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I need to have economic value


Moxie
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Just spewing here.

 

When the kids were babies, I felt good because I was saving us money on formula and daycare.

 

When I was homeschooling, I felt good because I was saving us money on private school.

 

Now, most of my kids go to school. Next year, my youngest goes to school. I'll have no kids home during the day.

 

My family needs a flexible adult. My husband is not that. So, it appears my job now is to cook, clean, drive kids around and volunteer at schools. That is what my family needs. There is no economic value in that. I would have never guessed that that would bother me but it really does.

 

We don't live paycheck to paycheck but there are big home improvements we're not doing because of cost.

 

DH is no help. He wants me to get a "regular job" and we'll make do like every other family in the world. He says that there is no such thing as a flexible job that pays enough to be worthwhile because that is what everyone wants. Honestly, he's tired of me talking about it.

 

 

I have no skills. I have a useless degree that is 20 years old.

 

I'm not interested in substitute teaching or anything else involving children.

 

How in the world do you figure out what to do with your life?

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Just spewing here.

 

When the kids were babies, I felt good because I was saving us money on formula and daycare.

 

When I was homeschooling, I felt good because I was saving us money on private school.

 

Now, most of my kids go to school. Next year, my youngest goes to school. I'll have no kids home during the day.

 

My family needs a flexible adult. My husband is not that. So, it appears my job now is to cook, clean, drive kids around and volunteer at schools. That is what my family needs. There is no economic value in that. I would have never guessed that that would bother me but it really does.

 

We don't live paycheck to paycheck but there are big home improvements we're not doing because of cost.

 

DH is no help. He wants me to get a "regular job" and we'll make do like every other family in the world. He says that there is no such thing as a flexible job that pays enough to be worthwhile because that is what everyone wants. Honestly, he's tired of me talking about it.

 

 

I have no skills. I have a useless degree that is 20 years old.

 

I'm not interested in substitute teaching or anything else involving children.

 

How in the world do you figure out what to do with your life?

I disagree that there is no economic value in what a SAHM does.....

 

But am I understanding that your Dh wants you to go to work and you don't want to?

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My 16 year old just got his license. He will be dual enrolled next year. In some ways he will need me less but I still want to be flexible. I will stick with my current flexible job...basically getting paid for everything you just said has no value....but after Ds is completely launched I may work more for a few extras. I can work all I want for my current boss....but I might try to get back into an office...I have been thinking about doing tax prep for a company like H and R Block.

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I disagree that there is no economic value in what a SAHM does.....

 

But am I understanding that your Dh wants you to go to work and you don't want to?

I want to find a way to contribute money. He thinks what I'm looking for doesn't exist and he enthusiastically supports me looking for a regular part-time job.

 

Let's be honest. If I go to work, I'm still going to cook and clean. It isn't like we'll hire Alice to move in. That's what I mean by no economic value.

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My family needs a flexible adult. My husband is not that. So, it appears my job now is to cook, clean, drive kids around and volunteer at schools. That is what my family needs. There is no economic value in that. I would have never guessed that that would bother me but it really does.

 

We don't live paycheck to paycheck but there are big home improvements we're not doing because of cost.

 

DH is no help. He wants me to get a "regular job" and we'll make do like every other family in the world. He says that there is no such thing as a flexible job that pays enough to be worthwhile because that is what everyone wants. Honestly, he's tired of me talking about it.

 

 

I have no skills. I have a useless degree that is 20 years old.

 

1. You and your husband do realize that if you're not home to do that driving, cooking, cleaning and before and after school childcare that you will have to pay someone, at least for the transportation and childcare and likely for some of the cooking (take out). So I reject that you aren't providing economic value.

 

2. Is your husband prepared to be more flexible/less available to his work so he can take care of some of the stuff you are now doing? Because you can't do everything you are doing and work a full time "regular job"?

 

3. With your degree, what exactly do you expect to earn and how much will you net after the cost of working?

 

4. Have you considered retraining for something that pays well for PT hours?

 

I'm not saying do or do not go back to work. But I wouldn't see it as a panacea for the disagreement you are having with your husband. A lot of men used to a FT SAHM are in for a rude and unsettling awakening when they realize that their newly returned to work wife won't always be able to cook, keep up with the house or be the one to stay home with sick kids.

Edited by LucyStoner
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I want to find a way to contribute money. He thinks what I'm looking for doesn't exist and he enthusiastically supports me looking for a regular part-time job.

 

Let's be honest. If I go to work, I'm still going to cook and clean. It isn't like we'll hire Alice to move in. That's what I mean by no economic value.

Maybe you need to tell your husband that if you go to work, you'll have to hire a part-time housekeeper, since you just won't be as available to do everything. Figure out how many hours a week you take to clean/do laundry/etc, and get local rates to hire that done. It might be an eye opener for him.

 

Of course, you might be able to get a job as a part-time house cleaner with flexible hours, but that might defeat the purpose of the discussion with your husband...

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Really, this isn't about my DH except that he wants me to go back to work.

 

When youngest goes to school, I'll have all day with no kids. I'm not comfortable being a professional volunteer when we have so much we want/need to do that require cash.

 

I'm open to some sort of job training. My degree is in literature which is useless (unless someone here has a great idea?!?).

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Maybe you need to tell your husband that if you go to work, you'll have to hire a part-time housekeeper, since you just won't be as available to do everything. Figure out how many hours a week you take to clean/do laundry/etc, and get local rates to hire that done. It might be an eye opener for him.

 

Of course, you might be able to get a job as a part-time house cleaner with flexible hours, but that might defeat the purpose of the discussion with your husband...

Quoting this to emphasize the point that this isn't really about DH.

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Housecleaning is actually a better paying option than most other entry level PT jobs. The going rate for people working for a service is $15 here and the going rates for doing it on your own range from $20-40/hr here. And people want cleaners to come during the weekday while they are at work. Might be something to consider.

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I'm struggling with this too. If DS goes to public high school, there's no reason for me not to work. But it will have to be flexible work, because DH simply can't take off for snow days, or sick days, or teacher days, or any of the thousand other days kids aren't in school. Not to mention various school vacation weeks and months off in the summer. I know high school kids can be pretty independent but I'm not willing to have an empty home during the years teens probably need some of the most support.

 

(Any money I earn would be extra to set aside for college or for retirement. I might feel differently if we really needed the income)

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Learn to code. You can do it part time, from home, and it's flexible and pays well.

 

Another idea is to start some sort of website related to literature. A blog or something. Sell ads.

Where does one even start to learn to code? #clueless

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I guess it depends upon how much you are hoping to make and what jobs you are willing to do.

 

I love my part time job, but we're content that it pulls in about 1/10th of our income.  The flexibility is second to none, but it's a job you don't want (NO dissing by that statement!) so it won't work for you (subbing).

 

Have you checked Help Wanted ads from any source to see what appeals to you?  If anything does, check to see what training/education is required for them and make a plan.

 

You could also talk with temp agencies to see what might be out there.

 

I totally get wanting to work - at least part time.  I need that in my life.  I get that others don't and I'm not dissing them either.  I need to.  I need the brain stimulation and total change of pace my job provides, not to mention I enjoy "being someone" elsewhere.  It's rarely a "have to" situation for me - esp since we don't really need the income.  We enjoy using that income for our extra things though.

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What about doing customer service from home during the school day? That might be an option. I know some people who do that.

 

Another thought is to beef up your fix-it skills and do some of the home projects while your kids are at school. I have a friend who did that to their old house to get it ready to sell for a premium price. It worked out really well. With no kids around it is easier to tackle that sort of stuff.

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Quoting this to emphasize the point that this isn't really about DH.

Oops -sorry! I started typing before you had responded to others, and it sounded like you'd prefer not to work but feel like you need to contribute to the family budget, when being a SAHM "doesn't" do that, and your husband was pushing to have you work.

 

The only jobs that I know of that have "mother's hours" would involve working for the school system, but you said you'd not prefer that. What about being a delivery person of some sort? Lots of grocery stores will deliver now, and they need reliable drivers duri g the day. I babysit for a lady who works for our local advertiser -she goes around town to all the businesses and collects their weekly ads. And she is able to pick up kids from school or run a quick errand if she needs to.

 

What about learning some of the handyman skills you would need to do some of your own home renovations? Lots of people make a few bucks doing odd jobs for others, and you would save on your own repairs as well.

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Well, if I get a job, I'm hiring a housecleaner. In fact, I hired one anyway, because I'm a positive thinker like that. There's zero value in me doing house work and I hate it so I'm going to pay someone to do it. I do see some value in the cooking and I will continue doing that.

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Just spewing here.

 

When the kids were babies, I felt good because I was saving us money on formula and daycare.

 

When I was homeschooling, I felt good because I was saving us money on private school.

 

Now, most of my kids go to school. Next year, my youngest goes to school. I'll have no kids home during the day.

 

My family needs a flexible adult. My husband is not that. So, it appears my job now is to cook, clean, drive kids around and volunteer at schools. That is what my family needs. There is no economic value in that. I would have never guessed that that would bother me but it really does.

 

We don't live paycheck to paycheck but there are big home improvements we're not doing because of cost.

 

DH is no help. He wants me to get a "regular job" and we'll make do like every other family in the world. He says that there is no such thing as a flexible job that pays enough to be worthwhile because that is what everyone wants. Honestly, he's tired of me talking about it.

 

 

I have no skills. I have a useless degree that is 20 years old.

 

I'm not interested in substitute teaching or anything else involving children.

 

How in the world do you figure out what to do with your life?

 

I don't know, but I'm in your same boat.  It keeps me up at night.

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. I'm not comfortable being a professional volunteer when we have so much we want/need to do that require cash.

 

I'm open to some sort of job training. My degree is in literature which is useless (unless someone here has a great idea?!?).

I'll work out how much cash you need to bring in weekly/monthly after tax. Any income I bring in would bump up my family's tax bracket so I have to factor in how much I would end up having if I work.

 

A friend writes for the local paper as a part time editor. She works from home. Proofreading is another thing she did as a freelancer, not the writing part but the editing for grammar and flow of thoughts for reports and cover letters.

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Housecleaning is actually a better paying option than most other entry level PT jobs. The going rate for people working for a service is $15 here and the going rates for doing it on your own range from $20-40/hr here. And people want cleaners to come during the weekday while they are at work. Might be something to consider.

 

 

My job is about half house leaning and half personal assistant....which in my book makes me all personal assistant....I do whatever I can to make a single dad's life run smoother.  I just got a call from his secretary asking me if I can stop by in the morning and take some parts to be mailed to someone.  

 

He is flexible, I am flexible.  It works out great,  Plus I am on payroll so I don't have to worry about taxes.  

I am going to be 51 this year and on the day I do the most housework it is starting to kick my butt.  Errands and laundry and organizing and cooking aren't bad at all.  

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Don't give up on finding something flexible that pays.

 

But do expect that some of your current responsibilities may look different when you take a job.  Maybe your husband has the kids for some evening or weekend hours, or they manage on their own for a while.  Maybe cooking etc. get spread around more.

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I haven't read any of the responses. Totally disagree with the statement that your role as a sahm doesn't provide economic value. I feel there's a lot to do when taking care of a home, and being a mom (driving, groceries, housecleaning etc, you name it). I'd rather do that for my family, than having someone else do it for me

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I haven't read any of the responses. Totally disagree with the statement that your role as a sahm doesn't provide economic value. I feel there's a lot to do when taking care of a home, and being a mom (driving, groceries, housecleaning etc, you name it). I'd rather do that for my family, than having someone else do it for me

You should continue reading the thread.

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There was a news story on FoxNewsChannel within the past week, about a man who calculated the economic value of the work his wife does for their family at USD $72,500 per year. You do have economic value!

Don't be silly. I don't currently do anything differently than a working mother except I volunteer at school. And I can't pay the drywall guys in cookies or a vacuumed floor.

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Don't be silly. I don't currently do anything differently than a working mother except I volunteer at school. And I can't pay the drywall guys in cookies or a vacuumed floor.

 

I'm sure it probably would be that - if we hired all those things out.  We don't in our house.  We share duties to get things done.  Perhaps that increases both of our values (hubby's and mine).

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You should continue reading the thread.

I will, I will. Can't right at this moment, but hopefully tonight. I've been driving, doing dishes, laundry, mail etc...just wanted to tell you I really value what you do, even if it doesn't have a salary or a price tag to it. Gotta go! Will read more later
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I was in this situation, and mentioned to quite a few people, and I had 3 people later mention to me job options.

 

I have a part-time job now during school hours, and they are fine with me taking off for summers and school breaks.

 

They would like me to work full-time, and I may lose my job over it someday. In the meantime, I do good work and they are happy to have me.

 

I am an administrative assistant kind of person. There is an office manager working full-time, but there is more work than she can do. So I do her overflow work, and I am like a secretary for another person (helping him do his paperwork). He is willing to work with my schedule so far.

 

It helps that they have had trouble finding someone for this position who does a good job, bc it is low-paying.

 

I feel it would be too low-paying for me if it were full-time, but given that it is part-time, I am willing to be paid less in exchange for the flexibility.

 

I simply must have the flexibility, too.

 

I got this job by word-of-mouth though, with no work experience for 10 years. I took it as a temporary position so they could let me go easily if I didn't work out, too.

 

So I think -- if you are open, maybe just ask around.

 

I need the structure to my day, too. I am aimless with all my kids at school, if I have so many open hours. I was putting everything off until the last hour or two before I picked them up. I feel a lot better and more organized now. I need a bit of outside structure, it is something about me.

 

Edit: separately my husband does not want me stressed out from working, and he doesn't want me doing chores and errands on the weekends. That is how he feels about it. It does matter. If he were more in favor of me working full-time, it would be different. For us it is a family kind of decision. My husband's job is very inflexible and he feels bad whenever he can't help me with things at home.

Edited by Lecka
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How is there no economic value in that?  If you were not around to do these things, how would they get done?  You'd have to pay someone to do them.  Maybe some of those things could be done on top of working if your family helps.  So let's say they do.  There are still some things that will be needed that you cannot do if you are working.  Taxi comes to mind.

 

 

 

 

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I will say this - economic or not, when my friends had parents that were home and flexible and available in my tween/teen years that had value to me...and I wasn't even a part of their family. It's not silly. Unless you're completely utilitarian, there are things other than economics in play.

 

But if you simply want a part time job that brings in extra cash, at least in most areas I've lived in, those are not hard to come by. I do sympathize with not wanting to work with other people's kids. Maybe evenings waitressing? Tips can be good money depending on personality and the restaurant.

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Ok I can't zip it. 

 

You'll potentially have to pay for before and after school care for several children.  This is no small chunk of change.  Probably that'll negate most of what you could bring in.

 

Since, I assume, your spouse is used to the luxury of a stay at home parent/spouse you probably are doing the bulk of cleaning and cooking, is he prepared to split that 50/50? 

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Ok I can't zip it.

 

You'll potentially have to pay for before and after school care for several children. This is no small chunk of change. Probably that'll negate most of what you could bring in.

 

Since, I assume, your spouse is used to the luxury of a stay at home parent/spouse you probably are doing the bulk of cleaning and cooking, is he prepared to split that 50/50?

You are misunderstanding. DH already does quite a bit around the house. And I wouldn't hire a taxi to drive my kids around??? I wouldn't hire anyone to do anything if I went to work, I would need to stop volunteering at school and church.

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As I have fewer kids at home, and the last two will be headed to ps high school, I am also feeling the pressure to have economic value. But, the bulk of my value to the family now and in the next six years is the ability to be flexible. Especially in the after school hours for practices and homework. And the weekends for practices, meets, tournaments. That is stuff that is almost impossible to hire out and also of real value for the future (scholarships, etc) and an important part of my experience parenting teens. They don't always talk in the car, but you have the best chance there.

 

Financially it would be great to have a little extra, but we wouldn't have serious extra without a full-time job. And that would change our lives so much, Dh doesn't think it would be worth it. At this time. The kids will all be gone soon enough. Then I can work.

 

So I sympathize and I know lots of people in a similar situation.

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Just spewing here.

 

When the kids were babies, I felt good because I was saving us money on formula and daycare.

 

When I was homeschooling, I felt good because I was saving us money on private school.

 

Now, most of my kids go to school. Next year, my youngest goes to school. I'll have no kids home during the day.

 

My family needs a flexible adult. My husband is not that. So, it appears my job now is to cook, clean, drive kids around and volunteer at schools. That is what my family needs. There is no economic value in that. I would have never guessed that that would bother me but it really does.

 

We don't live paycheck to paycheck but there are big home improvements we're not doing because of cost.

 

DH is no help. He wants me to get a "regular job" and we'll make do like every other family in the world. He says that there is no such thing as a flexible job that pays enough to be worthwhile because that is what everyone wants. Honestly, he's tired of me talking about it.

 

 

I have no skills. I have a useless degree that is 20 years old.

 

I'm not interested in substitute teaching or anything else involving children.

 

How in the world do you figure out what to do with your life?

Are you kidding?  Try hiring every job you do for the family out to someone and you will see how quickly that adds up. You DO have economic value! 

 

What do you read about a lot?  That's likely your main interest.  I like real estate and also ebay and estate sale hunting.  I've made some money and will make more later. 

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You are misunderstanding. DH already does quite a bit around the house. And I wouldn't hire a taxi to drive my kids around??? I wouldn't hire anyone to do anything if I went to work, I would need to stop volunteering at school and church.

 

No no, I mean if they need to get to some activity.

 

So assume they don't need that.  What about after school and before school care?  If your list is up to date some of them would not be able to stay home alone.

 

Glad to hear he helps.

 

My husband would help, but let's just say he's not so good at a lot of things.  I can wash a sink of dishes in 5 to 10 minutes.  It might take him an hour.  He is just sooooo slow and inefficient with some stuff.  Maybe he does that on purpose to make me sorry he helped.  LOL

Edited by SparklyUnicorn
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I have no skills. I have a useless degree that is 20 years old.

 

I'm not interested in substitute teaching or anything else involving children.

 

How in the world do you figure out what to do with your life?

 

As to your last question, I'll let you know once I figure it out.

 

For the rest of your post, I can totally relate. I, too, struggled a lot with the transition from "I'm being a great mom AND saving us money with all of the things I do at home that we would otherwise pay someone else to do" to "I drive my teens all over town." It got even worse when my younger child graduated and headed off to college a full year earlier than I had anticipated and I was suddenly without even the driving to fill my time.

 

My degree is 30 years old. I majored in English (creative writing). So, I relate there, too.

 

But what I did was to just get a job. I started with very part-time online tutoring. The pay isn't good, let alone great, but it's highly flexible, not very demanding and easy to get started doing. Basically, the company I work for (Tutor.com) likes tutors to have a degree -- any degree -- and you take quizzes online to qualify to teach various subjects. I started that during the last year my kids were home and my son was dual enrolled. I could pack up my laptop and camp anywhere with an internet connection and work while he was in class or dance rehearsals or whatever. 

 

When he headed off to school full time, I revised my resume to highlight the recent tutoring experience and parlayed that into a job with one of the strip-mall tutoring centers. The hours are flexible. The money is still nothing to write home about, but I like what I do there. And a year and a half of experience there, plus the online tutoring, plus my background in training and tech writing positioned me nicely to get into the job I just started, which I think will keep me happy for a good, long while.

 

I don't want to make it sound like I've found my calling or anything. I actually think raising and homeschooling my kids was my true vocation, which is why it's been so hard for me to let go of that and transition to this next phase. However, I think I can be content making a financial contribution to my family, providing a service to my community and keeping my brain from turning to mush, all of which this new job should allow me to do.

Edited by Jenny in Florida
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When I say he is no help, I mean he is no help looking for a flexible job because he doesn't believe they exist.

 

I can think of some that exist, but you might not love the suggestion(s).

 

I worked at McDonald's for 4 years because it was so flexible.  They will let you work pretty much the exact hours you are available.  The money is crap and it's a physically demanding job. 

 

Probably grocery stores, department stores, etc. can also be very flexible.

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I know someone who picked up a few hours working at a clothing consignment store. Everyone else works as a teacher or has a specialty, like a speech therapist or massage therapist. The ones who work full time employ drivers for the after school hours or use after school care programs.

 

I think what people are saying is that it is no small thing for a large family to have two parents working full time.

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Don't be silly. I don't currently do anything differently than a working mother except I volunteer at school. And I can't pay the drywall guys in cookies or a vacuumed floor.

 

 

I'm sure it probably would be that - if we hired all those things out.  We don't in our house.  We share duties to get things done.  Perhaps that increases both of our values (hubby's and mine).

 

Right. I mean, although it is probably true that it would cost a family that much to hire out to professionals every single task an at-home parent does, the reality is that a lot of those things either just wouldn't get done or would get done by another family member if "Mom" weren't there to do them. 

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Well come on. You are asking a bunch of people here who really do not enjoy having to defend the value of what we do to explain to you what your economic worth is (although I suspect I might not be understanding the question).  I know there are all kinds of configurations here so no this does not pertain to everyone.

 

So there is that. 

 

So the question you seem to be asking is what sorts of jobs should you look into?  Why do we need to convince you of your economic worth?  We already know what that is.

 

 

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Since, I assume, your spouse is used to the luxury of a stay at home parent/spouse you probably are doing the bulk of cleaning and cooking, is he prepared to split that 50/50?

My hubby does all housework and chauffeuring. He would cook too if you don't mind instant noodles every day. He helps wash the pot, bowls and cutlery since we don't use a dishwasher.

 

My kids do more housework then me. I only cook and nag.

 

If I am not doing the housework, why would I care how long it takes since it just reduce their game time :)

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