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bored / intellectual challenge? s/o SAHM


regentrude
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It sounds to me like you are beyond just adding more "stuff" to do.  You won't be satisfied by just taking another class, or joining a club.  You need to jump into something all consuming, something big, perhaps something you used to think about doing, but never did.  Perhaps start a business, or a school, or a non-profit (as others have mentioned), but something that takes at least 50 hours a week, something you can be passionate about, something that will occupy your thoughts from the moment you wake up to the moment you drop off to sleep at night.  Something you can throw all your life experiences, and all your energy, and all your resources into.  

 

 

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Thanks for all the good ideas. But I feel bad that we've mainly been talking about me... I'd love to hear from others in similar positions what they are doing!

 

I'll be back later. But now I am going to campus to self educate by watching a French film in French.

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Training for a marathon was as much a mental challenge as a physical one. And the race itself is a total peak experience. Train with a group and you meet new people too!

 

I hate running. I have hated running. I will hate running. I will have been hating running.

I tried. Several times. Don't feel the love.

 

Now, I could get on board with a long distance hike. DH and I have been talking about it on and off. It's the logistics that's the hassle, the food caches and such.

 

running now (metaphorically) to French film...

 

Edited by regentrude
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I hate running. I have hated running. I will hate running. I will have been hating running.

I tried. Several times. Don't feel the love.

 

Now, I could get on board with a long distance hike. DH and I have been talking about it on and off. It's the logistics that's the hassle, the food caches and such.

 

running now (metaphorically) to French film...

 

We visited Scotland a few years ago, and while we mostly drove to do our sight seeing, we discovered that they have an amazing network of walking/hiking trails.

 

https://www.visitscotland.com/see-do/active/walking/routes-trails/

 

On my list of future things to do with friends or older kids...

Edited by lovelearnandlive
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I don't have any advice but just wanted to commiserate.  I am intellectually bored too.

 

I need to run, organize the kids' bookshelves, sort the toys, clean out my closet,and a hundred other things.  My procrastination on the dull home tasks keeps me from attempting even the most logistically flexible intellectual challenge.

 

I do need to re-learn more math; perhaps I ought to make it a priority.  I wasn't in a mood to learn about the Law of Cosines late last night when ds asked for help, though I suppose it was just as well - he figured it out for himself.

Edited by wapiti
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This isn't a question of keeping busy.  This is a question of keeping engaged and feeling like you're having a worthwhile life.

 

The Problem That Has No Name women were very busy.  Many of them had 5-6 children and worked extremely hard as SAHMs.  What they weren't was fulfilled and satisfied and stretched, at least not all of them.  And what they were is trapped.  "The Feminine Mystique" covers this extremely well.  When I read it the descriptions of these women were familiar to me in the lives of my parents' generation--more the norm than the exception.  That book presented the problem really well, though I think that it was weak on the solution side.

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Regentrude, I am thinking now of what I actually do.

 

I have a career and it's more or less my own business, and it's different all the time.  I enjoy it, it is mentally stimulating.

 

I'm also on the board of a hunger nonprofit locally, and I love working on that. 

I volunteer at my church and in the community as well.

I sing in a community choir--got the idea after stumbling on a fantastic concert of Dvorak's Stabat Mater in Germany on a business trip and realizing that I had been foolish to let that go.

 

I've always got some overarching thing going on that simmers in the background.  Sometimes I study something for fun, trying to make connections across disciplines or formulate hypotheses about history or cultures or something like that.  Sometimes I just assemble a whole bunch of books about something and get a lot of points of view on it.  For 3 years I studied the real estate markets in a several hundred mile area and worked on what for us was a major purchase of a second home, and then ever since then in the back of my head I have ideas about that place, how to fix it up, how to prioritize projects and purchases for it, how to entertain there (it is 3-4 hours from our home), stuff like that.  So when other things are mundane, which is frequent, I always have something like that on the back burner to think about and work toward.

 

Lately I have been reading a lot of books by people who have done huge backpacking trips, like the Appalachian Trail or the Pacific Crest Trail.  I have convinced myself that I don't want to do that, but that I do want to be in better shape, and so some of the focus in the last year or so has been to improve my endurance and strength.  I see progress in that, and it makes me feel a sense of satisfaction.

 

I've also been asked to take on leadership positions in several organizations, and although I don't always say yes, the ones I do give me great joy. 

 

Maybe it just adds up to enough.  The fact is, I have worked hard at a lot of things for a very long time.  I am 58.  I could just veg for quite a long time and not feel dissatisfied, because in a lot of ways I have accomplished my major goals already, and I don't feel lost without them.  I feel good.

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When my youngest turned 5 last year I suddenly noticed I had free time to myself and immediately enrolled in part time University lol. I felt like I was just rattling round the house when my kids outgrew the toddler stage.. I can see getting a job when they start spending considerable time outside the home or finish homeschooling.

 

I'm not one for the domestic arts lol...I hate cooking so staying at home doing that would bore me.

 

Even though I am often busy I do get very bored. Bored with the routine of childcare and housecare day after day.

 

I'm less bored now I have Uni.. I may finish my degree then do a masters then whatever comes next lol

 

My mum always told me I was going to be bored just being a housewife. She told me she was happy and content with it but people " like me" needed more stimulation. I didn't know what she meant by that then but I do now.

 

The kids don't make me crazy but the routine does.

 

I mean right now its lunchtime ...my kids have been happily playing in the bedroom for over an hour without needing something from me once...not even a fight referee or an I'm huuunnngrrryy. I'm sitting on my bed twiddling my thumbs because my housework is done, I cleaned some boxes out of the garage, cleaned out the fridge, all my Uni work is already done for the week and it's only Wednesday lol...maybe I need to take more classes.

 

I hate sitting around waiting for my kids to need me ...I start to pace looking for things to do lol

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I've hit those boredom stages in my life, both when I was a SAHM  and when I was not.  It is usually not pure physical "boredom" though (because there is always something to do), but "stagnation" or "mental boredom".  When it hits, I think on it for a while and decide to embark on a personal "adventure".  So in the past, my anti-stagnation strategies have ranged from learning to SCUBA dive, taking a trip to Europe, taking a class at a university, and cooking up elaborate diet and exercise routines.  Try and think of something that you have always wanted to do and never gotten around to it and then take it up as an anti-boredom measure.

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Things I would like to do if I weren't in the middle of homeschooling a large family:

 

Join an adult Itish dance/ceili class or group

 

Pick up an instrument I'm not experienced in and join a community band or orchestra

 

Join a running group

 

Go on an archeology dig for the summer

Edited by maize
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Well, as you know, I've been learning to paint and occasionally working on contributing to world peace. I also work on music and languages. What to do with any of those is pretty obvious. I have other things I'd like to study but if I can't use something, it evaporates out of my brain. This limits what I choose to study. I paint for myself, not so much as an intellectual challenge (although it certainly is) but more to try to get what I am seeing and feeling onto paper. My motivation for working on world peace is different. When my children were born, I thought about what I wanted their world to be like and began working towards that. My efforts are smaller than the proverbial drop in the bucket, but I am at least trying to make a better world for them. Picking a massive global problem and trying to figure out how to solve it is providing much intellectual challenge. I have met many interesting people in the process. Perhaps you can find your intellectual challenge by taking a similar approach, by asking yourself what future world you want for your children and working towards that? Maybe you could help to solve the problem of global warming?

 

Nan

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I think we have to be careful to not assume

 

not busy=bored.

 

We can do endless tasks that can keep us busy all day long and still be bored.  

 

Bingo!

 

That's what I always think when folks seem surprised that there are some of us who could possibly be bored at home, then go on to list all of the hobbies and pursuits with which they fill their days. I have hobbies, too, and can keep myself busy for hours/days/weeks on end, but I am a person who needs purpose in order to feel not bored. 

 

For me, doing the normal household tasks of cooking and cleaning and such had meaning for me when I had kids at home who needed me to do them as part of caring for them. Now that it's just two adults here, not only is there less to do, but those tasks no longer feel significant.

 

Reading in order to learn something in pursuit of some kind of credential or to meet a goal feels different to me than reading a book for fun. I love to read, but it doesn't feel "important" to do so when it's just to pass the time.

 

I do a variety of crafts, but I have little interest in doing any of them unless the result has some purpose. I love making things to give as gifts or donate to charity, but can't sustain any motivation in working on something that doesn't have a specific goal.

 

All of which is why I'm in the process of attempting to transition to a new phase of my "encore career." I've been working part-time since my son's last year of high school, but all of the part-time jobs I've been juggling feel like pretty aimless pursuits. I do semi-frequently feel like I'm being helpful to the students I tutor, but I don't have any sense of forward motion. So, I'm starting a new job next week that offers the promise of new things to learn and opportunities to build some kind of second career (not to mention help pay off some debt and sock away some money for retirement -- both of which have been significantly hindered by having one of us not earning).

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I met some very interesting and crazy people volunteering on the Balkans route, which is getting worse everyday. Selfish, no, because I did not go over due to being bored (I was in the neighborhood and had free childcare) but this was a shocking side effect. I thought I was an introvert until I was discussing French politics with a Dutch volunteer in an island in Greece over Syrian food ;) met many Germans too ;) I'm not an introvert, I'm just surrounded by the wrong people most of the time...

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I thought I was an introvert until I was discussing French politics with a Dutch volunteer in an island in Greece over Syrian food ;) met many Germans too ;) I'm not an introvert, I'm just surrounded by the wrong people most of the time...

 

I'm laughing, because I recently broke the news to my husband and son that neither of them is actually an introvert. They are both very definitively extroverts who just happen to dislike almost everyone.

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Regentrude, you sound a lot like my dad. He had so much energy and the need for intellectual stimulation. He has an MD, PhD, 3 masters, and DMin, and just went back to university for a BA in his 60s. Taking classes has allowed him to be self-driven but within a framework of expectations. 

 

Similarly (but not to quite the same extent!) my dh just finished a part time PhD while concurrently holding down a full time job.  That was *definitely* challenging.

 

My empty nest plans are already in the works.  I have found through my part time tutoring that I am very good with kids with mental illness.  So my plan is to re-certify and work for the health school.  Teachers are paid to travel to kids' homes and tutor.  When I tutor, it is an intellectual challenge to manipulate them to my will without them knowing.  In the end, they do what they need to do because I am able to convince them to do it.  Definitely a hard-core challenge.  I am also currently meeting my content goal of being able to teach AP (well, the NZ equivalent) Chem, Bio, Physics, Calc, and Stats.  And now I have a parent who wants me to do English.  Lots to learn and lots of exams to learn how to teach to.  The goal is more than the content, it is the grades.  So I am also learning how to find the tricks to teach to the test.  Very interesting, challenging, and profitable. :001_smile:  

 

Ruth in NZ

Edited by lewelma
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They do, but the timing conflicts either with my own teaching or with the time during which I can work with DS. It will have to wait until I am done homeschooling :)

I would also enjoy getting back into Russian... I was fluent many years ago and lost most of it because I did not use it. That is another language taught here (we do not have many choices)

 

I will pay you good money if you write a beginning Russian book for elementary/middle school!

Writing curriculum - not necessarily homeschool.

Do you enjoy working with kids? What about taking up conducting in your choir? Composing? Starting a children's choir (one of my life long dreams)?

Learn an instrument? Learn to make an instrument?

Could you just do your own research, for your own interest, and share with like-minded people? I don't have any idea how feasible that would be!

 

I'm out of ideas. You can help me write up my business plan if you like, it's big and daunting and I'm procrastinating! hahaha

I currently have a toddler climbing me, your life sounds lovely and stimulating, but I suspect I couldn't come close to your aptitude or energy (says the introverted homebody!)

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Having one child, within 4 years my homeschool job will be done.

So that will leave a 'hole' in my life.

 

I can't imagine how life will be, but my first ideas are:

- teaching dutch to female refugees

- homework helper for children in disadvantaged families

- volunteer in the local museum (I love history)

- maybe a short study to be a tourist guide or something like that. I'm not willing back to 6 years of studies... But this is a 2 year course.

- working on my drive ability so I can attend another type of choir.

 

I'm not sure this will help you.

But it is something I'm pondering about...

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That's what I always think when folks seem surprised that there are some of us who could possibly be bored at home, then go on to list all of the hobbies and pursuits with which they fill their days. I have hobbies, too, and can keep myself busy for hours/days/weeks on end, but I am a person who needs purpose in order to feel not bored. 

 

This, exactly.

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I am on the homestretch of homeschooling. I wasn't really bored before because I had an intellectually stimulating homeschool community of other parents who had as much of a passion for learning and an interest in bigger questions besides hoe to make my kid do their work. But that evaporated when DD went to high school part time. I've been unable to find other families to join us i n out last remaining intellectually stimulating piece done at home (Literature.). Funny to say that as a math/science person. But math with DD is not stimulating because she doesn't love it. She's trudging through.

 

This was supposed to be my year to start to figure things out, to find things to do to help rebuild that stimulating community that I've been seeking. Then I had an injury and then surgery. Nothing like pain meds to further isolate a person while at the same time sucking any energy for stimulating pursuits. I consider it a major accomplishment that I've read one book (a fun, but lightweight novel) during my confinement.

 

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

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I have spent the last several years bored and somewhat mildly depressed.  

 

I honestly have some regret about not going to back to school for another degree.  I should have.  But many years I couldn't leave the kids alone because they were too young.  Then I didn't feel comfortable leaving my oldest alone because of his issues.  And then there was the money spent if I went back and didn't use the additional degree.   So I never did.

 

But now I am applying for jobs and will go back to work full time if I can get hired!  I think that will help tremendously.

 

I have done everything people are suggesting.....I hate hobbies, I volunteer all the time, owning a business sends me into rigors, etc......but after 11 years of this, I am finally getting my "mojo" back and heading back to work.

 

Seriously, it is the only thing that will do it for me.....I know myself.

 

When I was working for 17 years, I was not only working full time but I also went to school in the evenings part time to keep learning/growing/stretching.  I went from that to BAM, staying home and doing nothing.  It has been hard.   And yes, I do read, yes I do "self teaching" of things, but overall, it is not nearly what I was doing in the past.

 

Dawn

Edited by DawnM
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But I feel bad that we've mainly been talking about me... I'd love to hear from others in similar positions what they are doing!

 

I'm still trying to find my feet after being forcibly retired from homeschooling almost two years ago. Thus far, my approach has been to keep changing jobs so that I have to learn new things. None of them have kept me engaged for very long, but I'm hoping the new position I was offered yesterday will be the beginning of something with more "legs." I'll be teaching a variety of classes and programs at the main branch of our public library in the technology and education center. It's my understanding that I'll be teaching classes in everything from Microsoft Word/Excel/PowerPoint to basic sewing, and a certain amount of study time is built into the work schedule. I'm hoping the variety of task and expectation to learn new things will keep me hopping for a good, long while.

 

Once I am settled into the new routine, I hope to take a series of classes through one of our local community colleges to earn a certificate in instructional design. My bachelor's is in English, but I've spent most of my working life writing curricula and training materials of one kind or another. I'd like some kind of updated academic credential, and this seems like the least financially painful and most useful/interesting option.

 

It also occured to me just this morning that, with the new, more consistent schedule that job offers, it's possible I might be able to join that community choir I've had on my wishlist for the last three years. I'm not a natural and have very little formal training, so singing does not come easily to me. However, I love it, it was one of the very few things I stuck with for a long time even though I had to work really hard and still wasn't great at it. 

 

Although I am in the mostly empty nest stage -- my daughter has been living on her own for almost two years, and my son is in his second year of college -- I still like to make myself as available as possible to both kids. My daughter's schedule is frenetic, and the only way I get to talk to her is via Skype whenever we can both steal some time. My son's campus is about 90 minutes from our house, and we see him pretty regularly. He's a performing arts major, which means we make several trips per semester to see him in shows and concerts, and he also comes home for at least one weekend a month. Each visit includes shopping and laundry and cooking and packing food for him to take back with him, and making sure that I have the flexibilty to do those things is the primary reason I have chosen to patch together part-time jobs for the moment.

 

Once my son graduates, I will reevaluate and decide on the next steps. I expect I will move back into full-time employment at that point. I hope that having my foot in the door with a large, thriving public institution (and, if all goes well, a new academic credential) will offer me opportunities to move up and move around in ways that will hold my interest for the 15-20 years I have until retirement.

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I don't have the time/time management skills to go back to school like I want to.  While I do feel like I can engage in things cooler than diapers and laundry now, I'm still juggling a million things across multiple kids plus my own inherent responsibilities, and I have a hard time prioritizing my wide range of interests in the little slivers of time I do have.

 

Right now, I spend most of my "my brain time" reading books and articles about racial and economic inequality.  I definitely find it challenging in a meaningful way.

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Do you get summers off? There are some awesome summer intensive courses. Berkeley has summer Latin and Greek workshops that sound thrilling.

 

I really loved bar exams. A three day test that was both a marathon and a sprint, covering a huge body of law. That's when I felt I was truly firing all cylinders. I may have taken a few more than I really needed, just because it was so much fun. I'm not sure I'd recommend law school just to take the bar, but I wonder if there are some other sort of test you could study for? Aren't there French certificates etc?

 

Just wondering, given your love of bar exams, if you've worked for one of the bar prep companies? Because it seems like their instructors basically make a career of taking bar exams and then breaking them down for other people.

 

Law school was a good choice for me, because practicing law means constantly having new problems to solve and new things to research and learn more about.

 

The ship may have sailed for jumping into research in physics, but is there any other field where you might find it worthwhile to put in the skull sweat and $$$ to get another degree under your belt? 

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This doesn't take care of what sounds to me like you just want to get out and be with people (maybe try Meetup), but one thing came to me last night.  What about writing a science curriculum for homeschoolers?  We've been begging for this for years.  (Sorry if this has been mentioned.  I didn't read all the responses.)

 

 

Edited by SparklyUnicorn
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I'm an introvert, so can amuse myself with computer games and books/magazines, but I still get bored, esp now that there are far fewer in depth conversations like we had when my boys were home.

 

I enjoy working at school, but have toyed with giving that up as it can get boring.  It's never the same, but it's always the same if you catch what I mean.

 

Ditto with the ponies that have been my life for the past 19 years (more if you count my youth, but 19 years of breeding/raising our own).

 

I'm a travel junkie, so right now I'm getting my highs via travel - probably more than we should be affording out of our budget, but I justify it by the knowledge that it's keeping me sane.  I vary what we do, so that's not always the same.  (We're not always hiking or walking a beach or whatever - it varies.)

 

I've seriously thought about whether we can travel 24/7, but run into problems with the budget.  We still need hubby's job income.  While it's portable (he's working now while we're looking out over Big Water), it's not 100% portable.  Two weeks from tomorrow we have to be back home...

 

But to keep my mind active, I'm planning trips or contemplating trips, or figuring out ways we can make the budget work to travel more.  It's what junkies do.  I worked a couple of extra days at school before we left and my mindset was remembering each day was an additional meal out with the boys or two nights camping...

 

Housekeeping?  Eh, if you visit and don't like it, feel free to clean it.  I've never been good at doing things I don't like to do.  The house is nowhere near Hoarders level, so I'm ok.  Doing things I don't like to do DOES NOT HELP the boredom.  It makes it worse.

 

Health issues make it worse too.  I try hard to ignore them since no one has suggested ways to fix them that have worked.  

 

Travel doesn't fix them either - just had another one appear on this trip actually (anyone see their veins in their hands get REALLY blue when in cold/hot water???).  But my brain is content with its travel fixes and that makes a ton of difference for me.

 

If I start getting bored with travel, I'm in trouble.  Fortunately, there are oodles of places I haven't been to yet - even within states.  I have trips set for most of this month, then short ones in April, May, and August.  June/July we have kids returning home.

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This, exactly.

I hear what you are saying but I think this is oversimplifying. All the things you already do have purpose. It seems like you are looking for a specific purpose.

 

How do you want to be purposeful?

Do you want to make a difference for people? A certain kind of people? Solve a particular problem or a certain kind of problem? Do you want to make a name for yourself in a certain area?

Do you want to experience pleasure?

 

It doesn't seem like you've figured that out yet.

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This thread is a good reality check for me, a reminder to be thankful for my full and busy life that keeps me far from bored.  If anything I sometimes wish I had more time to BE bored!  I'm quite an introvert, though, and am very content with my own company, am recharged by quiet down time.

 

I played violin all the way through college, wasn't a music major, but had a music scholarship, more of a bribe, really, to help flesh out the uni/community symphony orchestra.  They were in need of violinists who weren't tone deaf!  After college I put my violin in the back of the closet and didn't touch it for 15 years until I decided to play in church holiday performances now and again. Before long I was asked to be in the pit orchestra for my son's first youth theater production, and things started to snow ball.  Another 15 years have now passed and I am a busy freelance violinist playing paid gigs all over town and am teaching some, too. I've been learning to improvise and to fiddle, I play viola in a quartet group once a week, play chamber music weekly with other friends, too. I haven't made time to master my mandolin or ukulele, and would love to also sing in the choir, but there is only so much time in a week.

 

I also read extensively and participate in the book a week threads here. I sew, quilt, knit, crochet and putter in the garden. I still offer my .02 cents worth to homeschoolers here, whether or not it is heeded or welcomed!  I participate in my neighborhood quilt guild and am gently refusing suggestions that I become president of the group. I have no time for that!!

 

Music is all I need intellectually and socially. I play with people in their 70s and 80s as well as youngsters in their 20s. I'm learning music theory, music history, I'm still practicing to improve my technique. 

 

And, as if this weren't enough, I have a closet full of black clothes -- pit black, concert black, church black.  A high schooler once asked me in all sincerity if I am Goth, saying, "you, like, are always wearing black?" 

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Have you considered an adult dance class? Socialization and a good dose of physical exertion could really take the edge off of feeling restless. I teach bellydance classes and over half my students are middle-age women. They get to meet and socialize with women they wouldn't have run across otherwise. It's an interesting mix of teachers, lawyers, Sahms, and scientists. For an extrovert, it can get tedious spending all of your time with the exact same type of people, so a class like this can shake things up.

 

Theatre or some other performance-based group activity would also be new and social, but not as tiring as a dance class. In bellydance, there are several weekend events where you can take workshops in the morning and see performances all evening. I'm guessing EVER interest has weekend conventions like this. It sounds like you're ready to jump in and immerse yourself in something new.

 

Have you considered re-entering your field in some way? It can't be impossible . . . college kids are going to do it. Start over. You have the time, energy, and mental capacity for it. If that's where your interest or talent lies, who cares if it means more schooling. I mean, you're LOOKING for something to do.

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I hear what you are saying but I think this is oversimplifying. All the things you already do have purpose. It seems like you are looking for a specific purpose.

 

How do you want to be purposeful?

Do you want to make a difference for people? A certain kind of people? Solve a particular problem or a certain kind of problem? Do you want to make a name for yourself in a certain area?

Do you want to experience pleasure?

 

It doesn't seem like you've figured that out yet.

 

I think this is one of those things, like art, that one may not be able to describe but recognizes when one sees/feels it.

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Interesting thread. I have these thoughts too, but I'm guessing that it's going to be tough to do much more than I am now even when I'm done homeschooling because of family caregiving.

 

I enjoy my teaching, and I love course development. Those are done from home.  

 

I'd like to get out and take a foreign language or be in a Bible study class. But how? Not sure. Right now it's tough for me to be gone more than an hour or so here and there.

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Right.

 

Then just saying you want to have purpose isn't really saying much. It all has purpose.

 

I think the implication is that some of us need to feel like all of the busyness has some purpose that is meaningful to us.

 

As I said, laundry and cooking felt like they had purpose for me while I was raising kids, but lack that meaning now that it's just two adults sharing a house.

 

Reading, for me, has purpose when it is part of working toward something larger and specific, but not when I'm doing it to pass the time.

 

My own personal purpose threshhold involves some kind of combination of meeting external goals and serving/supporting others.

Edited by Jenny in Florida
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I hear what you are saying but I think this is oversimplifying. All the things you already do have purpose. It seems like you are looking for a specific purpose.

 

How do you want to be purposeful?

Do you want to make a difference for people? A certain kind of people? Solve a particular problem or a certain kind of problem? Do you want to make a name for yourself in a certain area?

Do you want to experience pleasure?

 

It doesn't seem like you've figured that out yet.

 

Very insightful questions.

 

I didn't get to this in my post -- purpose.  I have to admit that now I am an empty nester I like having an occupation to list on forms, having a real profession to tell people that I do. And teaching is satisfying to a point, but it is otherwise drudgery.

 

What gives me purpose and the deepest satisfaction is playing music for the purpose of lifting up others -- not doing a performance to showcase technique and earn applause, or playing a gig because it pays well, but playing music that is meaningful to the listener. Playing in a church setting is one way -- the aim is to get out of the way and let the music lift the congregation to a more transcendent place.  Even more satisfying is the monthly program we do for a group of Alzheimer's patients. We live for those times when they wake up and start singing along to a song they knew from childhood, or when they are given rhythm instruments and start keeping perfect time with our music. Some months we barely touch them, other times they are lively and engaged. We started at the Alzheimer's unit when the husband of one of my music friends was a patient there, and since he passed away we have continued going every month.  We also play a few times a year for other retirement communities.

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I get plenty if intellectual stimulation at home. What I don't get is novelty and the occasional adrenaline rush.

 

If I were in your shoes I would probably train for a hike on the Appalachian trail and learn to sky dive.

Edited by shage
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Any chance your feelings of boredom/restlessness/needing a purpose are the result of hormonal changes? Hormones can wreak havoc with my own sense of contentment/satisfaction with life. I watched my mom go through a period of extreme restlessness in her late forties and early fifties and I don't doubt it was partially driven by hormonal stuff.

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Have you considered an adult dance class? Socialization and a good dose of physical exertion could really take the edge off of feeling restless. I teach bellydance classes and over half my students are middle-age women. They get to meet and socialize with women they wouldn't have run across otherwise. It's an interesting mix of teachers, lawyers, Sahms, and scientists. For an extrovert, it can get tedious spending all of your time with the exact same type of people, so a class like this can shake things up.

 

Oh yes. I took Salsa classes last year for several months, until the teacher stopped teaching (fortunately, the class did not require a partner; my DH does not dance. Ever.) I tried belly dancing classes this winter, but did not enjoy the kind of dancing; the teacher spent too much time, for my taste, on working with zills and puzzling out rhythm. I am taking Zumba from the same instructor. I'd love to go back to tango... alas, non-dancing DH and small town=no chance

 

 

 

Theatre or some other performance-based group activity would also be new and social, but not as tiring as a dance class. In bellydance, there are several weekend events where you can take workshops in the morning and see performances all evening. I'm guessing EVER interest has weekend conventions like this.

 

Our weekends are for hiking :) That's what DH and I do together.

 

 

 

Have you considered re-entering your field in some way? It can't be impossible . . . college kids are going to do it. Start over. You have the time, energy, and mental capacity for it. If that's where your interest or talent lies, who cares if it means more schooling. I mean, you're LOOKING for something to do.

 

I could dabble, but would have to start from scratch. It would be years before I could make an original contribution... and the solitary research wasn't satisfying for my personality. So I don't think that will be "it".

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Any chance your feelings of boredom/restlessness/needing a purpose are the result of hormonal changes? Hormones can wreak havoc with my own sense of contentment/satisfaction with life. I watched my mom go through a period of extreme restlessness in her late forties and early fifties and I don't doubt it was partially driven by hormonal stuff.

 

I don't think so. The much more logical explanation is that it is caused by the (almost) empty nesting: DD leaving for college and DS being largely independent. I mean, for many years, parenting and homeschooling were a major focus of my time and energy... and all that time and energy are no longer needed for this purpose and have to be redirected. Going back to work full time and taking on a big project helped me transition during the first year DD was at college, but it is nowhere near enough, especially since the big new project is finished.

 

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Another random thought. Some people who end up in the "not enough" space do better with the exact opposite tactic of expanding mindfulness practice: meditation, yoga, etc. Basically retrain the brain to look internally.

 

I hate it when people tell me that. :-D

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I get plenty if intellectual stimulation at home. What I don't get is novelty and the occasional adrenaline rush.

 

If I were in your shoes I would probably train for a hike on the Appalachian trail and learn to sky dive.

 

(My solution was to work part time at jail, but that probably wouldn't do it for you.)

 

I think novelty and adrenaline rush is what I need too.  Hubby and I still have intellectual discussions together and my brain always takes anything else it hears/reads deeper than an actual conversation (ponders more "what ifs").  I can engage students in deeper discussions (some).  I can easily ignore all sports/Hollywood/fashion/etc stuff that I don't care about and let my mind be in its own little world.  But that's all the same stuff really - slightly different in how it plays out, but really the same.

 

Traveling, esp to new places, gives me that novelty.  We may have been to FL countless times before and I've lived in the state twice for a total of 6 years, but where we are now is new to us, so I'm filling in new parts to my mental globe.  Seeing reality is far better than just a mental image from pics or pure beliefs of what things should look like.

 

Skydiving doesn't appeal to me at all though!  I have a friend who's an instructor and wants me to try it.  Not happening.  I can get my junkie needs from a 5 mile walk we're going to do on the beach right after lunch.

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I'm back. Your dilemma is fascinating me because I'm entering that phase of life myself. I went through your original list again. Have you considered a charitable pursuit that really helps other people. With your energy and drive, a few volunteer hours won't do much, but it's people who like you who start up new charitable ventures that make a big impact on other people's lives. It could be educational in nature, like figuring out how to get bright kids in mediocre schools access to high quality science education. It could be a more basic physical problem like serving the homeless population in your area. Maybe even spend a week as a volunteer counselor at a camp for disabled children. You may need a problem to solve that involves working with people. You could be uniquely qualified for some things because very often people with bright scientific minds are so introverted that solving social problems does not appeal to them one bit.

 

Or you could start dabbling in deviant sex. Either way you're occupied :-)

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