Dd's friend had suicidal thoughts...resources for dd?

[LarlaB]

My TWELVE year old daughters best friend was absent all last week from school- she told DD today that she was having thoughts of suicide and went to a doctor for 72 hours.

 

How can I help my DD thru this? She's so so so young. I talked and listened for a while- she's so worried and scared. I reassured her that her friend has the best team around her… Lots of people that love her and are caring for her and looking out for her . I explained mental illness and depression (disclosing that I struggle with depression and currently am on antidepressants which shocked her but helped demystify depression, which was my goal). I did not disclose that I struggled with suicidal tendencies during my teenage years...and will not. Too young. But this is near and dear to my heart and I need help sorting through this for DD.

 

They are close but not really close...DD has been distancing herself for a few months due to behavioral issues, namely lying and delinquency.

 

Any thoughts and prayers so appreciated!!

[wonderchica]

No advice, but wanted to say I think you were right to keep your past suicidal thoughts to yourself at this point. My mom revealed those things to me when I was a teenager and I was not able to handle it well emotionally. It was a big burden to bear, even though she no longer felt that way. I think being available for frequent talks and reassurance over the next few weeks will be invaluable.

[gardenmom5]

I was the suicidal 12yo.

 

let your dd know  you are always  there to listen to her and support her. always treat her feelings with respect.  they're real to her.  that she can "love her friend" - but she's 12 - and it's the adults job it is to support her and make sure she get's what she needs. that if someone tells her they are thinking of suicide - it is NOT a betrayal to tell an adult who is in a position to do something to help - and if one adult doesn't  do anything - she can tell another adult.  (even if it might make a friend/peer angry.)

 

eta: above all - she needs to feel safe.

Edited March 15, 2016 by gardenmom5

[maize]

It sounds to me like you are handling it well.

 

We talk a lot about mental illness and how it can cause the brain to not function correctly. I think it is especially important for a child with relatives who have suffered from mental illness to have straightforward answers and be comfortable talking about mental health. They may be genetically susceptible themselves, and are more likely to express feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts of their own if they know you don't see those things as secret and shameful.

 

I think you're fine to go with your gut instincts on what and when to tell your child regarding your own struggles.