For those of us who aren't really "typical" moms

[G5052]

Truth be told, there is no "typical" mom out there.

 

One of my grandmothers ran three family businesses while her husband was bedridden with complications of tuberculosis. One of them was a tractor dealership. By the time she was 16, both of her parents had died, and she was running the family's ranch and raising her siblings. So she was used to being busy. She was also very good at entertaining, but did it on her terms. I remember her three roasters that she cooked in so that she didn't have to hover over things before crock pots. She also liked Jello salads because she could make them ahead of time.

 

I'm glad for a bit of diversity in life!

 

 

[LucyStoner]

Y'all didn't go far enough back to see the alphabet-themed ones. ;)

 

 

 

etc.

 

Ohhhhhh. Sp you started slacking, did you?! Pinterest might close your account.

 

;)

 

(Those are very cute and sweet).

[LucyStoner]

Some days I feel like I'm the only mom in my (non-HSing) social circle who is not raising a "Quinoa" https://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/

Well, that's part and parcel of your location, right?

[Crimson Wife]

Well, that's part and parcel of your location, right?

 

These are women who are scattered across the U.S. and a few in Europe as well. These days there doesn't seem to be as much regional variation with our highly mobile society. People hop from one city to the next to further their (or their spouse's) career.

[8circles]

These are women who are scattered across the U.S. and a few in Europe as well. These days there doesn't seem to be as much regional variation with our highly mobile society. People hop from one city to the next to further their (or their spouse's) career.

Well, there are definitely a few Pinterest moms around here, but I have yet to meet any Quinoas. I visit my sister and nephews in CA and there is very little about our lives that is similar.

 

Are there maybe fewer regional differences than in the past? Sure, maybe. But I can assure you, Quinoas and their mothers are not common in these parts.

[Murphy101]

What is is "typical mom" y'all speak of? Is this a coastal beast I'm unfamiliar with here in the Midwest?

 

Idk.

 

I think the parenting mag and parenting guru stuff is all BS personally.

 

Might be jaded after 21 years.

 

As for me.

 

I don't buy any of my clothing. And haven't in 21 years. At most, if I'm feeling really loving towards dh, I will let him drag me to a store to try on clothes and if he says it looks good, he buys it. But mostly he buys my clothes without me. Thankfully. I hate shopping. He has already informed me he doesn't think the few maternity clothes I had kept in the attic are going to work and that I can either go with him or not but he has decided it's time to admit my only pair of sweatpants are no longer enough to qualify as a wardrobe. Dammit.

 

I don't like children. There. I said it. I love MY children. I don't resent them and for the most part I don't mind doing what they need done. They are really awesome despite my learn as I went make do as best I could parenting. But no. I do not want to babysit, teach Sunday school, go camping, or chaperone a dance for any child. Ever if I can avoid it. I did the whole involved in activities parent thing when my older ones were little. Some other parent can do it now. Someday, I want to sit and knit and eat cookies while watching jeopardy with grand babies and go to their milestone functions and clap enthusasticly. That's about it. I don't really mind other people's children as long as they stop presuming that my having kids means I want to help with theirs. I don't. Not even a little bit. They are just a cute from a distance. Maybe cuter.

 

I'm only as busy as I want to be. No, I'm not that mom constantly lamenting how she is just so busy, like busy is a virtue. If I feel I'm too busy, I stop doing something. I say no to stuff and then I'm not so busy, And I don't feel even a little guilt about it.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm conflicted. 30-40 years ago it was cool to fit in and not be an outsider. Today, and probably the last 10-15 years, it's been cool to be different. I think most women are multi-faceted enough to tailor their self-description the way they want it to play out in conversations like this. I think I excel in some traditional Mom Arenas, but not others. I also have plenty of weird cards in my hand, so it's all how you spin it. Also, popular opinion changes. In the 50s and 60s it was frowned upon to be a tomboy, but by the 70s and 80s is was super in. In the 80s geeks weren't thought of as social superstars, but today they are. It all fascinates me and I enjoy the fluidity of it all. It makes it seem like everyone eventually gets a turn.

[creekland]

I'm only as busy as I want to be. No, I'm not that mom constantly lamenting how she is just so busy, like busy is a virtue. If I feel I'm too busy, I stop doing something. I say no to stuff and then I'm not so busy, And I don't feel even a little guilt about it.

 

Ditto - even to the point of not feeling guilty about it.  Life is way too short to miss it all by being too busy to enjoy it.

[Ausmumof3]

Hubby, my youngest, and I were out planting part of our garden this morning and the topic came up of how I'm not really a "normal" mom (as seen in parenting magazines). I'm pretty proud of it in general, but it does come with some quirks like them learning to fend for themselves fairly young and being expected to get up and keep going if they fall down on the soccer field rather than getting kisses and bandaids from me. My guys survived anyway. :coolgleamA:

 

The cute part is youngest laughingly told me that he had just told his (fairly serious) girlfriend that, "You gotta understand. My mom cares more that our garden fence matches the dirt than she does about her clothes matching." :lol:

 

Yes son, it is probably important that any potential DIL fully understand that fact before you think about maybe getting married!

 

Anyone else admit to being in our club? (The I couldn't be bothered to stand in the pre-birth line to get those "mom attributes" club.) Or am I alone on a homeschooling board?

 

I swear I need some other female to teach my guys about girls...

Yep very grateful to the mum who painted dds fingernails. I think dd isn't overly girly but she's probably copying what she sees.

[LucyStoner]

Is there such a thing as a typical mom? I mean besides the June Cleaver which isn't even a thing anymore. :)

 

I guess I'm typical. I'm nurturing and I drive a minivan. But I have a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and I teach my kids to do things around the house at an early age, especially cooking and laundry. I haven't done my oldest two kids' laundry in years. I was standing with a couple other moms and said "I cook one meal a day, that's it. They can get themselves the other two." The other moms laughed, I think they thought I was joking.

 

I think we all have things we feel a little out of sync with other moms about. I don't think such a thing as "typical" exists.

June Cleaver wasn't ever the only thing though.

 

And I really like your post.

[LMD]

Hubby notices more about what others are wearing than I do.

Confession: dh is way better at picking outfits for me. I usually take him with me when I go shopping. I like what I like, but I'm not good at putting it all together like he (and his sister) are! Missed that gene. I also hate makeup and cannot fathom wasting time on my hair...

 

I do like crafts and baking. Hate cleaning. Terrible at organising. Love babies. Let my toddler run free and (mildly) hurt himself.

 

I agree that there is no 'typical magazine' mum, not ime anyway. We all have our stuff...

[creekland]

Confession: dh is way better at picking outfits for me. I usually take him with me when I go shopping. 

 

Interestingly enough, hubby has always liked going with me when I shop for clothes.  I think I'm beginning to understand why.  Previously I thought he was just being nice and enjoyed eating lunch out together on a clothes shopping day.   :lol:

 

He definitely has no problem offering his opinion when I try things on and has made suggestions of things for me to try.  I bought one of his suggestions once solely because he liked it.  I wore it to school and immediately got comments from students on how nice I looked that day.  I probably should let him pick out more things...

 

One never knows what one can learn from a thread.  I probably should have picked up on this long before this thread though, but let's face it, I can be a slow learner when it comes to some topics.   :lol:

[LucyStoner]

It probably is regional. Of those I know typical moms wear make up, love shopping, discuss cooking/baking fairly often, bake things for their family fairly often, do housework regularly, care about fashion and hair styles, apply bandaids and kisses as needed, and have their kids involved in some sport or another.

 

 

Well now, cis gendered highly feminine women who fit our culture's main archetype of women do not have a monopoly on womanhood or motherhood. Nor is there anything wrong with women who are cis gendered and highly feminine.

 

It strikes me that aside from appearances and hobbies, I am pretty much all of this stuff you describe. I cook and clean regularly because we like to eat regularly while inside a semblance of a clean home. I bake. I see to first aid needs and am a liberal distributor of hugs and kisses. I have one son in baseball and one who does running because he's not a team sport person. I literally pull up to baseball practice in a beige minivan and pull a gear bag out the back. Then I reapply sunscreen for his little freckled face under his cap and wait around for an hour.

 

Do I get a typical mom tiara now? Who do I see about trading the tiara for some new green laceless all-stars?

Edited April 1, 2016 by LucyStoner

[LucyStoner]

Confession: dh is way better at picking outfits for me. I usually take him with me when I go shopping. I like what I like, but I'm not good at putting it all together like he (and his sister) are! Missed that gene. I also hate makeup and cannot fathom wasting time on my hair...

 

I do like crafts and baking. Hate cleaning. Terrible at organising. Love babies. Let my toddler run free and (mildly) hurt himself.

 

I agree that there is no 'typical magazine' mum, not ime anyway. We all have our stuff...

My husband is a fashion plate. He picks the best outfits any day of the week.

[Murphy101]

What's cleaning and cooking got to do with anything?

 

Of course we do those things and talk about it.

 

Bc we have to. It's kind of just part of life? Sure some probably enjoy it but I hazard most are just trying to do as pleasantly as possibly things that we all have to do whether it's our particular interest or not.

 

If I wasn't married to my dh I'm sure I'd still need to clothe myself. I'd probably even have to put some thought and effort into it. So is probably chat about it more. But that wouldn't mean I really cared or was "into" it.

 

And men do this too. My dh is huge into food and the men he hangs out with are always talking about food, clothing, house and car tips. And I don't think these are feminine men either.

[Soror]

I was standing with a couple other moms and said "I cook one meal a day, that's it. They can get themselves the other two." The other moms laughed, I think they thought I was joking.

 

I had nearly this exact conversation this week, seriously, I think they thought I was joking too. When I got pregnant last time I put dd on breakfast duty(hot) and lunch duty(cold), she was 6 at the time, she loved cooking and I was so sick. These ladies are talking about their 9+ yo cooking with the microwave. My kids have a good chunk of responsibilities but also a lot more freedom too.. 

 

I do however like cooking, a whole lot when I feel good. I just need some help sometimes. My dh is honestly not into cooking, my dad and brother are and are very much typical men's men. My brother is always telling me some new recipe when I see him. I find it funny that cooking is considered to be women's work when so many of the most famous chefs are men. 

[creekland]

Well now, cis gendered highly feminine women who fit our culture's main archetype of women do not have a monopoly on womanhood or motherhood. Nor is there anything wrong with women who are cis gendered and highly feminine.

 

I fail to remember myself or anyone ever saying there was anything wrong with it.

 

In my OP and others I was pretty much making fun of my shortcomings and wondering if there were others of us out there.  Fortunately, there are (since all humans really like knowing they aren't completely alone).

 

But if you (or others) care to be offended and find things that aren't written or even implied, feel free to keep doing so.  It gets old after a while though.  Esp after several explanations.  :banghead:

[LucyStoner]

What's cleaning and cooking got to do with anything?

 

Of course we do those things and talk about it.

 

Bc we have to. It's kind of just part of life? Sure some probably enjoy it but I hazard most are just trying to do as pleasantly as possibly things that we all have to do whether it's our particular interest or not.

 

 

Yeah to avoid cooking, I'd have to:

 

Have a family member who cooks. With my husband working and studying FT, that's not realistic.

Pay someone to cook for me. Can't afford that.

Eat out all the time. I can't afford the calories or the dollars.

Only eat cold plain foods. Uh, not my thing.

 

Same thing for cleaning. Can't get it all done by others, can't pay for it and not willing to go without it.

 

Usually when I am talking cooking with someone, it's a man. I think I have one female friend who likes to discuss cooking and recipes. There's one couple see a lot where it usually ends up me talking to the husband about politics and food and my husband talking to the wife about medicine and science. Sometimes it shifts into the husbands discussing technology and the wives discussing the kids, school stuff, jobs and our shared vacation plans (we go together every year). There are other topics, but those are the recurring ones,

[LucyStoner]

I fail to remember myself or anyone ever saying there was anything wrong with it.

 

In my OP and others I was pretty much making fun of my shortcomings and wondering if there were others of us out there. Fortunately, there are (since all humans really like knowing they aren't completely alone).

 

But if you (or others) care to be offended and find things that aren't written or even implied, feel free to keep doing so. It gets old after a while though. Esp after several explanations. :banghead:

Creek, I'm not even sure where to begin. I have absolutely in no way been offended by anything written by you or others on this thread. Not one tiny little bit. I thought this was a light and jocular conversation? These days it seems we tend to define ourselves as the weirdos and others as the norm or typical which is reverse of how it used to be when people defined normal as being what they were and weird as being what others are. We are all, IMO, more AND less unique than we think. What on earth am I missing here? I just think that typical is a hilarious thing to try and define. I'm willing to bet that we have more in common on this front that you apparently think. I must admit to befuddlement on this turn. Edited April 2, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Tsuga]

i wanna be your kid!

 

 

I was her kid. My kids have a similar mom, though I work outside the home so we probably do less cool stuff.

 

I am with Katie... most of the moms around here are not "typical". They don't do any of those "typical" things and they weren't raised by "typical" moms.

 

I think this is a stereotype that pervades certain communities and not others, so it's a little funny for those of us who will sit in circles with mostly moms who swear and do sports and stuff.

 

That doesn't mean we don't cook though. I totally cook. But so does my partner.

 

Different culture, different generation, so I think a lot of that humor about "haha there are no typical moms" is kind of lost.

[nd293]

According to what's discussed in this thread I guess I'm also not a 'typical' Mom.

 

Maybe so, but I always assumed I was 'normal' and that there was something wrong with the rest of 'em!

[Mama Geek]

I am not one to run over and kiss boo boos and lots of people thought I was mean.  Now people think that I have a pretty tough 5 year old girl.  I do pay attention to when it is more than that.  Daddy talked to stern to dd which most of the time she straightens out but this month we are in for a lot of  changes and we are all a little unsettled.  She was ready to burst into tears this time.  We both knew that it wasn't about being corrected that it was so much bigger than that.  

 

I expect her to work hard and play hard and take reasonable risks.  We also spend lots of time explaining things to her and we have always talked to her like we talk to other people.  We don't talk down to her.  I am also not that crafty creative mom.  I love teaching her practical and educational things and I think crafts should be sewing, making afghans, etc.

 

I do feel out of place with a lot of moms, but we each have to find our own way.

[creekland]

Creek, I'm not even sure where to begin. I have absolutely in no way been offended by anything written by you or others on this thread. Not one tiny little bit. I thought this was a light and jocular conversation? 

 

It's supposed to be.  But when folks quote me and argue against some attribute or another being "bad" it implies that I said those were.

 

I don't even think anything of the sort.  I rarely equate differences with good/bad.  

 

Differences can leave gaps in an education though - just like my guys don't naturally know to allow females time to put on make up.  This could pose a problem for them later on - hence - thinking I need someone else to teach my guys about "typical" (majority?) females.

[marbel]

It's supposed to be.  But when folks quote me and argue against some attribute or another being "bad" it implies that I said those were.

 

<snip>

 

I don't think anyone's arguing, and I don't think anyone has said one way is better than another.   Seems like the point is that we are all different, and

 

- we are all typical, and

 

- there is no such thing as typical

 

which both mean the same thing, really.

 

There are all sorts of moms here; each of us has something about us that is not "typical" but then it turns out there is someone just like us in one way, while different in another.

 

I am not typical in that I was over 40 when I had both my kids.  But I am very typical (by one definition) in that I stay home, don't earn income, and do all the housewife/homemaker things.  In some ways I am quite like Katie (Lucy Stoner) and in some ways we are as different as different can be.   (Not picking on Katie at all; she's just a good example for my point and I mean no ill will or disrespect by that.)

 

I can see how a mom of all boys might need to teach her sons about "typical" females when she does not share many typical characteristics. Like with the makeup.  But even then, there will be things that are different.  My husband has a mom who wears makeup, a sister (who may or may not have worn it, don't remember), and had a wife before me who wore makeup.  But still he stood aghast one day as he watched me use the eyelash curler. He'd never seen such a thing in his life. It looked like an instrument of torture to him. :lol:

 

Edited April 2, 2016 by marbel

[DawnM]

That would require a more serious thread than this one is.  "Typical" is in quotes for a reason and whether one is "typical" or not has no bearing whatsoever on whether one is a "good" mom or not.  The two aren't synonyms.   :coolgleamA:

 

I'm "working" in a public school today.  "Working" is in quotes because I'm getting paid to be here, but once again I'm merely supervising a student teacher.  I can't even give you a serious definition of work.  Is it getting paid?  Or is it doing something productive?

 

 

For me it is getting paid and not being on a beach.....

 

Just kidding!

[DawnM]

It probably is regional.  Of those I know typical moms wear make up, love shopping, discuss cooking/baking fairly often, bake things for their family fairly often, do housework regularly, care about fashion and hair styles, apply bandaids and kisses as needed, and have their kids involved in some sport or another.

 

 

 

 

You know what is interesting? 

 

When we first moved to NC from CA, I noticed so many differences......women putting on make up to go to the grocery store, people being sticky sweet, moms talking about things i cared nothing about......

 

But the longer I was here, the more I found like minded people.  The same was true in Los Angeles,......we just attract people who are more like we are.  And then we can kind of put aside those who are so vastly different than we are that we can't relate. 

[Guest]

Some days I feel like I'm the only mom in my (non-HSing) social circle who is not raising a "Quinoa" https://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/

OMG, I am late to the party with that one, but I just spent an hour laughing out loud over Quinoa and her immensly trendy friends. Thank you for linking!

[Guest]

You know what is interesting?

 

When we first moved to NC from CA, I noticed so many differences......women putting on make up to go to the grocery store, people being sticky sweet, moms talking about things i cared nothing about......

 

But the longer I was here, the more I found like minded people. The same was true in Los Angeles,......we just attract people who are more like we are. And then we can kind of put aside those who are so vastly different than we are that we can't relate.

The bolded is what always springs to mind when I think about what it would be like to live in NC. (People often move to NC from MD is they want to move further south, but not as far as FL.) I envision just what you said here and I think, "ugh! I don't want that to be the social circle I would get stuck with..." :D But yeah, I'm sure there are niches of People More Like Me anywhere.

 

I have long said one thing I like about hsing and will miss when I don't HS anymore is the community of HSers. I am more likely to find moms who care about what I care about and ignore the things I ignore in the HS community. I have no idea how I would find my tribe post-Hsing.

[creekland]

For me it is getting paid and not being on a beach.....

 

Just kidding!

 

Love this!  So true!

 

Otherwise, I'm going to be taking a board break for a bit I think.  It's not a good health morning for me today (or last night) and that's affecting a bit.  Then too, my homeschooling days ended in 2012, so... it probably is time to move on. 

 

Best wishes to everyone!  The one thing I really expect to miss is following our kids and general lives.  I've enjoyed that tremendously.

[marbel]

The bolded is what always springs to mind when I think about what it would be like to live in NC. (People often move to NC from MD is they want to move further south, but not as far as FL.) I envision just what you said here and I think, "ugh! I don't want that to be the social circle I would get stuck with..." :D But yeah, I'm sure there are niches of People More Like Me anywhere.

 

I have long said one thing I like about hsing and will miss when I don't HS anymore is the community of HSers. I am more likely to find moms who care about what I care about and ignore the things I ignore in the HS community. I have no idea how I would find my tribe post-Hsing.

 

LOL.  My in-laws live in NC, in the mountains.  And where they live is nothing like that.   (Sort of nearish to Asheville but in a small town.)  Asheville is a very hip town (is it unhip to say hip?) and from what I have seen is not like that.

 

I have an acquaintance here (PA) who is from NC or maybe TN.  She is the epitome of the stereotypical southern woman - won't leave the house "without her face on," super-done hair, super-sweet in her conversation (but it seems genuine).  But I think that is more typical of middle-aged women and above.  The young transplanted southerners I know now (graduate students) are very much not like that stereotype.   Of course my sample is somewhat limited.  But I think people can find their tribe wherever they go in the US because of our mobile* culture, though sometimes, and for some people, it's harder. 

 

(Though the Philadelphia area does not seem to be mobile at all, but pretty stagnant.  "Have you always lived around here?"  "Oh no! I was born in [neighborhood 3 miles away] and lived there for 25 years, then we moved here when we got married.")

 

 

[Miss Mousie]

Love this!  So true!

 

Otherwise, I'm going to be taking a board break for a bit I think.  It's not a good health morning for me today (or last night) and that's affecting a bit.  Then too, my homeschooling days ended in 2012, so... it probably is time to move on. 

 

Best wishes to everyone!  The one thing I really expect to miss is following our kids and general lives.  I've enjoyed that tremendously.

 

:crying: :crying: :crying:

 

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well ... but it is most definitely NOT time to move on.

 

Hope you're back in the pink and back on the boards very soon!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I'm with you, Creekland, 

[LucyStoner]

It's supposed to be. But when folks quote me and argue against some attribute or another being "bad" it implies that I said those were.

 

I don't even think anything of the sort. I rarely equate differences with good/bad.

 

Differences can leave gaps in an education though - just like my guys don't naturally know to allow females time to put on make up. This could pose a problem for them later on - hence - thinking I need someone else to teach my guys about "typical" (majority?) females.

I wasn't arguing with you- I was clarifying my words for anyone else who might have read my sentence immediately preceding that as some strike again cis gendered, or very feminine women. I was doing that because I had made it pretty clear this thread that I am not like that and I didn't want anyone to feel that I was putting down people different than myself.

 

Your inferences as to my meaning really could not have been any less accurate though so I apparently wasn't clear enough. For that I am sorry. That said, please try to remember that assuming positive intent makes it a lot easier to read these boards.

Edited April 2, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I missing some of those "girl genes" too. 

 

I don't send birthday cards, anniversary cards, or even remember such a thing as grandparents' day. 

 

 

I'm not the only one?  I am a terrible kin keeper and the lack of sending cards has me in the dog house at the moment.

[LucyStoner]

I have no idea what sort of gals, if any, my sons will marry. So I assume they will learn about their future wives the same way their dad learned about me- by putting up with them for however long it takes for them to decide to marry and then continuing to learn after the deal is done. The women in my husband's family are very different than me. As in I am bigger, louder, have different values, have a different standard of what "dressed up means" etc. He got up to speed pretty quickly. He must have thought I was worth it though, lol. I'd like to think there may be a few things he is yet to learn. :P

 

ETA: I think the biggest thing he had to learn was that jewelry is not a great present for me. I have a tray of earrings and necklaces he bought me before he realized I am not joking that I don't wear jewelry very much. And conversely, I had to learn that it doesn't kill me to throw on a pair of earrings on a special occasion just because he bought them for me. So he doesn't give me jewelry anymore and I wear it a bit more than I used to just to make him smile. Win-win.

Edited April 2, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Oh, yes, I'm in this club. Sometimes, depending on the people around me, it makes me feel like a real outsider. But you know what? I was that same person as a student in college and high school; I just never really fit in with the typical crowd and never particularly bothered me that it didn't.

OMgoodness, this, except I am bothered by it.  I have never found my tribe.  Still looking for it, though.

Edited April 2, 2016 by ScoutermominIL

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Strange?  He'd probably reply that he'd be ready to go in 15 minutes if we wanted to leave early. 

 

We travel.  Sometimes we decide on a whim to travel NOW.  That's strange?   :lol:

DS would look at me, load up a backpack with books and snacks, get a blanket and pillow and set up a nest in the backseat without uttering a word.

[Zoo Keeper]

I'm not the only one?  I am a terrible kin keeper and the lack of sending cards has me in the dog house at the moment.

 

I've been in the dog house so much about this that I've put a flowerpot out front and put up curtains in the dog house windows. ;)  It's not so bad.  You get used to it.   And then you don't want to go back....  and when you actually do send a card, it is really, really, special.  :)

[Murphy101]

I don't kiss booboos.

 

I turn away and tell everyone else, "don't look! Looking is what makes them cry!"

 

And they scream if I come at them with a band aide bc they claim I buy the skin removal kind. No, I buy the kind that actually stay on bc it's pretty dang disgusting to walk around the house in the summer or sort laundry and see multiple dirty scabby bandaids left wherever they fell off unnoticed.

 

I might have been known to even say, "If you break your neck doing that I'm going to bust your butt!"

 

Please note, none of my children have broken their neck yet, so if the threat works, I'm sticking with it. ðŸ˜

[Guest]

Love this! So true!

 

Otherwise, I'm going to be taking a board break for a bit I think. It's not a good health morning for me today (or last night) and that's affecting a bit. Then too, my homeschooling days ended in 2012, so... it probably is time to move on.

 

Best wishes to everyone! The one thing I really expect to miss is following our kids and general lives. I've enjoyed that tremendously.

 

Wait, what? You are going to exit our community here? Say it isn't so!

[creekland]

:crying: :crying: :crying:

 

I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well ... but it is most definitely NOT time to move on.

 

Hope you're back in the pink and back on the boards very soon!

 

Thanks.  Today is starting off tons better than yesterday did, but unless the Powers that Are Supposed to Know More can actually figure things out, this "issue" is progressively getting worse and Creekland tends to prefer to head to the back of a cave when not herself.  I strongly suspect (as with most humans), when I'm getting angry over my situation it bleeds over into other things - like misreading intentions on message boards.  

 

It's not the Hive that is off.  It's me.  Pulling back is not due to the Hive.  It's due to not being who I want to be.

 

Right now my intent is to stick around on good (or at least better) days, but spring is coming, I have no intentions to stop doing things around here, and doing things makes my life worse issue-wise, so...

 

There should still be some school days that are ok (and I'm not doing much at school) and there might be mornings like this - before I get started.

 

Yesterday I think I slept wrong (somehow) starting the whole morning off badly.

 

I wasn't arguing with you- I was clarifying my words for anyone else who might have read my sentence immediately preceding that as some strike again cis gendered, or very feminine women. I was doing that because I had made it pretty clear this thread that I am not like that and I didn't want anyone to feel that I was putting down people different than myself.

 

Your inferences as to my meaning really could not have been any less accurate though so I apparently wasn't clear enough. For that I am sorry. That said, please try to remember that assuming positive intent makes it a lot easier to read these boards.

 

Thanks for clarifying.  It helps my brain straighten things out much better.  ;)

 

DS would look at me, load up a backpack with books and snacks, get a blanket and pillow and set up a nest in the backseat without uttering a word.

 

Our kids would get along quite well.  They'll bring along the map and GPS for geocaching.  They're also very creative at making up games and would love another player.

 

I've been in the dog house so much about this that I've put a flowerpot out front and put up curtains in the dog house windows. ;)  It's not so bad.  You get used to it.   And then you don't want to go back....  and when you actually do send a card, it is really, really, special.  :)

 

This is a gem!  I love it and might have to borrow it occasionally!   :lol:

 

Wait, what? You are going to exit our community here? Say it isn't so!

 

It depends (not on the Hive).  I have Plans A - D in my mind to see if Powers that Are Supposed to Know More can figure it out now that I've figured out a common denominator as to what makes things worse.  I think a lot could tie in together, so figuring out one area might give answers to all.  If it can be fixed, my life will be a ton better and I still enjoy being in community with everyone.  If I continue to end up in a war (brain vs body), I plan to have them fight it out here at home continuing with my IRL circles as I don't (yet) misinterpret body language.  I have a good set of friends & neighbors and the best family in the world, so it's not like the cave is totally set up to be a hermit.

 

April - June is rather busy with a combo of work, ponies, garden, school, travel, and (so far) 5 doctor appts (including a minor surgery).  How much I'll be on here could vary considerably, but it's not the Hive's fault if that's what folks were getting the impression of.  I haven't even begun to think about July or August yet.  I think they're out there somewhere.

[Soror]

creekland (hugs) I hope you find some answers

[creekland]

creekland (hugs) I hope you find some answers

 

Thanks.  I'm at the point where they'd better (at least one of my plans, it doesn't have to be A).

 

Living with health issues on the side isn't that big of a deal.  One gets used to them.  Dealing with health issues that get worse with basic activity sets up a whole different mindset for me.

 

I will say I've developed a ton of compassion for those who already deal with things affecting their lives.  There are some pros to it all, but in the end, I wish everyone could get things fixed and return to normal.

 

The only obstacle folks should have in their lives is basic aging, but that's my ideal world vs the real world. As always, we have to live in the real world (sigh).

[Soror]

Thanks.  I'm at the point where they'd better (at least one of my plans, it doesn't have to be A).

 

Living with health issues on the side isn't that big of a deal.  One gets used to them.  Dealing with health issues that get worse with basic activity sets up a whole different mindset for me.

 

I will say I've developed a ton of compassion for those who already deal with things affecting their lives.  There are some pros to it all, but in the end, I wish everyone could get things fixed and return to normal.

 

The only obstacle folks should have in their lives is basic aging, but that's my ideal world vs the real world. As always, we have to live in the real world (sigh).

I'm dealing with my own health issues now. On one had it gives you compassion as you say, I know a mom right now going through cancer treatment, I feel so bad to complain. But geez I'm so tired of this. I hate loosing days in bed because I'm too fatigued to get up. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just expecting too much but then I think, nope this is my life and I'm not giving up.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

((Creekland)) I'll understand if you need a break. I just want you to know you will be missed.  I appreciate your wisdom, candor, levelmindedness, and on-board companionship.

 

One thing, my sweet cyber-friend - Have kayak.  Will Travel.  :D

[Danestress]

I know that I bring my personality, habits, preferences etc. to being a mom.

 

But I don't see my forgetfulness, hatred of shopping, preference for IPAs over Porters, affection for dogs, reading choices, tolerance for messiness etc. to be about who I am "as a Mom." They do affect who I am as a mom (and as a wife, employee, daughter, friend) but everything in my life isn't primarily about myself as a mom.

 

In my mind, these are things are about me as a "person." And my reference group, if I am comparing personally, interests, habits etc, isn't 'other moms'. It's other people or perhaps other women.

 

If you substitute out 'woman' for 'mom', this discussion can quickly reveal a lot of gender oriented assumptions. Does the 'typical woman' care deeply about hairdos and lipsticks? Does the typical woman love shopping? Does she bake? Is she fake or sincere? Goal oriented or passive? house proud or casual?

 

Because most women I know (certainly not all) are mothers. If I talk about "typical moms" I am to a large extent talking about women generally. And I can't say a lot about how typical women are.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Danestress

[VANURSEPRAC]

I'm not typical by parenting magazines standards but can easily blend in with the moms in my region; the live in jeans, can win their kids at video games or arcades, know the latest tech fads and hunt for Lego bargains.

 

I'm still a rebellious tomboy who like looking for legal loopholes :)

 

My hubby does most of the housework so any future DILs are lucky in that my kids thinks housework are guys chores. My kids can cook and bake too if their future wives aren't into cooking.

 

I am typical in the coffee, phone and know the cost of afterschooling classes aspects depicted in parenting magazines

 

 

 

 

Hmmmmmm. I am seeing a match between your older son and my D12...............

[creekland]

((Creekland)) I'll understand if you need a break. I just want you to know you will be missed.  I appreciate your wisdom, candor, levelmindedness, and on-board companionship.

 

One thing, my sweet cyber-friend - Have kayak.  Will Travel.   :D

 

Thanks... would love to take you up on the kayaking, but our latest FL trip showed me that is on my "really shouldn't do" list right now.  (sigh)

 

That's the whole mental problem I'm dealing with TBH.  I'm an active person.  My muscles and stamina are just fine.

 

If I sit around doing next to nothing or settle for just walks my brain rebels.  If I opt for gardening or housework or kayaking or snow shoveling or pony work or all the stuff I normally do parts of my body are rebelling (not muscles or stamina).  We've been gardening this past week...

 

I'm not giving that stuff up, so... we'll see where it leads.

[creekland]

I'm dealing with my own health issues now. On one had it gives you compassion as you say, I know a mom right now going through cancer treatment, I feel so bad to complain. But geez I'm so tired of this. I hate loosing days in bed because I'm too fatigued to get up. Sometimes I think maybe I'm just expecting too much but then I think, nope this is my life and I'm not giving up.

 

:grouphug:  I'm fully past the complaining part.  I'm well into anger at this point having moved on to it from frustration (where I used to be before I figured out the common denominator).  I'm not angry at any particular person... just the situation (when it happens).  It can carry over though.  Fortunately, we have no dog to kick and cats are too cute to kick.

 

My body is going to have to deal with it, because my brain wins.  I'm not stopping doing things.  I have noticed the body has convinced my brain to do less though - only long enough to give my Plans a chance to see if it can be fixed.  If that doesn't work, then the body is going to have to figure out how to deal with the new normal (without continual protest) or give up.  I don't care which TBH.

[heartlikealion]

Yeah, I don't know what a typical mom is but I don't think I fit in the mold quite right if there is one. I tend to think of typical mom as the ones that can go to morning events with their children without flinching at the time. I'm lucky if we're all in bed on time. We're going to church tonight because we just couldn't get up in time for morning services.

 

A lot of moms fret over what to make for dinner on a regular basis. I'm over here like, "look, I made something that counted as cooking this week."

 

My son and I each got backpacks recently. Doesn't seem like a Mom choice, but I love mine. It even has clips on the straps so I hooked it to the back of the stroller when we were out the other day lol. http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NTAwWDY1OQ==/z/248AAOSw4SlV8PmD/$_1.JPG

 

I'm ok with "boring" paint colors. Maybe one day I will get adventurous but it really hasn't been a big deal. I don't know if that's really a Mom thing, but it seems like over the years I've seen a lot of "look, you can paint the wall with chalk paint for your kids" etc. posts. Like I want to let my kid loose with the chalk in the house.

 

I don't really get gift giving a pile of books to an expecting mother. Are those for later? Or is the mom supposed to read them to her newborn? I guess what I'm saying is there's nothing wrong with this, but I am not the mom reading to a newborn if that's the case.

 

I avoid hands-on science. I am not proud of it, but I just don't want more crap to buy and clean up.

 

The thought of having kids help with certain chores does not sound helpful. It sounds like more stress and work for me. So no, I'm not going to ask my son to clean the litter box yet and cooking with young kids stresses me out.

 

I wear tennis shoes on a regular basis to avoid foot pain so that mostly leaves me with t-shirts. And my t-shirts tend to be things that maybe a lot of Moms don't wear (like Superheroes) but oh well.