quite lonely, though. We traveled a lot, little one day trips on weekends, getting out and exploring and doing....somehow this helped the feeling of loneliness, not sure why. I wish you all the best in finding a local group, of some sort, where you can be open & honest about your faith, and not run into confrontation or people who will isolate themselves from you because of it. I hate that this sort of thing still happens to people, and I hate that you & your children are experiencing this. ((hugs)) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Youre singing my song. I have no answers. The uu church here is so LOUD and busy. Its nice that theyre not afraid of us but really, this is the bar? Its fracking depressing. And then with people out in the community, you (I) cant win. If you dont blurt it out right away, and they assume youre "like them" it feels deceptive. And not particularly friendly. I had a woman once accuse me of tricking her, actuslly, becsuse i "accepted" her prayers. Like i ssid ...im going through this thing. She said ...ill pray for you. I said... thank you. I pray! But if you DO say what youre about right out of the gate, first of ppl get weird and many just saddle you with all this insane baggage from their preconceptions. No thanks. Then they make a huge deal about it if you stray from the traditionsl dictates of your faith, in a way that ppl with similar beliefs just wouldnt because they do, or have in the past, grappled with similar things. And FOR ME i usually find that i gravitate toward nonreligious ppl and basically all my way-back friends are nonreligious, but that can be its own problem. I had one friend, when i very vaguely broached my own faith...as in the fact that i am religious, regardless of what it is specifically.... said "i thought you were smarter than that." Oh, ok. So i think --life-- is problematic lol. Its so hard and lonely sometimes under the best of circumstances, its such a shame that genuinely held beliefs can be so isolating. Im sorry you guys are strughling right now, op. The only thing yo do is keep looking i guess. Your peeps are out there, somewhere. And your kids are lucky to have you. Some parents dont bother yo worry aboutnthis, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Going to second the suggestion of UU, if there is one in your area. I know the one in Amarillo had a Buddhist study/meditation group weekly, along with the pagan stuff I attended and the Sunday morning services which could be literally anything from week to week, as there was a rotation of volunteer congregants or invited speakers as they had no pastor. One week there would be someone talking about the origins of the Easter Bunny, another, discussing the poetry of Rumi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Living in truly diverse areas is where its at, when possible. In some areas, ppl think of themselves as more open-minded than other aress of the country. Its not enough. Feeling like johnny-on-the-spot-wise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PagesandFields Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 Thank you all, I will write more back when I can... There is no UU church within 1 1/2 hours... We went to one in the last place we lived and felt welcomed there... We tried a Unity church and also felt welcomed there, but it is also 1 1/2 hours away and my kids weren't comfortable in the children's program... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 I'm not sure what you're looking for here. We've had ups and downs that way. DH and I are currently unhappy with our church, so we've pulled back some, but our teens are happy. So we go just on Sundays. We don't belong to any homeschool groups that we're active with. Our kids have their friends and activities. Frankly most of my good friends aren't from church and homeschooling, so we just accept that. The reality is that we've never really had a "perfect" situation in terms of both church and homeschooling, but overall we're fine. There's a difference between not being able to find the perfect situation and literally having not a single group of your faith within a hundred miles. OP, I listen to a lot of Dharma talks online, have been researching online Sanghas, and because the only homeschooling group here is uber statement-of-faith religious, I started my own inclusive group. It's a rural, fairly conservative area, but I was shocked at how many local homeschoolers found my group within a week and were so grateful to have a group that welcomes everyone. We've already had a get together at the state park, and it was fantastic. All I did was create a FB group and then put the word out. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 There's a difference between not being able to find the perfect situation and literally having not a single group of your faith within a hundred miles. OP, I listen to a lot of Dharma talks online, have been researching online Sanghas, and because the only homeschooling group here is uber statement-of-faith religious, I started my own inclusive group. It's a rural, fairly conservative area, but I was shocked at how many local homeschoolers found my group within a week and were so grateful to have a group that welcomes everyone. We've already had a get together at the state park, and it was fantastic. All I did was create a FB group and then put the word out. Yes, I can understand that. Being basically OK but not feeling close to people is one thing, and really feeling uncomfortable is entirely another. I visited a homeschool group once that I felt really uncomfortable with. Even being supposedly "inclusive Christian," it wasn't for us. I was glad that they were fine with me visiting before we signed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PagesandFields Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 Umsami thank you for your post... I imagine the reactions are a bit easier for me... I hope you have at least some family or friends to support you nearby! I sort of dream of trying to start an inter-faith homeschool group so that we could all learn from each other... But I live in the almost south... So I can relate... I have lived in many places... I adore where we are. It is beautiful, the people are wonderful, kind, you can have a very good life here and I truly love it here, but I have never lived in a place with such a lack of religious diversity... Margath thank you for the suggestion of the online Sangha... The branch that we study most has one and stupidly I have never thought about joining it... I am not online much... But I do think that might help... I will join I think this week... :) Anyhow thank you all very much! This has helped me enormously to think through this all... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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