I need some ideas of tasks you would expect a 9yo to do without assistance...most of the time

[Tap]

I am working on a different parenting plan with dd9.  She is special needs due to behaviors, so often the attention gets placed on things that she is working on bringing up to age/grade level in those areas. I want a new way to acknowledge  every day things that she does, that are common for a 9yo.  She is in a special needs school, so she has very limited exposure to typical 9yos.   A lot of what she sees during the day is poor behavior, immature children, and rewards given for even the smallest of achievements. 

 

I want to show her how much she accomplishes at home, and instead of saying: "your amazing and here is a prize(!) for doing trivial things" (which is what her school does)....  

I want a way to say "look at all the things you have mastered at 9yo and can now do independently, lets build on that!" But the trick is, I want those things to be age appropriate and things that she can Understand why they are done so she can do them completely independently. ie A 2yo can put dirty clothes in the washer, but they don't really understand the 'why we do laundry' enough to do it appropriately and completely independently. 

It is seemingly slight difference, but also huge in trying to raise her to be independent, self assured and hopefully, not rely on constant praise and rewards to get through the day. 

 

This is part of a grand plan in my mind, so please humor me.  LOL  

 

We don't have any pets, so we don't need pet related ideas.

We don't have property (so no outdoor type chores), but live in a traditional home on a city size lot, outside a major city.

 

Some ideas I already have: (she already does all of the following at least once per week without being asked or with a simple verbal prompt now)

Pack school backpack and put by front door without being asked. 

Unpack backpack, clean out lunch box, put both away, when you walk in the door.

Gather her dirty clothes, put in washer (I put in the soap because we use heavy jugs), 

Bath, wash hair (ask for help if she wants it), put on clothes/PJs.

See a chore that needs to be done and do it without being asked. ie Take out garbage 

Be helpful around the house ie ask for extra chores, help with cooking, clear dinner table

Put away toys, games, out door items after playing with them.

Clean up after eating a snack. Wipe counter, put dish in dishwasher.

Bring in garbage bins, recycle bins, and yard debris bins from curb when they are empty.

 

 

Just to reiterate....this is not a list of chores!  This is a list of things that I can see her do, and then acknowledge them. I just need more ideas to add to the list. Instead of adding a reward at the end, I want her to have a long list of things that she is capable of doing independently. 

 

Edited March 30, 2016 by Tap

[eternalsummer]

I am not 100% exactly sure what you are asking, but here is what my now-10DD could do at 9 completely independently, separate of academics

 

dishes (using dishwasher)

laundry, start to finish

vacuum

mop

sweep

clean counters and tables

change a diaper

soothe a baby

walk 3-4 blocks away from home and back

swim competently

care for houseplants

fend for herself in the kitchen, including making a simple meal (sandwich, pretzels, fruit)

make an apple pie

fry eggs

make food from a box (like mac n cheese)

go into a store and buy something

cross street at appropriate time and place in a relatively busy area

Edited March 30, 2016 by ananemone

[Rosie_0801]

If I was trying to do this, I'd be looking through my old scout badge books. 

[SKL]

My 9yos are proud when they can cook a simple meal on their own.

 

Also, a small but comprehensive task, such as putting away the Christmas tree ornaments (we are a little behind!), cleaning out the back seat area of the car.

 

Going to a self-car wash place and washing the car.  (Much more fun with all the power stuff vs. just using a hose and sponge at home. :) )

 

Filling up gas in Mom's car.

 

Maintaining their own sports stuff.

 

Doing their own hair.

 

Going into a store to buy milk or bread while Mom waits in the car.

 

Placing the order and paying at a restaurant or fast food drive-thru.

 

Maintaining a pen pal relationship.

Edited March 30, 2016 by SKL

[Tap]

I am not 100% exactly sure what you are asking, but here is what my now-10DD could do at 9 completely independently, separate of academics

 

dishes (using dishwasher)

laundry, start to finish

vacuum

mop

sweep

clean counters and tables

change a diaper

soothe a baby

walk 3-4 blocks away from home and back

swim competently

care for houseplants

fend for herself in the kitchen, including making a simple meal (sandwich, pretzels, fruit)

make an apple pie

fry eggs

make food from a box (like mac n cheese)

go into a store and buy something

cross street at appropriate time and place in a relatively busy area

These are exactly what I need, Thank you  :hurray:

[Tap]

If I was trying to do this, I'd be looking through my old scout badge books. 

Excellent Idea!

[Tap]

My 9yos are proud when they can cook a simple meal on their own.

 

Also, a small but comprehensive task, such as putting away the Christmas tree ornaments (we are a little behind!), cleaning out the back seat area of the car.

 

Going to a self-car wash place and washing the car.  (Much more fun with all the power stuff vs. just using a hose and sponge at home. :) )

 

Filling up gas in Mom's car.

 

Maintaining their own sports stuff.

 

Doing their own hair.

 

Going into a store to buy milk or bread while Mom waits in the car.

 

Placing the order and paying at a restaurant or fast food drive-thru.

 

Maintaining a pen pal relationship.

Wonderful! Thanks! There are a couple on there that she can do already, so those will be easy to add.

:hurray:

[Momling]

I have a nine yr old foster daughter and I would say my expectations are pretty low right now.

 

The first month or two was just about routines... Going to bed without struggle, sitting at the table to eat a meal, doing homework without anger, getting dressed in appropriate clothes, basic hygiene, getting ready for school... I figure the first few months are a time to get used to a family and begin to feel secure and stable.

 

I'm now in what I think of as the "second phase", working more on interaction-- The honeymoon is over and the routines are set and now we work on avoiding screaming, avoiding attention-seeking behavior, stopping escalation of bad behaviors,... I try to chip away at these one by one, but it's a long term project.

 

In time, I'll shift to focus more on the details -- the clearing the table or putting away clothes or the being useful around the house. I can't think yet about these details when my child is too volatile and unstable. It's not worth it to me to focus energy on these things just yet.

 

With my own biological kids, I absolutely have higher expectations. At 9 and 11, they were cleaning the kitchen every night and could be counted on to be fairly helpful around the house.

[Soror]

My dd is turning 9 in a couple of weeks and is pretty independent for her age. So, take this fwiw ...

 

-cook things like scrambled eggs, porridge, hamburgers, cold lunch, cookies from scratch (she LOVES baking and is thrilled to be the official chef for weekly poetry tea)

-unload dishwasher

-vacuum

-help take care of 3yo- sometimes takes her to the bathroom, brush hair, etc

-clean her room

-pack lunch/water bottles for trips

-run errands to in-laws up the road

-work on a checklist for school- jobs (ds could not do this at this age)

-outside jobs- this past few weeks she's washed the side of the house and fence of her own initiative (she was hoping for money and knew they needed done)

-laundry- generally gathering clothes, sorting, folding and putting away her own

-help us get ready to leave- my oldest 2 especially are my #1 helpers when we need to get somewhere I assign them with various tasks

-Carry in and put away groceries- everyone knows as soon as we get home with groceries it is a team effort to get them in and put up

-get ready for various outside classes on her own and make sure she has her stuff- I don't even have to check

-pack her bag and her sibling's bags for overnighters at Granny's house

 

[Ottakee]

I have a nine yr old foster daughter and I would say my expectations are pretty low right now.

 

The first month or two was just about routines... Going to bed without struggle, sitting at the table to eat a meal, doing homework without anger, getting dressed in appropriate clothes, basic hygiene, getting ready for school... I figure the first few months are a time to get used to a family and begin to feel secure and stable.

 

I'm now in what I think of as the "second phase", working more on interaction-- The honeymoon is over and the routines are set and now we work on avoiding screaming, avoiding attention-seeking behavior, stopping escalation of bad behaviors,... I try to chip away at these one by one, but it's a long term project.

 

In time, I'll shift to focus more on the details -- the clearing the table or putting away clothes or the being useful around the house. I can't think yet about these details when my child is too volatile and unstable. It's not worth it to me to focus energy on these things just yet.

 

With my own biological kids, I absolutely have higher expectations. At 9 and 11, they were cleaning the kitchen every night and could be counted on to be fairly helpful around the house.

I am right there with you. We have a 15 year old boy that has been with us for 7 weeks now. Expectations are way lower thany " ideal" parenting....but you have to start somewhere.

[EMS83]

Wow, I need to step it up!!!  I haven't let mine cook yet!  Aside from the cleaning tasks that were already mentioned...she checks the mail (cul-de-sac, fwiw).  She manages her money, makes decisions about her purchases, and I help her place online orders (I'm the "bank" in these cases).  She consistently keeps her room neat, too.  And she organizes things well; jumbled boxes of toys and such.  That's all I can think of for now, everyone else has named a lot of what mine does (and even things she doesn't!).  Plus I haven't had much coffee yet.  :D

 

I think you have such a great idea, and I hope the process goes well!!  This is probably something many kids would benefit from.  I'm sure mine would!

[nd293]

I think your list is good, and very similar to where we are with ds9. I'd add unpacking the dishwasher, cleaning rubbish out of the car and helping carry the groceries in - really carrying anything that shows he's getting bigger and stronger. New things ds is showing an interest in mastering or that we feel he is now capable of include:

 

Running his own bath - this is a new one and tends to end up with a luke warm swimming pool, but it's what we're working on.

 

Bake biscuits or similar - ds can follow a packet mix but usually makes choc chip biscuits from scratch - I roll into a log and freeze for baking as needed. He's really good at this now.

 

He very much wants to be able to make a simple meal from scratch, including using the stove.

 

He loves making a 'menu chart' of pizza toppings that we all have to fill in and he then makes up our individual (pita bread) pizzas to our preferences.

 

Helping out with special house cleaning jobs - he recently sanded and repainted patio poles, scrubbed the tracks for the screen doors with a toothbrush, and washed a car.

[Katy]

I don't really expect a 9 year old to do anything without being told to, but we have ADHD in my house.

 

We basically do routines and all work together - IE: we all do morning chores until all the morning chores are done and inspected.  Same for dishes, afternoon, evening chores, etc.  They don't get out of it without a fever or a doctor saying they should stay in bed.  If we're doing some sort of special project (holiday decorating, gardening, painting a room), a nine year old would be expected to help in age-appropriate ways.

 

I would expect a 9 year old to shower independently (after being told it's time), to hang their towel on a hook to avoid mold, to earn money doing their independent chores without complaint (morning, afternoon, and evening routines plus music practice), and to budget for their own clothing (moderately large allowance if all chores are done without complaint).

 

At nine they would also be learning about laundry and cooking, but how fast they progress at that depends on the child.

[Tap]

I have a nine yr old foster daughter and I would say my expectations are pretty low right now.

 

The first month or two was just about routines... Going to bed without struggle, sitting at the table to eat a meal, doing homework without anger, getting dressed in appropriate clothes, basic hygiene, getting ready for school... I figure the first few months are a time to get used to a family and begin to feel secure and stable.

 

I'm now in what I think of as the "second phase", working more on interaction-- The honeymoon is over and the routines are set and now we work on avoiding screaming, avoiding attention-seeking behavior, stopping escalation of bad behaviors,... I try to chip away at these one by one, but it's a long term project.

 

In time, I'll shift to focus more on the details -- the clearing the table or putting away clothes or the being useful around the house. I can't think yet about these details when my child is too volatile and unstable. It's not worth it to me to focus energy on these things just yet.

 

With my own biological kids, I absolutely have higher expectations. At 9 and 11, they were cleaning the kitchen every night and could be counted on to be fairly helpful around the house.

I completely understand choosing where your energy goes in the day.  LOL  

[Tap]

Wow, I need to step it up!!!  I haven't let mine cook yet!  Aside from the cleaning tasks that were already mentioned...she checks the mail (cul-de-sac, fwiw).  She manages her money, makes decisions about her purchases, and I help her place online orders (I'm the "bank" in these cases).  She consistently keeps her room neat, too.  And she organizes things well; jumbled boxes of toys and such.  That's all I can think of for now, everyone else has named a lot of what mine does (and even things she doesn't!).  Plus I haven't had much coffee yet.   :D

 

I think you have such a great idea, and I hope the process goes well!!  This is probably something many kids would benefit from.  I'm sure mine would!

Organizing toys is a great idea to add. 

I am always leary of checking the mail in case she drops something, but then I have thought that maybe I could send her with a little basket or something to carry it in. 

[Tap]

I don't really expect a 9 year old to do anything without being told to, but we have ADHD in my house.

 

We basically do routines and all work together - IE: we all do morning chores until all the morning chores are done and inspected.  Same for dishes, afternoon, evening chores, etc.  They don't get out of it without a fever or a doctor saying they should stay in bed.  If we're doing some sort of special project (holiday decorating, gardening, painting a room), a nine year old would be expected to help in age-appropriate ways.

 

I would expect a 9 year old to shower independently (after being told it's time), to hang their towel on a hook to avoid mold, to earn money doing their independent chores without complaint (morning, afternoon, and evening routines plus music practice), and to budget for their own clothing (moderately large allowance if all chores are done without complaint).

 

At nine they would also be learning about laundry and cooking, but how fast they progress at that depends on the child.

Yep, I understand ADD/ADHD!  DH and my older kids have it as well.  She does too, but her meds really help with that. 

 

She is actually pretty good with doing things with just a simple prompt, or even doing a chain of things with just a beginning prompt.  We keep her day pretty streamlined, so there are few distractions.  Like in the morning.  She doesn't watch TV, or have chores to do. Distractions like those create chaos in the morning for her so she just gets up, eats, gets dressed, gets ready for school and gets on the bus.  She is only awake for 30-45 minutes and doesn't have time to dawdle.  Those are the times when she is able to do things without being prompted because each activity is tied to something else.  

[Daria]

I think there's something particularly powerful about fixing a food from start to finish.  So, making her lunch or initially her sandwich for lunch, or putting together a salad (maybe from precut salad items in the fridge if you worry about knives) or putting some potatoes in the microwave, and then adding butter and salt.  So, when you sit down for dinner, or she opens her lunch there's that little reminder that she made it.