WWYD

[Scarlett]

Ds16 passed his drivers test today and in celebration went to the donut shop.  It was 10:30 ish....no customers....but at the counter talking to the (I believe) owner were three young/mid 20s people.   2 men and a woman.  There was a lot of discussion about hours, and whatnot....it appeared they were disagreeing about what they were owed for some work.  

 

The owner is a slight asian woman.  She shoo'd them away from the counter to serve us....we got our food and went and sat down.  I stopped listening....until it began to get loud.  And then louder.  And then the girl and one guy left.  The one remaining guy was saying things like, 'you are violating the law, you can't do this and I need to get paid.'  Then she made a phone call on speaker and some man was discussing what hours this young man had worked but it was very confusing on who owed him and why they weren't paying him.  The donut shop owner then told him she did not have the money to pay him and she would give the info to some other person who actually owed him the money (her words).  Well, I guess until that point he thought he was getting paid for at least a week and suddenly she was saying, 'no I can't pay you at all, I am not the owner of that shop and I don't have their money'.  

 

He got very angry.  He began to loudly curse her and she was yelling back and cursed too....I was not in their line of vision so I stood up and went to where he could see me.  I told him he needed to stop.  And leave.  He protested she was keeping his money from him.  I said, 'I don't care, this is out of hand and the cops are going to show up.  You can't just keep cursing a woman in public like this.'

 

Ds was saying, 'mom don't get involved'.  

 

The lady then told me thank you....I believe she was frightened by him, but she was very blustering back to him....She told me that her SIL owed him the money and had some troubles and had to leave suddenly to go over seas.  

 

I didn't get much more than that.....but I do believe the young man was being ripped off in some way.  He was saying, 'I have a kid, I have responsibilities.  I quit a job for this one and now you won't pay me.'  I felt so bad for him, but he just was not going to succeed with the path he was on.

 

WWY have Done?

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would have told him to get a lawyer and or report the business to his state Attorney general. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

It sounds like you handled it well.  I don't blame him for being upset, but screaming around in public doesn't seem the way to go either, and I would have been afraid of it escalating.  I might have left the shop and called the police.  In fact i have done stuff like that before (called the police).  I don't tend to get involved because there would be nothing I could do in the event they didn't take what I said so well.  And with my kid with me I would have felt extra protective. 

 

 

[bolt.]

I hope I would have been as gutsy as you in stepping forward to end the inappropriate public anger/intimidation. I don't think anything could be done by a bystander about the labour dispute itself, but at least you helped restrain the situation.

 

Possibly, I might have used my phone to look up whatever labour dispute board (or whatever) is supposed to handle these things, and give the info to the employee.

 

If it's s chain, I might contact head office and simply describe the incident.

[Carol in Cal.]

I would have gone over and stood near them and watched them, looking a little concerned.

Why?  Because I would have wanted them to realize that there was a witness right there that was paying attention to them.

 

A lot of times that is all it takes to get people to remember themselves and start acting less extreme.

[Scarlett]

I would have gone over and stood near them and watched them, looking a little concerned.

Why?  Because I would have wanted them to realize that there was a witness right there that was paying attention to them.

 

A lot of times that is all it takes to get people to remember themselves and start acting less extreme.

 

 

Yes that is what I did first.  Just stood and looked at them.  He turned and looked at me.  It kind of broke his rage.  

 

I could feel it escalating.   I really just didn't want him to go to jail.

 

And no they aren't a chain.

[Scarlett]

And I had a vision of 'well, if he goes insane enough to pull out a gun he will probably kill me and ds too!

  So I figured it was better to try to stop it.  

 

I have to give him credit for calmly leaving after that.  He did shame me a little by telling me, 'I know you heard her say she owes me.'  I just told him that I wasn't paying attention to the details enough to have an opinion, but that the yelling and cursing got my attention.' 

 

He drove away calmly too.  And then the other two came back in.  I think they were hiding outside because they were afraid of what he might do.  

[Mothersweets]

I would have gone over and stood near them and watched them, looking a little concerned.

Why?  Because I would have wanted them to realize that there was a witness right there that was paying attention to them.

 

A lot of times that is all it takes to get people to remember themselves and start acting less extreme.

 

I think that is what I would have done. I don't think I would have had the courage to say anything - I hate confrontation. Glad to hear it worked and that things didn't get out of hand.

 

 

And congratulations to your son! My dd and I went to the doughnut shop this morning, too - she just passed the road test for her driver's license - great minds (or stomachs) think alike! :)

[gardenmom5]

I think you did the right thing.

 

unless this woman had an ownership stake - or legally handled the money, she wasn't in a position where she could pay.  the sil who owned the shop suddenly going over seas doesn't bode well for anyone getting paid.

even if she was in a position to pay - the fact he was in her face and she was feeling physically threatened wouldn't have boded well for him if the police did show up.  all they would care about would be his implications of physical violence.

[gardenmom5]

I would have told him to get a lawyer and or report the business to his state Attorney general. 

 

someone making minimum wage in a donut shop isn't going to be able to afford a lawyer.  and an employment lawyer isn't going to take their case on contingent.  there isn't enough money in it.

it can be reported to the bbb, the state labor and industriest, or take them  to small claims court where you are your own lawyer - there's a filing charge, but it would be less than what he's owed.

[Scarlett]

someone making minimum wage in a donut shop isn't going to be able to afford a lawyer.  and an employment lawyer isn't going to take their case on contingent.  there isn't enough money in it.

it can be reported to the bbb, the state labor and industriest, or take them  to small claims court where you are your own lawyer - there's a filing charge, but it would be less than what he's owed.

 

 

He was throwing around the names of agencies....and he told her 'you guys don't have W2s, or W4s, and you are breaking the law and I've already called the cops'.    So he knew a little bit....but I think he mostly knew he wasn't going to get his money and he was mad as heck.  

 

Not that I blame him, but really he was out of hand.  I didn't fear him at all.  I just feared that the situation was about to go crazy.

[Carol in Cal.]

Well, you ARE a witness.  I mean, that is part of what witnesses do.  They testify.

If she said they owe him money, you should be ready to back him on that.

[Scarlett]

Well, you ARE a witness.  I mean, that is part of what witnesses do.  They testify.

If she said they owe him money, you should be ready to back him on that.

 

 

I don't know that she did say that.  They were doing a lot of arguing about how many hours he worked at first.  Then I quit listening and when I began to listen again he was yelling and cursing.

 

My impression is that he really is owed money by someone.  I am not sure it is her.  

 

I just felt bad for the whole deal.

[JudoMom]

Well, you ARE a witness. I mean, that is part of what witnesses do. They testify.

If she said they owe him money, you should be ready to back him on that.

I think you should have given him your first name and email in case he needed a witness. Calming him down was right, but I think denying you heard the details was wrong.

[Scarlett]

I think you should have given him your first name and email in case he needed a witness. Calming him down was right, but I think denying you heard the details was wrong.

 

 

I didn't hear the details enough to repeat them to anyone other than a homeschool forum.   :)

 

HE was yelling, 'you just said you would pay me' and she yelled back, 'I don't have the money here, I am not the owner of that shop'.

 

 

Edited March 11, 2016 by Scarlett

[zoobie]

Well, you ARE a witness. I mean, that is part of what witnesses do. They testify.

If she said they owe him money, you should be ready to back him on that.

Whatever she said while being cursed out and threatened is hardly reliable. It's pretty normal to agree just to diffuse the situation. You're right, yes, now please go...

 

OP, I probably would've called 911 and filmed it on my phone. People are crazy.

[Arcadia]

There was a family run Korean restaurant that closed suddenly with a note at the restaurant entrance saying they had urgent family business to fly home to. However this restaurant is run totally by siblings with no outside help.

 

In your scenario, I would have just left then call police. Too many times these kind of incidents lead to bloodshed during my childhood days so I would not risk getting hurt.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I like to think I would have done what you did, although I first would have acknowledged his anger over not being paid.  "Hey, I know you are wanting to be paid, but you cannot be yelling at her like this," and then continue on with what you said.  I would want him to know that I got his frustration, that he was right about that part of it.

 

What I especially like is that you were a wonderful model for your ds.  You know as well as I do that you can talk the talk, but you also have to walk the walk.  And you did.  Great job stepping up despite the uncertainly of the situation.

[Scarlett]

I like to think I would have done what you did, although I first would have acknowledged his anger over not being paid.  "Hey, I know you are wanting to be paid, but you cannot be yelling at her like this," and then continue on with what you said.  I would want him to know that I got his frustration, that he was right about that part of it.

 

What I especially like is that you were a wonderful model for your ds.  You know as well as I do that you can talk the talk, but you also have to walk the walk.  And you did.  Great job stepping up despite the uncertainly of the situation.

 

 

Yes, I probably should have done more of acknowledging his position and frustration.  I did say, 'you need to not work there any more then, but you can't be yelling and cursing this woman in a public place like this.  The cops are going to show up.'  He said, 'I've already called the cops about this'....I just kept repeating, 'you just have to stop.'

[Scarlett]

I like to think I would have done what you did, although I first would have acknowledged his anger over not being paid.  "Hey, I know you are wanting to be paid, but you cannot be yelling at her like this," and then continue on with what you said.  I would want him to know that I got his frustration, that he was right about that part of it.

 

What I especially like is that you were a wonderful model for your ds.  You know as well as I do that you can talk the talk, but you also have to walk the walk.  And you did.  Great job stepping up despite the uncertainly of the situation.

 

 

Thank you.

[Scarlett]

There was a family run Korean restaurant that closed suddenly with a note at the restaurant entrance saying they had urgent family business to fly home to. However this restaurant is run totally by siblings with no outside help.

 

In your scenario, I would have just left then call police. Too many times these kind of incidents lead to bloodshed during my childhood days so I would not risk getting hurt.

 

 

I couldn't have left her there alone in good conscience.  I had many things running through my head and what I came up with was that it was best to diffuse it immediately.  I had a flash that it could go very bad very fast.....

 

My son doesn't think the woman was afraid.  He says, 'you don't yell back and curse if you are frightened.'  Hmmm......food for thought.  I think I do have a fight response not a flight response.....so yeah I would be yelling back even if I was afraid.

[Alicia64]

If it had seemed as frightening as you've written here. . . I wouldn't have stepped in except to call the police.

 

Alley

[sassenach]

I think you did fine. I have been known to use my mom voice on strangers in situations where I could feel things escalating. Young people especially seem to really respond to it.

[Carol in Cal.]

Ha, I would yell if I was afraid.  Maybe not curse, but definitely yell.

I'm of the 'make yourself look big to a predator' mindset.

[Harriet Vane]

I think you did fine. I have been known to use my mom voice on strangers in situations where I could feel things escalating. Young people especially seem to really respond to it.

 

 

:iagree:

 

BTDT. I think you did great.

[Scarlett]

I think you did fine. I have been known to use my mom voice on strangers in situations where I could feel things escalating. Young people especially seem to really respond to it.

I told friends at dinner tonight that when he saw me step around the corner he was like a little,boy caught by his mom. He deflated very quickly when I used my mom voice.

[Scarlett]

If it had seemed as frightening as you've written here. . . I wouldn't have stepped in except to call the police.

 

Alley

I wasn't afraid. Except what might happen if I did nothing.

 

My only regret is not showing more concern for that young mans problem.