Recital Dress -- Requiring students to buy new clothes

[Squawky Acres]

Our violin teacher just announced that this year, she is requiring "formal black and white attire" for the end-of-year recital.  "For boys - black pants, white collared shirts, and black dress shoes.  For girls - black slacks or black skirts, white dress shirts, and black dress shoes."  In the past, boys have worn dark pants (any color shoes) and white collared shirts, and girls have worn skirts or dresses of any color (usually a left-over Easter dress).  

 

My initial reaction is to panic at all of the shopping required, as I have three violinists in the recital, and my young kids do not own anything of the sort.  We can afford to buy the new outfits for everyone, but I hate to waste money on clothes that will only be worn once; and more to the point, I really, really hate shopping.  Is it reasonable to try to push back at this, or is this a normal violin recital thing?   

 

[chiguirre]

It's pretty typical if they're playing in an ensemble, not for solos. On the bright side, you can hand down the collared shirts. If the recital is in late spring, I'd check the clearance sales after Easter.

[JonesinIndiana]

I've always been lucky at thrift stores when we've needed special clothes. If that doesn't work, you might look into end of winter sales.

[Plink]

Black and white is not an unusual request for recitals.  

 

If it truly is a hardship for you, speak with the teacher now, not later.  Ask whether she would prefer for the children to skip the recital or to attend but break the dress code.

[Squawky Acres]

Oh . . . so maybe I need a reality check.  No, it's not a hardship.  It is just inconvenient.  I hate shopping.

[Arcadia]

The recital for my kids music school was back to back with another music school. I don't know if the other school has a dress code but my kids cello teacher just said formal attire.

 

What we saw was:

 

boys - black pants, white collared shirts, black dress shoes, tie or bow tie, vest or jacket/blazer

 

girls - black slacks or black skirts, white or black dress shirts, or black evening dress and black dress shoes, black cardigan or jacket/blazer

 

We bought from Sears Outlet for the clothes and from Nordstrom Rack and Payless ShoeSouce for the shoes. We basically shop Christmas leftovers.

 

My youngest would take over whatever oldest outgrow while we would have to donate whatever youngest outgrow to friends with younger sons.

[skimomma]

That seems pretty standard.  I'm always just happy when they don't spring it on me with less than a week's notice.  I find that there is an assumption that everyone just already has these things but it seems we never do and I'm scrambling.  If I have long enough lead time, I can usually keep an eye out at thrift stores and get what I need well in advance.

 

My dd's music ensemble has a dress code of black pants and shoes with a long sleeve t-shirt provided by the organization.  The t-shirt has tight cuffs and neck but is too wide around the body.  Dd is one of those really-picky-about-how-her-clothing-feels kids.  She physically cannot stand to wear the shirt.  She was willing to quit the ensemble over it.  I talked her into just showing up for the performance in a plain black long sleeve shirt.  No one noticed, or if they did, they did not say anything.  Dd is a "rule follower" and she was so worried about not following the rules.  Then there was the time I didn't realize she had outgrown her black shoes until minutes before we were supposed to leave.  I just had her wear black socks.  Again, dd was mortified....but at least comfy.  All that to say that I am guessing you are not the only parent who might be unprepared.

[Erica in OR]

The children's choir some of my kids are in had similar guidelines. We shopped thrift for what we didn't have. Inconvenient to go out looking for it, but classic clothing usable in other situations.

 

Erica in OR

Edited March 4, 2016 by Erica in OR

[LibraryLover]

What about LL Bean/Amazon so you don't have to shop?   The dress code for a concert totally makes sense. 

[JFSinIL]

It is a reasonable dress code for a recital.  I'd check local thrift stores, then if you hate shopping do the rest on-line.,

[Penelope]

I don't think it is unusual, but I think it is silly to have very specific clothing for recitals where kids perform individually, not as a group, and where the audience is only or nearly only parents,

 

Having a general guideline, like semi-formal or business or dark pants and collared shirt, seems good enough without requiring as many people to buy new things.

[Squawky Acres]

I don't think it is unusual, but I think it is silly to have very specific clothing for recitals where kids perform individually, not as a group, and where the audience is only or nearly only parents,

 

Having a general guideline, like semi-formal or business or dark pants and collared shirt, seems good enough without requiring as many people to buy new things.

 

Well, that was my original thinking.  The kids are doing solos, and then a few are playing in ensembles; but it is really just an end-of-year recital with an audience of parents and a few other families.  We are not a real performance group.

 

I'm playing as well, and I remember last year's instructions were that girls were to wear "a pastel dress."  I did have to tell the teacher (who is about half my age) that I was not planning on wearing a pastel dress, and we both had a laugh.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Perfectly reasonable requirement that is pretty standard, in my opinion. 

[Doodlebug]

I think it's an easy call for a busy teacher who likely has students in school/youth ensembles.  A lot of kids likely already own this, and for ensembles it makes sense.  The point of those outfits is to de-emphasize the individual and present a uniform on-stage appearance.

     

And this is exactly why I think it's silly in a recital situation.

 

Anyone who takes the risk of shoving months' long work into one singular performance in front of an audience... I think they need and deserve complete ownership of that moment. 

 

Helpful guidelines would be those that promote comfort and ease of play.

 

 

 

 

[Ellie]

Please don't push back. Just buy the clothes. :-)

[catz]

My music lesson kids have always needed more formal clothing for performances.  My violinist always needs black/white for orchestra.  That said we've gotten some stuff hand me down and some stuff from thrift stores and we don't spend too much if we don't have to.  My dd has a half dozen thrift store formals now that would be appropriate and I don't think I've spent more than $10 on any of them. 

 

If this were a program in a public school, I might complain but otherwise seems fairly typical for private studios.  One thing parents have done various years is a clothing/shoe exchange for families and that might be something to consider for a sizeable program that has very specific clothing requirements.

Edited March 4, 2016 by WoolySocks

[Alicia64]

I have been shocked at what I've found at Good Will.

 

Alley

[Rachel]

I find it annoying but it seems typical. Children's Place usually has black pants for boys, with the coupons and sales I've paid $7 for the last couple pair for my son. Their shipping is usually free over a certain amount or a flat rate so it isn't outrageous to order online.

[PeacefulChaos]

Just chiming in on the 'typical'.   :)

 

In middle and high school, our dress standards were exactly the same.  For ensemble performances it was black and white like you mention - for my piano recital it was full formal (I always had formal dresses on hand already, with dances and such.  I probably wore a bridesmaid dress a couple times in middle school lol.)

 

Actually, we even did the same thing when we did a choral Easter musical performance at church.  Guys were black pants, white shirts, black jackets, black shoes (ties were a certain color of maroon that we provided, along with scarves for the women in the same color).  Women were black skirts or pants, white shirts, and black shoes.  I was the director, I wore all black (no scarf, praise the Lord.  I hate scarves).

 

Edited March 4, 2016 by PeacefulChaos

[Tap]

Just a thought, if you thrift store shop and can't find the black pants.....

 

...If you can find dark colored pants/skirt that are cotton based (not a synthetic) you may be able to dye them black with RIT dye.  

 

Shoes can be painted with black shiny spray paint if you are really in a pinch and don't mind destroying them.  They won't last and scratches with show, but if you need to just make something work for one night, it is an option.

 

 

I don't know what size your dd is, but sometimes it can be easier to find a petite xs  woman's shirt  in white, than a little girls.   If you know anyone with kids in private school that requires uniforms, they will likely have a white shirt that they may let you borrow.  

 

If you don't mind paying for new clothes Target online sells kids school uniform pieces all year long and so does Lands End. 

Edited March 4, 2016 by Tap

[Julie Smith]

My boys have a piano rectal twice a year. There has never been a dress code. They did have one many years ago and the dress code was nice pants and a nice shirt. ... At the time it was summer and my boys had no pants. NONE. The teacher was a friend and neighbor and said shorts would be fine. They were the youngest students. 

 

What is funny is I just rewatched the video, and my youngest at the time was in his mullet phase. 

[redsquirrel]

Well, it is typical for public performances. But, if it is just for family, I've always been told 'clean and neat'.  But some teachers do require it for all performances.  Our piano teacher has three little kids and understands what a pain in the butt it is.

 

But, I do always have a pair of black pants and white button down shirt and black shoes for each kid. And yes, they get worn twice and passed down to the next kid.  I keep them bundled together in a labeled box "concert clothes". I buy the shirts and shoes at Kohl's and the pants from Lands End.  No one is allowed to wear the shoes until we are in the concert location and we change before we leave.  Those shoes stay perfect for a long time, lol.

 

And I am not above just folding up the pants or whatever to make too big clothes fit for the hour they need to fit. I am not going to spend any more $$ than I have to.

[Ali in OR]

For piano recitals during elementary school years (held at the teacher's house), no real dress code but everybody dressed up a bit.

 

In public middle school band, everyone had to have black pants or skirt, black or white shirt/top.

 

For the competitive honors band in high school, dd had to buy a $75 dollar dress that was specified and it cost another $30 to get it hemmed. And pearls, but they're cheap fakes. And yes, public school--not sure if they have any provision for families where this would be a hardship.

[KungFuPanda]

White top and black pants/skirts/ shoes is the easy, cheap out. Just beg, borrow, thrift, or buy the clothes. A specific recital dress or costume would take pricing control out of your hands. I get it because I hate to shop, but this wardrobe gives a polished look at the lowest possible price.

[LisaKinVA]

DS was required to buy black slacks, black button down dress shirt, and black shoes for choir.

[skimomma]

 

 

I'm playing as well, and I remember last year's instructions were that girls were to wear "a pastel dress."  I did have to tell the teacher (who is about half my age) that I was not planning on wearing a pastel dress, and we both had a laugh.

 

This is even worse for us.  Dd had a recital where they were supposed to wear "spring dresses."  It was right after Easter so I think the assumption was that people would have them already.  We (along with a lot of other families in this group) are not religious and dd HATES dresses.  I would MUCH rather buy concert black that will be used over and over (and can be passed along to other musicians) than a frilly dress dd will only wear once....after I tackle her and force it on her.  Dd ended up borrowing a not-very-spring-like skirt and we called it good.  Some of the older teen girls showed up in jeans.  That was when the attire requirements changed.

[almondbutterandjelly]

Good will usually has a very nice selection of flowy black skirts.  That's where I got one for my dd for a music recital.

 

We had a white shirt from Hanna Andersson.

 

If you really hate to shop, I vote for online shopping.  Lands End has long black pleated skirts in their uniform section, usually.

 

Edited to add: I just noticed the ages of your kids.  Goodwill's skirts are in the women's section usually, so that won't work.  Check Lands End for skirts and pants and dress shirts for boys.  Hanna Andersson for a nice cute white shirt for girls.  

 

Here is a link for a white, somewhat dressy shirt for girls:  http://www.hannaandersson.com/pdp.aspx?from=SC&pcid=26&styleid=35611&simg=35611_001

It's t-shirt material and very comfy, but dressy enough looking.  Plus your dd could wear it with regular clothes.

 

Here is a black skirt below the knee:  (pleated):  http://www.landsend.com/products/girls-solid-pleated-skirt-below-the-knee/id_253765?sku_0=::BLA

(a-line):  http://www.landsend.com/products/solid-a-line-skirt-below-the-knee/id_253768?sku_0=::BLA

Edited March 4, 2016 by perkybunch

[SparklyUnicorn]

With choir they have to wear a specific outfit.  Good thing is it is for more than one show.  But I hear you.  It gets expensive.  And my son never has a use for the clothing outside of choir so maybe he wears that outfit 8 times tops.  And it costs $80.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

White top and black pants/skirts/ shoes is the easy, cheap out. Just beg, borrow, thrift, or buy the clothes. A specific recital dress or costume would take pricing control out of your hands. I get it because I hate to shop, but this wardrobe gives a polished look at the lowest possible price.

 

Yep. Reminds me of dance recitals.  They made everyone pay $50 for the recital fee per class they were in.  My boys would get a shirt.  Just a shirt.   For $50! 

[Alessandra]

That was the dress code in elementary and middle school here. The kids looked nice and felt special too.

 

I found that Target has some astonishingly decent black suit pants for the price, in both men and boys. You do have to watch your timing, as the suit separates tend to appear around Christmas, then Easter, but not all year round. We also found traditionally styled black oxfords for around $20 on sale that look to be clones of the $150-180 shoes at Nordstrom. I did have to go to multiple stores to get a few sizes for Ds to try on, as stock always seems to be low for dress shoes.

 

Stores that sell school uniforms are a good source for shoes too. We used to order from an online place in Texas, may have been called school shoes.

 

ETA

Here are Target $17.95 trousers. We got these for years before moving on to men's sizes. They are good quality.

 

http://www.target.com/p/boys-dress-pant/-/A-15699257

 

Here are $15 shoes from Walmart. I have not bought these, but the style is decent.

 

http://www.walmart.com/browse/clothing/boys-shoes/5438_1045804_1045805_624079?cat_id=5438_1045804_1045805_624079&facet=category:Dress%20Shoes

Edited March 4, 2016 by Alessandra

[Barbara H]

It is frustrating when kids are grown fast and you wonder if you are purchasing a one time item. For black pants for boys we've had luck year round at Walmart - George brand runs around $10 and you can order them online.

[gardenmom5]

depending upon where you're doing string recitals - it's fairly normal.  I don't consider it all that different from other extra-curricular expenses. 

 

ording online is good.  if they stick with the instrument - they'll need the clothes for other performances. 

 

in high school, all the girls were required to order the same "uniform" long black dress. it came unhemmed so you could finish it to the correct length for the student.  UNhemmed - it was barely long enough for dd.  if she wore flats.

[Dmmetler]

Also, if you send your kids to music camps, make sure you include black/white recital dress-including a black leotard and rehearsal skirt (white shirt/black dance tights for boys) if they're doing classes that involve any form of movement/dance. Black character shoes are good to toss in for girls, too. I have memories of taking a bus across a strange city to a dance store because I hadn't packed a black leotard and I needed one for an Opera scenes performance. They hadn't included it on the packing list, but the directors definitely assumed everyone had it.

Edited March 4, 2016 by dmmetler

[zoobie]

I think it's pretty typical to buy specific attire for a recital, but I'd still be a bit irked if it's not a group event! Especially the shoes. Those can be expensive and would only be worn that time by my DS. I'd do it, but I'd grumble internally. Thankfully our guitar teacher had them wear whatever they wanted. :)

[vonfirmath]

Our violin teacher just announced that this year, she is requiring "formal black and white attire" for the end-of-year recital.  "For boys - black pants, white collared shirts, and black dress shoes.  For girls - black slacks or black skirts, white dress shirts, and black dress shoes."  In the past, boys have worn dark pants (any color shoes) and white collared shirts, and girls have worn skirts or dresses of any color (usually a left-over Easter dress).  

 

My initial reaction is to panic at all of the shopping required, as I have three violinists in the recital, and my young kids do not own anything of the sort.  We can afford to buy the new outfits for everyone, but I hate to waste money on clothes that will only be worn once; and more to the point, I really, really hate shopping.  Is it reasonable to try to push back at this, or is this a normal violin recital thing?   

 

My husband is a hobby viola-ist and makes sure he always has a white shirt and a black shirt as well as black pants for performing. Even though currently it has been over a year since he had a chance to play. Even when solo-ing, I don't think I've ever seen my SIL (Who has her PHD in something to do with the violin) in anything other than black  when performing.

Edited March 4, 2016 by vonfirmath

[Tsuga]

I think the request is reasonable. I think it is reasonable to buy up. I would say most of the boys under 10 had shirts between one size too small and two sizes too big. We live in a nice area but many people do not invest heavily in dress up.  Plain white dress shirts are actually convenient because if the kid gets something on it, you can bleach it! 

 

I say don't push back. Not worth it. Just grab it all from Target online and be done with it. Order too big, save yourself a year of shopping.

[Squawky Acres]

 

Here is a link for a white, somewhat dressy shirt for girls:  http://www.hannaandersson.com/pdp.aspx?from=SC&pcid=26&styleid=35611&simg=35611_001

It's t-shirt material and very comfy, but dressy enough looking.  Plus your dd could wear it with regular clothes.

 

That's a thought.  We actually have some of these Hanna Andersson white T-shirts already.  I was thinking "stiff, white, button-down blouses that they will hate and never wear again," but the shirts are rather pretty and dressier than a T-shirt.  Maybe we can get away with them.

[Tsuga]

SquakyAcres, white polos also work. They are much softer than stiff shirts.

[laundrycrisis]

I would push back on the female attire.  I have never worn a white dress shirt in public and I never will.  Females should be able to wear an all black dress if they want to.   IMO it would be easier to find an all black outfit for a girl than a white top/black skirt outfit that looks nice.   The teacher should accept all black dresses.  If she doesn't see an all black dress as formal, she has no idea what she's doing with this dress code. 

 

As for shoes, I bought our sons' black dress shoes at Wal-Mart - super cheap and they have been fine for recitals.  

Edited March 5, 2016 by Laundrycrisis2

[almondbutterandjelly]

That's a thought.  We actually have some of these Hanna Andersson white T-shirts already.  I was thinking "stiff, white, button-down blouses that they will hate and never wear again," but the shirts are rather pretty and dressier than a T-shirt.  Maybe we can get away with them.

Absolutely.  That's what my dd wore to a recital, and no one said anything negative.  It looked fine with a black skirt.

 

And you already have them, so perfect!

[Anne in CA]

I remember the years of white shirts and black trousers for poultry and rabbit showing. Technically, they should have been in white coats, but our county never went that far. And then there was the year of white trousers and white shirt, for dairy showing! ACK! We finally found a pair of white jeans with small flowers on the pockets and called it good. Everyone said--oh wear painter's pants! Um, they aren't white--they're cream!. 

 

If you only saw what we're needing for rodeo queen... 

I am requesting a photo of the rodeo queen in advance...

[Squawky Acres]

I would push back on the female attire.  I have never worn a white dress shirt in public and I never will.  Females should be able to wear an all black dress if they want to.   IMO it would be easier to find an all black outfit for a girl than a white top/black skirt outfit that looks nice.   The teacher should accept all black dresses.  If she doesn't see an all black dress as formal, she has no idea what she's doing with this dress code. 

 

As for shoes, I bought our sons' black dress shoes at Wal-Mart - super cheap and they have been fine for recitals.  

 

I agree.  I do think all-black is much more elegant for women.  But I think my girls can wear their white Hanna Andersson T-shirts, and then I can get them some inexpensive black maxi skirts.

[Anne in CA]

The heartcross on her chaps is our cattle brand. 

LOVE it!

[wintermom]

I've got 4 dc in violin and classical guitar, and this is completely normal for us. We buy as much of the items as we can at a consignment store. WalMart has inexpensive stuff, and it looks just fine.  And once you get the outfits, they can totally be passed onto the next child.  My dc also end up wearing the clothes for other special occassions, such as weddings, funerals, First Communion, theatre, etc., so it's never a "one-time-wearing." 

Edited March 5, 2016 by wintermom

[8circles]

White over black is pretty standard for concert attire.

 

I do not consider a recital for parents/family to be a "concert" so I think it's silly to be so specific.

 

But, you should be able to easily find something online or in thrift.

[wintermom]

Well, that was my original thinking.  The kids are doing solos, and then a few are playing in ensembles; but it is really just an end-of-year recital with an audience of parents and a few other families.  We are not a real performance group.

 

I'm playing as well, and I remember last year's instructions were that girls were to wear "a pastel dress."  I did have to tell the teacher (who is about half my age) that I was not planning on wearing a pastel dress, and we both had a laugh.

 

Just wait until you see the kids. It really looks nice when they are in black and white. And honestly, it's very easy to hang them in your closet and keep them neat and clean for the next time, so you don't have to franticly search for nice, concert clothes.