Feeling Guilty....

[SumSum]

About Homeschooling my Only Child.

 

I don't post much on the boards, but I do read daily and have gleaned so much advice from all of you experienced hs'ers on these boards.

 

I have a dd6 who is extremely extroverted and adores ALL types of social interactions with either kids or adults. We started hs'ing for various reasons including diet issues and some health concerns, but now we really love the academic benefits and the free time for other creative outlets that she also enjoys. However, I feel like she would adore school, spending all day with other kids her age and really having a chance to be around others beside me. I am concerned that being an only child can be really isolating for such an extrovert, and I don't want my academic goals for her to cloud my judgement regarding her social needs. We do our best to schedule play-dates, spend time with cousins, trips to museums, weekly swimming, almost daily library trips, but it sometimes doesn't feel like enough.

 

SWB once told me during an online conference not to confuse schooling with socialization, but I feel like I cannot provide the interaction she needs with other kids on a consistent basis at home without siblings.

 

Parents of extroverted only children.... please give me some advice or share your experience homeschooling an only and how it plays out in terms of their socialization. Did sending them to school help? Did they resent you for keeping them home? How do you meet their social needs if you home-school?

 

I know I sound like so many people who constantly question hs'ers about their children's socialization, but I am truly concerned about it for my only, and am asking for your wisdom on the topic. Thanks in advance hive!

[ThursdayNext]

I don't really have experience with your issue, but I do have one idea.

I know a homeschool mom who does after-school childcare for a couple other families. If you could find a working mom who needs after school care for a similar aged child, and if that child is a suitable friend for your daughter, it could work really well.

[Pen]

We have similar issues and it is tricky. I had my son in two different schools before homeschool, and the reality is that he did enjoy the social time at school. But there were health issues and he was not learning anything.

 

For awhile another child near us was also homeschooling, and that made all the difference since just one good friend to play with every day was enough...better maybe than a lot of children, but none really a close friend. But then that friend moved away.

 

So since then I had had to make much more deliberate efforts to find him good social outlets. And recently extracurriculars have been chosen by what makes for the best social time rather than what is the best addition to his learning. So, for example, a playtime with other kids was chosen rather than an excellent music class at the same time.

 

He has had some sports that have put him with some other kids. Currently he is taking some enrichment classes at a homeschool co-op that does that.

 

Other similar options can be scouts, 4H, or similar group activities.

 

Look for things that actually give social time, not just presence of others. So instead of going to a museum, you might want to find a class for kids at a museum, or an art or music class with other kids. If there is no homeschool group already in your area, maybe you could start one that would meet at the library you are already going to. Think outside the box, as it were.

[Doodlebug]

I'm homeschooling an only and I understand your concern.

 

Especially at the age of your DD, I found it incredibly difficult to connect with other parents!  We did park days, but found ourselves surrounded by a different set of people every month -- and once a month isn't even enough to form relationships with other kids/parents.  Most co ops weren't open to a 6 year old, unless you had older children who were participating.  I remember looking into our city league's team sports program and the age guideline began with 8 year olds.  It was tough trying to find social outlets at that age and finding so little.  I found myself forecasting similar problems into our future... and I had a nice little freak out.  

 

We did join a CC campus for this reason... and found it to be a tremendous help.  That became the first social network through which I found other options and we tried several different activities.  Some worked.  Some didn't!  But we have made some very valuable friendships along the way that we continue to hold on to.  

 

Also, as my DS has gotten older, the independence factor opens up more possibilities... Drop off programs, just playing outside with neighbor kids, etc... It makes a huge difference.  DS has also developed his own interests, which then take us out into yet MORE social circles.  So, if I could encourage you -- don't freak out just yet!  Yes, continue to be open to new social opportunities that are reasonable for you both.  But you can also trust that just by nature of getting older, your DD will have more opportunities socially.  So many, in fact, you will drown if you try to do them all.  ;)       

[Susan in TX]

When my elementary aged kids were in a public charter they had very little opportunity to socialise with other kids. Schools are very regimented these days. Recess is almost non-existent. Lunch time was 30 minutes and my kids weren't allowed to talk at lunch. There really wasn't a whole lot of opportunity for making friends with other kids.

 

Susan in TX

[Farrar]

I haven't had this experience, though I do have one extrovert in a family of introverts.

 

If you're going to homeschool her, I say commit to the social stuff above all else for a couple of years. Take a "if I build it they will come" approach to getting a consistent set of friends - start a group with a specific purpose but which can allow for a lot of social time - First Lego, Destination Imagination, and Scouts are all good options for "official" groups that you can set up and run. Alternately, make a group that does something you can support - Spanish conversation, drawing, weekly nature walks, whatever you think you can make happen and run that's not too difficult. When social opportunities come along, take them. Put yourself out there and make mom friends. I know it can be hard, and I know it's sort of unfair, but realistically, 6 yos who aren't in school don't get a lot of friends unless they happen to have a bunch of neighborhood friends or unless their stay at home parent makes friends with the other parents.

 

I invested a lot of time in social stuff when my kids were little. Academics took so little time. I'm so glad we did this because we have a strong social network. Now, they're in middle school. I invest less time but we still have that network of kids and we feel like we have plenty of social outlets.

[Pen]

Another group activity that can lead to friendships and that exists in some places are children's theaters.  If you have that option, it can lead to particularly strong friendships and a good social outlet for some children.

 

 

 

And each thing you are doing, think about if there is a form that might lend itself to making friends, such as swimming could be doing it alone, or could maybe be part of a team. A relatively group oriented "sport" such as team soccer or dancing lessons or ice skating group lessons or team T-ball may do more for social life than an individual sport.

[Black-eyed Suzan]

Pam Barnhill in her podcast Homeschool Snapshots interviewed a mom with an only child.

 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/homeschool-snapshots-podcast/id957412093?mt=2&i=349365701

[Vida Winter]

About Homeschooling my Only Child.

 

I don't post much on the boards, but I do read daily and have gleaned so much advice from all of you experienced hs'ers on these boards.

 

I have a dd6 who is extremely extroverted and adores ALL types of social interactions with either kids or adults. We started hs'ing for various reasons including diet issues and some health concerns, but now we really love the academic benefits and the free time for other creative outlets that she also enjoys. However, I feel like she would adore school, spending all day with other kids her age and really having a chance to be around others beside me. I am concerned that being an only child can be really isolating for such an extrovert, and I don't want my academic goals for her to cloud my judgement regarding her social needs. We do our best to schedule play-dates, spend time with cousins, trips to museums, weekly swimming, almost daily library trips, but it sometimes doesn't feel like enough.

 

SWB once told me during an online conference not to confuse schooling with socialization, but I feel like I cannot provide the interaction she needs with other kids on a consistent basis at home without siblings.

 

Parents of extroverted only children.... please give me some advice or share your experience homeschooling an only and how it plays out in terms of their socialization. Did sending them to school help? Did they resent you for keeping them home? How do you meet their social needs if you home-school?

 

I know I sound like so many people who constantly question hs'ers about their children's socialization, but I am truly concerned about it for my only, and am asking for your wisdom on the topic. Thanks in advance hive!

 

Feeling guilty? DON'T.

 

You are doing plenty. I let my extroverted child attend public school for grades 6-8 and it took me nearly the rest of high school to undo the damage. We eventually added siblings to the mix but that is not a solution either, since siblings are only good for bickering until they get much older.

 

~ Homeschooling mom since 2000

 

[VorLady]

This is really, really hard. I never expected to have an only child but so be it :( We love homeschooling and she's not really super extroverted - with her parents, I don't see how she could be -- but it's a challenge. We do park day once a week and she does various activities like swim classes in the evening. The church we're attending has no Sunday School, which is a bummer since that was my go-to on socialization beforehand. I have a 16 year old babysitter I try to have in once a month or so for my daughter's sake as well as my own. And we send her for vacations to various large groups of cousins to spend a week or so. That always seems to help.

 

Honestly though the benefits are definitely worth it. Her personality is unique and sparkling. Her interests are not particularly "girly" and she likes to do things like spend two hours reading comic books or building Legos, or just talking to me. We homeschool for philosophical, religious, and academic reasons so sending her for socialization isn't even on our radar.  

 

sympathize about the guilt, because I feel it too, but we are doing what's best for our children, I know it.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

We have an only and have done private school for a few years, public cyber charter school at home for a few years, homeschool, and then public charter school. We have done every activity imaginable to help him get friends and finally at the end of middle school he does have a friend that visits him regularly here at home whom we met here where we live at the community pool. So school is not a guarantee of friends at all and in fact your kid might experience some negative things like bullying. My kid has gotten some enjoyment at school but he has also experienced some bullying here and there which we were able to effectively deal with without harmful effects. The places where he has connected the most was outside of school honestly. We are thinking of homeschooling again for high school and I do worry but I am positive I can do well with lots of outside activities.

 

For activities, how is your area? You might try scouts, the YMCA or JCC to see if they have kids' activities. Our YMCA had swimming lessons, camps, art classes, gym classes, etc. Also, you can try Tae Kwon Do, acting classes, library activities (our old library had homeschool library activities and your librarian might be willing to help you network). Then there are dance lessons, gymnastics, Sunday schools, Saturday language schools, etc. 

 

Lastly, if you have a good school for her then you can also try it. Many kids do quite well with school too.

 

I guess what I am trying to say that it could work either way as long as you keep her engaged in outside activities too.

[SumSum]

Thanks guys for all of your advice and support. We do live in a major metro area so there are tons of activities and things, but many of you have touched on the bigger issue of making/developing lasting friendships. I am going to think long and hard about what to do for her 2nd grade year next year. I just don't want loneliness to be the primary theme of her homeschooling experience due to a lack of connection with other children. I realize that school may not be the solution to these issues, but I do think I may need to consider it as a valid option.

[SereneHome]

All I can do is sympathize.  Even though I have 3 kids, I KNOW my oldest is craving much more social interaction and friends.  I've tried and tried, but people are flaky.  And living in New England is crazy hard to find social things to do in the winter that are consistent.  There are only so many library get togethers we can have.

 

I love Farrar's suggestions, I know I need to take the lead.  I just know I will have to get over the flakiness of people.