bored / intellectual challenge? s/o SAHM

[regentrude]

 Well, that's why I suggested sitting with the boredom for a time. 

 

I was bored for about 2.5 years. It was uncomfortable. I sat with it for a long, long time. And then - bam! - I woke up one day and knew what I wanted to do. 

 

That's not a process you can force, imo.

 

It has been gradually getting worse over the course of several years. So, it's not that I am looking for a quick fix. But I also know that I need to be proactive before this puts me in another cycle of actual depression. I have no desire to revisit that.

 

ETA: But I am grateful for all thinking prompts that help me think my way through this

Edited March 3, 2016 by regentrude

[Rosie_0801]

I'm not kidding about being a baroness.

 

 

 

That would be my absolute dream! To be a salloniere and to be surrounded by intellectuals and artists and scientists and great minds.

 

You may not get the quality a French aristocrat could pull in, but it would give you an opportunity to try and build it. 

 

"Career" path

1. Go to some SCA events and learn the culture.

2. Become a lady in waiting to the current baroness. (You probably only have to ask.)

3. Start running the events.

4. Keep running the events.

5. Nominate yourself when baronial elections come up next.

6. Train other people to run events.

7. Nurture any other local talent you can so they will let you quit being baroness one day.

[Nan in Mass]

Hmm...

 

As much as I think boredom is a stage of the creative process, one where there is no way out but through, depression is something that I fear almost more than anything else on the personal level.  Definitely something to be avoided.

 

So - would you say that your problem was that the easy options, like a high level choral group or professional research that involves lots of face-to-face interaction, are not available in your location and that because you are working full time and don't want to lighten your family commitments, you are unable to commute and you lack the energy to do one of the other easy options (like Russian) that need high levels of self-discipline?  You need something available within your location and your time constraints that provides an intellectual challenge, social interaction that is intellectually stimulating, and enough outside interaction and purpose that it doesn't take a lot of energy to make yourself do it?  And I am assuming it can't cost the earth (for example, you can't pay to have a city voice teacher come to you)?  Have I got that right?  (Just thinking that if a problem is clearly defined, it is easier to solve.)

 

Nan

 

PS - If you did want to work on a foreign language, there are some chat programs like that allow you access to people who are learning your language and are fluent in your target language.  I have used linkedin for language help, social interaction, and motivation.  Not that I think linkedin would solve your problem, but just in case you haven't run across things like it before...

[regentrude]

 

So - would you say that your problem was that the easy options, like a high level choral group or professional research that involves lots of face-to-face interaction, are not available in your location and that because you are working full time and don't want to lighten your family commitments, you are unable to commute and you lack the energy to do one of the other easy options (like Russian) that need high levels of self-discipline?  You need something available within your location and your time constraints that provides an intellectual challenge, social interaction that is intellectually stimulating, and enough outside interaction and purpose that it doesn't take a lot of energy to make yourself do it?  And I am assuming it can't cost the earth (for example, you can't pay to have a city voice teacher come to you)?  Have I got that right?  (Just thinking that if a problem is clearly defined, it is easier to solve.)

Yes, you got that exactly right.

And to the above I would add the caveat that I do not really know whether even the high level choral group or similar would actually be a solution - or whether it would be just "one more thing to keep busy".

 

Thanks. It helps a lot to talk this out, because it helps me clarify in my mind what exactly the problem is.

Somehow I feel that I cannot just be content doing the same old thing for the next 15 years - even though I love my job and am pretty good at it. I need more things to define myself by; with parenting and homeschooling removed from that complex, I need some additional dimension to take its place. If that makes any sense.

[klmama]

Regentrude, may I suggest you use your creative skills to write a textbook that explains the principles of physics as they apply to horseback riding, jumping, grooming, etc.?  Obviously, it would only have a niche market, so it wouldn't likely earn you a lot of money, but you could self-publish on Lulu to earn more per copy.  I personally know a number of homeschooled teens who would be delighted to take a physics course if it were actually relevant to their passion....   

 

 

 

 

[regentrude]

Regentrude, may I suggest you use your creative skills to write a textbook that explains the principles of physics as they apply to horseback riding, jumping, grooming, etc.?  Obviously, it would only have a niche market, so it wouldn't likely earn you a lot of money, but you could self-publish on Lulu to earn more per copy.  I personally know a number of homeschooled teens who would be delighted to take a physics course if it were actually relevant to their passion....   

 

Thanks, but I have to disappoint you. For one thing, not being a rider, I don't know enough about horseback riding and am not interested enough to learn to ride well. Second, writing textbooks is such a tedious (and solitary) endeavor, I would only embark if I were absolutely passionate about the subject.

 

Edited March 3, 2016 by regentrude

[klmama]

LOL!  I didn't figure you'd want to, but it never hurts to make a suggestion.  Maybe your dd will do it someday. 

[Vida Winter]

Perhaps you should start your own micro-business as an intellectual exercise, with this stipulation: start small, say only allowing yourself to spend $100 to launch. Also, you need to be the sole employee. That forces you to be creative. I have recommended this book before, and will continue to: Making a Living Without a Job, by Barbara Winter. I know you do not *need* to have a second job; it's just that earning money from something you imagined and created is 1000X more satisfying than collecting your paycheck from your full-time position.

 

I was forced to create my own business years ago out of necessity, after having worked in the tech industry for many years. I had always looked to someone else to tell me what to do in a full-time job; my own business was tremendously empowering. I thoroughly enjoyed every dollar earned through that business. The reason to start small ($100) is that if you go into debt your experience may be completely opposite. Of course your initial profits can be funneled back into the business, allowing for slow and steady growth. On second thought, allowing for inflation you should perhaps allow up to $150 in start-up costs. This is assuming that you will get certain things initially  "free" for your business - i.e., your home internet, the car you own, a place at home to work, and toilet paper, for example.

[Nan in Mass]

Yes, you got that exactly right.

And to the above I would add the caveat that I do not really know whether even the high level choral group or similar would actually be a solution - or whether it would be just "one more thing to keep busy".

 

Thanks. It helps a lot to talk this out, because it helps me clarify in my mind what exactly the problem is.

Somehow I feel that I cannot just be content doing the same old thing for the next 15 years - even though I love my job and am pretty good at it. I need more things to define myself by; with parenting and homeschooling removed from that complex, I need some additional dimension to take its place. If that makes any sense.

 

Don't I remember that you didn't wind up teaching physics because you have a passion for teaching, but that it was an available job where you needed to live that was sort of in your field?  In that case, I can see why you need to "be" something else.  No help, but I understand your caveat.  It seems rather shallow to me because I consider my real job to be mother and wife, but I, too, wanted a label for myself for after homeschooling.  I picked artist because I lack the courage to be a singer/songwriter and my voice is too soft, and I die over a gorgeous line or wash.  I don't need the label to find watercolours highly satisfactory but I wanted a label.  The catch is that in my mind, to claim that label, I have to be selling paintings.  Which means I have to try to sell my art, which isn't something I am really intersted in doing.  I just want to make the art.  But for some reason I can't fathom, I also want the label.  I have other labels that feel more important to me, ones that involve doing good things for other beings.  But I still want this one, just for me.  So many of my childhood dreams are just not going to happen, but this one can, I think.  If I work hard.  Not that any of that helps you...

 

Nan

Edited March 3, 2016 by Nan in Mass

[creekland]

I wanted to say thanks to everybody who responded and shared their experience and gave me suggestions and ideas. Keep 'em coming :)

I can't be the only person who has trouble reinventing herself after the intensive phase of parenting and homeschooling is over.

 

I think many of us do this.

 

Somehow I feel that I cannot just be content doing the same old thing for the next 15 years - even though I love my job and am pretty good at it. I need more things to define myself by; with parenting and homeschooling removed from that complex, I need some additional dimension to take its place. If that makes any sense.

 

Hubby and I had about 7 hours on the byways of America today - going places we've never been before and enjoying ourselves thoroughly.  At one point we discussed family, finances, and future.  We're both still on board with trying to go nomadic as soon as we can.  We're probably a handful of years off yet, esp since we're till paying for college and potentially med school soon if middle son is unsuccessful with MSTP.  But it's a goal we're aiming toward that we both want.

 

Traveling the intercoastal waterway together (full length) is on our bucket list as part of that.

 

I expect a combo of saving for the finances (while still traveling in the present), and plotting/dreaming will keep me going during the next handful of years of "same old, same old."  Adding more socializing time with friends/neighbors (as we've already started doing) can fill in some too.

 

Is there something for your future you could be working on while enjoying developing your book club in the present?

[wintermom]

I am not looking for "more running around" or more things to dabble in to fill an hour here or there; I know I can "find things to do", but that would not be fulfilling. I do so many things because I have the time and because I crave the company. (Btw, I am not doing everything every week. Choir and Zumba are weekly, but book club and women's circle are only once a month.)

 

Ironically, out of my circle of friends I am the most relaxed, the only one  who does not complain about having no time, and the one who is up for spontaneous adventures. I don't feel stressed.

 

There are areas where I go deep and invest a lot of time. My passion is the outdoors; we hike every weekend, sometimes both days. I photograph, update the hiking website and fb page we run with new trip reports and pictures. That is fun, and I am thrilled when I meet people who have been using my page as a resource to find information to go out and hike. I would love to go back to rock climbing; unfortunately, that requires very long drives because there is nothing in the vicinity.

I would love to go deeper in music. I tried, but all the great opportunities last only a short time: my voice teacher retired; the Renaissance voice ensemble disbanded after the director retired (no, I do not posses the expertise to lead such a group); the chamber music group we had with colleagues died when the pianist moved away. I took a music history class, but that was disappointing because it did not go beyond what I could have gotten from reading the textbook. We do not have a good music department and no majors program.

 

So, I do a lot of things because they are opportunities to hang out with people and to fulfill my need for interaction. But adding more "things" is not what I am after.

 

With a passion for the outdoors and music/singing, sounds like you should be looking at land to host music camps and outdoor retreats. Bring the musicians and nature enthusiasts to you.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Wow.  I feel really insecure and unworthy after reading all that you have done and accomplished.  I'm likely to last another 30 years on this planet.  Even if I had double that time and double my energy, I can't imagine coming close to that level of accomplishment.

As a fellow rock climber who lives in the flat Midwest, I hear you on not having easy access to natural areas to climb.  Are there any climbing gyms near you?  While it can't compare to outdoors, you can find a community of people who love climbing.  Plus, if a gym has good route setters, that can provide a mental challenge as well.  The climbing gym business is exploding right now and new gyms are being built all over the country.  4 new gyms in the Chicago area in the last 18 months. 

I would love to go back to rock climbing; unfortunately, that requires very long drives because there is nothing in the vicinity.  <snip>

So, I do a lot of things because they are opportunities to hang out with people and to fulfill my need for interaction. But adding more "things" is not what I am after.

 

Nan, thanks for your insightful post. I am not entirely sure whether I am lacking ideas or not. Certainly, I have ideas for things I would like to do, and none of those work in my current location - but whether these would be the things that bring me fulfillment, I can't say. I think my problem might be that I don't have a real plan and vision for my future. I have been in a similar position once before: I had reached every single one of the personal and professional goals I had set for myself - PhD, two years postdoc in a  different country, given birth to two children - and was at a loss as to what else to set as a goal. It was a coincidence that I ended up where I am in the job that I have.

 

<snip>

 

But I guess my problem is more not knowing what to want. If I knew, I could look for resources to make it happen.

The bolded is the key.  The lack of a plan and vision is something I can relate to. 

[raptor_dad]

On the Salon front... what about trying to organize a TEDx event. A friend of ours from St Louis was a speaker at TEDxKC and found it interesting and worthwhile. 

 

ETA: On second though maybe not... I'm sure you could get a decent speaking slate but I'm less sure about the audience... maybe its a "build it and they'll come" situation, but i suspect if that demand were there you wouldn't be posting this sort of question <shrug>

Edited March 4, 2016 by raptor_dad

[Chris in VA]

Yes, you got that exactly right.

And to the above I would add the caveat that I do not really know whether even the high level choral group or similar would actually be a solution - or whether it would be just "one more thing to keep busy".

 

Thanks. It helps a lot to talk this out, because it helps me clarify in my mind what exactly the problem is.

Somehow I feel that I cannot just be content doing the same old thing for the next 15 years - even though I love my job and am pretty good at it. I need more things to define myself by; with parenting and homeschooling removed from that complex, I need some additional dimension to take its place. If that makes any sense.

 

I can really relate to this. I teach preschool--it's not rocket science, but there is much more to it than some people think. I am highly energized by it and by learning about it. But I can't really see myself at 60 still doing it (and that's only 7 years away).

We have amorphous plans about leaving here after dd is out of college (or slightly before) and maybe working in Israel (I say me, but I mean dh doing the working...). I can get into moving somewhere new, learning more about a place and people, etc. After that? I have no friggin idea. Some days I just want to quit my job, a job I love!--and do "something" else, something that may not even pay.

 

I am prone to depression and anxiety, and there is a weird peace in having NOTHING planned for a day, but it isn't true peace because I get lost in it and feel awful if it continues. If I can make myself get up and get going, I have great fun at work, and I need some sort of structure. I also need rhythm and breaks. I need friends, and I need "deep time" where I can converse about what I find truly matters. I don't need a ton of adventure, but I do need some spice. I can't live all virtual all the time! I know I am different from you--I'm a Be-er! lol

 

All this to say I know you aren't alone in your quest or your feelings; even we who are different in temperament or needs than you still feel as you do.

 

I hope you find something deeply fulfilling.

 

Edited March 4, 2016 by Chris in VA

[ElizabethB]

TEDx sounds cool!!

 

I was thinking along similar lines...what about an intellectual youtube channel where you interact with and interview and do livestreams with various topics. It is amazing how many people you can livestream now. Or, do you need real people and virtual people don't cut it? As an INTP, I prefer my large groups to be virtual!! I like people in small groups but tolerate larger groups for my classes, I usually find EXXJs to organize them for me. I get the most satisfaction from figuring out solutions for my challenging students and working with them one on one, but like helping large groups of people too, it is more efficient that way.

Edited March 4, 2016 by ElizabethB

[raptor_dad]

For French or Russian, how about trying to develop a faculty led/designed study abroad program for your current school.

[regentrude]

For French or Russian, how about trying to develop a faculty led/designed study abroad program for your current school.

 

That is what the French and Russian faculty are doing and are given grants to do.

It would be presumptuous of me to attempt such a thing. Besides, I am not fluent in either language.

 

Edited March 4, 2016 by regentrude

[lewelma]

That is what the French and Russian faculty are doing and are given grants to do.

It would be presumptuous of me to attempt such a thing. Besides, I am not fluent in either language.

My dad is 78 and ran hospitals until he became a professor in a large public university in the US when he was about 60. He is in the Public Health department in his school. He is not fluent in any other language than English, but has set up a Medical School in Africa, and has created the connection between his university and about 10 medical schools in China. These connections bring in students to the university with all their international tuition, and because of this the university pays his travel costs (4x per year to China). He has begun to publish papers about how to properly mentor PhD students, and these papers are coauthored with the connections he has made in china. They are published in Chinese in their journals. He is writing not about medicine or public health, but about proper teaching/mentoring methods, so not in his original field of knowledge.

 

It seems to me that your best bet for intellectual challenge is to get involved or start something through your university connections.

Edited March 5, 2016 by lewelma

[Nan in Mass]

I am still thinking about this, probably because I just went through retirement from "homeschooler" and "mother to under-20yo children" and "substitute mummy to preschool nephews" myself. It is a very hard act to follow. I stepped directly from those into "painter" and "daughter". I still had to deal with the grief of those endings but I did not have a job gap.

 

Thinking of it in those terms, I think there is a good chance that simply studying Russian is not going to satisfy you. I think maybe the problem is that you lack a profession? Maybe? That would be ok if you were a more introverted or a more passive sort of person who didn't need one, but you aren't. In philosophical terms, once a physicist always a physicist and once a mother always a mother, but this isn't really true practically speaking.

 

So...

 

What if you defined the problem like this -

I need a profession. Physicist won't work because my knowledge is too out of date. Professor won't work because I am unable to do the research half of that profession. It must to be a field in which I can become expert enough to make true professional contributions. It must be satisfying intellectually, something on a par with professor or physicist. It must be in a field which is of interest to me. It must involve face-to-face social interaction. It must be something I can do in my current location. It must be something that does not interfere with my family commitments or my teaching job.

 

Is that anywhere close?

 

Nan

 

Eta I left out the easy to make yourself do part because I think if it met the above definition, you would not have trouble with that part.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Nan in Mass

[Bluegoat]

Have you considered moving to a different place and making a career change?  Maybe even in a similar kind of position, or something related?  Possibly even just planning to do so a little later as a second career.

 

There is at the moment quite a lot of interest in the humanities/philosophical side of science, and universities putting some money into departments studying it, for example, and many people in that area begin their careers in the sciences and switch over at some point.  It would be a new type of expertise that builds on what you have now, and it typically involves plenty of student interaction and a new kind of professional interaction.  Potentially there could be organizational work as well.  And, I think it is actually a really important area - there is a real need not only for humanities students to understand science, but perhaps more importantly for science students to have a much clearer understanding of how the sciences fit into human knowledge.

[regentrude]

Have you considered moving to a different place and making a career change?  Maybe even in a similar kind of position, or something related?  Possibly even just planning to do so a little later as a second career.

 

No, that is not possible. My husband is a physics professor with a strong research program; an open position in his field that is not restricted to assistant prof level and is in a location more desirable than the current one would come up only once every few years. His is not a portable job.

We have done 8 years of long distance relationship. It is completely out of the question for me to move away by myself.

Edited March 5, 2016 by regentrude

[regentrude]

I am still thinking about this, probably because I just went through retirement from "homeschooler" and "mother to under-20yo children" and "substitute mummy to preschool nephews" myself. It is a very hard act to follow. I stepped directly from those into "painter" and "daughter". I still had to deal with the grief of those endings but I did not have a job gap.

 

Thinking of it in those terms, I think there is a good chance that simply studying Russian is not going to satisfy you. I think maybe the problem is that you lack a profession? Maybe? That would be ok if you were a more introverted or a more passive sort of person who didn't need one, but you aren't. In philosophical terms, once a physicist always a physicist and once a mother always a mother, but this isn't really true practically speaking.

 

So...

 

What if you defined the problem like this -

I need a profession. Physicist won't work because my knowledge is too out of date. Professor won't work because I am unable to do the research half of that profession. It must to be a field in which I can become expert enough to make true professional contributions. It must be satisfying intellectually, something on a par with professor or physicist. It must be in a field which is of interest to me. It must involve face-to-face social interaction. It must be something I can do in my current location. It must be something that does not interfere with my family commitments or my teaching job.

 

Is that anywhere close?

 

Thanks, Nan. You are able to articulate this much clearer than *I* can.

Word choice is important: yes, I am looking for a profession, not a hobby.

Lots to ponder!

[CTmom]

regentrude - I was so happy to read this thread. OMG, I am not crazy, there are indeed other people who are "mentally bored" :-)

 

Masters in Comp Science worked for 16 years, was bored. Went back to college and got a masters in Financial Engineering in 2008 just when the meltdown happened, but managed to switch careers and find good work. Gardening, Sewing drapery, cooking, travel, I dabble in everything. This year, I want to try hydroponics. But I also find that people are "turned off" by ones intensity. Lucky to have a set of friends who accept me as I am!! 

 

My latest musing about what to do when I am retired was to think of starting some kind of afternoon tea place a couple of days of the week. That led me to think about an evening cocktail place that could become like a salon. my DH was laughing that you will never make enough to pay the rent on the place. But if you are retired, maybe the aim is to not make tons of money, but do something fun? Maybe something you could try? 

[regentrude]

My latest musing about what to do when I am retired was to think of starting some kind of afternoon tea place a couple of days of the week. That led me to think about an evening cocktail place that could become like a salon. my DH was laughing that you will never make enough to pay the rent on the place. But if you are retired, maybe the aim is to not make tons of money, but do something fun? Maybe something you could try? 

 

Oh, I'm a looong way from retirement. First I have two kids to put through college....

[CTmom]

Oh, I'm a looong way from retirement. First I have two kids to put through college....

 

LOL - Didnt mean to say you are retired, it was more in reference to my husband saying that something like it wouldnt make money. If one were retired, maybe the aim is to not make tons of money, but do something fun?

 

Mine are only in HS, but thinking ahead :-)

[Arcadia]

it was more in reference to my husband saying that something like it wouldnt make money. If one were retired, maybe the aim is to not make tons of money, but do something fun?

 

 

My hubby was self-employed.  If you think you are likely to make a loss initially when starting your business, might be worth it to start the business while still working because the loss can bring down the tax bracket for total income.

 

My hubby basically made a lost the first year of self employment because of all the sunk costs when starting.  That brings our combined taxable income down since I was working then.

[raptor_dad]

OK. So strengths... You are good at teaching and enjoy mentoring kids. DH has a successful, extramurally funded physics research lab. Could you try to set up a theoretical physics REU? Your university is at least as "elite" as University of MN, Duluth and Joe Gallian has built a legendary math REU there.

[regentrude]

OK. So strengths... You are good at teaching and enjoy mentoring kids. DH has a successful, extramurally funded physics research lab. Could you try to set up a theoretical physics REU? Your university is at least as "elite" as University of MN, Duluth and Joe Gallian has built a legendary math REU there.

 

REUs are run by the professors who have an active research program and are available and willing to work with students during the summer. Not by instructors who only teach. The few profs in our small department who are willing to take on undergrads for the summer already do that.

[creekland]

Regentrude, my youngest has been telling us about Aspec - a community associated with his college that seems to be exactly what you are looking for.  It's a membership community of both retired and still working professionals who want to both continue learning about a wide variety of topics and assist students in their interests.

 

Here's a website I looked up:

 

https://www.eckerd.edu/aspec/

 

Could you start a similar program where you are?  It sounds fabulous from what youngest has been telling us.  Here Elie Wiesel (Night author) is one of the members, but so many others have so much to share and they get together as often as they want (daily, weekly, for events, whatever).  Lately youngest has been working with some of them starting a larger garden at Eckerd, but he tells us of so much more coming up in conversation - oodles of topics.  I love that he has such a group as mentors.

 

Those in retirement are huge in numbers here in FL, but not all are at that stage, nor is it a requirement overall.

[Nan in Mass]

Thanks, Nan. You are able to articulate this much clearer than *I* can.

Word choice is important: yes, I am looking for a profession, not a hobby.

Lots to ponder!

You are welcome.

Yes, lots to ponder!

Best of luck in your search!

 

Nan

[lewelma]

Regentrude, I made my biggest contributions to science by being interdisciplinary.  I applied nonlinear "chaos" models from the economic literature to population dynamics in Ecology.  Is there a field where your knowledge of physics would allow you fresh insight that those in the field can't or won't see?  It seems to me that if you are looking for a new intellectual challenge in a new field, that you would have a head start and possibly a unique vantage point if you could find a field that would allow you to use your existing knowledge of physics in an interdisciplinary way.

 

Ruth in NZ

[frogger]

Nothing to forgive - but I figured anybody with young or many kids would definitely not feel bored :)

 

I was hoping for advice from fellow (almost) empty  nesters

 

I see what you are saying I do. But I  want time to read interesting stuff not children's books. Not that some of them aren't interesting but really I'm bored and so busy I can't pick up anything on my own. So yes, I'm bored and way too busy to do anything about it now. Someday...

[Joyofsixreboot]

No, of course not with littles! After four years as a SAHM, I have always worked part time - but my one "me" thing was one night of choir. No time or energy for anything else. Then with older kids, more time and more energy, but more scheduling constraints because I was the chauffeur. Once they can drive themselves, it's amazing how many hours you suddenly get back and how many things you can attend.

Hang in there.

 

This is my hope and dream. Eight more years, eight more years...as to stimulation, is it people you are craving ( hey, I tend to extroversion too), raucous conversation and debate or a new intellectual challenge. I have taken to some volunteer/help others activities to satisfy my people needs. I also find I need to (as others said) find new interests that have nothing to do with my degree. Jack of many trades, master of none I guess. I'm still amazed at all you are doing. Eight years, eight years....

[lisabees]

I wanted to say thanks to everybody who responded and shared their experience and gave me suggestions and ideas. Keep 'em coming :)

I can't be the only person who has trouble reinventing herself after the intensive phase of parenting and homeschooling is over.

 

Loving the ideas that you have gotten thus far, regentrude!

 

I am in the midst of reinventing myself, so I can relate.  My reinvention, though, has come as the result of a divorce, so much of my brain power has gone to dealing with emotional upheaval.

 

I write.  A lot.  Always have.  Not challenging, but necessary for me. Maybe you can start a blog?  Freelance?

 

I am learning how to code, in the hopes of starting my own business.  My favorite quote re: coding: "If you like oscillating between feeling like the stupidest person on earth and a maverick genius, you'll love coding."

 

My most memorable years were in my 30's, when I started a grassroots political organization with four other brilliant women.  Never a dull moment. Stimulating and satisfying.  At the same time, I was Vice President of the board for a non-profit. 

 

The other thing I did in the last few years, which may quench your thirst for change - move.  It certainly shakes things up! 

 

ETA:  Just saw that you can't move.  I just moved to the next county.  It was enough change for me!

Edited March 9, 2016 by lisabees

[lisabees]

Regentrude, I made my biggest contributions to science by being interdisciplinary.  I applied nonlinear "chaos" models from the economic literature to population dynamics in Ecology.  Is there a field where your knowledge of physics would allow you fresh insight that those in the field can't or won't see?  It seems to me that if you are looking for a new intellectual challenge in a new field, that you would have a head start and possibly a unique vantage point if you could find a field that would allow you to use your existing knowledge of physics in an interdisciplinary way.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

Oooh - eldest ds was fascinated by complex systems.  It led him to his current love of physics and math.

 

regentrude - there's only one thing left for you to do - work on the Theory of Everything.  One other thought - I love the concept of Open Science.  Maybe you can do something with that?

Edited March 9, 2016 by lisabees

[regentrude]

Regentrude, my youngest has been telling us about Aspec - a community associated with his college that seems to be exactly what you are looking for.  It's a membership community of both retired and still working professionals who want to both continue learning about a wide variety of topics and assist students in their interests.

Here's a website I looked up:

 

https://www.eckerd.edu/aspec/

Could you start a similar program where you are?  It sounds fabulous from what youngest has been telling us.  Here Elie Wiesel (Night author) is one of the members, but so many others have so much to share and they get together as often as they want (daily, weekly, for events, whatever).  Lately youngest has been working with some of them starting a larger garden at Eckerd, but he tells us of so much more coming up in conversation - oodles of topics.  I love that he has such a group as mentors.

 

Those in retirement are huge in numbers here in FL, but not all are at that stage, nor is it a requirement overall.

 

That sounds very interesting.

Retirement is a problem here - the most interesting people cant wait to finally get to move away to a more vibrant city or a more beautiful state.

 

We just discussed the issue of a lack of, and need for, interdisciplinary interaction at book club this week. Our school is very compartmentalized and very lop-sided; humanities play a definite second fiddle. The idea of a salon actually came up at that meeting - which I find very serendipitous since this was just mentioned in this thread.

So, I am definitely exploring in this direction!

[Bluegoat]

Something that might go along with your salon - is there something like a barrier-free education organization in your community?  One runs out of our church which is in an inner city community.  It is essentially a Great Books program, taught by university professors, for free, to low-income adults.  There are no papers or grades - just reading the books and talking.

 

It's quite a popular program both with the teachers and learners.

 

I think there could easily be a more interdisiplinary approach to something like this, and of course it also requires admin.  Not so much things liek hard math, but many people are really interested in just learning more at a high level, but they haven't the money, or the experience, or the confidence, to go to university.

[regentrude]

Something that might go along with your salon - is there something like a barrier-free education organization in your community?  One runs out of our church which is in an inner city community.  It is essentially a Great Books program, taught by university professors, for free, to low-income adults.  There are no papers or grades - just reading the books and talking.

 

It's quite a popular program both with the teachers and learners.

 

We tried that. The goal of the Great Books club was originally to bring the community together in a reading of the great books. It is free, there are no papers, we just read the book and talk.

Alas, interest was not there. Not even the students attended. It ended up mostly being just humanities profs - and my DD 9and after she left for college, I started attending).

 

 

 

I think there could easily be a more interdisiplinary approach to something like this, and of course it also requires admin.  Not so much things liek hard math, but many people are really interested in just learning more at a high level, but they haven't the money, or the experience, or the confidence, to go to university.

 

There are so many free, or nearly free, activities offered on campus - but people do not avail themselves of the opportunities. It is baffling. Just ten days ago, we had a talk by a book author who writes about science in popular science fiction. The free talk was publicized in the paper, on the radio, on campus. It drew a few more people than the regular physics colloquium, but nowhere near what you would expect. I don't know what's the matter; I find it frustrating.

[Arcadia]

. Just ten days ago, we had a talk by a book author who writes about science in popular science fiction. The free talk was publicized in the paper, on the radio, on campus. It drew a few more people than the regular physics colloquium, but nowhere near what you would expect. I don't know what's the matter; I find it frustrating.

I do not usually dare to go for those talks because I am worried about being bored and being a bored audience is kind of impolite in my family culture. If I have attended a short presentation by the speaker and think listening to the same speaker for 2hrs or more would be interesting, I would show up.

 

I had attended talks at places where it was less awkward to walk out at the end of a section for restroom break, returning phone calls or just to leave. Those usually have better turn outs.

[regentrude]

People don't take up  activities offered on campus for many reasons. Lack of transport at night, work commitments, family commitments, STUDY, lack of confidence.

It's not merely about students failing to appreciate the intellectual feast in front of them. 

Not everybody has leisure time, and the same ability to access 'extras'. 

 

Of course not everybody can attend everything. But there is a clear pattern we observe, especially when it comes to cultural offerings, that cannot easily be explained by conflicting commitments.

[Arcadia]

. But there is a clear pattern we observe, especially when it comes to cultural offerings, that cannot easily be explained by conflicting commitments.

My alma mater had cultural events during lunch hour at the sheltered courtyard and the turn out was always great because people could eat standing or sitting while watching.

[regentrude]

A lot of people don't have the luxury of 'extras'. That's your clear pattern.

 

I have lived in other locations where it was different and know other academic institutions where it is different.

This goes beyond the "luxury of extras" and reflects broader cultural attitudes-  of both the college and the town.

[LucyStoner]

Definitely in the "this gets boring" group. I don't generalize that to others and but that's my own experience.  I don't think one needs to be past the nearly all consuming stages of homeschooling to reach the tipping point of needing to find something stimulating or at the very least relaxing and restorative to do.  

 

I get VERY bored at times.  Much of what I do is pretty dang boring to me.  Maintaining a master schedule of classes, groups, appointments and on and on for not just my two kids but two others?  It's tedious.  Calling 17 healthcare providers and the same insurance company 4 times in the same day?  Beyond tedious.  Scrubbing toilets and keeping up with Sisyphean endeavors like laundry?  Definitely tedious.  Driving those kids to everything on that master schedule?  I swear I would buy a jetson pod to ferry these kids to and fro if such a thing were available.  I don't need to  be idle to be bored on some levels.  

 

I have to break up the tedium somehow and I don't think it can wait for my kids to be older because I am that mom.  The one who could easily go bonkers.  So even though time limited I do eek out my own studies (to obtain a CPA) and my own hobbies (mostly skating, music or hiking related).  

 

And I just work on finding some pleasures in the otherwise tedious tasks.  Also, I appreciate the benefits that this arrangement has for me and for the kids I love.  Finally, as my sons get older I do find the homeschooling part of my day to be more stimulating and fun. I'll admit that I found juggling a young homeschooler and a toddler to be more challenging with respect to alleviating boredom then I find it now that my younger son has the basics and my older son is exploring some really interesting material.  

[JanetC]

You sound a lot like my DH. Here are some of the things he does when he gets bored:

 

1. Changes careers. (Requires understanding spouse!)

2. Does something that requires lots of training or testing: pilot's license, ham radio license, CERT training, etc. Geeky activities that don't appeal to someone who isn't going to engage mentally. He also does random coursera classes if he can't find something in person.

3. Activities with fellow nerds like puzzle-solving tournaments

 

One of his friends is a rover driver for JPL. She is also a machine learning researcher, private pilot, and ballroom dancer and is studying library science with an interest in children's literature as well as learning her foreign boyfriend's native language. Some people just need a lot to fill their brain.

 

But, in your case, I think there are two things going on here: The grieving for the emptying nest, and the need for a new challenge in your life. Might you be having a hard time with the motivation to fill the empty-nest hole with a new challenge because you're grieving and maybe subconsciously still struggling to accept that the hole is there in the first place?

 

I have a high school senior and a sophomore. I'm in the same boat of not doing much homeschooling any more and will be doing even less this fall if my sophomore follows her older sister's path into DE. Trying to find something to do with my empty time is going to be hard! There are no easy answers.

Edited March 12, 2016 by JanetC

[regentrude]

But, in your case, I think there are two things going on here: The grieving for the emptying nest, and the need for a new challenge in your life. Might you be having a hard time with the motivation to fill the empty-nest hole with a new challenge because you're grieving and maybe subconsciously still struggling to accept that the hole is there in the first place?

 

I think that may definitely play a role.

I really tried to anticipate the feelings and be proactive, as Nan once suggested: have a plan in place before it happens. I felt really good about having arranged for starting a new project and going full time when DD left for college, alas, the effect was short lived. Your remark has me wonder whether, in rushing in to more work to fill the time, I have not taken enough space for processing and grieving.

[madteaparty]

Definitely in the "this gets boring" group. I don't generalize that to others and but that's my own experience. I don't think one needs to be past the nearly all consuming stages of homeschooling to reach the tipping point of needing to find something stimulating or at the very least relaxing and restorative to do.

 

I get VERY bored at times. Much of what I do is pretty dang boring to me. Maintaining a master schedule of classes, groups, appointments and on and on for not just my two kids but two others? It's tedious. Calling 17 healthcare providers and the same insurance company 4 times in the same day? Beyond tedious. Scrubbing toilets and keeping up with Sisyphean endeavors like laundry? Definitely tedious. Driving those kids to everything on that master schedule? I swear I would buy a jetson pod to ferry these kids to and fro if such a thing were available. I don't need to be idle to be bored on some levels.

 

I have to break up the tedium somehow and I don't think it can wait for my kids to be older because I am that mom. The one who could easily go bonkers. So even though time limited I do eek out my own studies (to obtain a CPA) and my own hobbies (mostly skating, music or hiking related).

 

And I just work on finding some pleasures in the otherwise tedious tasks. Also, I appreciate the benefits that this arrangement has for me and for the kids I love. Finally, as my sons get older I do find the homeschooling part of my day to be more stimulating and fun. I'll admit that I found juggling a young homeschooler and a toddler to be more challenging with respect to alleviating boredom then I find it now that my younger son has the basics and my older son is exploring some really interesting material.

This is where I am now, except I am in a rural area so I can't attend all the great talks and really have no hobbies ;), though I've driven 1hr40min for a talk before. I also don't think homeschooling and raising children is particularly rewarding. I mean they are going to grow up and have their lives whether I make them bone broth three times a week and whether they complete Aops algebra by end of 6th grade or not.

I don't know what the answer is for me, I'm looking for part time work but it is proving hard to get. I suppose I need to fetch a hobby of some sort.

Edited March 13, 2016 by madteaparty

[Nan in Mass]

I think that may definitely play a role.

I really tried to anticipate the feelings and be proactive, as Nan once suggested: have a plan in place before it happens. I felt really good about having arranged for starting a new project and going full time when DD left for college, alas, the effect was short lived. Your remark has me wonder whether, in rushing in to more work to fill the time, I have not taken enough space for processing and grieving.

For me, making the space for processing and grieving wouldn't have helped. I just hurt. After awhile, the hurt settled down into an ache instead of a stab sharp enough to make it hard to breathe, but as my children come and go with their vacations, the hurt sharpens back up again. It is the price we pay for being a close family, I think. Anyway, for me, there isn,t that much to process. It just is the way it is and there isn,t anything I can do about it except try to find satisfactory things to do, and try not to dwell on it, and try get out in the sun and keep moving so I don,t get depressed. The dog and cat help. So does getting lost in working out a painting. I can escape into a book or spend time with my mum. I think what I need is time to pass, not space to grieve. But it is probably different for everyone. Painting takes up a good deal of my thought, either thinking through the hundreds of choices that go into making a particular painting, or looking at something and really seeing it. I do hope you manage to find an equally absorbing profession. I think maybe the choosing and then the learning and then the getting started process is often a struggle, no matter what age you are or how many times you,ve done it before.

 

Nan

[creekland]

For me, making the space for processing and grieving wouldn't have helped. I just hurt. After awhile, the hurt settled down into an ache instead of a stab sharp enough to make it hard to breathe, but as my children come and go with their vacations, the hurt sharpens back up again. It is the price we pay for being a close family, I think.

 

Same here.  We're at the end of our time with the boys here in FL and last night it hit me (again) that we just can't save time in a bottle or go back and relive anything.  Time always marches forward whether we like it or not.  I absolutely love being with my guys and listening to their lives, hopes, and dreams, but today we eat breakfast together, drop one off at college, the other off at the airport, and start our trek home.   :crying:

 

I enjoy my life at home.  I love my hubby.  I have cats and ponies and neighbors that are all wonderful, but there's a chunk missing that simply can't be replaced.

 

I love travel, but we traveled so much as a family, I'll fully admit that when it's just hubby and I we're often remarking that we wished our boys were there to share the experience together.

 

So yesterday we ate together, went for a long walk on my all time favorite beach together, played games together, talked together, and had a wonderful cap to a wonderful week.

 

Nothing can really replace that.

 

I don't regret coming here and organizing this semi-shared spring break, because we had a great time.  But I wish it didn't have to end even though we continue to follow and love the lives our guys are leading.

 

It's my life that's getting older... theirs is just beginning.

 

One can't replace that with much.

 

School gets more boring now - even with its rewarding moments.  Ponies are more boring now - we're seriously contemplating selling our final 7.  We've contemplated moving, but still need hubby's income.  I continually work in my mind trying to figure out how we could live on the road 24/7, but without success also because we still need hubby's income.

 

But such is life and the pitfalls of being a close family.

 

I'd rather have been a close family and have to deal with this now than not having done so.

 

It still doesn't ease days like today.

 

Fortunately, hubby and I are also close and we get through it together - resuming our life even with the huge chunk missing.  I don't think anything will ever be able to fill that hole TBH.

[maize]

Ya'll have just about convinced me that I should go on having children indefinitely so as never to face this loneliness and boredom of which you speak :D

[Bluegoat]

We tried that. The goal of the Great Books club was originally to bring the community together in a reading of the great books. It is free, there are no papers, we just read the book and talk.

Alas, interest was not there. Not even the students attended. It ended up mostly being just humanities profs - and my DD 9and after she left for college, I started attending).

 

 

 

There are so many free, or nearly free, activities offered on campus - but people do not avail themselves of the opportunities. It is baffling. Just ten days ago, we had a talk by a book author who writes about science in popular science fiction. The free talk was publicized in the paper, on the radio, on campus. It drew a few more people than the regular physics colloquium, but nowhere near what you would expect. I don't know what's the matter; I find it frustrating.

 

I think these programs, if they are really meant for low income people, need real care to set up.  It isn't just cost that is a barrier for those people.  Location and transportantion is a significant issue - the one here does not happen at the university, it happens in an inner cirt neighbourhod, and there are bus voucers available for those that come from other parts of the city.  Also - most of the people in this neighbourhood do not see things advertised as "university" things - to make the target community aware they need to be advertised where they will see them, and in fact at first what is better is to have leaders or workers in that community individually target people who would be a good fit - once the program is well established it becomes easier.

 

But the biggest issue is many people will simply not have the confidence to show up without significant effort being made for it to be a comfortable environment.  And, it might be sad, but if it is seen as something a lot of white middle class university students will be showing up at, you may not get many others. 

 

A goal of something like even five regular people from the target audience for the first series is reasonable, meeting regularly in some visible and comfortable place. 

 

I think for this kind of thing it is really worthwhile to get in touch with an organization that specializes in barrier free education.  I'm not sure what groups do this in the US, in Canada they are often called Humanities 101 programs.