I need a thicker skin

[lgliser]

I wish my kids knew how easy they have things!  I do consider myself pretty strict and I ask them to give things their all and not be slackers, but they sure do whine when things get hard!  I totally know that that's normal for 9 year olds.  But the immature part of me gets a little hurt that they don't appreciate the joy of homeschooling.  The freedom it gives them to have such flexibility and free time! 

 

I tell them if they went to public school, they'd be there for 7 hours and then they'd have homework, and have to practice piano, study for AWANA, and do any other extras like dance, karate, baseball, etc... and their free time would hardly exist!

 

With homeschool we get to start at a leisurely 8:30 or 9am and be done by 1 or 2.  And that's a long day, with a few little breaks.  And no homework!

 

When they whine about things getting hard and actually having to WORK at something... ya know, apply themselves a tad, they just crumble!

 

Again, I know it's normal.  I like it when things are easy too.  I just need to vent! 

[Garga]

Yup. I'll have prepared their lessons, taught their lessons, done laundry and dishes and cleaned the cat boxes and made dinner and then have the audacity to ask my youngest to take the dishes out of the dishwasher and Oh! The agony! Oh how he aaaaalways has to do all this wooooork! Sometimes I don't respond but sometimes I list all the chores I've done that day and ask him if he'd like to trade lives for the day, but that never really helps. He just gets grumpier.

 

My oldest isn't like that anymore. He's not happy about chores and writing and doing math, but he does it without complaint.

 

I'm hopeful that my youngest will get there soon, too. It just takes time but it's maddening while waiting for them to mature.

[KrissiK]

My kids are like that, too. But they have no basis for comparison. I just ignore them. And sometimes think I should take them on a mission trip somewhere so they can see kids who truly have a hard life.

[lgliser]

Amen - they have no IDEA what a hard life is really like.

 

Sometimes I ignore them too, but then sometimes I have a come-to-Jesus talk with them.  I'm so tired of those talks! 

[nobeatenpath]

This is me - I find myself resenting the fact my kid doesn't realise how easy he has it compared to school (and he was at school, and he didn't cope well). I am ashamed to say last week I had a vent and pointed out how much harder life would be if he was at school and maybe if he found having to do a little bit of work at home so difficult he should consider that is the only alternative, and does he really want that?

I say ashamed because actually he goes through a lot because of our lifestyle (for example, in the past 8 years we have lived in four different countries) and while he doesn't know any different there is a lot he is just dealing with that other kids might not cope with.

 

But yes, I am tired of those talks too.

[sweetpea3829]

Yep, me too.  

 

I have to say...my 10 yr old is not much of a complainer.  She's just generally a good girl.  

 

My 9 yr old...he's hot or cold.  He's either VERY gracious and thankful and sensitive to the fact that "Mom's putting a lot into us, guys."  

 

Or he's boooored, tired of doing everything for eeeeeverybody.  *WHIIIINE*  "The dogs have to eat UH-GAIN??!?!"

 

 

In certain weaker moments, I have threatened to send him off to school.  But I've stopped making that threat because a) he wants to go (so he can tell everybody about Jesus and play on the playground all day) and b) He would probably actually really like it.  

 

Now...I calmly point out to him how many times a day we feed him.  We talk often (in less frustrating moments) about how hard Dad is working to support our family.  I ask him if he's paying me to wash and fold his laundry.  Money is relevant to him (he'll be a millionaire by 30, I'm convinced of it) so I point out how much it would cost for private tutoring...or private school.  Or how many hours Dad had to work in order to pay for xyz.  I mean...I don't want to be Martyr Mom either.  But I want all four of my kids to "not be entitled".  

 

I have to say that 9 yr old DS is starting to turn the corner.  He's noticing more and more on his own and is developing more empathy.  I'm actually thrilled with the growth I've seen in him and I'm hopeful he will grow into an empathetic, kind, thoughtful grown man (and perhaps husband and father).  

 

Now to turn my attention on 8 yr old DS...who still feels pretty put out if I dare to have the last piece of my own birthday cake.   

[Peaceful Isle]

Oh my word, yes!

 

They are "so tired", even though they sleep in till 7:30/8. We also have lots of field trips, and they don't stand in line and take attendance , lol. They have no clue.

 

When I was a kid, I had to catch the bus at 6:50 am !!!!! I didn't get home till 4:30, and had homework and piano lessons. That doesn't count when I was in sports.

 

My oldest is the only one that understands a little, because she went to school for a bit for k and 1st grade. She tells the rest of the kids, "no! You don't want to go to school."

[happypamama]

Yup. I look at my kids' lifestyle, and I'm like, "You guys just don't get it." Because they really don't. They have no basis for comparison, so they don't know how good they have it overall.

 

A couple of years ago, our area got slammed with winter. Lots of public school days off; they didn't get out until late June. DH worked from home a lot. My kids complained, "Can't we have off?" We did go out to play in the snow, but I made them work most of the cold yucky days. Come the day after Memorial Day, when they were sitting on the not crowded beach in perfect weather, sunny and warm but not oppressively hot, I turned to them and said, "This is your reward for working on those cold, snowy days. Because you have today and the next month off, and your public school friends are stuck in a building." Then they got it.

[sweetpea3829]

Yup. I look at my kids' lifestyle, and I'm like, "You guys just don't get it." Because they really don't. They have no basis for comparison, so they don't know how good they have it overall.

 

A couple of years ago, our area got slammed with winter. Lots of public school days off; they didn't get out until late June. DH worked from home a lot. My kids complained, "Can't we have off?" We did go out to play in the snow, but I made them work most of the cold yucky days. Come the day after Memorial Day, when they were sitting on the not crowded beach in perfect weather, sunny and warm but not oppressively hot, I turned to them and said, "This is your reward for working on those cold, snowy days. Because you have today and the next month off, and your public school friends are stuck in a building." Then they got it.

 

 

Yep.  I do this, too.  I make it a point to bring my kids to the playground and pools as often as I can...before the public school kids let out for the summer and after they are back to school.  

 

Inevitably, they'll ask me, "Where are all the kids?"  And I'll smile and say, "In school!  Public school kids HAVE to be in school every day from September through June.  Booooy oh boy.  Isn't today nice?  It would be AWFUL to be stuck in a school building right now, don't you think?  Good thing we can be flexible in our school days, huh!"

 

Mine still don't get it though...lol.  They get it in the moment...but then they forget. 

[wendyroo]

Last week I did an experiment with my two older kids.  For an entire day, me, DH and the two boys kept a time diary; we jotted down what activities we did and how long they took.  Then I printed each of us off a 4 x 6 grid of squares to represent the hours in the day.  We colored them in to show how much time each of us spent on general categories of activities: sleeping, eating, hygiene tasks, exercise, traveling, working, schooling, taking care of children, doing chores, reading, hobbies and playing on screens.

 

Looking at the color distribution of each of our days was eye opening for my almost 7 year old.  My main goal was to help him understand that even though he whines about needing more screen time, he actually gets plenty, and that if I let it take over more of his day he wouldn't have time for other important activities like playing, exercising and reading.  It was also a useful tool to discuss how he will naturally have to spend more time on school, chores and work as he gets older in order to be ready to be a grown up.

 

For DH and I, however, looking at our days was just depressing.   :svengo:

 

Wendy

[Hobbes]

Last week I did an experiment with my two older kids. For an entire day, me, DH and the two boys kept a time diary; we jotted down what activities we did and how long they took. Then I printed each of us off a 4 x 6 grid of squares to represent the hours in the day. We colored them in to show how much time each of us spent on general categories of activities: sleeping, eating, hygiene tasks, exercise, traveling, working, schooling, taking care of children, doing chores, reading, hobbies and playing on screens.

 

Looking at the color distribution of each of our days was eye opening for my almost 7 year old. My main goal was to help him understand that even though he whines about needing more screen time, he actually gets plenty, and that if I let it take over more of his day he wouldn't have time for other important activities like playing, exercising and reading. It was also a useful tool to discuss how he will naturally have to spend more time on school, chores and work as he gets older in order to be ready to be a grown up.

 

For DH and I, however, looking at our days was just depressing. :svengo:

 

Wendy

I'm going to have to remember to do this at some point. :)

[TranquilMind]

I wish my kids knew how easy they have things!  I do consider myself pretty strict and I ask them to give things their all and not be slackers, but they sure do whine when things get hard!  I totally know that that's normal for 9 year olds.  But the immature part of me gets a little hurt that they don't appreciate the joy of homeschooling.  The freedom it gives them to have such flexibility and free time! 

 

I tell them if they went to public school, they'd be there for 7 hours and then they'd have homework, and have to practice piano, study for AWANA, and do any other extras like dance, karate, baseball, etc... and their free time would hardly exist!

 

With homeschool we get to start at a leisurely 8:30 or 9am and be done by 1 or 2.  And that's a long day, with a few little breaks.  And no homework!

 

When they whine about things getting hard and actually having to WORK at something... ya know, apply themselves a tad, they just crumble!

 

Again, I know it's normal.  I like it when things are easy too.  I just need to vent! 

They all whine and complain, from time to time. 

 

Just tell them occasionally how great they have it. It eventually sinks in.  Mine, now close to adulthood (and one is an adult) have told me they are so happy to have had the relaxed childhood they enjoyed and they are considering home schooling their own children.  The no-homework thing was especially great, and did not affect them academically at all.  They are workhorses now, when they need to be. 

You just have to wait for them to mature enough to appreciate it. 

 

I always say to "Do everything as unto the Lord" as if you are doing it for Jesus Himself (we are Christians). 

They didn't always, especially as kids.  But they are getting it now, how hard work pays off, and what kind of people they want to be. 

 

It will all be ok. 

[wintermom]

I think it's the job of all good parents and grandparents to give their kids the talk, "When I was your age, I walked 5 miles to school, uphill both ways..."  They just don't know how easy they have it.  :lol:

 

Montey Python sums it up best:

 

 

[EKT]

I know what you mean--some days I'm thinking, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW AWESOME YOUR LIFE IS! STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS ONE MATH PAGE!" lol. But really, how can they know? This homeschooling life is all my kids have ever known. We often discuss the advantages of being at home, but honestly, I don't think any of it is really going to sink in until they hit college and they meet with a truly wide variety of people coming from all different experiences. I think, then, once they can hold their experience up to that of their peers, will they start to realize how incredibly lucky they were to be homeschooled. 

 

Because think about it; for me, it wasn't until I had my own children that I could even begin to appreciate my own parents' experience as parents. Each year I parent, I feel like I understand more and more. But I remember having my first baby in my arms and finally being able to see my whole life from the other side. I was shocked at how blind I had been!

 

So while my children are generally very appreciative and grateful already (for small children), I don't expect them to fully "get it," until much, much later. But when the realization comes, it's gonna hit them like a ton of bricks, I think! lol. I decided a while ago that I am not in the business of homeschooling for the head-pats and accolades because...aside from my husband, they just are never going to be issued. It's a very long-term project whose rewards won't come for years and years. (At least...that's what I'm going with!) ;-)

[wintermom]

In all honesty, most of us aduts don't know what it's like to be homeschooled, either, though we all assume it's much easier on every child than being in a classroom.  It seems like a much easier gig, but in reality there is often a lot more accoutability and intensity in the learning situation than kids have in a classroom. Perhaps a little of this goes a long way for some people?  I'm not sure I could handle a work situation where my boss was on my every move. ;)

[Ausmumof3]

Last week I did an experiment with my two older kids. For an entire day, me, DH and the two boys kept a time diary; we jotted down what activities we did and how long they took. Then I printed each of us off a 4 x 6 grid of squares to represent the hours in the day. We colored them in to show how much time each of us spent on general categories of activities: sleeping, eating, hygiene tasks, exercise, traveling, working, schooling, taking care of children, doing chores, reading, hobbies and playing on screens.

 

Looking at the color distribution of each of our days was eye opening for my almost 7 year old. My main goal was to help him understand that even though he whines about needing more screen time, he actually gets plenty, and that if I let it take over more of his day he wouldn't have time for other important activities like playing, exercising and reading. It was also a useful tool to discuss how he will naturally have to spend more time on school, chores and work as he gets older in order to be ready to be a grown up.

 

For DH and I, however, looking at our days was just depressing. :svengo:

 

Wendy

I love this idea. I'm going to do it.

[Ausmumof3]

In all honesty, most of us aduts don't know what it's like to be homeschooled, either, though we all assume it's much easier on every child than being in a classroom. It seems like a much easier gig, but in reality there is often a lot more accoutability and intensity in the learning situation than kids have in a classroom. Perhaps a little of this goes a long way for some people? I'm not sure I could handle a work situation where my boss was on my every move. ;)

This is a valid point. School for me was mostly one worksheet and then lots of staring out the window. Although my kids days are shorter they are generally more efficient and more intense.

[lgliser]

 

In all honesty, most of us aduts don't know what it's like to be homeschooled, either, though we all assume it's much easier on every child than being in a classroom.  It seems like a much easier gig, but in reality there is often a lot more accoutability and intensity in the learning situation than kids have in a classroom. Perhaps a little of this goes a long way for some people?  I'm not sure I could handle a work situation where my boss was on my every move. ;)

Very good point!

[G5052]

Easier said than done, but I found that I had to teach mine what was appropriate to complain about (I can't understand this math) and what was not (I want to go to the park instead of doing math). Every kid and family is different, and it wasn't something we dealt with overnight either.

 

At one point there was a list on the refrigerator with what was acceptable to complain about and what was not.

 

When they were older I also had them write up their complaints, which made them think about it more.

 

Believe it or not, my teens rarely complain now about school. They get the usual teen snarkiness, but they pretty much buckle down and get it done. My oldest is in college locally, so he truly knows now how good he had it. That helps the younger one!

[mountains27]

Yep! I wrote a similar post here once on this topic. My kids went to public school and HATE the thought of going back but I constantly have to remind them of what it could be like instead and how nice it is to be able to play for most of the day and just do a couple hours of work (with me holding their hand through most of it!). In fact I just ended school for today when I caught my 9 year old daughter mocking me with the old blah, blah, blah hand motion while I explained her Beast Academy lesson to her! OK I said- "I'm done!"

I do give them a talking to almost daily reminding them I'm doing A LOT of extra work to give them this (I'm also a single parent supporting them financially 100%) so hopefully one day it sinks in and I get a big old "thanks Mom!" but for know I just keep trucking and reminding myself how thankful I am I get to homeschool my sweet children ;) haha

[importswim]

I think it's the job of all good parents and grandparents to give their kids the talk, "When I was your age, I walked 5 miles to school, uphill both ways..."  They just don't know how easy they have it.  :lol:

 

Montey Python sums it up best:

 

Ha ha ha! The men of my family are all Yorkshiremen (literally). Watching this made me giggle. I have to hold back on using some of my Granddad's Yorkshire-isms a lot with my kids (some of them are not appropriate! LOL!)

 

My kids are the same way. I feel like I talk 'til I'm blue in the face about how good we all have it.