Providing kids with meaningful experiences and opportunities to develop independence?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Let me just start by saying that this post is probably kind of an incoherent mess because I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I'm looking for here. My thoughts are all over the place (and it's 3 a.m. and I'm hopped up on caffeine :lol:). Hopefully talking it out here a bit will help me distill this down.

 

Our teen is currently struggling with some social anxiety and a little depression. She's really trying to figure out who she is right now, and some parts of that are going well and some are not. I  want to help her get out into the world and have some actual meaningful experiences--with nature, with other people, with art, etc.

 

However, I'm having trouble figuring out how to help her do that when everything around us feels so manufactured. All the homeschool events are with the same few teens. We live in the blandest suburbs--there's nowhere to walk to, nothing for teens to do besides go to the mall or sit at B&N or Starbucks. She's interested in art and writing, but again, the opportunities are limited--she took a class that lasted a few weeks that she really liked, but we literally had to drag together the bare-minimum number of kids, and none of them were interested in a second session.

 

She's not very academically oriented--it drives me crazy, but it's just not who she is. She's artistic and is looking to connect deeply somewhere, on some level, but there's really no depth to be had around here. She talks about wanting adventure--moving to Wales or Maine or becoming a photographer. We got a catalog in the mail advertising summer adventure trips for teens, and her eyes got HUGE when she saw it. Of course she's not ready for that kind of experience yet, but what are the baby steps to getting a kid ready for that kind of thing? The only summer camps around here are the scheduled-activities-all-day kind, and she doesn't want to go to a residential camp.

 

Part of the problem is that because she's not in school, where she'd be away from me and have some independence, and because there are so few opportunities for teens to be independent around here outside of that, we're having some trouble getting her little wings up and running. I'm trying to figure out some ways to have her be independent from me--I literally can't be with her or it feels like she defaults to my having to handle everything and then resents my involvement, or resents my insisting that she do things for herself, or breaks down when she tries to do things for herself and feels like she fails to meet expectations.

 

*Sigh* There's a lot going on in this post, but mainly, I feel like if we lived in a city situation, she'd naturally have more independence because she'd have the ability to get around by herself more and more options for things to do that weren't developed by adults just so kids could have the experience. Or if we'd lived in a more rural setting, we'd be able to have animals and we'd have more land where she could get out and be more free. Instead, I feel like we're in this no-man's-land where you have to drive to everything, and anything for teens still has a tour guide and a group of hawk-like homeschool moms standing over it. She'd like to volunteer somewhere, but unless you're almost college age, volunteering around here means packing brown lunch bags for the adult volunteers to actually deliver and distribute, which is really not what she's looking for. I'd love to get her involved with horses, but the nearest stables are an hour away from us (there are lots, just not in this area). We've done a few things on college campuses, and she's really energized by even being on a college campus, but even with two fantastic universities within 25 minutes, there's nothing offered for her there (if she was 12 and under, or closer to college-age, there would be, but at this age, there's nothing). 

 

Maybe it's just that this kind of thing isn't really possible until college (or at least until she can drive)? I don't know. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on this. Have you managed to find opportunities for your teens to have meaningful experiences, or ways that they've managed to develop their independence? Is this a situation that's unique to homeschoolers? I feel like my friends with kids in school aren't struggling with this (though of course they're struggling with plenty of other things). 

 

TIA.

Edited February 13, 2016 by ILiveInFlipFlops

[madteaparty]

Edited because I don't have a teen so not particularly helpful. But, we are rural and it's a similar sort of situation.

Would she consider an exchange program?

Edited February 13, 2016 by madteaparty

[purplejackmama]

Why isn't she ready for the summer adventure trips from the mailer?

[Joyofsixreboot]

I'm not sure of her age. We live rurally so have many of the same transportation problems. My suggestions aren't fun but might give her a sense of accomplishment. I have left the kid at the grocery with a list to do the shopping while I did something else, left them to make dinner while I left ( see a theme, they can't default to you) , they have volunteered at our food bank, at Girl Scout and Cub Scout day camp, as helpers at park programs ( had to drive for that one). Mine have gone off for church camp since they were little. It's not art but it helps with independence. All those little steps lead to being willing and able to do the big adventures. I'm not sure if that helps but I really believe all those little life things lead up to bigger stuff.

[Kerileanne99]

If she is artistic, might she enjoy cooking? There may not be a culinary school near you😄, but that is something readily accessible via the Internet. For example, I went through a 'garnish' phase where I practiced making flowers and the like out of any manner of foods, lol.

You could start her with the goal of planning and cooking dinner one night per week: shopping list, grocery shopping, cooking, and encourage the artistry side. If she is interested in travel and adventure, maybe she would enjoy learning to cook foods from the places she would like to go to at some point.

Maybe cake decorating would be appealing as well, either via a class at a place like Michael's or Joanne's, or on the Internet.

 

 

There are local kids here who have started a small business baking bread and cakes, and selling them to family and friends. Maybe earning money that could be used for one of the adventure trips would be a start...

[kroe1]

Theater and acting brought my shy kiddo out to of her comfort zone. She will always be shy. But, now no one can tell as she is very social.

 

But, really, kids learn independence from watching their parents. I do not think a ton of independent activities are really necessary to churn out productive, independent adults. I look at it like cleaning toilets. One does not have to do a 1000 of them to know how it is done.

[wintermom]

Agreeing with other posters about exploring volunteering oppotunities, exchanges, in-line courses (coursera.org offers a wide range of free options), or even a 1 - 2 week visit away to visit relatives.

 

Or try enrolling in a more mainstream program for teens or adults (e.g. photography class, creative writing, painting, sewing, cooking). There's got to be something near a suburb.

[Guest]

My DD did volunteer work at a cat shelter, which was very fulfilling to her. The big animal rescue organizations say you have to be 18 (which misses the point to me), but we found a "crazy cat lady" who does rescue and adoption from her (extremely cat-smelling) home. (I personally would not have pursued it because I thought that house was revolting, but she wanted to do it and called/arranged it herself.) I also agree with cooking and baking as a good way to be artistic and also gain experiential skills.

 

Within homeschooling, too, there are sometimes avenues or programs where the kid can take over for herself. My DD did The One Year Adventure Novel when she was in seventh grade. She loved it, learned a lot, and produced about 75% of a novel completely by herself. She is majoring in English and French in college, so she does gravitate towards this academic expression.

 

You said she does not want to do a residential camp, but I think that would be the perfect bridge to the larger responsibilities of what I think you mean by adventure camps. You gotta crawl before you walk, right?

 

We have a horse rescue near us that has volunteer slots. My kids have not done this, but if my kid was interested in this, I am almost certain I would arrange for it to happen, even if it were an hour away. I would look at her spending a good portion of time there once a week; so maybe, drive up at 7:00 on a Saturday, drop her off, have her be ther until no less than mid-day, then bring her home again.

 

With all that said, this is actually a big reason why I wanted my kids to go to B&M high school - I want them to have to be responsible to teachers and complete projects and organize their work and so on before they go to college and/or their post-high life.

 

Good luck to you!

[6packofun]

I agree with volunteering!  Also, has she done NaNoWriMo?  My dd has made a lot of online friends through the forums there AND we've considered hosting a NaNo type camp to go along with the writing camps they do in April and July (in addition to the main novel writing month of November).  She's attended some very poorly done writing group things at our local libraries and I'm now convinced that if we want some decent opportunities, we have to MAKE them.  It's another challenge with homeschooling for us!

[Carrie12345]

My daughters have been active with our Environmental Education Center for several years.  They have monthly homeschool classes, but they also have many general public events/activities and summer camps (non-residential until 14 or 15) that include academic components, but also have a ton of "out in the woods" adventuring.  And it's REALLY inexpensive compared to other options.

[amy g.]

I think I must live in a similar rural environment and my 17 year old has NO interest in driving.

 

She took some outsourced classes beginning around 8 years old. She enjoyed the teachers and the material, but really had nothing in common with most of the homeschooled kids there.

 

At 10, she started spending a few weeks every summer at Interlochen Arts Camp. There she met kids from all over the world who have become her best friends.

 

At 14, she started volunteering at the theraputic riding facility down the street. She has made friends there too as well.

 

In January, she started taking her first college classes at the local community college and is doing well.

 

When she went to Interlochen, Dh would fly with her and make sure she was checked in and unpack her trunk.... He usually took a younger sibling and turned it into a special vacation with them too.

 

She has been invited to fly out to visit some of her Interlochen friends which she loved, but in order to go, she had to fly alone. Yes, it was nerve wracking the first time, but she did it.

 

One of her friends invited her to Hawaii for Spring break. Her dad won't be here to take her to the airport. If she wants to go, which she does, she is going to have to take a cab to the airport, find her gate, check her baggage, get through security alone....it will be stressful, but it will also be very good for her to see that she can do it.

 

I don't think all of the problem is homeschooling. My son was also homeschooled all the way through and he has a very different personality.

 

I think having friends who go to private schools and boarding schools has helped her want to be more independent.

 

I sympathize with you. There is a thin line between pushing too hard and keeping them at home, but not happy.

 

I'd say, try new things, but be open to dropping them if they don't really meet her needs.

 

Seek out specifically artsy friends.

 

Try to find activities that are very motivating to her. It will be easier to get her to stretch her wings if she feels there is a payoff.

 

I hope that helps.

[Bambam]

I'd call around to the local museums to see if they would allow her to come and help in some fashion. Usually smaller town museums are mostly volunteer, and those volunteers are nice older folks who are very encouraging. That would be a nice start toward doing things without parental involvement. And as she connects with these volunteers, more opportunities may become apparent.

 

Volunteer at the library? Usually they have several volunteers there to shelf the books. 

 

Is there a local children's theater group? Would she be willing to participate in a play or would they let her help behind the scenes (props, set building/painting, etc)?

 

Depending upon her age, I'd call the local universities and community colleges. Could she take dual credit? If not, what about exceptional admission (which is a thing here in TX for some school that allow the younger kids to take college classes - I've heard of 13 year olds doing this)?

 

Is there any local art classes? Has she taken them? If not, have her take them. Maybe she could build a relationship with the instructor and possibly be a helper to her?

 

Would she be willing to do some sort of help/assistance/delivery at a local nursing home? Do they still allow kids to volunteer at the hospital as a candy-striper?

 

 

[Ellie]

Let me just start by saying that this post is probably kind of an incoherent mess because I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I'm looking for here. My thoughts are all over the place (and it's 3 a.m. and I'm hopped up on caffeine :lol:). Hopefully talking it out here a bit will help me distill this down.

 

Our teen is currently struggling with some social anxiety and a little depression. She's really trying to figure out who she is right now, and some parts of that are going well and some are not. I  want to help her get out into the world and have some actual meaningful experiences--with nature, with other people, with art, etc.

 

However, I'm having trouble figuring out how to help her do that when everything around us feels so manufactured. All the homeschool events are with the same few teens. We live in the blandest suburbs--there's nowhere to walk to, nothing for teens to do besides go to the mall or sit at B&N or Starbucks. She's interested in art and writing, but again, the opportunities are limited--she took a class that lasted a few weeks that she really liked, but we literally had to drag together the bare-minimum number of kids, and none of them were interested in a second session.

 

She's not very academically oriented--it drives me crazy, but it's just not who she is. She's artistic and is looking to connect deeply somewhere, on some level, but there's really no depth to be had around here. She talks about wanting adventure--moving to Wales or Maine or becoming a photographer. We got a catalog in the mail advertising summer adventure trips for teens, and her eyes got HUGE when she saw it. Of course she's not ready for that kind of experience yet, but what are the baby steps to getting a kid ready for that kind of thing? The only summer camps around here are the scheduled-activities-all-day kind, and she doesn't want to go to a residential camp.

 

Part of the problem is that because she's not in school, where she'd be away from me and have some independence, and because there are so few opportunities for teens to be independent around here outside of that, we're having some trouble getting her little wings up and running. I'm trying to figure out some ways to have her be independent from me--I literally can't be with her or it feels like she defaults to my having to handle everything and then resents my involvement, or resents my insisting that she do things for herself, or breaks down when she tries to do things for herself and feels like she fails to meet expectations.

 

*Sigh* There's a lot going on in this post, but mainly, I feel like if we lived in a city situation, she'd naturally have more independence because she'd have the ability to get around by herself more and more options for things to do that weren't developed by adults just so kids could have the experience. Or if we'd lived in a more rural setting, we'd be able to have animals and we'd have more land where she could get out and be more free. Instead, I feel like we're in this no-man's-land where you have to drive to everything, and anything for teens still has a tour guide and a group of hawk-like homeschool moms standing over it. She'd like to volunteer somewhere, but unless you're almost college age, volunteering around here means packing brown lunch bags for the adult volunteers to actually deliver and distribute, which is really not what she's looking for. I'd love to get her involved with horses, but the nearest stables are an hour away from us (there are lots, just not in this area). We've done a few things on college campuses, and she's really energized by even being on a college campus, but even with two fantastic universities within 25 minutes, there's nothing offered for her there (if she was 12 and under, or closer to college-age, there would be, but at this age, there's nothing). 

 

Maybe it's just that this kind of thing isn't really possible until college (or at least until she can drive)? I don't know. I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts on this. Have you managed to find opportunities for your teens to have meaningful experiences, or ways that they've managed to develop their independence? Is this a situation that's unique to homeschoolers? I feel like my friends with kids in school aren't struggling with this (though of course they're struggling with plenty of other things). 

 

TIA.

 

I don't have any brilliant ideas, but I just want to address your comment about school and independence.

 

I don't believe it is necessary in any way, shape or form for children to be sent to school in order to learn to be independent. On the contrary, children who are in school are dependent on their peers, the other children who are equally as immature. The more important thing for your daughter, more important than having learned to be independent, is that you have been her role model, not her peers. Learning independence is good, but *not* independence *from you.* You want her to grow up and mature and have as many experiences as possible, because you want her to have her own life, but do not imagine that her time with you has inhibited her. (Yes, I know that some parents encourage their children to stay home and never grow up, but I'm not worried about that with you. :001_smile: )

 

[KrissiK]

My son is not a teen yet, but last summer he got the opportunity to volunteer once a week in a local thrift shop (we live in a small town) and that has been great for him. He's still doing it during the school year, too. He gets to work with all kinds of people (mostly retired, but some not, and he has made some great friends among the retirees). He's learning a lot about the world (especially how they try to be one step ahead of the shoplifters) and it's been a fantastic experience for him.

Edited February 13, 2016 by KrissiK

[Hoot]

DS has done many small things such as:

 

-staying home alone and completing a list of tasks

 

-being dropped off at the theatre with friends or sent into stores alone

 

-volunteering at a small museum and a small zoo for a time without any supervision from me

 

-getting involved with a youth group where the group goes places together but is expected to split up and go off on their own or in smaller groups - amusement parks, concerts, etc.

 

-volunteering as a children's sports coach

 

-working as a sports camp counselor

 

-playing music for a number of churches and working behind - the - scenes tech at a number if events.

 

-he got his driver's license and has been driving with us, but we will soon be allowing him to drive more independently

 

-We've also considered going away for a night or a weekend and allowing DS to stay home alone.

 

This year, he will join a small group travelling overseas to east Africa for 2 weeks.

 

 

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

[Donna]

I didn't read the other replies so sorry if these have already been suggested but how about volunteer work or finding her a mentor in the area (you mentioned art and photography)…where she could sort of "apprentice" with a like-minded person. Maybe finding someone from one of the colleges who might be interested in tutoring her in art or photography or something else she is interested in. Would she be interested in finding a way to use her talents and interests to help other people like creating a craft or selling artwork or photography to raise money for a charity she supports? Visiting with elderly people at a nursing home? Being a mother's helper to a family who needs help? Some museums or colleges have people who would love to share their knowledge with an interested teen. 

 

Sorry I am all over the place but trying to type and get off the computer.

[SKL]

Do you have any museums nearby?  The ones near me offer very good programs that attract a diversity of kids, and they do "real" stuff from exploring natural resources to lab activities to art activities.

 

Also, our library system has a variety of programs for teens, at no cost.  Some of these are volunteer opportunities, others are based on common ares of interest - books, arts, computer programming, career development, etc.  Have you checked into your library's offerings?

 

What about 4H?  I have looked into this for my kids, but haven't decided to join so far.  Some of the project options look pretty interesting.

[Xahm]

I also suggest looking at any museums or zoos in the area. That may not be possible where you are, but here they allow volunteers in the youth programs from 13 up. Some of my friends volunteered at the art museum. I think they led tours on occasion and helped with their children's outreach program, doing arts and crafts with kids. If there isn't that, would it be possible for her to work/volunteer at a local day care? I don't know logistically how easy that would be, but there are all different kinds, so even if the big, official one won't allow her due to age, there may be some grandmother watching a number of kids in her home who would love to have a teenager come in and do art activities with the kids once or twice a week.

[Tsuga]

Care.com has a teen sitter section. It's parentally supervised but the teens still get some independence.

 

Beyond that, what about a trip into the city? How far is that? 

 

 

 

She talks about wanting adventure--moving to Wales or Maine or becoming a photographer. We got a catalog in the mail advertising summer adventure trips for teens, and her eyes got HUGE when she saw it. Of course she's not ready for that kind of experience yet, but what are the baby steps to getting a kid ready for that kind of thing? The only summer camps around here are the scheduled-activities-all-day kind, and she doesn't want to go to a residential camp.

 

I don't know those camps or your daughter but I wonder if you might consider just signing her up and then letting her make a plan to prepare for it based on the materials.

 

There is a lot of great advice on this thread, but also, you haven't given us any reason to think that she couldn't do that if she tried, you know? It might be more of a shock to her than to other more independent kids, but if she's got a solid footing, maybe she could get ready within the time frame. It could be a motivator.

 

Again, I don't know her or those camps. I know my mom always thought I wasn't very independent because I was happy to let her do everything, LOL. Why not, right? But I did like the idea of adventure and got most of my responsibility through "big" experiences: long hiking trips with the church (1 - 2 weeks), mission trips overseas, etc. I just did it when I had to do it, but not when I didn't have to. I also was similar to your daughter in that I was very much a dreamy kid at that age.

 

Maybe she can do it--if she has to because she begged you to pay the deposit.

Edited February 13, 2016 by Tsuga

[Hilltopmom]

My dad had some anxiety & social stuff going on last year, but we wanted her to get off on her own a bit more too.

 

We started last summer with 4 H sleep away camp for one week. (1 hour away in case it didn't go well)

She loved it so much, she went another week later in the summer. A friend attended at the same time, but they chose different activities (sailing, art,drama, etc) so they were not together all day at all. She skypes with the kids she met there often.

She's going back this summer & now wants to be a camp counselor!

 

Before this, she had gone on local sleep over youth group type things & weekend camp outs without me.

 

I drop off at activities like dance & 4H (no need for mom to walk a 13 yr old into these things, as I know some families feel like they should). I've tried having her look up activities online & do the correspondence with, say,the dance studio about schedule changes, etc.

I've stepped back from leading things at 4 H & other groups, so that the teens handle them on their own (plus I've got littles at home, it's way easier to just drop teens off, lol)

A few of her friends' mom & I decided this past year to start dropping them off for the mall & movies instead of tagging along. I guess that the suburbs free range thing;)

 

She is volunteering as a TA in the preschool dance class this year, an awesome experience.

Our local nursing home has a volunteer program just for teens, we have not started that yet though.

 

We live in a rural area & have to drive to everything. I do wish we were in town where she could ride her bike to the library or store alone for the experience of not relying on me to get her everywhere. No public transportation here.

 

I do think as homeschoolers, our kids are with us a lot & we need to purposefully step back as they get older to foster more independence. At least locally, I've seen lots of families not do this at all & it's not good for the kids, IMo- your teen without social anxiety disorder should be able to go into 4 H club they've been a member of for years & talk to the leader, find their class, with out mom.

Public school kids may be shy too, or whatever, but they at least have to go out in public without parents 5 days a week, go through the lunch line & make a choice alone, go to the bathroom down the hall without a chaperone, etc.

A lot of it comes down to kid personality though, not public schooled vs homeschooled. It's just easy as homeschoolers to accidentally not think about transitioning them to Independance after being with them 24/7/365 while they were younger.

 

I agree, start small & go from there:)

 

Or- just jump into an adventure program. I have friends whose kids have done some of those adventure camps- they are supervised.

I was shy & sheltered, but travelled around the US few times alone by bus or plane to visit friends in high school, then my parents moved to North Africa & I travelled through Europe a few times with school trips or finally, alone in order to meet up with friends. Good times.

Good luck!

Edited February 13, 2016 by Hilltopmom

[Pen]

Maybe I missed this, but how old is your teen?

 

And is there any city anywhere near you?

 

And can she ride a bike?

[albeto.]

She's not very academically oriented--it drives me crazy, but it's just not who she is. She's artistic and is looking to connect deeply somewhere, on some level, but there's really no depth to be had around here. She talks about wanting adventure--moving to Wales or Maine or becoming a photographer. We got a catalog in the mail advertising summer adventure trips for teens, and her eyes got HUGE when she saw it. Of course she's not ready for that kind of experience yet, but what are the baby steps to getting a kid ready for that kind of thing? The only summer camps around here are the scheduled-activities-all-day kind, and she doesn't want to go to a residential camp.

 

Volunteers for Peace has volunteer programs internationally for teens. It's not a "camp" in that there's entertainment and activities. There are camps nationally and internationally, from 1 - 3 weeks, and they all have the purpose of volunteering for some community in some practical way. This is not a political or religious group, it's roll up your sleeves, and help out while meeting some really fascinating people and seeing the world in a safe way. Developing her photography skills would be a bonus for everyone. (facebook page)

 

Just a thought for another day, maybe. 

 

:)

[Barbara H]

A few thoughts...

1. Volunteer Match. Remember a volunteer opportunity doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful. Even if all she is doing is putting put food in a bag but she's doing it without you - that is still an opportunity to learn, to interact with other adults separate from you and to receive positive feelings from doing good for others. I would try to avoid the tendency to perfection or thinking that this experience should be ideal and hit on all of her needs. Simply getting out of the house and doing something good can be an important step in fighting depression and developing more independence.

2. Paid work in the neighborhood. Babysitting, dog sitting, etc. There are homeschooled kids making quite a lot of money doing dog walking during the day.

3. Part time job if she's old enough.

4. Make your own volunteer work - find an elderly neighbor who could use visits, cookies, walk to be shoveled, etc.

 

 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Thank you, everyone! These are wonderful ideas. We've all been sick the last few days, so I was able to do some more research, and I discovered that there are actually a few stables in a town less than 30 minutes from here. Years ago I came across one, but it had terrible reviews, so I wrote it off. Since then, a few more have either opened or gotten websites up, and there are some great options. I think we're going to start there. I also told her that I want her to pick something to delve into this summer--riding, GS camp, photography classes, something from the wide selection of teen classes at the arts center in that same (university) town, a photography camp I came across that is outrageously expensive but also looks much more professional than some of the things I've come across so far, etc. I think I'll need to press her to commit to something, but she really needs it.

 

Part of the problem is that she's in an anxious place right now. She had a meltdown trying to pick up pre-ordered food at a local fast food place, but the very next day she went out with a friend walking in a downtown area, where she ordered and picked up her own dinner, browsed and bought in a bookstore, and then stopped for coffee and pastries, all with no problems. So we're in kind of a weird place. She wants so badly to get out into the world and be independent, so I'm trying to figure out how to help support that goal for her while also not being part of it, since that obviously doesn't work for us! 

 

Anyway, you guys have given me great ideas and starting points. Thanks so much!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Volunteers for Peace has volunteer programs internationally for teens. It's not a "camp" in that there's entertainment and activities. There are camps nationally and internationally, from 1 - 3 weeks, and they all have the purpose of volunteering for some community in some practical way. This is not a political or religious group, it's roll up your sleeves, and help out while meeting some really fascinating people and seeing the world in a safe way. Developing her photography skills would be a bonus for everyone. (facebook page)

 

Just a thought for another day, maybe. 

 

:)

 

Albeto, that looks like something she would absolutely love. I'll send her that link and see what she thinks. She's not ready for something like that now, but I'd love to scaffold her up into a place where she could do something like that later. Thank you!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Edited because I don't have a teen so not particularly helpful. But, we are rural and it's a similar sort of situation.

Would she consider an exchange program?

 

I saw your original post that first night. We're near the same city you are, though not rural. I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and start traveling in there more. The money is going to be tough, but I can see it going a LONG way toward building confidence.

 

Blake Boles has a lot of ideas for teens. Has she read The Teenage Liberation book ? 

 

No, but I liked his site. I'll send her the link. If I suggest she read the book, she never, ever will. I might have to find someone else to recommend it to her!

 

Why isn't she ready for the summer adventure trips from the mailer?

 

She's only 13, and right now she's too underconfident and anxious. I would want to see some smaller successes locally before she went for something that big.

 

My DD did volunteer work at a cat shelter, which was very fulfilling to her. The big animal rescue organizations say you have to be 18 (which misses the point to me), but we found a "crazy cat lady" who does rescue and adoption from her (extremely cat-smelling) home. (I personally would not have pursued it because I thought that house was revolting, but she wanted to do it and called/arranged it herself.) I also agree with cooking and baking as a good way to be artistic and also gain experiential skills.

 

Within homeschooling, too, there are sometimes avenues or programs where the kid can take over for herself. My DD did The One Year Adventure Novel when she was in seventh grade. She loved it, learned a lot, and produced about 75% of a novel completely by herself. She is majoring in English and French in college, so she does gravitate towards this academic expression.

 

You said she does not want to do a residential camp, but I think that would be the perfect bridge to the larger responsibilities of what I think you mean by adventure camps. You gotta crawl before you walk, right?

 

She would LOVE a cat rescue type thing. We've called a few places, and one said she had to be 16, and one just never called back. I never thought about a "crazy cat lady" type thing, though, thanks! As beneficial as I think it would be for her (and younger DD is raring to go!) I would have to drag her kicking and screaming into a residential camp, at least this summer. Maybe next summer, depending on the progress we make this year. 

 

My daughters have been active with our Environmental Education Center for several years.  They have monthly homeschool classes, but they also have many general public events/activities and summer camps (non-residential until 14 or 15) that include academic components, but also have a ton of "out in the woods" adventuring.  And it's REALLY inexpensive compared to other options.

 

Hmm, Carrie, I never thought about that. I've never heard of any "programs," but that doesn't mean she couldn't see if she could volunteer on her own. There are a couple of centers that aren't too far, I'll look into those. Thanks!

 

I'd call around to the local museums to see if they would allow her to come and help in some fashion. Usually smaller town museums are mostly volunteer, and those volunteers are nice older folks who are very encouraging. That would be a nice start toward doing things without parental involvement. And as she connects with these volunteers, more opportunities may become apparent.

 

Volunteer at the library? Usually they have several volunteers there to shelf the books. 

 

Is there a local children's theater group? Would she be willing to participate in a play or would they let her help behind the scenes (props, set building/painting, etc)?

 

Depending upon her age, I'd call the local universities and community colleges. Could she take dual credit? If not, what about exceptional admission (which is a thing here in TX for some school that allow the younger kids to take college classes - I've heard of 13 year olds doing this)?

 

Is there any local art classes? Has she taken them? If not, have her take them. Maybe she could build a relationship with the instructor and possibly be a helper to her?

 

Would she be willing to do some sort of help/assistance/delivery at a local nursing home? Do they still allow kids to volunteer at the hospital as a candy-striper?

 

Great ideas! I don't know about the hospital, but I'll look into that. I was there myself recently (dealing with some health stuff) and didn't see anyone who looked like a volunteer-type person, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. She needs to be 15 to take any college classes locally. The library is a FANTASTIC idea! The teen programs she's done there have been incredibly lame and awkward, but I think they do take shelving volunteers--I've seen signs. I don't know how I didn't think of that! Our local museum is super tiny but I can certainly see if there's anything she can do there. 

 

What about 4H?  I have looked into this for my kids, but haven't decided to join so far.  Some of the project options look pretty interesting.

 

I would love love love 4H, but our county's 4H is not agricultural/animal-oriented at all, and she doesn't want to do any of the things they do offer there (which tend to be in the vein of school-type projects or electronics). The 4H in the next county is exactly what I'd want for her, and she would love it, but the center is a long drive from here :( I might look into that again, though. Unfortunately we can't have any animals, as DH is allergic to everyone, so it kind of limits our options. 

 

My dad had some anxiety & social stuff going on last year, but we wanted her to get off on her own a bit more too.

 

I'm going to PM you later, if I can find some time. I'd like to ask you a few questions about your experience with the anxiety. 

 

Maybe I missed this, but how old is your teen?

 

And is there any city anywhere near you?

 

And can she ride a bike?

 

She's 13. The nearest city is about an hour and 15 minutes-hour and a half via train or car. And she can, but she won't. One of my goals once I finish dealing with the health issue I'm currently in the middle of is to start intentionally exercising outdoors with both my girls. I can't do anything strenuous at the moment though. 

[Pen]

My ds is newly minted 14YO. While still 13--not so long ago-- we started work on things like him taking a bus--first with me together with him on it, then he took it on his own once with me in car waiting till it picked him up and then meeting him at the stop he ended at. We are still progressing toward him being able to do it more alone, and with a longer ride, and transferring from one bus to another at a main station on his own--eventually to where I would be at home while he were in the city doing it. But each little step has added confidence and ability to do it.  Eventually I hope that he will be able to take it by himself from a closer point I can drive him to and go from activity to activity on his own, maybe with a bike taken along so that he can bike from activity to bus stop as needed...or maybe walk or skateboard.

 

Similarly he has been working on increased ability to do banking on his own, from first going in with me, to now being able to go in and do something while I wait in car. And again each of those steps has improved confidence. There is a lot of go ahead in and give it a try, if you need me, I'm right out here.

 

My feeling with my ds is that some of the real work on real skills that move him toward being an independent adult are currently more useful in him gaining confidence than "activities" are.  Although activities are good too.

 

So also things like cooking, being able to laundry, and so on fit that.

 

And these sorts of skills would make it more safe and easy, probably, to be able to do something like volunteer somewhere away from home.

 

I wouldn't expect a 13YO, not most of them, to be able to take a bus that far to the city herself and then navigate the city to activities on her own, but starting now toward that goal could make it possible when she is, say, 15.

 

 

 

[heartlikealion]

Could you get her a pen pal? I know a pen pal wouldn't mean leaving the house necessarily, but it may give her a friend to open up to and something to look forward to.

 

I really enjoyed exchanging letters with my pen pal. We were paired together in elementary school and exchanged letters for years. We met in person as teens. Nowadays they could easily text or skype.

 

I don't know if you've ever considered hosting a foreigner (teen) but there might even be a way to do that without requiring her to also go somewhere. My family hosted a couple of French girls when I was younger, but in at least one case my sister went to France to stay with their family for a couple weeks after the girl had stayed with us a couple of weeks.