Middle school mentor

[lexi]

Ok, my dd is going to be in 5th grade next year and I'm looking toward middle school in the very near future. Yikes! Homeschooling and preparing her for higher level thinking and dealing with puberty....I am overwhelmed at the thought!

I'm attending a local convention soon and am so disappointed to see there are no talks for the middle school parents. There are tons of preschool/getting started talks and lots of high school/college talks. I need some middle years stuff!

So for those of you moms who are in the middle school years or finishing them up, what advice would you give? Are there any resources to get me started? I really want some logic-stage, middle school tips. Any good recorded talks or books?

[Critterfixer]

Well, you can always start with TWTM Logic stage section! After that, I have enjoyed Out of the Holding Tank and The Reader's Odyssey for a different take on language arts for that age and higher. 

Really, though, it doesn't feel much different. I guess I'm just gradually transitioning into "higher level thinking". Or "lower level thinking". Depends on the day. :laugh:

[8filltheheart]

Not talks to share. Nothing special to read. But I do have encouragement. :) I don't treat middle school any different than elementary school. I don't treat high school any differently than middle school. Each and every yr I want my kids to make steady progress forward in their basic skills. Each and every yr I up my expectations in work load. (Adding about 1 hr per grade level until 8th grade and then stabilizes to around 7-10 hrs per day until graduation.) In middle school a foreign language is added. But mostly we just keep plugging forward one step at a time. :) Nothing profound.

Edited March 6, 2016 by 8FillTheHeart

[lexi]

I guess I was just hoping for a pep talk or an assurance that we will survive the tween hormonal breakdowns. Some days I wonder what happened to my dd-it's like she's not the same person. She can be an emotional wreck. Other days it's like her brain fell out. I just hoped there would be some resources to help me deal with the roller coaster without eating my weight in chocolate.

[Critterfixer]

I haven't had too much in the way of hormonal things with the boys yet. They will be 13 in November. However, the "brain not connected" thing does happen. Followed by days where all the lights are on and everybody is engaged. They did this a little bit around age 9-10 for some reason. It helped me a great deal to go for a run. Thereby counteracting the side-effects of consuming chocolate. :laugh:

I'm planning to get both boys started on a daily to every other day running or weight training program this fall. They also respond very well to chocolate when they are in a prickly or a muddled state of mind.

[8filltheheart]

I have never had kids experience serious brain fog before. When my kids are acting that way, to me it is an indication of not enough outdoor time, not enough sleep, and not enough active down time (as in doing things, not screen time.)

 

Hormones....well, we all have our days. ;) My oldest dd gets irritable, my next one cries, and the next becomes an extreme introvert. I try to stay upbeat and positive with them, tell them that we all have our horrible, no good, bad days, but we keep functioning as normal.

[Critterfixer]

I think there is a reason that I haven't seen many resources on dealing with middle school kids in the home-school setting. I think that there is such a wide range in middle school when it comes to attitudes and abilities. My kids have days of brain fog. They have days that they get a little stinky and fussy. They have days that they can't remember the steps to long division. But they also have days that they make surprising connections during writing, or make great strides in math. And that can all happen in the same week. Sometimes the same day.

One thing I have noticed with the boys mirrors some of what I saw when they were toddlers. They are wanting to do things on their own, still needing some help, and sometimes they resent that. I do my best to figure out each day how much support they want or need from me and try to be very encouraging of their efforts at independent work and thought. I also insist on keeping them well fed and making sure that they learn ways to cope that have helped me whenever I needed to clear my mind or settle my temper (exercise, alone time, taking a break and doing something else for a while, brainstorming solutions to a problem, etc.) And in all seriousness, keeping a bag of chocolate chips to share out when everybody just needs something else to chew on for a while isn't a bad thing in my house.

 

ETA: This is disjointed. Sorry about that. I think I need more caffeine this morning!

Edited March 6, 2016 by Critterfixer

[lexi]

I think there is a reason that I haven't seen many resources on dealing with middle school kids in the home-school setting. I think that there is such a wide range in middle school when it comes to attitudes and abilities. My kids have days of brain fog. They have days that they get a little stinky and fussy. They have days that they can't remember the steps to long division. But they also have days that they make surprising connections during writing, or make great strides in math. And that can all happen in the same week. Sometimes the same day.

One thing I have noticed with the boys mirrors some of what I saw when they were toddlers. They are wanting to do things on their own, still needing some help, and sometimes they resent that. I do my best to figure out each day how much support they want or need from me and try to be very encouraging of their efforts at independent work and thought. I also insist on keeping them well fed and making sure that they learn ways to cope that have helped me whenever I needed to clear my mind or settle my temper (exercise, alone time, taking a break and doing something else for a while, brainstorming solutions to a problem, etc.) And in all seriousness, keeping a bag of chocolate chips to share out when everybody just needs something else to chew on for a while isn't a bad thing in my house.

 

ETA: This is disjointed. Sorry about that. I think I need more caffeine this morning!

But see, this is helpful. It's helpful to know that there is a wide range of normal. And knowing that they want independence but they sometimes need help-well it just helps me understand her perspective better.

So I could totally use a talk on the wide range of emotions and attitudes with tactics for coping. I feel a little bit crazy. It probably doesn't help that my oldest has a very strong and challenging personality.

[Arcadia]

It probably doesn't help that my oldest has a very strong and challenging personality.

My headstrong firstborn needs a good night sleep and an open kitchen that is well stocked. He can cook his own meals though.

He still wants to be "pampered" at times despite being very independent.

 

My current 5th grader is laid back, do whatever you tell him to do, but needs help with time management.

 

Just adapt as you go. My kids were thinking of buying me chocolate coated espresso beans at Trader Joes :lol:

[sweetpea3829]

We, too, are on the verge of middle school and puberty (also known as pooberty).

 

My laid back 10 yr old is having mood swings and crying jags if she doesn't get her own way. That didn't work when she was a toddler, but spanking at this age seems like the wrong solution, lol. The brain drain is real, people! But it's hard to tell what's brain drain and what's related to her LD.

 

My 9 yr old son has already had his first awkward crush on a girl who was mortified that a boy was making her origami flowers (yes, really).

 

Attitude from him abounds. He fluctuates between this really great, responsible kid that is helpful and kind and mediates between his siblings and this monster boy that argues, tries to out-logic me, and has to be reminded ten times to put his glasses on.

 

It's like a battle of character wages within him. I pray every day that the sweet, kind character wins out and does so soon!

 

 

Edited to add...forgot about DS brain drain recently, too. Smart kid! But sometimes it's like, really? Boy! Think!

Edited March 7, 2016 by Sweetpea3829

[Critterfixer]

My two are really not that difficult when it comes to their emotions, at least not right now! I have one fairly stubborn, but straightforward guy and another who is very enthusiastic but easily injured by an unkind word or blunt reply. Neither are prone to sudden outbursts of temper--there are always lead-up behaviors that help me to decide what needs to happen. I got lucky. I got kids with long fuses. 

 

For the first--he needs very blunt, very clear and concise directions. He needs me to be equally blunt when confronting him about an attitude issue. He also needs me to be completely unemotional during discussions. He simply isn't being defiant when he says he won't do something. He's telling it like it is. He needs me to tell it right back. He thinks as he works and writes. If I interrupt when he's trying to solve a problem or make suggestions during his writing he will get pretty huffy. He thinks best when he's talking it out to himself, bouncing ideas off me, but don't fix it for him! He'll fix it, and he wants to do it his way. He shuts down and retreats into sullen silence when he's had enough.

Coping skills for him: schedules that are regular, orderly and precise, plenty of rest in the evenings, not too much wading through tough material at one time, time to himself for working on his projects and his writing, extra patience on my part.

 

My other boy needs me to give him strategies for dealing with times when things are not going well. He's more likely to keep plowing on and getting frustrated because he won't stop and tell me that he's had enough. He has to be told to stop, take a break, go outside, go get a drink, go get something to eat or just to step back from the problem until his emotions settle. He needs to hear praise often. He needs long walks in the fresh air to "write". He does his best composition walking around before he writes. He is very good at making connections, sometimes where they don't exist. He may take too many suggestions and lose his voice in the process. He will lose his temper with himself far faster than he loses it with me. It's not uncommon for him to literally pull his hair when he's frustrated beyond endurance.

Coping skills for him: Outside time, taking breaks, breaking down a problem into steps, frequent praise, plenty of time to chat with me about multiple things that don't seem to go together, but reflect the way his mind jumps around, extra enthusiasm on my part.