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Parents of teens in TEAM SPORTS, I need your feedback


Doran
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Dd14 is in her third season on a local crew team. It is a club, not a school affiliated team. Dd is on the competitive track which includes maybe half the participants. The others are recreational rowers. Competitors are required to be at practice four times per week, and they must select which four days at the beginning of the season. My dd has always chosen Mon-Thu so that she can have Friday afternoons off.

 

This season, for the first time, the kids participating in regattas are also being asked to come to practice on the Fridays before the regattas to de-rigg and load the boats onto the trailers. This adds an additional day of practice and/or transportation to a week during which these kids have already given over 8 hours of practice and their parents have provided transportation for them to and from the site. It also means that on regatta weekends, the competitors are required to commit some portion of 6-7 days of the week to the sport (some regattas are overnighters).

 

One option is for dd to give up a different practice day on regatta weekends in exchange for Friday. I'm not sure how successful this will be given that it messes with the boat lineups. While there are only four regattas scheduled for the fall season, I am feeling resistant (my dd is expressing even more!) to the level of commitment that is being required.

 

But, we're pretty new to team sports. What I'd like to know, from those of you who have been involved in other team sports with your teenage kids, is if this is unusual or not? When your child is competitive in a sport, how many hours per week or days per week is typical for practices and games?

 

Thanks.

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I think that's pretty normal.

 

By that age, most swimmers are swimming at least 5 times per week, plus meets on weekends (some overnights). Some swimmers are swimming an hour or two before school, doing weights, and another 2-3 hours after school, up to 25 hours a week (not counting meets).

 

All the high school team sports practice M - F around here, from 3-6pm, plus games.

 

Who used to load the boats? I'm surprised she hasn't had to help with that before.

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Competitive team level ...... teen age ...... yep, sounds normal.

 

My dd's are ages 14 and 11, and both do competitive soccer and softball. Both are on club teams and town travel teams. Practices almost every night, and weekends? Well, just forget an outside life. But we look at it as family time together. We may have to travel to games that are 1 1/2 hours away, or we may spend all of Friday, Saturday and Sunday at a tournament, but we are together and the girls are doing something active and healthy and that they love.

 

For only 4 regattas I would definitely do it. It's a temporary time-frame.

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They began working out with the team mid-summer and then started official practice in mid August. They had 2 practices per day for a few weeks, and then "took it easy" (????) w/ *just* 3 hour evening practices, 6 days a week.

 

Now that school is in session, they practice 4 days per week from 3 pm until around 6:30. They have games once per week, yet their last game was a 3 hour drive one way. Ouch.

 

The time commitment is very heavy for football.

 

Blessings.

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I think that's pretty normal.

 

[snip]

 

Who used to load the boats? I'm surprised she hasn't had to help with that before.

 

 

As to who used to load the boats before -- this was one of the main sources of my contention. We (parents or team members) were not told pre-season, in any "Head's Up, Rule Change" sort of way, that kids would be required to be at Friday practices before regattas. We received an email stating that fact the week of the first regatta, which was two weeks into the season. When I asked one of the coaches about the "new rule" she said it had always been a requirement (news to us!) and went on to explain that in years past, there was a traveling adult team that (quote) picked up the slack. This season, the adult team has dwindled so, that they are no longer competing. I can see all that as being true, but also true is the fact that my daughter and a close friend who is even more of a senior rower had never been informed of the this requirement in any way until the season was already underway.

 

Overall, I have frustrations with the lack of appropriate communication that comes out of the leadership of this club. I think, ultimately, that's what is driving my resistance, not so much the requirement itself. KWIM?

 

 

For only 4 regattas I would definitely do it. It's a temporary time-frame.

 

The temporary nature of it was the PRIMARY reason I felt that I was being a big weenie to even feel the way I do. Thanks for being kind enough not to say that! ;)

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Swimmers here too! Ds14 swims 5-6 days a week, 2.5 hours a day, plus 2 day swim meets (which means no day off) about every 2-4 weeks.

 

Just to simplify that....he has 2-3 days off a month! Some times we take an extra day off, but it is rare. The only thing that saves me is carpooling with another family so I only have to drive once a day, instead of twice (drive to and pick up).

 

Ds is thinking about joining a higher level team, and that will require a 45min drive each way in some of the worst rush hour traffic in our city, but we will only swim there 4 days a week. He will pick up some pool time in a local pool on the other days.

 

From what I hear 5-6 days a week is common for competitive athletes. Hitting 7 days on the 'game' day isn't uncommon. In the summer daily doubles are common for most sports, where the child has both a morning and evening practice.

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sometimes things come up that you just kind of have to roll with.

 

I would expect a high school level sport to be 6-7 days per week some weeks.

 

Individual sports give you a little more control but you pretty much turn your life over with team sports at a competitive level. Changes in schedule, location, expenses, etc. you have to be pretty flexible about. It's a big commitment.

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What I'd like to know, from those of you who have been involved in other team sports with your teenage kids, is if this is unusual or not? When your child is competitive in a sport, how many hours per week or days per week is typical for practices and games?

 

Yes, for a club sport, that is excessive. Ridiculously so. My daughter plays community soccer. She has practice twice a week before the games start. After that she has practice once a week and one or two games a week (every Saturday and possibly one during the week as well). Her season last 10 weeks (plus tournaments, if they make it).

 

Sports that are affiliated with schools tend to practice more. My daughter plans to play soccer for a high school team next year.

 

My attitude toward sports is that they are recreational. My daughter is in school. She struggles academically. School comes first, always. I have told my daughter that she may commit to a maximum of three days per week of outside activities. (This means three of seven days, not three of five school days.) School comes first. Family comes second. Recreational activities come after those things. I do not tie myself in knots to meet some team's schedule. I am up front with coaches about this, too.

 

I think that you are well within your rights to speak to the coach of the team and explain that your entire family can't revolve around your daughter's crew schedule and that you are requiring your daughter to ease up a bit.

 

FWIW, we only allow our kids to do an activity one season per year. Oldest gets fall, middle gets winter, youngest gets spring. We have more kids than parents and we aren't willing to spend our evenings and weekends running hither and yon getting three kids to three different places.

 

Tara

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The temporary nature of it was the PRIMARY reason I felt that I was being a big weenie to even feel the way I do. Thanks for being kind enough not to say that! ;)

 

 

Oh, I get that! XCountry Fall is for fall only, and I count the weeks. :001_smile: She doesn't do winter track, because a full year of competitive sports is a huge commitment! She has to run on her own in winter to stay in shape for Spring XCountry, but at least she has a break from the meets & travel etc., and can explore other interests, kwim?

 

It's *nice* to have 'only' a 12 week commitment (or whatever). Even a fall soccer season only lasts through, well, the fall , lol. Swimming is harder, as is gymnastics. There is never a down time for some sports.

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When do these kids who are doing sports six or seven days a week do their schoolwork?

 

Tara

 

Ds starts school at 8am, is usually done at 2-3 pm, eats a meal, is in the pool at 4pm, dinner at 7pm, homework until 10pm.

 

For us it isn't a matter of when to do school, but when does he get to be a kid. When does he get to see his friends and have some down time? When does he get to relax and just hang out? Ds is a swimmer and his team takes mandatory 7 day breaks for Christmas, Spring Break and for 2 weeks in August, otherwise they are in the pool. For ds, he prioritizes church group on Wednesday, and visiting with his friends for a few minutes before and after practice (no time during).

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I think time commitments for activities for teenagers is one of those tricky areas, especially when you have multiple children, and you value down time, but your children love something.

 

Whether it's music (that's our time issue) or sports (less so, but I do have an athlete, and that's something new-ish for us) how can you help a child with his passions and still maintain sanity in a family. My musician had two commitments this weekend out of town, and my dh was able to attend one. I stayed with the other children (one who has sports practice). We spent all of Sunday together, however, puttering around the house, which was nice.

 

At first I found myself aggravated by the sports time commitment, but I didn't have the same neg feeling about the commitments my musicians had made. That to me, showed my bias against sports, and my bias towards things that feel more 'intellectual'. Which doesn't seem fair, given that each person has their own unique gifts . We also might not trust the research or believe it etc., but some of that research shows that most kids who are involved with sports and other activities do better academically. I'm thinking, that for most kids, one doesn't have to suffer, necessarily.

 

Given the fact some gifts are physically related (lean, coordinated, quick bodies etc) why would I *not* value that in child and make time for it in the same way I would make time for a child who loves music, or debate team or whatever? We have lists of team members, and musicians, and I found that a little planning can make getting a child to and from something a little easier. Car pooling is a lovely thing. lol

 

It isn't easy to balance everything, no doubt. Some seasons are better than others, I admit. :tongue_smilie:

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When do these kids who are doing sports six or seven days a week do their schoolwork?

 

Tara

 

My athlete is a hser, so that's not an issue, but I have musicians who attended/attend school.

 

What I find is that they learn how to use their time well. If you have music practice at 4, and you get out of school at 2, you go home, have something to eat and start it. When you come home, you have dinner with your family, practise your instruments-- which means the whole family gets to enjoy it-- and then you finish your homework.

 

Ime, 16, 17, 18 yr olds often know what she/he loves. My musicians couldn't not play their instruments, no matter what. It's kind of like breathing. They need to do it. My almost 20 yr old plays in two different music ensembles at his college, and is a government major, not a music major. He's also on the deans list. He's not particularly neurotic or 'driven' lol, he just adores music. You find time to do what you love.

 

For my athlete, it's part of who she is. Being on a team challenges her and she gets to meet other teens she wouldn't otherwise (being a hser).

Edited by LibraryLover
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Yes, for a club sport, that is excessive. Ridiculously so. My daughter plays community soccer. She has practice twice a week before the games start. After that she has practice once a week and one or two games a week (every Saturday and possibly one during the week as well).

 

Tara - Are your dd's still the 5 and 6 year olds in your sig? That makes a huge difference. It would be totally unrealistic for a 6 year old. Wait til they're teenagers and see if you can even find a competitive team of any sport that only practices once or twice a week.

 

When do these kids who are doing sports six or seven days a week do their schoolwork?

 

Tara

 

I did the extreme swimming routine (morning and afternoon, plus meets almost every weekend) through high school and college and homework is possible. I definitely had to learn time management early. Actually, I think learning time management is one of the reasons that student athletes do better, on average, than couch potatoes.

 

Serious musicians probably have the same effect but I have no experience there.

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Sorry, I know you specifically asked for parents of teens in team sports, but I was interested and had to read the thread. And now I'm commenting, even though I don't qualify.

 

I have to say, though, that what you're describing doesn't sound unusual for any kid of that age who is more than casually involved in an outside activity.

 

Just for purposes of comparison, my son is 10. His primary extracurricular activity is dance. He takes four classes a week, for a total of five hours spread over three days. In addition, he is currently in rehearsals for two productions and has rehearsals most Saturdays for two or three hours.

 

The first production takes place in about three weeks. That week, in addition to his regular classes, he will likely need to attend at least two or three additional rehearsals, each of which will probably last for three hours or more. He will then have a full weekend of performances, with shows Friday, Saturday and Sunday. From the first rehearsal to the last performance, this was a commitment of six weeks.

 

The second production opens in a couple of months. He will again have the additional rehearsals the week before opening, but this one will probably involve at least eight performances over two weekends (with both matinees and evening shows on Saturdays). This one runs longer, with a total commitment of about 14 weeks.

 

So, it's a bit lighter than the schedule you describe, but he's younger, and we go year-round. I fully anticipate that, if he sticks with dance as he gets older, this will eat more of our lives.

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My son runs cross country: 5x week practices or meets

He plays varsity basketball: 4-5x week practices or games

He also is on a varsity swim team: 5x week practices or meets

 

The JV basketball team practices only 2x/week, by comparison.

 

These teams all require parent volunteers. Cross country doesn't require too much, but the coach has the team -- the kids -- help set up home meets. They are all very time-intensive. :willy_nilly:

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He does simultaneous swim team and basketball team. He gets a little stressed from November to March, but there's a Christmas break in the middle, and the kids on the teams are his friends. Our teams often do social things after games and meets and on weekends, so that helps.

 

This is my son's hardest year academically so it will be a real challenge to see if his grades suffer. His subjects will get finished no matter what, and he will do school work during the summer (as he did last year) to spread things out enough to save his mental health.

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This year, our public HS decided *no practice* for any program or sport for two solid weeks in Dec while school is closed. This is the frist time they've forced all programs to comply, and I am still doing a happy dance about it. It's about time is all I can say! The music program never used to 'shut down', and it did drive me crazy.

 

Of course, because schools all have different spring breaks, they don't shut down and there are activities/meets/competitions planned for that 'vacation'. Which does aggravate me. No family vacay in spring.

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The time commitment for rep sports can be staggering, especially when you add in travel time. I understand the 5-7 day practice/game schedules...but sometimes the travel time required to get to the game is mind boggling.

 

In hockey you have to be at the arena 30 mins prior to practices, and 60 mins prior to games. So last year, our then 9yr old had several days that looked like this:

 

3:30 - 4:00pm - pick up carpooling team mate from school/home

4:00 - 5:30pm - leave for away arena - 1.5 hrs trip - in good traffic!

5:30 - 6:00 pm - dinner on the road

6:00 - 7:00 pm - wait time - must be at arena an hour before game time, so kids can warm-up, dress, review and stretch.

Game - 7:00pm - 8:00pm

8:00 - 8:30pm - change rooms/debriefing

8:30 - 10:00pm - travel home - 1.5 hrs trip

10:00 - 10:30pm - drop off team mate

10:30+ shower and bed

 

Travel and wait time - 6 hours

Game time - 1 hour

Total time commitment - 7hours

 

So for us, the minimum time commitment for a home game is 3hrs, if the arena is 20 minutes away...and the maximum time commitment for an away game in a blizzard/bad traffic has been 8 hours.

 

So I completely sympathize with you.

 

PS - I wonder if anyone has ever correlated, hockey parent behavior with travel time...something for our stats guys to think about...

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I am reassured, on some level, that there is consensus on this kind of time commitment being normal. That *does* make me feel better.

 

What I didn't get into is the fact that dd14 is also a karate student - a brown belt with lots of potential to keep moving up the ranks to black...except now rowing is stepping on karate time. Then, there's the fact that she wants to be involved in the back stage workings of her new high school production. She is currently taking a break from guitar lessons, yet we all hope those will resume sooner than later (but maybe not until after rowing season). She has a Saturday job through market season (ends in two weeks), and she is hoping to take on some tutoring to earn money during the winter and spring when market is closed.

 

All this *might* have been doable in a homeschooling environment, because she would have had more hours in the day to do the extra curricular activities. But public high school is 7:50 to 2:50 every day, no matter what (I know this isn't news to anyone), so one does begin to scratch one's head and wonder HOW in the he** she can fit it all in. My guess: she can't. But, it's too early yet for us to know that for sure. She is very strong academically, so at least for now, the school work comes easily. Gah!

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>>>>Ime, 16, 17, 18 yr olds often know what she/he loves. My musicians couldn't not play their instruments, no matter what. It's kind of like breathing. They need to do it. My almost 20 yr old plays in two different music ensembles at his college, and is a government major, not a music major. He's also on the deans list. He's not particularly neurotic or 'driven' lol, he just adores music. You find time to do what you love.

 

For my athlete, it's part of who she is. Being on a team challenges her and she gets to meet other teens she wouldn't otherwise (being a hser).>>>>

 

 

I just wanted to comment because although my 8 year old is younger than the kids in this thread, her need to do gymasntics ALL THE TIME is incredible. She just has to do it all the time. When she's out playing with friends, she's usually doing cartwheels from one part of the yard to another. When she's not doing school work and playing with her siblings she's doing cartwheels and handstands all the time.

 

Yes, I could probably pull her out of gym due to time requirements, financial costs, etc. but no matter how bad our financial situation became this year (and it became pretty bad) I couldn't take gym from her because it is such a part of her life that she absolutely LOVEs.

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>>>> But public high school is 7:50 to 2:50 every day, no matter what (I know this isn't news to anyone), so one does begin to scratch one's head and wonder HOW in the he** she can fit it all in. My guess: she can't. But, it's too early yet for us to know that for sure. She is very strong academically, so at least for now, the school work comes easily. Gah!>>>

 

It is hard. Our competitive (gym) program discourages team members from participating in other activities because it really is hard to fit it all in. Usually something has to give.

 

Good luck figuring it all out.

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>>>>Ime, 16, 17, 18 yr olds often know what she/he loves.

edit

I just wanted to comment because although my 8 year old is younger than the kids in this thread, her need to do gymasntics ALL THE TIME is incredible. She just has to do it all the time. When she's out playing with friends, she's usually doing cartwheels from one part of the yard to another. When she's not doing school work and playing with her siblings she's doing cartwheels and handstands all the time.

 

edit I couldn't take gym from her because it is such a part of her life that she absolutely LOVEs.

 

I would not like it to be on record that I don't respect the passions of young children! :) I do! Very much.

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