Upptacka Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) I apologize in advance, because I know this will get long and possibly scatterbrained. I feel like we have been stuck (for years!) in indecision re: moving vs staying, and I am getting so tired and stressed being in limbo. I need some outside perspective! There is a lot we love about our house, and we love our neighborhood and cul de sac location. But, we bought our home before kids. Three kids later, we are finding that our floor plan isn't working well for us. It is the only thing we dislike about the home (at least in this season of our lives), but obviously floor plan is a pretty big thing to dislike about a home. We have a 4 bedroom home, but the bedrooms are all over the place. Two bedrooms (master BR and BR2) are on the main level, with the kitchen and living room between them. The other two bedrooms are downstairs, with a large family room and playroom between them. To this point, we have coslept and/or had the kids sharing a room. Currently we have all 3 girls (almost 8, 5.5 and 3.5) sharing BR2 on the main level. They have happily been in that room for 2-3 years, but they can't share forever. The room isn't big; it has just enough space for two full beds (with 7" between them, haha), and that is it. Consequently, all of their toys, books, dolls, etc are all over the living room. My oldest is starting to express interest in having her own room, but she doesn't want to sleep downstairs, or even spend time down there unless I am down there with her. We briefly had DD1 and DD2 sharing the bigger downstairs bedroom at the bottom of the stairs when they were younger, but I ended up sleeping in there a lot with them. In part because it made them more comfortable, and in part because I slept better myself (I have some irrational fears; they just feel so far away when I am upstairs, even though the master is directly above that BR). We are torn if we should move or not. It makes the most financial sense to stay. We can't afford a more expensive home, so we wouldn't be "moving up" to our dream house or anything, just improving the floor plan for us. I know there will be things we don't like about the new house, and compromises would need to be made. Some days I feel very motivated to move......life is short, and I have faith we will find something that would work for us. But then the doubts creep in, wondering if it would really be *that* much better to move. Moving is really stressful and expensive. We also did some remodeling in our house 4 years ago -- new, bigger kitchen and hardwood flooring throughout the main level......I love them, and would hate to give those up. I often wonder if we are through the worst of it already; I feel like the most difficult part about our bedroom layout was when our kids were babies. Maybe we will love this floor plan when the kids are older? People keep telling us that, but our kids are sensitive and I have a feeling they will always be more comfortable sleeping closer to mom and dad. I have days where I question if any of them will ever want to move downstairs. I wish I had a crystal ball and knew how they will feel about it in 5 years. If we moved, we wouldn't move far........we would likely stay in the same general area of our suburb, same school district. The only change would be looking for a two story, 4BR upstairs house. If we stayed, we could do a little work downstairs to make it more comfortable and spend more time down there (we spend almost all of our time on the main level, but maybe the girls will be more comfortable down there if we spend more time down there during the day). The downstairs is pretty pleasant for a basement, with big lookout windows in all the rooms. I just find that we spend all our time in the kitchen/living room/office on the main level. We are downstairs to watch movies on the weekend or whatever, but for the most part the square footage down there is neglected and used for storage. That could easily change in the future, but who knows. The other option we have considered (if we stay) is to convert our front office on the main level to a bedroom. The office is near BR2 (so we could at least move one of them out of that bedroom), but the office is in kind of a weird place for a bedroom. It is basically in the front of the house, right off the foyer. Not only an odd location, but also feels vulnerable to me at the front of the house (close to the front door). Or am I overthinking all of this? We keep going back and forth! Part of me just wants to stay and make the most of what we have, and part of me feels like we might always regret staying here. More than anything, we just need to make a decision so I can stop thinking about it!! Thanks if you made it this far! :) I am wondering what you would do in this situation? Other things I should be taking into consideration? People have told me that any teenager would love to have a bedroom and "teen space" downstairs away from everybody, but is that really true for every tween/teen? I just don't know how to commit to a decision and move forward......I feel like I am paralyzed in pro/con indecision land. Edited March 2, 2016 by Upptacka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyMountain Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Your kids are still young. Once they are older they will not think that a room downstairs is scary and they will probably want their own room. You should practice what to do in case of fire or other emergencies and if they are older and know what to do maybe it will not be as bad for you to have them downstairs either. I would fix it so you use the downstairs more. Edited March 2, 2016 by MistyMountain 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I would say stay. We once bought a house where all bedrooms were in different corners of the house. I didn't love it at all. But looking back, it was my favorite floor plan. As kids age they want their own space. And having different areas like you do, will be awesome in a a few years. And I have seen 4 kids in a tiny bedroom with toys all over the floor...the kids were fine with it. If you move for what works now, it won't be a good option when the kids grow up. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Give your daughter who wants her own room, a room to herself. She just wouldn't have to sleep in that room till she feels ready to. Also you never know. My boys still share a room, and pretty much share a bed (The beds they have actually touch). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upptacka Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Your kids are still young. Once they are older they will not think that a room downstairs is scary and they will probably want their own room. You should practice what to do in case if fire or other emergencies and if they are older and know what to do maybe it will not be as bad for you to have them downstairs either. I would fix it so you use the downstairs more. I know my fears are irrational because they are actually safer downstairs in the event of a fire. They can just open the bedroom window and walk out into the back yard (or we can break the windows from outside). This easy access to the outside also makes it more inviting to sneak out, but I think teenagers will find a way to sneak out if they want to (no matter where their bedroom is). We would probably put alarms on the windows, though. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 My guess is that you've weathered the worst of it by far. Time flies, and I bet it won't be all that long until your now almost 8 yo will be glad for a little more privacy. So considering you love everything else about the house I don't think I'd move. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upptacka Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) That is a good point -- are we just trading one problem for another (will we want a different floor plan in 5-10-15 years when the kids are older and want more privacy, and eventually starting to move out?) It makes me sad to think the day will come without them all here hovering around me, but it will. I also love the idea of giving a downstairs bedroom for DD1, but still having her sleep upstairs with her sister (they share a bed). Maybe in time she will want to sleep down there, too. Right now she doesn't even want to go downstairs alone, but maybe she just needs to get used to it (and have it be more appealing......maybe paint her room, put some of her special toys and books down there, etc). Thanks for all your replies so far. :) Edited March 2, 2016 by Upptacka 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Stay. In the meantime, buy a baby monitor for everyone's peace of mind. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) I was also going to be say it won't be so many years they will be fighting for the private downstairs bedroom and you'll be grateful for another space to host groups of bigger kids. I had a basement bedroom in a quiet corner starting as a tween off a finished rec room and I LOVED it even though I was a totally a momma's girl when I was younger. If they are all still happy sleeping together upstairs, I'd just stay status quo with that. Especially if you're just thinking of moving locally for a different floorplan. To me it sounds like you have a nice set up and plenty of space. When my kids were young, my kids just trailed wherever I was. We just rotated toys in our main living area or they'd drag them out anyway. Edited March 2, 2016 by WoolySocks 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Stay. As the kids get older, the issues around separation and not wanting to sleep alone will gradually resolve themselves. How do you feel about bunk beds? A twin over full bunk bed might help with space issues in the smaller room. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Could you put an intercom system in, to make it easy for them to talk to you? Or get walk talks? Or just a two way baby monitor? (I think they make those now). That way they won't FEEL so alone. I'd do that, then move all the toys, or at least most of them, downstairs into that playroom. Encourage them to play down there. Once they are playing down there (complete with baby monitor or walk talk) on a regular basis I bet they will feel just fine sleeping down there. otherwise, could you turn the family room into a master bedroom? Then you'd all be sleeping downstairs, but have more room? You don't use it as a family room anyway it sounds like. Then make your master bedroom upstairs into a school room? Or turn it into a playroom, since y'all spend most of your time upstairs anyway? That way toys are out of the living room, and you all sleep on the same floor, downstairs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 We are a bit further down the road than you....having two main level bedrooms sounds heavenly. We just moved away from an all four bedrooms upstairs house because our kids have aged. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Stay. And move the office downstairs so oldest can have that front room, at least during the day, to study and read or just be by herself if she wants (a perk of being oldest). She can still sleep with her siblings...although I'd put a nice daybed in the front room, so should she change her mind,it is there. And invest in baby monitors for your own peace of mind. When our folks moved us from a ranch house to a two-story back in olden times, my kid sister and I got our own rooms on the second floor, which also held the master. Kid brother got his own room right below us. First few nights in the new house, Mom remembers finding him curled up on the upstairs landing by morning, as it took a while for him to feel safe by himself downstairs. He would have been 11 -12ish then. Edited March 2, 2016 by JFSinIL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Oh, how much bigger is the master? Why not put the girls in there for a couple years, and you take the smaller room. Not like you need space to spread out your Legos or dollhouse etc. during the day... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Another vote to stay. If you intend to stay in the town/city/suburb you're in for the super long haul, you'll be glad to have bedrooms on the first floor as you age. DS always wanted to sleep near where we were; then he turned 12 and wanted to be further away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calm37 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Years ago when we needed to move our oldest to the downstairs bedroom we had all the same fears. We bought an intercom, a cheap push the button and talk thing from Radio Shack with two stations. I had one on my nightstand and she had one on hers. We talked on it quite often. She knew that if she needed help, we would hear her. She would test it out every once in awhile, "Um...Mom???" :) But it was never actually needed apart from that assurance that all was well upstairs. The intercom lasted a year or so and then everything was fine. She was 10. She has loved having her own large room all these years! Oh, how I wish I had your bedroom separation right now! It is very hard on intimacy having older kids within earshot. Ugh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) My oldest son was always afraid to be in the basement alone until last year when he turned 9. This year he says he is thinking about moving down into the guest room for more privacy, he is 10, getting close to 11. Right now I have 3 kids splitting 2 rooms, and an almost totally-unused guest room that could be a bedroom for any of them. But I think that is going to change pretty soon. I think my son will still want to be close to me, but downstairs is getting to be well within his comfort zone. In the meanwhile, my 7-year-old daughter has got her eyes on the guest room and seems like she would move down there easily if she wanted to. She has got a different personality, she does great at night etc., compared to my older son. But even he is getting ready for it, and he does have that kind of personality.... it is just changing as he gets older, even though it is still the "I want to be close to mom" personality. It is changing so he doesn't have to be quite so close. This year he doesn't need me to walk him all the way into things, I walk him in and then he goes ahead and joins in. So I think, yes, even with this personality, the personality stays, but it gets older, too. Edited March 2, 2016 by Lecka 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I would stay. You will love having more options as the girls get older. Currently maybe switch up the bed. Bunk beds for two of them and a twin bed for the third would give them more room. Maybe turn the office into a toy room and move the office downstairs at least until they are ready to go down there to sleep. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I love ktgrok's idea--Makeover the playroom to be your bedroom! Turn your master into your schoolroom or a playroom. Then all of you sleep downstairs. Just think--it could be sooo nice! I am thinking the playroom is probably bigger than an average bedroom-- Does it have room for some bookshelves and a reading area for you? How great a get-away THAT could be for you, and the kids would have extra room on the first floor to be their new playroom, so the toys would be out of the livingroom. Alternatively, put the office in the basement bedroom and turn the office into a bedroom on the first floor for your oldest. Sounds lovely. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I know my fears are irrational because they are actually safer downstairs in the event of a fire. They can just open the bedroom window and walk out into the back yard (or we can break the windows from outside). This easy access to the outside also makes it more inviting to sneak out, but I think teenagers will find a way to sneak out if they want to (no matter where their bedroom is). We would probably put alarms on the windows, though. ;) yes, I used to climb over the banister and slide down to the lower stairs so I didn't have to walk past my parents bedroom or use the squeaky steps. I then would walk out the front door/screen door. My sister always used the backdoor/screen door. I felt that was risky being under the parent's bedroom windows ;-) I think you could put in safety measures to prevent sneaking out/intruders getting in. But if anything, life is never constant. You may need to move in the future anyway, so no need to worry about it yet. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Redecorate the downstairs rooms. Spend more time down there. We have an upstairs bonus room my oldest lived in for a while. At that time, he was angry and unhappy so I began to feel that room was filled with darkness, angst, and ick. When he moved out and his life got better, I wanted that room to use for my projects. So we cleaned, rearranged, painted and in general fixed it up. I added a TV and music system to help change the atmosphere. I happily did projects up there after all that. Change the energy--I know that sounds a little woowoo...but it is something that really works for me. Paint, fresh curtains, cheerful pillows and a communication system will do wonders. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Another vote to stay. Your reasons for moving really aren't compelling enough to justify the cost and the aggravation. And you have just as many reasons to stay, it seems. I think you should go with the suggestions already made up thread. Give yourselves permission to spend the money you would have spent on selling and make the house more "you" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Your reasons for moving aren't all that compelling to me. You don't need to convince me. Not saying that. Just if you felt strongly you probably wouldn't be having a tough time deciding. So just stay put for now is my thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upptacka Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 A huge thank you to all of you.......you opened my eyes to a lot of things, and gave me so much to think about (and feel excited about!) I appreciate all of your responses, particularly from those of you with older kids. And some of the suggestions never occurred to me, so it has been very helpful. I went over posts again with my husband last night, and we were very impressed with the ideas, perspective and insight. I am fairly certain we will stay, and I am already planning what things to do to the basement. I guess we might be doing some house work this summer rather than moving, but I am excited. It is giving me so much peace, and I feel like we have some direction and I can actually take a step forward now! :) Redecorate the downstairs rooms. Spend more time down there. We have an upstairs bonus room my oldest lived in for a while. At that time, he was angry and unhappy so I began to feel that room was filled with darkness, angst, and ick. When he moved out and his life got better, I wanted that room to use for my projects. So we cleaned, rearranged, painted and in general fixed it up. I added a TV and music system to help change the atmosphere. I happily did projects up there after all that. Change the energy--I know that sounds a little woowoo...but it is something that really works for me. Paint, fresh curtains, cheerful pillows and a communication system will do wonders. You know what? That makes complete sense to me! I have put zero effort or personal stamp on the downstairs.....nada. Everything looks the way we bought it -- brown carpet, beige paint, no pictures on the wall, no personal touches. I think it will really help to spend some time and money making it a more comfortable, inviting space. Right now it has no appeal or good energy for me, which is why I don't like spending time down there. And I have faith that when we start spending more time down there, it will become a more comfortable place for the kids to be, too. I will make their rooms a daytime oasis at first, with the eventual goal of sleeping down there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Re: your changing the basement. Due to unusual circumstances, we lived in borrowed housing for a couple of months last summer, and a few weeks ago moved back into the same house. In the interim, some superficial changes were made to the house. My least favorite room, which I saw as dark and uninviting, has now become my favorite due to some rather inexpensive changes: Some old dark and ugly curtains were replaced by white wooden blinds. A large, dark TV cabinet was moved out of a corner and a smaller short cabinet was placed against a different wall. Big heavy TV was replaced by a large flat screen. The dark wooden floor now is mostly covered by a pretty rug which has also lightened the room. A large coffee table and a desk were moved out, which opened up the space considerably. It is amazing the difference those little changes have made, bringing lots of light and pleasant atmosphere to what was a dreary sad room. I hope you can envision changes that will do something similar for your unused spaces! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Sounds like you've gotten lots of very helpful responses already, but I wanted to chime in. My kids were 7 & 5 when we bought our current house, and they will turn 14 and 12 within a couple of months. Their bedroom needs and preferences have TOTALLY changed in those years. It really sounds like you have a great setup for teenagers with two bedrooms and a playroom downstairs. I think staying is definitely the right thing to do. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 I have a completely different idea - get a dog for your daughter to sleep with in the basement! She would have company and probably feel safe with the dog protecting her. I would move all the girls downstairs and make it their fortress! What fun for them. There are plenty of alarms and monitors that will help you feel better. Time does move fast and moving is the worst! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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