Do I need to just relax?

[lgliser]

We have 2 families that we have known since college.  We all have kids now, ages 7-13.  (10 kids in all)  We live in different cities, about an hour apart.  It's hard to find time to see each other but we have resolved to get together once a month.  My family lives in the middle so our house is a good place to meet. 

 

You know how you're used to the kinds of messes that your own kids make?  And then other kids come and make totally different kinds of messes.  It drives me crazy.  But this I can get past.  Last time though, things got broken.  One kid sat on one of our play tables (with a turtle tank on it) and broke the table, almost breaking the tank too.  Another kid (a 13 year old) sat on one of our larger inflatable balls and popped it.  Another 13 year old is a JERK.  And a bully.  My kids hate how he treats his siblings and then his parents do nothing about it.

 

Getting together with the parents alone is fine.  We all get along and have been friends for a long time now.  But I don't want to offer my house as an all family get together place anymore. 

 

So, am I being ridiculous?  If I'm not, then do I just be honest and tell them that some things got broken and it just stresses me out?  (they know about the table but I only just found out about the ball).

 

Thanks :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Are the kids being supervised at all?  (Asking because you are just now finding out about the ball.) 

 

What you are describing would stress me out. 

[zoobie]

That would stress me out too. If your kids don't enjoy it, meet elsewhere and let them off the hook.

[Arcadia]

You are not being ridiculous.

 

I have old friends that meet up for coffee without kids when most of us are in town. However our (friends and mine) kids don't necessarily get along well. If the intention is to have the kids along, then go to a neutral place where kids can just play with anyone or no one while the adults have a fun time chatting.

[MysteryJen]

We moved to dinners out with the adults. The kids got along okay when they were little (and supervised), but elementary age we had problems with bullying and jerk-like behavior and my kids requested no more in house parties. We met at parks for picnics for a few years, but now that everyone can get out without babysitters, we meet at restaurants.

 

Much much nicer and less stress. We meet about 2-4 times a year.

[lgliser]

The kids go to the basement, where we have a big trampoline, a Wii, and lots of toys.  On the same floor where the adults hang out, we have our former playroom, which is now our school room but still has a few toys.  That's where the table with turtle tank is.  So no, they're not really supervised.

 

Glad to hear I'm not being crazy.  We have next month's get together planned (our house).  If you were me, how would you get out of it?  I may suggest adults only if we can all find sitters!

[Mimm]

If these are old friends you want to maintain a long term friendship with, I would try to tactfully and gently bring up the biggest issue, which, to me, would be the bullying.

 

Perhaps for the next couple get togethers, another location could be chosen that would allow for better supervision of the children. Like meeting at a park and having a cook out, or going to a water park or something like that.

[LMD]

I tend to organise activities. Idle hands and all that.

I may set the older ones up downstairs with a Wii tournament, snacks etc. and rotate check ins around the parents (every half hour at least). I'd keep the little ones closer by, maybe with a babysitter, and plenty of activity 'stations'.

 

Generally we have meet ups at parks/outdoors! Much easier ;)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Nope, not ridiculous.

 

I think LMD has a good idea.  Also, put stuff away that has the potential to get broken.  Or tell the parents straight up. 

 

I'd ring my kid's neck if he did that, and I would pay for the damage.  If you didn't tell me though, I would not necessarily know. 

 

 

[Rachel]

It would drive me nuts. Beyond school age I kind of expect kids to be able to hang out at a house without needing adult supervision. Of course when you get too many kids, they seem to lose the ability to think clearly.

 

I would suggest for the next get together you go to a park, arcade,mini-golf, bowling, or something.

[zoobie]

The kids go to the basement, where we have a big trampoline, a Wii, and lots of toys. On the same floor where the adults hang out, we have our former playroom, which is now our school room but still has a few toys. That's where the table with turtle tank is. So no, they're not really supervised.

 

Glad to hear I'm not being crazy. We have next month's get together planned (our house). If you were me, how would you get out of it? I may suggest adults only if we can all find sitters!

I'd say your house isn't going to work, but how about 1) parents only at restaurant X or 2) activity near you suggestion

[bibiche]

Maybe hire an older kid to babysit/keep the kid busy and put of trouble? Normally the 13 year old could play this role, but since he is a jerk, pay someone to keep the kids amused and occupied.

[Carol in Cal.]

I was in a mom's group where there were a lot of different parenting styles.

 

After a while I noticed that I was one of 2-3 moms who were doing all the supervising.  My own daughter didn't get to hang out with me there because I was too busy refereeing other kids' fights and traumas.  I stopped going as regularly, as did a few others, and then there was a big miserable meeting about parenting where one mom, in an effort to be productive that fell flat because she was very passive aggressive, tried to impose a bunch of rules to be agreed upon, with extra copies for what she lightly termed 'my son's sparring partners' when what she clearly meant was 'my son's attackers'.  This did not go over well with the mom of one of the attackers, who to her credit was one of the few moms who tried to supervise.  The other attacker's mom was impervious and continued to ignore the situation while praising those who were wading in to fix it.

 

After some more drama we decided to become a moms' night out group that met monthly for dinner.  That worked out a lot better, LOL.

 

Some things you really can't resolve with conversation.  Time for a big change.  I wouldn't say why, though.

[FriedClams]

I think picnics, playgrounds, and general outdoor activities are best for everyone at that age. Mom doesn't go nuts, kids get fresh air, and furniture doesn't get destroyed.

[lgliser]

Thanks so much, everyone!  I truly appreciate the advice :)

[Ausmumof3]

You are not ridiculous. Though I also think that the parents aren't being terrible. At that age mostly you think your kids are going to be ok but sometimes around 13 they seem to outgrow their brains and when there are too many big teenage bodies everywhere in a smallish space stuff gets broken. A park or outdoor venue would be best bet - otherwise a movie on for the kids or something.