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Good touch..Inappropriate touch..worst nightmare came true. help


angelica
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Gently, I don't think you're thinking very clearly about the situation. Can you re-read this thread and pretend that you're not the OP? What advice would you give me, for example, if I said: 

 

A man molested my son 4 years ago, at least once, but possibly more than once. Now I need to let him into my house and be around me son because I don't want to hurt his wife's feelings. 

 

I'm not sure about the family dynamics here, but if this were my MIL- DH, MIL and I would be sitting down for a meeting with the 3 of us. DH would do most of the talking and she would be informed of what happened and the protections we have put in place to keep it from happening again. Yes it's her house - but he does not need to be there. He doesn't get to have feelings about this. She doesn't either. If she puts up a fuss, tell her you're making a police report and he will be legally restrained from coming to the house. 

 

I am so sorry this happened to your son. And I wish you all the best navigating this most unpleasant situation.  :grouphug:

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And doesn't this kind of thing contribute to the public's perception that kids in homeschooling families are more at risk of abuse and neglect? Gives all of us a bad name when people don't care enough about their children to protect them.

Edited by MegP
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And doesn't this kind of thing contribute to the public's perception that kids in homeschooling families are more at risk of abuse and neglect? Gives all of us a bad name when people don't care enough about their children to protect them.

 

Alright. The OP asked for help thinking this through. Take a chill pill; this isn't about you or ~us,~ it's about her son. I'm sure she "cares enough" about her children.

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And doesn't this kind of thing contribute to the public's perception that kids in homeschooling families are more at risk of abuse and neglect? Gives all of us a bad name when people don't care enough about their children to protect them.

 

This has nothing to do with homeschooling.

 

It's not a SAHP issue, it's not an anything issue, it happens and OP is in a horrible worst-nightmare situation and her brain is trying to make it not happen.

 

OP, I am sorry but it's happening. Take a vacation for this round. You don't have to confront him or MIL at this time. Just leave.

Edited by Tsuga
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I too think moving is a good idea.  I know that the step grandpa is states away and it is really easy to protect your child from him because for years at a time step-g is so far away, but I think moving is the best idea because you living in MIL's house means that they will always be a part of your life, and there is no way to cut them out while living there.  MIL will always have access to you and DH  if by no other way than by saying "Well, you are living in my house..." She will always be able to have communication lines open.

 

ETA: Also, there is the possibility of her escalating.  If you draw that line in the sand, she may get her back up and act crazy.  At the very least run you down for "attacking an innocent man" or whatever spin she wants to tell her friends and family.

 

Well this is her only child so I couldn't imagine it ever getting to that. If she chose him over her son and us, then I feel sad for her.

Edited by angelica
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I also think some people are over-reacting. I don't think you need to move. He's a plane ride away and he's not going to be sneaking through the garage at night to get at your son. I do think you have every right to tell him that your son is never going to be in the same room with him ever again. But at the same time, while you believe your son, there's really no proof and I don't know if I'd be severing ties yet. Their reactions to this revelation are going to tell you a lot about how you need to proceed. It might be bad enough you want to move and get out of their house. But maybe not.

 

For now, I would plan to be someplace else entirely while he's in town. And then wait and see. It sounds like you rarely see him anyway. I hope the ILs understand that you don't want to see him.

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Gently, I don't think you're thinking very clearly about the situation. Can you re-read this thread and pretend that you're not the OP? What advice would you give me, for example, if I said: 

 

A man molested my son 4 years ago, at least once, but possibly more than once. Now I need to let him into my house and be around me son because I don't want to hurt his wife's feelings. 

 

I'm not sure about the family dynamics here, but if this were my MIL- DH, MIL and I would be sitting down for a meeting with the 3 of us. DH would do most of the talking and she would be informed of what happened and the protections we have put in place to keep it from happening again. Yes it's her house - but he does not need to be there. He doesn't get to have feelings about this. She doesn't either. If she puts up a fuss, tell her you're making a police report and he will be legally restrained from coming to the house. 

 

I am so sorry this happened to your son. And I wish you all the best navigating this most unpleasant situation.  :grouphug:

 

I can pretend and if they only knew of one true incident that can be recalled, a confrontation like the above wouldn't be necessary. 

 

The thing is, this wasn't even going to be brought up to her, and when he came in town I was just going to not be around. Problem solved until the next time he comes to town. The thing is nobody knows how they would react until they are put in that situation.

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I can pretend and if they only knew of one true incident that can be recalled, a confrontation like the above wouldn't be necessary. 

 

The thing is, this wasn't even going to be brought up to her, and when he came in town I was just going to not be around. Problem solved until the next time he comes to town. The thing is nobody knows how they would react until they are put in that situation.

 

You're right and I almost added that I don't know how I would react exactly because I, thankfully, have never been in this position. I am 99% sure what I wrote is what we would do even if there were only one incident. DH is a therapist and an emergency mental health worker and because of his job, knows exactly how to deal with incidents of assault of all different kinds. We've also had some really hard and unpleasant conversations with MIL. But I can't say 100% how I'd react. 

 

My heart is hurting for you because I can feel your pain and confusion through the screen. You don't want to falsely accuse someone of something and you've tried to avoid doing just that. 

 

I don't think that bringing him to a therapist is going to make it worse or more real, or a bigger deal than it is. Your son still remembers it and has an icky feeling about it years later. It's already a big deal to him. He said he wants to talk with someone when you asked him. Even if he's remembering incorrectly, he believes he's been assaulted and that's really what matters. Helping him work through his feelings and thoughts. I hope I'm making some sense here! :-)  :grouphug:

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Well this is her only child so I couldn't imagine it ever getting to that. If she chose him over her son and us, then I feel sad for her because she is probably being manipulated in other ways. I'm not trying to make her choose anything though. Now that the cats out of the bag I feel like she wants to put it back inside and pretend it was never there in the first place. So yes, lets pray my son misinterpreted a touch as a toddler.

 

But the fact that he's 8 now and can recall the memory makes me sad. My boy is smart and has lots of friends, I don't want to side track him with this incident that happened half his life ago. You know? I feel like if it really was just one incident, talking to a therapist makes it bigger and then as he grows up he will recall that experience too.

A good therapist will not make it bigger than it is, they will help him process it, validate his feelings of discomfort and violation, help him understand that he is not at fault and has no reason to be ashamed, and help him recognize his right to control over his own body.

 

As for MIL's husband, if he is in fact a decent man being falsely accused he will recognize the seriousness of your responsibility to take your children seriously and protect them from the possibility even of abuse; he should also recognize the need to keep his distance for his own sake, to prevent any possible suspicion of inappropriate behavior going forward. If he doesn't recognize those things that will further confirm the need to keep your family away from him.

Edited by maize
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Speaking of good books for kids, I recommend this one, as it is clear, warm, and empowering. 

http://www.amazon.com/Private-Albert-Whitman-Prairie-Paperback/dp/0807553190/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1456277542&sr=8-1&keywords=my+body+is+private

 

Also, I used it at age 4 even though it is written for older kids, and was really glad I did when I found out that another 4 year old in DD's preschool was being groomed by a convicted child molester who was a music teacher.  His mother noticed that he seemed to be exaggerating his praise of her son, and also was a bit more touchy than she was comfortable with.  Feeling really stupid to do so, she went to the police and looked through a book of photos and there he was.  He was arrested that same night, working with children at all was a PAROLE VIOLATION for him.  The son was clueless.  His preferred age was 8-10, so the police thought that he probably had several other boys 'in the pipeline'.

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Good luck talking with MIL.

 

 

I think taking ds to a therapist would be an excellent idea, as being potentially helpful for him in and of itself, helpful for him to understand that you are taking him seriously and want to help, and as possibly giving an in person outside perspective to help with making decisions about what should be done.

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I really feel for you and I don't like to over react either.  But this is very very serious on so many levels.

 

The reason I would be moving is not because I fear he will fly into town unannounced and sneak into your house....The reason is because they have a hold over you and your family.

 

I am very suspicious of him coming to town anyway. You yourself said you couldn't see the point in it.   Think about the fact that he very well could be coming to see your son.  

 

I don't think a therapist is always necessary but I do think since your son asked you should definitely take him.  

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Taking your son to a therapist is not "making it bigger." It's already big. He was four when it happened, and he still remembers it. It is impacting him right now. He needs your help to understand that what happened was not right and that he is not to blame. He needs your help to know how he can set boundaries and and communicate with you about these things. He needs a place to communicate his feelings. He needs to know that he is believed, and he needs to know that you are doing everything you can to keep him safe.

 

And you need someone who can help you process your feelings about this and make a plan for going forward, because it comes through very clearly in your posts how confused you are. My saying this is not a slam against you; it's a recognition that you are going through something extremely tough, and it's appropriate to get help navigating it.

 

 

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I can't just leave and I don't need to since he's not even here yet and won't be for another week or 2. I just want to go on until then but MIL wants to talk and won't back down. She will only talk to me to me while she's at work so that he's not around to hear because he would be "devastated." I don't want to talk to her because I never intended on bringing it up to her and now I have to because of my own oversight while texting. But I'm a big girl and I'm going to do it.  Clearly I was bothered enough to text my mom, so it was all meant to happen.

 

I would actually like my dh to talk to her but I sent the text, so I need to talk and once we do maybe she'll be more understanding. What the hell does she expect me to do anyways? I read the kids a book about private parts and we talked about it afterwards. I asked a blanket question, and got a straight answer and did I want to hear what I heard? Nope.

 

It's interesting that she hasn't talked to him about it and she probably won't until after she talks to me, if she does at all. I'm predicting she'll just bottle it up inside like I have for all these years and try to pretend that it never happened. But she knows things about his past and I know things she doesn't know I know, and that she thinks only her son knows.

 

I do worry for her though and that if she says anything to him she'll get the wrath of it as well. That would likely lead to something like, well then they can move out of the house or they raise rent or something ridiculous. But the thing is I can go through all these scenarios, we all can, but until the moment arrives, it's all just talk and I'll talk to her tomorrow. 

 

And so thank you for allowing me to vent..I enjoy reading your responses I am finding clarity from all your unbiased responses. 

 

This is concerning.  What kinds of things does he have in his past that is relevant?

 

I don't think you have to move immediately, but I think that having them as your landlords long-term isn't a good idea.

 

Please don't let your child be in the presence of his abuser anymore.

 

I think therapy for your son is a great idea.  It already is a big deal to him.

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A good therapist will not make it bigger than it is, they will help him process it, validate his feelings of discomfort and violation, help him understand that he is not at fault and has no reason to be ashamed, and help him recognize his right to control over his own body.

 

As for MIL's husband, if he is in fact a decent man being falsely accused he will recognize the seriousness of your responsibility to take your children seriously and protect them from the possibility even of abuse; he should also recognize the need to keep his distance for his own sake, to prevent any possible suspicion of inappropriate behavior going forward. If he doesn't recognize those things that will further confirm the need to keep your family away from him.

ITA with this. A good person falsely accused will be terrified to be around the OP's kids again. The way I see it, if he really has bad motives he will try to guilt them into more contact. That is the MO of the sort of people I know of who have done this sort of thing.

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I actually know a man who I think was probably falsely accused. By a 15 year old dd. After he took her phone away. I dont know him well, but I did follow his court case on line ( court records). Eventually, after one thing after another was thrown out of court....the judge threw it out completely and it disappeared from the on line court records.

 

False accusations happen. But.......I would still not allow this man that I know access to my son. It is sickening all the way around.

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I don't feel like we need to uphurl our life and move, we'd be paying more in rent and there's just no way my dh will even consider moving unless it's out of state. We like our home, and have for the last 5 years since they moved out and we moved in, with like a year overlap living together because the transfer got backed up. But yeah, even if he has the code to the garage it doesn't matter once he;s out of town. 

 

Then I only have to stress about the next time he comes to visit with her..which who knows that could be years as well. But mil was planning on coming in april and I believe it will just be her. so it'll be interesting to see her this time around.

 

She feels sick to her stomach because "I think" he groped him over the pants. How does my child feel knowing his grandma doesn't believe him? "mad". I really think she is in denial. I think to an extent I have been as well but when I had lunch with my 8 year old today, I asked him again and he remembers only the one time on the couch but he admitted that he thinks about it sometimes and it makes him sick. I said maybe we'll talk to "talking doctor" about this and he said "ok i'd be ok with that, it's not like i'm shy, and if i was i would still talk". 

 

Bringing cops into the picture is probably what she fears but I am not going to put us through that stress. I just know in my heart, like she knows in hers, that keeping the distance like we have all these years is what's best. 

 

I'm very sorry your dh won't consider moving in order to get your son out of a stressful situation. What are you going to do to prevent him from coming into your home when you aren't there? I mean, if he's coming into town this time, he can easily come back any other time he wants to do so. What is so important? I don't think I could like a "home" where my son had been molested and the potential existed for him to be in such a vulnerable situation again. 

 

I am more worried about your son's relationship with your husband and yourself at this point. He needs to know both of you are solidly on his side.

 

If you aren't going to report him to law enforcement (which I think you should do), then you need to call extended family and let all of them know so they don't allow their small children/grandchildren to be alone with this man. It's important. 

Edited by TechWife
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The other thing is, what could your MIL say to your son?  She could do a lot of damage, in the interest of "getting to the bottom of it" or "laying it to rest" or something.

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I can pretend and if they only knew of one true incident that can be recalled, a confrontation like the above wouldn't be necessary. 

 

The thing is, this wasn't even going to be brought up to her, and when he came in town I was just going to not be around. Problem solved until the next time he comes to town. The thing is nobody knows how they would react until they are put in that situation.

 

I was molested ONE time by a teenage neighbor.  I was three or four.  didn't tell my mom.  was taken to the dr around that time (don't know the timing, could have been before or after) - for an infection down there.  it was tramatizing I couldn't have mr. bubbles in my bath anymore. pout.

I will say - it did affect me - even though it was ONE TIME.  as an adult, I can say, therapy probably would have been helpful for me.  but, I never told my mom, I never even told anyone until I was an adult.  but that one time - DID affect me from then on out.

 

iow: just "once" - doesn't mean you can safely write it off.  it only takes once.

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I just had a very disturbing conversation with my dh. Apparently his now dead step FIL gave Dh pause for the way he acted toward dhs nieces when Dh was quite young. Before dhs sons were born. Dh expressed concern to his then wife/ mother of his children but she blew him off,

Was that man a molester? Who knows. Dh says he feels no one took him seriously in his concerns.

 

People. Stand up for your kids!

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I am sorry, but I cannot understand why you have not contacted the police???

 

The fact that his son committed suicide is also a huge red flag to me. 

 

Edited to add: In my area we have a large child advocacy organization that has all experts (medical professionals, detectives, social workers trained in interviews). I would suggest contacting your nearest organization like this and let them tell you how to proceed. You need expert help on this situation. If he did this to your son, he has or is doing this to others. Please help prevent more victims. I would strongly consider cutting off all ties to him and even MIL. As the others have said, this IS a hill to die on. 

Edited by magnificent_baby
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ya, he's a keeper.  not.  He's already proven he's not 'just' a liar - he's PROVEN he has gone out of his way to be DECEPTIVE to those closest to him.  and just-so-happens, deceptive in areas regarding his s3xual gratificaiton. (your mil was an idiot to marry a KNOWN philanderer.)

 

your dh needs to deal with the emotional fall-out of his mother's choices.  (even if nothing physical happened to him - he's not the kind of person with a good track record to be a stellar role-model for kids.)

 

 

legally - landlords MUST give a minimum amount of notice for when they will be there, what work will be done, how long it will take etc.  they have to give specific hours (most get around the iffiness of exact times by giving large windows, but they have to be within that window)

even if his name is not on the deed - if mil has designated him as her agent, that gives him rights to enter the property.

 

I would take my children and be gone for the duration.  stay at a hotel with a pool if I had to.  (ESPECIALLY if my dh wouldn't back me up)

 

I'd also be looking for another place to live.  this guy wouldn't be around my kids - ever.  even if he never does anything to them again, there's the mixed message factor and your child who has told you this guy made him uncomfortable, see's you and your dh being friendly with him . . . .it will reduce his future trust in you to care for him.

But the landlord notice is only usually 24 hours, in most jurisdictions.  48 in some. 

 

She already has notice.  And he can enter the grounds anytime, at the landlord's behest, though most of us never allow this, just as a courtesy.  Not the house though. 

 

I agree with you.  New place to live might be in order in this mess. 

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How does your son feel, deep down, knowing that the man that molested him owns the home he now lives in? That's got to be a HUGE amount of power over him, in his head if not in reality. YOU might not think the in laws will kick you out over this, but HE might be worried that could happen. That's a tremendous burden for a little guy. "If I tell what really happened, or talk about it, or whatever, we could end up homeless."

 

That would be my number one reason to move. Not moving would send the wrong signal to my kid. It would say I like my house more than I care about what happened to you. 

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How does your son feel, deep down, knowing that the man that molested him owns the home he now lives in? That's got to be a HUGE amount of power over him, in his head if not in reality. YOU might not think the in laws will kick you out over this, but HE might be worried that could happen. That's a tremendous burden for a little guy. "If I tell what really happened, or talk about it, or whatever, we could end up homeless."

 

That would be my number one reason to move. Not moving would send the wrong signal to my kid. It would say I like my house more than I care about what happened to you. 

 

:iagree:  Or what if this guy contacts the OPs son and says, "You need to let me do what I want to you, or your family will lose their home"?  It might not be likely, but it's certainly within the realm of possibility. Predators use any tactics they can to get what they want, and making threats to their victims is extremely common.

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Well this is her only child so I couldn't imagine it ever getting to that. If she chose him over her son and us, then I feel sad for her because she is probably being manipulated in other ways. I'm not trying to make her choose anything though. Now that the cats out of the bag I feel like she wants to put it back inside and pretend it was never there in the first place. So yes, lets pray my son misinterpreted a touch as a toddler.

 

But the fact that he's 8 now and can recall the memory makes me sad. My boy is smart and has lots of friends, I don't want to side track him with this incident that happened half his life ago. You know? I feel like if it really was just one incident, talking to a therapist makes it bigger and then as he grows up he will recall that experience too. 

Have you looked him up on watchdog.us (or whatever the site is, I think this is right)?  Just curious. 

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How does your son feel, deep down, knowing that the man that molested him owns the home he now lives in? That's got to be a HUGE amount of power over him, in his head if not in reality. YOU might not think the in laws will kick you out over this, but HE might be worried that could happen. That's a tremendous burden for a little guy. "If I tell what really happened, or talk about it, or whatever, we could end up homeless."

 

That would be my number one reason to move. Not moving would send the wrong signal to my kid. It would say I like my house more than I care about what happened to you. 

Well, if she confronts the guy and let's him know he will never set foot on their property or around their son again and he abides by that, they might be ok.  But if he resists, yeah.  Time to go. 

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A person whose child committed suicide is not safe?  Because. . . parents cause their child's suicide? That's hurtful to a lot of people who are already hurting.

I think she meant it as a culmination of issues...the OP in a different post indicated that the MIL new of some other red flags/history that is concerning and does not want to share, so in combo with the molestation and history, then some concern about the relationship with his son and his ex wife.

 

The "likes" were at least from my click for the part about notifying the authorities. This is because it is not all that common for a molester to have only one victim.

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A person whose child committed suicide is not safe?  Because. . . parents cause their child's suicide? That's hurtful to a lot of people who are already hurting.

 

No, I think the implication was that he's molested one boy relative, and his own son may have been another victim. That doesn't mean that all parents of suicide victims molest people, it means that a KNOWN molester whose son committed suicide might have molested his son too. 

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Okay I was going to talk to her a bit ago but after I picked up from preschool kids were playing at park and I was talking to a mom, so I ignored her call. She texted me saying "you realize this is eating me up. I cant even think straight..not cuz i think he might have..cuz it makes me sick cuz you think he did." Then she wanted to know why I can't talk right then and said I know in my heart this is misunderstanding or accidental touching. I need to clear this.

 

My phone is legit dying and I have the kids around so I'm not going out of my way to call her when it seems like i'm already set up to be on the defense as she attacks me for something my son told me 4 years ago. He's 8 now, almost 9. I am seeing her true colors now? She has always been so nice, we have always gotten along and now I am sad.

She is probably shocked and really upset too, so I would give her that small benefit of the doubt.  At least I hope so.

Otherwise she knew he was prone to this stuff, and this would be unfathomable. 

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She is probably shocked and really upset too, so I would give her that small benefit of the doubt. At least I hope so.

Otherwise she knew he was prone to this stuff, and this would be unfathomable.

Honestly, I know people deal with shock in different ways, but the way the MIL is handling it is unconscionable to me. I've known my DH since we were teens and I'd certainly never ever expect him to do something like this. However, if someone told me that he had, My first inclination would not be to tell them they were wrong or mistaken even if I thought that were true. I'd first want to listen to what they have to say, before making any sort of value statement at all as to who I'd "support" in the situation.

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Honestly, I know people deal with shock in different ways, but the way the MIL is handling it is unconscionable to me. I've known my DH since we were teens and I'd certainly never ever expect him to do something like this. However, if someone told me that he had, My first inclination would not be to tell them they were wrong or mistaken even if I thought that were true. I'd first want to listen to what they have to say, before making any sort of value statement at all as to who I'd "support" in the situation.

I guess you are right.  The one she should be badgering right now is HIM, not the OP. 

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I predict she won't confront him about this at all because he would be "devastated". She didn't return my call yesterday and told me because she was at home and doesn't to talk about this with him around so i'll talk to her today when she's at work.

 

I sense that she's upset at me for even thinking he could be the type of person who would touch a child. She's a mom, she would do the same thing if it was her son who told her something like this. 

 

I'd definitely confront my man if someone told me their child told them he touched them, even if I thought it was a misunderstanding, like she does, I'd still say something! But then again i'm not afraid of my man and i'm not afraid to hurt his feelings or "devastate" him by asking him something like that. But maybe she just doesn't want to say anything to him until we talk, so that she can finally talk to him. 

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I would probably send your MIL and email or long text that said something along the lines of:

 

1. That text wasn't meant for you, it was a mistake, I meant to send it to my mother. Sorry about that.

2. I have known about this for X years and have chosen not to take legal action, but simply to avoid having him around my kids for their protection and his.

3. I do not expect you to do anything or say anything about this. I never intended to tell you in the first place. Please drop it.

 

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I would probably send your MIL and email or long text that said something along the lines of:

 

1. That text wasn't meant for you, it was a mistake, I meant to send it to my mother. Sorry about that.

2. I have known about this for X years and have chosen not to take legal action, but simply to avoid having him around my kids for their protection and his.

3. I do not expect you to do anything or say anything about this. I never intended to tell you in the first place. Please drop it.

wow thank you for that wording! I can definitely work with that. 

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I really don't think it needs to be taken to that extreme. But if it ever came to that, well my dh would live here alone and i'd move a few miles down the street to my moms house. How sad for our kids that would be? .

 

What on earth? If your FIL couldn't be kept away from your son, whom he has molested, your husband would stay there anyway and live away from his children? What? I'm sorry, but what kind of father would separate from his children over a freaking HOUSE????? No low rent is worth that!

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But the landlord notice is only usually 24 hours, in most jurisdictions. 48 in some.

 

She already has notice. And he can enter the grounds anytime, at the landlord's behest, though most of us never allow this, just as a courtesy. Not the house though.

 

I agree with you. New place to live might be in order in this mess.

Isn't the notice supposed to be specific? Not "at some point in March, creepy guy will be in and out of your house."

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A person whose child committed suicide is not safe?  Because. . . parents cause their child's suicide? That's hurtful to a lot of people who are already hurting.

 

it's one piece in the puzzle that is him that makes a flag for him.  by itself - it's not a flag.  as a piece that includes him philandering, extra-marital affair with illegitimate off-spring, divorce over his behavior, one *known* incident of inappropriate touching a child (unkown if and how many others) . . it adds up.

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What on earth? If your FIL couldn't be kept away from your son, whom he has molested, your husband would stay there anyway and live away from his children? What? I'm sorry, but what kind of father would separate from his children over a freaking HOUSE????? No low rent is worth that!

 

 

Yeah I am not understanding this either.

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Did this man stay at your house after your ds told you what happened?  Why did you allow that?  It sounds like this happened right under your nose already once so you were putting all your children at risk. I do not get why you would do that. 

 
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I really don't think it needs to be taken to that extreme. But if it ever came to that, well my dh would live here alone and i'd move a few miles down the street to my moms house. How sad for our kids that would be? And there's no way he'll even be able to talk to my child so I don't have to worry about him saying anything. Our 5 year old doesn't even recognize this mans face, so that there tells you how often he's been around this guy.

 

I showed him a picture of his grandma though, and he knew her. So I feel we've managed to protect them as best as we can and 15 hours between us certainly helps. But now this is the first time in years that he's come out, and he's coming alone, so of course, there's no reason to see him. He can do whatever he needs to do outside the property but inside I'm letting mil know that I don't think that is necessary. If she says he will need to come inside then I'm ready to buy hidden cameras.

Why on earth would your husband live there alone and let you move instead of stay with his family?  I'm not understanding what you mean here. 

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Um ... I recommend family therapy immediately.  Your DH's reaction (and to some extent even your reactions) are a bit odd.

 

If my FIL had molested by child then HE WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE WE LIVED after that.  Let alone live in a house he owns. 

 

If I told my MIL and she thought it was a "misunderstanding" then SHE WOULD NEVER SEE MY CHILD AGAIN. 

 

Period.  Done.  People who molest children and people who defend them are not worth having in your family. 

 

 

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