bored / intellectual challenge? s/o SAHM

[maize]

I don't think so. The much more logical explanation is that it is caused by the (almost) empty nesting: DD leaving for college and DS being largely independent. I mean, for many years, parenting and homeschooling were a major focus of my time and energy... and all that time and energy are no longer needed for this purpose and have to be redirected. Going back to work full time and taking on a big project helped me transition during the first year DD was at college, but it is nowhere near enough, especially since the big new project is finished.

 

You're probably right.

 

I dunno, though; my mom attributed hers to no longer having babies to take care of; the last of her ten children was born when she was almost 45.

 

It is human nature to attribute whatever we are feeling to our circumstances; sometimes the feelings are just there and would be there regardless of circumstances (because they are being driven by processes outside of our conscious awareness).

[Reefgazer]

Yup, me too.  SCUBA and travel scratched that itch for me.  My next adventure, when I get sufficiently bored, is to take up horseback riding.  My DD got me interested and I think I'll follow through with that.

 

ETA:  Regentrude, it almost sounds like you need a personal project that is long-term and focused.  What about starting your own business?  It will keep you occupied, probably ask you to call on skills you haven't had to use much, and has the potential to be taken in a million different directions when your next boredom slump appears.

 

I think novelty and adrenaline rush is what I need too.  Hubby and I still have intellectual discussions together and my brain always takes anything else it hears/reads deeper than an actual conversation (ponders more "what ifs").  I can engage students in deeper discussions (some).  I can easily ignore all sports/Hollywood/fashion/etc stuff that I don't care about and let my mind be in its own little world.  But that's all the same stuff really - slightly different in how it plays out, but really the same.

 

Traveling, esp to new places, gives me that novelty.  We may have been to FL countless times before and I've lived in the state twice for a total of 6 years, but where we are now is new to us, so I'm filling in new parts to my mental globe.  Seeing reality is far better than just a mental image from pics or pure beliefs of what things should look like.

 

Skydiving doesn't appeal to me at all though!  I have a friend who's an instructor and wants me to try it.  Not happening.  I can get my junkie needs from a 5 mile walk we're going to do on the beach right after lunch.

 

 

Edited March 2, 2016 by reefgazer

[TCB]

I am not bored but I do not have the amount of energy that you have. I work part time and homeschool my 2 kids. I just wanted to suggest starting a robotics team. I am a coach for an FTC robotics team for homeschool kids and it has been all-consuming. I am not, in any way, an engineer or a computer programmer so that might be why it takes so much of my time. But I have become obsessed with it, and it is a very rewarding thing to do. You sound like the ideal type of person to be involved in a robotics team!

[creekland]

Yup, me too.  SCUBA and travel scratched that itch for me.  My next adventure, when I get sufficiently bored, is to take up horseback riding.  My DD got me interested and I think I'll follow through with that.

 

I am still annoyed that the health issue with my ear has taken Scuba out of the picture... hopefully not forever, but it's been two years now and counting.   :cursing:

 

Horseback riding is a blast!  I used to be more into hunters, games, and cross country (over fences).  Now I enjoy a good trail ride, so I guess I am getting older, but still...

 

I fantasize selling what we have and buying a condo on the beach somewhere - probably outside of this country on an island as we love "island time," but my worries are that living there would get boring given enough time. It would become "same old, same old" rather than "awesome with dives, walks, and beauty" coupled with whatever work/volunteering we did.

 

Maybe not.  Maybe it would never get old.  Who knows? 

[Bluegoat]

I think that  people find stimulation in different kinds of activities.  Many of the ones you mention are very abstract, apart from the more household things, but they also seem weighted toward being non-collaborative, especially for an extrovert. 

 

I wonder if something really different might be more challenging?  Learning to build a house, or how to shoot and hunt?  Or something more mundane but community based, like soup kitchen work. (A few months ago an older parishioner in our parish who had always been more into committees on policy, or writing grant proposals, volunteered on our hospitality shift to fill in for someone.  She was surprised at how fun it was - no pressure to come up with big ideas, but working to achieve something straightforward and concrete and chatting with a different group of people.) Or, for that matter, even doing organizational work and problem-solving in community groups that do work you care about can be very stimulating (if frustrating at times.) 

 

[KungFuPanda]

Oh yes. I took Salsa classes last year for several months, until the teacher stopped teaching (fortunately, the class did not require a partner; my DH does not dance. Ever.) I tried belly dancing classes this winter, but did not enjoy the kind of dancing; the teacher spent too much time, for my taste, on working with zills and puzzling out rhythm. I am taking Zumba from the same instructor. I'd love to go back to tango... alas, non-dancing DH and small town=no chance

 

 

Our weekends are for hiking :) That's what DH and I do together.

 

 

I could dabble, but would have to start from scratch. It would be years before I could make an original contribution... and the solitary research wasn't satisfying for my personality. So I don't think that will be "it".

I'm a little impressed that your teacher worked on zils with beginners. So many people don't even use them anymore. Still, I think it should be relegated to a few minutes at the beginning or end of class because not everyone enjoys them out of the gate.

 

The small town makes it hard. Around here you could just try a different teacher on another night. Have you tried flamenco? Hula looks interesting but WAY too intense for ME. You might be up for it. I say drag DH to a convention of some kind, do some workshops, then hike there the next day :-). Maybe it's just time to travel in general? Or a move to a more populated area?

 

Maybe you just need a new field that could uniquely benefit from your background? You could become the physics/whatever person who is uniquely qualified for certain situations. My DH has found a professional niche being the person with an odd combination of skill sets who is also able to talk to people and he's not even an extrovert.

[EmilyGF]

I talked with my husband (a research professor) about this last night. He said some challenging stuff, like, "There's no such thing as too old to get back into research. You just start reading papers and expanding on them." He's actually had some retirees work with him long distance on projects. I found this challenging because it reminded me that if I want to produce something, there isn't anything actually stopping me from getting started. He could download papers I'm interested in (and a lot are available freely) and I could get going. 

 

So there goes my excuse... :-P But I just had a baby... new excuse? Or time to read papers while nursing?

 

I majored in applied physics and then worked in aerospace. STEM is a great career, but not a great field if you don't want to work full time, which I don't for a while. If I went back to work, I think I'd like to work in Big Data, so maybe I should start looking for things in that direction. I didn't do very deep statistics as an undergrad (managed to use a statistical chemistry class to satisfy my statistics requirement), but my hubby teaches statistics and could steer me in a good direction for that. There are tons of online MOOCs that focus on Big Data, but I keep saying, "And then what?" But maybe I could be like the retiree who worked with my hubby - I know what my husband looks for in people who come to work with him and I could work on brushing up my credentials. The most important thing he looks for is evidence of being a self-starter, so why not start myself?

 

Emily

[Jenny in Florida]

You're probably right.

 

I dunno, though; my mom attributed hers to no longer having babies to take care of; the last of her ten children was born when she was almost 45.

 

It is human nature to attribute whatever we are feeling to our circumstances; sometimes the feelings are just there and would be there regardless of circumstances (because they are being driven by processes outside of our conscious awareness).

 

Sure, but the simplest explanation is usually the logical place to begin.

 

If a person has felt mostly content and engaged and then experiences a major change in circumstances and finds he or she no longer feels content and engaged, isn't it reasonable to assume that the change in circumstance plays a primary role?

[Dmmetler]

I'm starting to teach other people's kids more. That gives me the "fix" I used to get from homeschooling. I like teaching college,but honestly, I find it more challenging and fun to teach kids, and I love creating materials to use to teach a class from scratch.

 

 

[Mrs. Tharp]

I'm not at this stage of life myself, so have no personal comments to offer, but wanted to offer up the personality junkie page for another description of ESFJ. That site is much more oriented towards personal growth. Good luck to you! 

 

http://personalityjunkie.com/esfj-type-profile/

[regentrude]

Oh, and I should have said that in my initial post:

I have absolutely no desire to be involved with (other people's) children. I never had that desire when my kids were younger, and I don't have it now. I am not a "kid person".

Edited March 2, 2016 by regentrude

[Tsuga]

The topic of boredom came up on the SAHM thread. Some people commented how they cannot believe one could be bored at home. One poster mentioned "always finding something to do... even just browsing in the bookstore"

So, let's do a spin-off.

 

I am bored. There, I said it.

 

I work; I teach physics at a four year STEM university.  I homeschool a high school junior who is very independent and does not need me most of the time. My oldest is away at college.

I can "find something to do":

I work on my self education. I consume copious amounts of Great Courses lectures while driving with DH. I read, am in a Great Books club run by the English Department, work on my French (not as much as I should). I am on the board of a local non-profit, am part of a women's circle, sing in choir, do Zumba every week at the women's community center. I hike every weekend and do nature photography, have created and maintain a website for hiking in our state, run a facebook page that goes with the website. I run my household, cook from scratch every day, house is company ready pretty much any time. I throw dinners and parties. I spend way too much time on this board and know more about homeschool curriculum than I will need to know for the rest of my homeschooling career. I am wasting time online, sigh.

 

So, "stuff to do" (but still not enough people interaction to satisfy my extrovert needs), and it does not bring me real satisfaction. I love my job, love the interaction with the students - but I would like to do something where I can stretch myself intellectually and give myself a genuine challenge, so that I can have a sense of accomplishment.

 

For those of you past the all consuming intensive stage of parenting/homeschooling: what do you do to give yourself the gift of an intellectual challenge, mental stretch, sense of accomplishment?

 

Well... that's not me, but I will say that learning an instrument has been a wake-up call. I'm doing classical guitar and it is hard. I was able to read music for the flute but this is different. I also met a woman who was learning piano. She is 65 and she is just learning, and doing recitals with all the children (she plays the intro when it is low-level recitals, like nobody else is out of book 2). She said the recital part was hard and she felt a real sense of accomplishment doing it. I feel the same about guitar though I'm not at that level yet.

 

There's a reason a lot of people have their children learn an instrument even though they don't like it. It is not that kids don't want to make music, but that it is just hard to put all that together.

 

I don't have time for guitar because with four kids and so on, it's just not that stage of life for me, but I keep it up little by little, for that very reason. It is something that genuinely challenges me. And I do a little bit of mini-composing as well.

[Ravin]

Join the SCA and become royalty. Bet you've never been royalty before. :p

 

I was going to suggest this. The SCA can easily take up every moment of free time and every penny of free $$ if you let it. And it's a weird mix of intellectual stimulation (learn new things!) and good times.

[Lawyer&Mom]

Just wondering, given your love of bar exams, if you've worked for one of the bar prep companies? Because it seems like their instructors basically make a career of taking bar exams and then breaking them down for other people.

 

Well, I do practice law full time for a living, but if I was looking for a new career I have thought about it. I do wonder if I would have the patience/empathy to explain something that comes so naturally to me to people who don't get it intuitively... I'm not great at all tests. Can't do a LSAT logic game to save my life. But the bar is aimed right at my strengths, and it's thrilling to excel at something you are really good at.

[EmilyGF]

Oh, and I should have said that in my initial post:

I have absolutely no desire to be involved with (other people's) children. I never had that desire when my kids were younger, and I don't have it now. I am not a "kid person".

YES YES YES! I feel like I could tutor the higher paying subjects (calculus, physics, etc) or do enrichment math, but I have no desire to homeschool more. Goodness gracious, no! I like teaching my kids and I find it really fun (?) and challenging most of the time, but no desire to teach other people's kids.

 

ETA: What I feel like I am missing most is adult interactions. Interacting more with other people's kids would just mean less time to interact with adults.

 

ETA: I asked my mom (the biggest extrovert I know; currently a housewife) what her activities are. She is on the board of a non-profit resale shop that funds college scholarships for women, she is the president of a women's philanthropic group that meets every other week, she is part of a Bible study and volunteers in the nursery while people set up each morning, she helps with a children's group that meets weekly, and finally she plays bridge with friends at least 2-3 times per month. So all of her activities are about being with other people. She also entertains a lot, which my dad loves, being a very busy extrovert. I think my dad works 60 hours per week in a job he loves.

 

Emily

Edited March 2, 2016 by EmilyGF

[regentrude]

Well... that's not me, but I will say that learning an instrument has been a wake-up call. I'm doing classical guitar and it is hard. I was able to read music for the flute but this is different. I also met a woman who was learning piano. She is 65 and she is just learning, and doing recitals with all the children (she plays the intro when it is low-level recitals, like nobody else is out of book 2). She said the recital part was hard and she felt a real sense of accomplishment doing it. I feel the same about guitar though I'm not at that level yet.

 

There's a reason a lot of people have their children learn an instrument even though they don't like it. It is not that kids don't want to make music, but that it is just hard to put all that together.

 

I have a serious lack of discipline.

I taught myself to play the piano, reasonably well; took a few lessons when my kids were taking piano lessons. I know I could improve a lot if I just practiced more. But I don't. I should work on vocal exercises and practice singing - but I don't either.

Because with each, there is no tangible goal.

Last year when I had a hard solo gig, I worked my butt off. But without a goal, I have no motivation. Singing by myself, to myself, at home? Not satisfying. Choir is so easy, it does not require me to practice; I have everything memorized by performance time without trying hard. I'd love to sing in an ensemble that performs really challenging music... alas, no opportunity locally.

 

I just returned the borrowed violin that I had under my bed for several years.. because I always meant to get back to playing. Never did. Interestingly, I could still play everything I played when I stopped with lessons at age 12. But without external motivation, I won't put in the effort.

Bad me.

 

(In fact, it's the same with languages. If I just kept working on my French or Russian, I could be so good, because it comes very easy to me. Alas, I just don't put in the time - because there seems to be no point to it.)

Edited March 2, 2016 by regentrude

[maize]

I have a serious lack of discipline.

I taught myself to play the piano, reasonably well; took a few lessons when my kids were taking piano lessons. I know I could improve a lot if I just practiced more. But I don't. I should work on vocal exercises and practice singing - but I don't either.

Because with each, there is no tangible goal.

Last year when I had a hard solo gig, I worked my butt off. But without a goal, I have no motivation. Singing by myself, to myself, at home? Not satisfying. Choir is so easy, it does not require me to practice; I have everything memorized by performance time without trying hard. I'd love to sing in an ensemble that performs really challenging music... alas, no opportunity locally.

 

I just returned the borrowed violin that I had under my bed for several years.. because I always meant to get back to playing. Never did. Interestingly, I could still play everything I played when I stopped with lessons at age 12. But without external motivation, I won't put in the effort.

Bad me.

 

(In fact, it's the same with languages. If I just kept working on my French or Russian, I could be so good, because it comes very easy to me. Alas, I just don't put in the time - because there seems to be no point to it.)

If performances or competition would motivate you, maybe you could find something with those kinds of opportunities?

[Arcadia]

I have a serious lack of discipline.

...

Because with each, there is no tangible goal

Your entire post sounds exactly like me and my boys all the way down to the languages and music. My mom is very similar and so it seems is my maternal grandma.

 

What makes me happy as far back as I could remember was the beginning tasks of project management. The goal setting, the gantt chart, the financial planning. For follow through, I am used to delegating and remind as needed. I don't have a problem following through the end to earn my pay but the enjoyment is not there.

 

It is like before a big project end, I'm already looking for my next adventure.

[creekland]

I have a serious lack of discipline.

 

This is me.  I really have to want to do what I'm doing or it doesn't happen.  It'll go on a list of things I should do, but you know how rarely I pull from that list?   :lol:

 

And I'm ok with that.  :coolgleamA:

 

I want/need stimulation.  Not a boring to do list.  I only "work" well at things that aren't work for me even if they are for others.

[Bluegoat]

I have a serious lack of discipline.

I taught myself to play the piano, reasonably well; took a few lessons when my kids were taking piano lessons. I know I could improve a lot if I just practiced more. But I don't. I should work on vocal exercises and practice singing - but I don't either.

Because with each, there is no tangible goal.

Last year when I had a hard solo gig, I worked my butt off. But without a goal, I have no motivation. Singing by myself, to myself, at home? Not satisfying. Choir is so easy, it does not require me to practice; I have everything memorized by performance time without trying hard. I'd love to sing in an ensemble that performs really challenging music... alas, no opportunity locally.

 

I just returned the borrowed violin that I had under my bed for several years.. because I always meant to get back to playing. Never did. Interestingly, I could still play everything I played when I stopped with lessons at age 12. But without external motivation, I won't put in the effort.

Bad me.

 

(In fact, it's the same with languages. If I just kept working on my French or Russian, I could be so good, because it comes very easy to me. Alas, I just don't put in the time - because there seems to be no point to it.)

 

I think this is a really common experience, and also - it isn't as much fun to just play alone.  Music is a group thing.

 

You could look for some kind of community orchestra. There was one started at my university a few years ago, for adults who had no particular musical background or were only ok.  It is now a community orchestra and has been hugely popular so there are several smaller orchestras.  They run as a sort of co-op and have some group and individual lessons for part of the year, and then some concerts later.

 

Or look at an instrument designed for small groups.  My dad took up the drums in his late 50's and now at 65 he plays often in his little town at open mic nights, in a jazz and bleus band, and so on.  Lots of places have gatherings of folk type musicians that pretty much anyone can go to, and they are pretty fun.

[Liz CA]

I am past the all-consuming state...and decided to go for my next degree but - if memory serves - you already have a doctorate so the only thing is perhaps post-doctoral studies.

I am wondering though if you are looking for something else. More like in the way of giving back, connecting with others? Can you see yourself supporting a mentoring institution to get students off to a good start in math? Work at a homeless shelter or use your community connections to help victims of crime. Use your talent in singing for performing at nursing homes at a musical event, go to the local hospital and read to the pediatric cancer patients - or other patients?

[EmilyGF]

I joined Toastmasters last year when we were spending a mini-sabbatical in CA and loved it. :-) I had adult interaction, I had deadlines for when my speeches were, I learned new things. But there isn't a Toastmasters where I live that meets at a time that makes sense, so that will have to wait.

 

Emily

[Miss Mousie]

Do you have good museums nearby?  Maybe you could be a docent, or maybe attending classes/lectures/Q&A sessions would introduce you to people who can lead you to other opportunities.

 

My goodness, combining people-heavy with idea-heavy with small town is tough!

 

[regentrude]

Do you have good museums nearby?  Maybe you could be a docent, or maybe attending classes/lectures/Q&A sessions would introduce you to people who can lead you to other opportunities.

 

Oh, I would like this, and I know I'd be good at it... alas, it is 100 miles to the nearest museum.

 

 

My goodness, combining people-heavy with idea-heavy with small town is tough!

 

Yep. And we can be glad that we have at least a university in town.

[Chris in VA]

(Just random thoughts)

 

I taught for a number of years and then homeschooled, then did something completely different and walked dogs. Nearly died from boredom with THAT.

Went back to teaching--but with a difference. I

 

I researched a new way of teaching, and have been quite energized by learning a new philosophy and implementing it. My professional development has helped me help others, and given much purpose to my teaching. I make many of my own materials and am constantly taking new workshops and online education opportunities.

 

Could you throw out your old curricula used in teaching college physics and approach it in a new way? (Or somewhat new--I'm sure there are basics you need to keep doing, maybe even all of it, but--y'know, shake things up a bit, find new illustrations or activities for your students, etc.)

 

Do you find purpose in being needed, as in homeschooling? --Do you like people to rely on you? For example--Would you like to help someone by translating for them in French or Russian, which would give you motivation for relearning?

 

Even though you are an extrovert, could you do some self-exploration that is less intellectual and more--spiritual? feelings-oriented? past hurts that need to be healed-oriented? Is there anything you find yourself unwilling to tackle that might be good to clear up in your past?

That sort of thing can provide a new sense of purpose and clarity, strangely enough.

You sure do sound like a go-getter with lots of energy! You do seem to have a lot of "shoulds" in your life, if I may say so.  Do you accept yourself as a worthy, "good" person even if you don't "live up to your potential?" Why or why not? (That sort of thing might be a start, if you are interested.)

 

Just, as I said, some random thoughts.

[Carol in Cal.]

You're such a Renaissance person, Regentrude, and your house is immaculate.

And you're an extrovert.

If I were you, I would try to form and host a community around my interests, like a salon.

[regentrude]

If I were you, I would try to form and host a community around my interests, like a salon.

 

That would be my absolute dream! To be a salloniere and to be surrounded by intellectuals and artists and scientists and great minds.

 

I volunteered to host book club next week. That will bring ten literature and history professors into my home... gotta start small, right?

 

Edited March 2, 2016 by regentrude

[madteaparty]

That would be my absolute dream! To be a salloniere and to be surrounded by intellectuals and artists and scientists and great minds.

 

I volunteered to host book club next week. That will bring ten literature and history professors into my home... gotta start small, right?

Only in your world is that "starting small". :)

[regentrude]

Thanks for the thoughts and insights, Chris. These are great questions.

 

Could you throw out your old curricula used in teaching college physics and approach it in a new way? (Or somewhat new--I'm sure there are basics you need to keep doing, maybe even all of it, but--y'know, shake things up a bit, find new illustrations or activities for your students, etc.)

 

LOL. Done that. Two years ago, I developed a completely new online course, created all lecture content, including every single illustration, myself. Huge project, lots of work, fun... and now done. Last year, I wrote a complete set of assignments to get away from the textbook. Done. This year I ditched the workbook for my other class and am making my own. Will be done at the end of the semester.

 

 

Even though you are an extrovert, could you do some self-exploration that is less intellectual and more--spiritual? feelings-oriented? past hurts that need to be healed-oriented? Is there anything you find yourself unwilling to tackle that might be good to clear up in your past? That sort of thing can provide a new sense of purpose and clarity, strangely enough.

 

Very good point. I have been working on this. Two years ago I started going on a  virtual retreat every winter break, from solstice to new year. For that period, I forbid myself to work, which I find very difficult to do. Instead I do the retreat activities, a lot of journaling, art, introspection, writing, meditation. I do find it energizing and inspiring, and it gives me new ideas.

Every time I vow to focus more on creativity and spiritual practice in my daily life, but every time the good intentions fizzle out and become "shoulds".

 

 

 

 You do seem to have a lot of "shoulds" in your life, if I may say so.  Do you accept yourself as a worthy, "good" person even if you don't "live up to your potential?" Why or why not?

 

Oh yes, you are absolutely right: lots of "shoulds". For years, I have been making a conscious effort in clearing out "shoulds" and letting go of things that no longer serve. I have gotten so much better about taking on projects only if I really want to do them and just saying no to things I just feel I should be doing.

 

The question of self acceptance is a tricky one. I genuinely like myself and think I am a pretty cool person, even if I don't live up to my potential, but this sense of self worth is most definitely tied to accomplishments; I like myself because, even though I stay below my potential, I still accomplish a whole lot and am good at the things I do. I don't think I could like myself if I did not do the best possible job at the things that I have to do. I would probably hate myself if I were a slacker.

I don't know why. The rest of my family are the same. I've always been a perfectionist overachiever and married one ;)

[ElizabethB]

What I do: tutor groups of adults and children, and an occasional one on one student if they have underlying problems. I started out math tutoring, but after a move with no math tutoring available, switched (temporarily, I thought!) to literacy tutoring. I can get Algebra down to the 1st grade level and enjoy tutoring math, but teaching people to read makes an even bigger difference in their lives. I have an Industrial Engineering and Biology degree and worked as a Chemist and a Statistician in the Air Force for 11 years. I am an INTP. I use my science and math background to design and research efficient remedial curriculum. I also used to speak Spanish fairly well, now I can just understand it and speak like a 4 year old. I took a few years of German and lived in Germany for 4 years, in Otterbach near Kaiserslautern. I took a semester of Russian. I find my foreign language knowledge helpful for my tutoring, especially for my students with underlying difficulties. I had a student with a speech problem, he could say "ts" as in cats properly in normal speech but had trouble blending the sounds together ehen reading. I did some research and found out that the sounds were actually co-articulated. I broke out my Russian book for him and showed him the Russian symbol for "ts," he thought that was really cool and had no problem with ts from then on.

 

I now have a YouTube channel, a nonprofit, and 2 websites. This summer I am hoping to finish a 10 Lesson DVD class that people will be able to teach nationwide. I have written the whole plan and made the first movie. I am looking for people to help coordinate and set up classes if you are interested. As an INTP, I have absolutely no desire to coordinate things... (The nonprofit is Christian, but this summer series will be secular with an option to add in Bible verses. My current DVD series and online movies are Christian.). The class takes 10 instructional hours, the last 20 - 25 minutes of each in educational games, simple games with single syllable words for the first few classes, Greek and Latin games and exercises for the last half. I have taught it live several times and most classes average a grade level or two of improvement. Interestingly, inner city students do better than middle class children and my fastest students yet were two formerly homeless minority 2nd grade boys who had nominal enrollment in a Los Angeles inner city school. (The brain research explains some of this, basically my middle class children have more sight word induced guessing habits. The less they are in school or studying sight words at home, the less bad habits to untrain with nonsense words.)

 

Also, if you are interested in the field, I just barely understand the neuroscience behind it, I will link to a thread where it was discussed. I would like to tie more of that information into my websites but just quote and don't summarize too much, the brain science hurts my brain at this stage in my life. I tell people half jokingly that I lost half my brain with each child and not all of it came back.

 

I teach using the syllable method, it is powerful. Russian still has some use of the syllable method in teaching reading. Just today I received the catalogue st. petersburg, it has a russian phonics book using the syllabary and you can get a poster with all the syllables.

 

You may also find interesting, I did not used to be able to say the sound of ch as in buch. The whole time we lived in Germany, I could only approximate it. I could hear that it was incorrect but could not figure out how to say it. An app I now have for some of my students with underlying speech problems also has German and Spanish sounds, after seeing a side view cartoon video of the throat and tongue in action while saying this sound, I can now pronounce it correctly, now that I have no one to speak to. It has been 14 years since we lived in Germany, so I could not say too much right now anyway, but what I could say I can now pronounce better!

Edited March 3, 2016 by ElizabethB

[ElizabethB]

Here is the article where we discussed the neuroscience of reading, with links to several articles.

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/579026-brain-research-shows-adults-read-words-by-sound-not-sight-just-really-fast/?hl=%2Bstanislas+%2Bdehaene

[KungFuPanda]

I have a serious lack of discipline.

I taught myself to play the piano, reasonably well; took a few lessons when my kids were taking piano lessons. I know I could improve a lot if I just practiced more. But I don't. I should work on vocal exercises and practice singing - but I don't either.

Because with each, there is no tangible goal.

Last year when I had a hard solo gig, I worked my butt off. But without a goal, I have no motivation. Singing by myself, to myself, at home? Not satisfying. Choir is so easy, it does not require me to practice; I have everything memorized by performance time without trying hard. I'd love to sing in an ensemble that performs really challenging music... alas, no opportunity locally.

 

I just returned the borrowed violin that I had under my bed for several years.. because I always meant to get back to playing. Never did. Interestingly, I could still play everything I played when I stopped with lessons at age 12. But without external motivation, I won't put in the effort.

Bad me.

 

(In fact, it's the same with languages. If I just kept working on my French or Russian, I could be so good, because it comes very easy to me. Alas, I just don't put in the time - because there seems to be no point to it.)

You don't lack discipline. You're just socially and performance motivated. I dance 8-10 hours a week. It's ALL in class. I don't exercise without witnesses :-/ I also need that next show/choreography to keep pushing and improving. I BUY dance videos, but I only ever work on the material if I need it to prepare for a class . . . even then I tend to memorize it in my head at home, but work it into my body in a class.

 

You need to commit to more classes. Pay the money and get it on the schedule. Enter a contest of some sort. Join/start a study/conversation group for French or Russian. Attend a regular music jam of some sort where you play alongside more advanced players. Ask other musicians in case what you're looking for isn't well-advertised. Consider switching to fiddle tunes if it makes finding a musical community easier. Or try the mandolin.

 

Or send me your address and I'll come annoy you until you turn into an introvert :-)

[Entropymama]

I didn't know you were a theoretical physicist! In that case, you could stimulate your mind by explaining the oscillating universe theory to me. :) Among other things.. 

[LibraryLover]

My issue has *never* been boredom. I don't get bored. My issue is feeling useful. I need to do work I believes matters. Yoga, lunch with the girls, cleaning the bathroom doesn't do that.  (Although all of that is good/needs to be done. Sometimes by me, sometimes not.) Volunteer work (very involved) and work was mandatory for my health once my family wasn't as in need of me.  (Although even through my hsing/sahm years I did have issues that mattered to me.) 

 

Boredom, no. Never. And I was very lucky to have had wonderful and thoughtful homeschool friends/support.  I grew tremendously as a human being those years. 

Edited March 4, 2016 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

That would be my absolute dream! To be a salloniere and to be surrounded by intellectuals and artists and scientists and great minds.

 

I volunteered to host book club next week. That will bring ten literature and history professors into my home... gotta start small, right?

<3 Absolutely. No matter what we do, how much we do, we need to do a little reinventing when our children are grown and gone (not quite for gone me, but getting there quickly!).  Next chapter and all that. :)

Edited March 3, 2016 by LibraryLover

[Incognito]

What do you think of planning a cycling tour for you and your DH through the south of France?  It would motivate you to practice your French (sign up for a class or club too in anticipation of the trip).  Alternately, I know of people who have done some famous hiking trails across Europe, if you prefer hiking to cycling.

 

 

 

 

[Rosie_0801]

I was going to suggest this. The SCA can easily take up every moment of free time and every penny of free $$ if you let it. And it's a weird mix of intellectual stimulation (learn new things!) and good times.

 

Regentrude would make a fantastic baroness.

[regentrude]

I wanted to say thanks to everybody who responded and shared their experience and gave me suggestions and ideas. Keep 'em coming :)

I can't be the only person who has trouble reinventing herself after the intensive phase of parenting and homeschooling is over.

[G5052]

I was thinking about this today at the gym and the allergy doctor. Those are my "thinking zones"  :laugh: .

 

Next fall when I have only a 12th grader, I'll have five online classes that I'm teaching. Thankfully four of one class where I'm the course designer (i.e. it's done right), and one of another, all repeats for me. DD wants to go locally to college, so the pre-college/graduation stuff will be manageable. Having been through it before, I know what to expect.

 

I probably will have to stick with home-based stuff again.

 

I think I'll start Latin again through seniorlearn.org. I had fun teaching my own through Latin 2, and taught Latin 2 locally for several years with Henle. I haven't picked up anything Latin in the last three years. SeniorLearn uses quality Latin resources and does the National Latin Exam, so that will be good after shepherding my own through all of that even though we outsourced the higher levels.  It's a class, so I'll have some accountability.

 

Thanks for nudging me toward thinking about this.

Edited March 3, 2016 by G5052

[Tsuga]

I have a serious lack of discipline.

I taught myself to play the piano, reasonably well; took a few lessons when my kids were taking piano lessons. I know I could improve a lot if I just practiced more. But I don't. I should work on vocal exercises and practice singing - but I don't either.

Because with each, there is no tangible goal.

Last year when I had a hard solo gig, I worked my butt off. But without a goal, I have no motivation. Singing by myself, to myself, at home? Not satisfying. Choir is so easy, it does not require me to practice; I have everything memorized by performance time without trying hard. I'd love to sing in an ensemble that performs really challenging music... alas, no opportunity locally.

 

I just returned the borrowed violin that I had under my bed for several years.. because I always meant to get back to playing. Never did. Interestingly, I could still play everything I played when I stopped with lessons at age 12. But without external motivation, I won't put in the effort.

Bad me.

 

(In fact, it's the same with languages. If I just kept working on my French or Russian, I could be so good, because it comes very easy to me. Alas, I just don't put in the time - because there seems to be no point to it.)

 

If you had to perform there would be a tangible goal, though. Like if you set a goal to become an accompanist for children's plays or something. Or distribute fliers for your concert. Hah!

 

You could start a chapter of Raging Grannies (though you are not technically that old... maybe, raging middle aged ladies?) Chicago.

 

You could make a vow to eat only meat you kill yourself and take up hunting. That is really hard. So hard it's one of the few things I've ever not done simply because it was too hard, even though I believe it would be worth it.

 

 

Chicago has one of the most segregated school systems in the country. You could set your mind to de-segregating it:

 

http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/The-312/September-2012/Chicagoland-Schools-For-Blacks-the-Most-Segregated-in-the-Country/

 

You make your own food but do you bake your own bread?

 

Do you have an electric car? Do you want one? Have you ever considered building one if you can't afford a Tesla on your sky-high academic salary (this in my opinion would be the coolest EVER and it's a personal goal of mine). Or what about a bio-diesel car? You could convert a regular diesel car, I hear, into a bio-diesel car.

 

You could set a goal of translating old-school Russian and German math books into English for an American audience. I did this once. It was more challenging than one might think (I translated 1960s Soviet math worksheets for my children).

 

You could start a band. I know you like classical so performance is hard but you could set a goal of composing your own chamber music.

 

You could also decide to set up a scholarship fund for poor people and fund it by writing and selling the world's best or worst romance novels.

 

You could start a website ranking renaissance faires.  Or perhaps just the trebuchets at renaissance faires. Like "why this ren faire has the best pumpkin trebuchet, hint: they actually did the math".

 

You could develop an organic pesticide that keeps brussels sprouts aphid free. That is my vote, and please feel free to share it with us when you're done. The world needs that. You would probably get a page in the encyclopedia.

[DawnM]

(Just random thoughts)

 

I taught for a number of years and then homeschooled, then did something completely different and walked dogs. Nearly died from boredom with THAT.

Went back to teaching--but with a difference. I

 

I researched a new way of teaching, and have been quite energized by learning a new philosophy and implementing it. My professional development has helped me help others, and given much purpose to my teaching. I make many of my own materials and am constantly taking new workshops and online education opportunities.

 

Could you throw out your old curricula used in teaching college physics and approach it in a new way? (Or somewhat new--I'm sure there are basics you need to keep doing, maybe even all of it, but--y'know, shake things up a bit, find new illustrations or activities for your students, etc.)

 

Do you find purpose in being needed, as in homeschooling? --Do you like people to rely on you? For example--Would you like to help someone by translating for them in French or Russian, which would give you motivation for relearning?

 

Even though you are an extrovert, could you do some self-exploration that is less intellectual and more--spiritual? feelings-oriented? past hurts that need to be healed-oriented? Is there anything you find yourself unwilling to tackle that might be good to clear up in your past?

That sort of thing can provide a new sense of purpose and clarity, strangely enough.

You sure do sound like a go-getter with lots of energy! You do seem to have a lot of "shoulds" in your life, if I may say so.  Do you accept yourself as a worthy, "good" person even if you don't "live up to your potential?" Why or why not? (That sort of thing might be a start, if you are interested.)

 

Just, as I said, some random thoughts.

 

 

What is it and how have you been able to do that given the parameters of working within a school?

[Nan in Mass]

So thinking about this some more... You aren't lacking ideas, right?  The problem is that you can't do your ideas in your location?  So maybe you have to think about what IS in your location?  You do have intellectuals in the form of your fellow professors.  How can you get access to them?  Surely you can't be the only one languishing in the middle of nowhere?  I think your book group is a great start.  Where else are there intellectuals within your reach?  Where else are there scientists?  Is there wild land where you are?  If so, there might be naturalists and other scientists.  Here, if I wanted to do scientific research, I could very easily by going down to the local Audubon center.  There are astronomers and naturalists and geologists who work there.  The bulk of them are involved in educating the public, but not all of them.  Some of them are doing research projects.  I could work with one of them or I could do my own research there.  And this would be a social activity, for me at least, because there is a volunteer room where people eat.  There would be people there who would ask me about my research.  They would help me get my research published.  I know this is out of your field, but if *I* can do natural history research, I can't imagine that you would not be able to.  The problem would be more a matter whether it would be intellectually challenging enough for you, and whether it is something you would be interested in.

 

Your inquiries here make it seem like maybe you are defining this problem as what-do-I-want-to-do.  You want to do lots of things.  That doesn't appear to be the problem.  Maybe you should redefine the problem as "what intellectual resources are available here" and then try to figure out how to manipulate or recombine those things into something interesting for you to do?  Maybe a more place-oriented approach to the problem would help you figure it out?  Maybe you could write a post asking where intellectuals are found?

 

Nan

[wintermom]

The topic of boredom came up on the SAHM thread. Some people commented how they cannot believe one could be bored at home. One poster mentioned "always finding something to do... even just browsing in the bookstore"

So, let's do a spin-off.

 

I am bored. There, I said it.

 

I work; I teach physics at a four year STEM university.  I homeschool a high school junior who is very independent and does not need me most of the time. My oldest is away at college.

I can "find something to do":

I work on my self education. I consume copious amounts of Great Courses lectures while driving with DH. I read, am in a Great Books club run by the English Department, work on my French (not as much as I should). I am on the board of a local non-profit, am part of a women's circle, sing in choir, do Zumba every week at the women's community center. I hike every weekend and do nature photography, have created and maintain a website for hiking in our state, run a facebook page that goes with the website. I run my household, cook from scratch every day, house is company ready pretty much any time. I throw dinners and parties. I spend way too much time on this board and know more about homeschool curriculum than I will need to know for the rest of my homeschooling career. I am wasting time online, sigh.

 

So, "stuff to do" (but still not enough people interaction to satisfy my extrovert needs), and it does not bring me real satisfaction. I love my job, love the interaction with the students - but I would like to do something where I can stretch myself intellectually and give myself a genuine challenge, so that I can have a sense of accomplishment.

 

For those of you past the all consuming intensive stage of parenting/homeschooling: what do you do to give yourself the gift of an intellectual challenge, mental stretch, sense of accomplishment?

 

Good lord, woman. I think instead of more running around, you should try challenging yourself to mediate and relax. You're giving me a potential heart attack just reading all the things you do. I'm an energizer bunny myself, but no where near you. 

 

Perhaps you can try cutting down the number of things you do and go deeper into a selected 2 or 3 things. How much depth can you actually be getting out of all those things if they are all happening in the course of a week? They sound wonderful and exciting, but just too many items.

[regentrude]

Good lord, woman. I think instead of more running around, you should try challenging yourself to mediate and relax. You're giving me a potential heart attack just reading all the things you do. I'm an energizer bunny myself, but no where near you. 

 

Perhaps you can try cutting down the number of things you do and go deeper into a selected 2 or 3 things. How much depth can you actually be getting out of all those things if they are all happening in the course of a week? They sound wonderful and exciting, but just too many items.

 

I am not looking for "more running around" or more things to dabble in to fill an hour here or there; I know I can "find things to do", but that would not be fulfilling. I do so many things because I have the time and because I crave the company. (Btw, I am not doing everything every week. Choir and Zumba are weekly, but book club and women's circle are only once a month.)

 

Ironically, out of my circle of friends I am the most relaxed, the only one  who does not complain about having no time, and the one who is up for spontaneous adventures. I don't feel stressed.

 

There are areas where I go deep and invest a lot of time. My passion is the outdoors; we hike every weekend, sometimes both days. I photograph, update the hiking website and fb page we run with new trip reports and pictures. That is fun, and I am thrilled when I meet people who have been using my page as a resource to find information to go out and hike. I would love to go back to rock climbing; unfortunately, that requires very long drives because there is nothing in the vicinity.

I would love to go deeper in music. I tried, but all the great opportunities last only a short time: my voice teacher retired; the Renaissance voice ensemble disbanded after the director retired (no, I do not posses the expertise to lead such a group); the chamber music group we had with colleagues died when the pianist moved away. I took a music history class, but that was disappointing because it did not go beyond what I could have gotten from reading the textbook. We do not have a good music department and no majors program.

 

So, I do a lot of things because they are opportunities to hang out with people and to fulfill my need for interaction. But adding more "things" is not what I am after.

 

[lewelma]

I could dabble, but would have to start from scratch. It would be years before I could make an original contribution... and the solitary research wasn't satisfying for my personality. So I don't think that will be "it".

 

What about a postdoc position? Is there another university in your area with a decent physics department?  It would take you at least a year to come up to speed with how the field has changed, but then you could join a team doing a project.  Not solitary, and not requiring personal drive, but definitely giving you the intellectual challenge you need. I have a friend who went to med school at 49, out and practicing at 58. All things are possible.

 

Also, if you want goals for your voice, look into the ABRSM exams.  They are incredibly difficult with very clear cut requirements. My ds is working on a post secondary diploma now, and at the big celebratory concert, there were a number of adults, including a male singer.  Wow, is all I can say.

[regentrude]

So thinking about this some more... You aren't lacking ideas, right?  The problem is that you can't do your ideas in your location?  So maybe you have to think about what IS in your location?  You do have intellectuals in the form of your fellow professors.  How can you get access to them?  Surely you can't be the only one languishing in the middle of nowhere?  I think your book group is a great start.  Where else are there intellectuals within your reach?  Where else are there scientists?  Is there wild land where you are?  If so, there might be naturalists and other scientists.  Here, if I wanted to do scientific research, I could very easily by going down to the local Audubon center.  There are astronomers and naturalists and geologists who work there.  The bulk of them are involved in educating the public, but not all of them.  Some of them are doing research projects.  I could work with one of them or I could do my own research there.  And this would be a social activity, for me at least, because there is a volunteer room where people eat.  There would be people there who would ask me about my research.  They would help me get my research published.  I know this is out of your field, but if *I* can do natural history research, I can't imagine that you would not be able to.  The problem would be more a matter whether it would be intellectually challenging enough for you, and whether it is something you would be interested in.

 

Your inquiries here make it seem like maybe you are defining this problem as what-do-I-want-to-do.  You want to do lots of things.  That doesn't appear to be the problem.  Maybe you should redefine the problem as "what intellectual resources are available here" and then try to figure out how to manipulate or recombine those things into something interesting for you to do?  Maybe a more place-oriented approach to the problem would help you figure it out?  Maybe you could write a post asking where intellectuals are found?

 

Nan, thanks for your insightful post. I am not entirely sure whether I am lacking ideas or not. Certainly, I have ideas for things I would like to do, and none of those work in my current location - but whether these would be the things that bring me fulfillment, I can't say. I think my problem might be that I don't have a real plan and vision for my future. I have been in a similar position once before: I had reached every single one of the personal and professional goals I had set for myself - PhD, two years postdoc in a  different country, given birth to two children - and was at a loss as to what else to set as a goal. It was a coincidence that I ended up where I am in the job that I have.

 

People have kindly suggested a number of things in which I would have absolutely no interest and could not get one iota of motivation. I have no desire to build a car, host a train festival (I hate festivals and don't care about trains), develop organic pesticides or reform the school system in a large city in a different state about which I have no knowledge (that one threw me for a loop).

Then there are things for which I do not have the expertise and could not develop it in a reasonable time span: our children's choir is directed by a professional with a masters degree in choral conducting, and our choirs and community theatre plays are accompanied by professional pianists with degrees in piano performance. They don't need bloody amateurs.

 

The intellectuals and scientists I know are all very busy because they are involved in their own research and publishing. Having only a teaching job, I am somewhat of an oddity in my circle of academic friends.

But I guess my problem is more not knowing what to want. If I knew, I could look for resources to make it happen.

[regentrude]

What about a postdoc position? Is there another university in your area with a decent physics department?

 

No other university. And nobody would hire a postdoc without recent research expertise. Not sure I'd be interested - I want to do something different.

Plus, let's not forget that I have a full time job. I am not looking to give up my job - I like it (and we need the income)

 

 

Also, if you want goals for your voice, look into the ABRSM exams.  They are incredibly difficult with very clear cut requirements. My ds is working on a post secondary diploma now, and at the big celebratory concert, there were a number of adults, including a male singer.

 

Sounds neat, but not doable without a teacher.

[AnniePoo]

What about looking more into a religion that you've been interested in?

[lewelma]

No other university. And nobody would hire a postdoc without recent research expertise. Not sure I'd be interested - I want to do something different.

Plus, let's not forget that I have a full time job. I am not looking to give up my job - I like it (and we need the income)

As I wrote up thread, my dh just finished a part time phd while concurrently working full time. Given your energy level, I'm sure you can do it.

 

 

Sounds neat, but not doable without a teacher.

 

I have not read the entire thread, but why could you not get a teacher?

Edited March 3, 2016 by lewelma

[regentrude]

People here usually travel 45 min to 2 hours for music ensembles. If you were willing to travel, it would open up more opportunities, either in community theater, existing ensembles or in instruction possibilities. Or may you could sing with the local community band or someone's dance band.

 

Yes, there would be opportunities in the city, but I am not willing/able to travel 2 hours one way during the week.