Butting heads over NOTHING... really just a vent

[theelfqueen]

I am so tired of Muppet Boy being 14... all the darned time he is 14. And he argues and digs in his heels over nothing. And he pushes my buttons and makes me insane... and I really, really, really need to work on/pray for the patience to not get angry and freak out over something so STUPID. He on some level knows he's pushing my button but can't stop himself because, you know -- 14. And on some level I know what's happening and see us descending down the path to shouting match over irrelevant, unimportant algebra nonsense.. and I can't stop myself because... I don't know? Mother?

 

He's just 14. He's awful because teenagers are awful sometimes. (Unfortunately I have a brother that didn't outgrow it... maybe at all LOL he's 30 now and still has authority issues like a teenager sometimes) I have a degree with a license (now defunct) for teaching teenagers! Why can I handle 120 of other people's teenagers but one of mine makes me want to throw him or myself out a window?

 

Not my morning.

 

I think I need more coffee.

 

Edited February 12, 2016 by theelfqueen

[freesia]

Aww

 

You are not alone......

 

And 15 is better, not totally, but enough.

[Annie Elle]

You are not alone. I am quite done with my dd13 daily crying over her school work, her attitude and acting like she knows everything. She does NOT do well with being corrected.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Some days boarding school sounds like a really, really good option...

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have a 14 year old too.

 

so so much fun sometimes...  :closedeyes:

[Targhee]

Some days boarding school sounds like a really, really good option...

Or a Martian Colony

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Or a Martian Colony

 

:laugh:  :smilielol5:    :cheers2:

[theelfqueen]

Do *I* get to go to the Martian Colony? Cause that's sounding pretty good.

 

[Junie]

So much of the original post rings true here.  Ds15 and I sometimes go around and around and... It drives dh batty.  I'm working on it.  Glad that I'm not the only one who sees it coming and still engages.

 

:grouphug:

[JoJosMom]

Personally, I think the answer to all of life's problems is duct tape.  It may well apply here. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I'm kidding.  I think.  Maybe.  Perhaps.)

[RootAnn]

:grouphug:  I'm very glad that I have a friend with older boys who has helped me see the path before I get there. (It doesn't stop me from engaging or tearing my hair out!)

I know they come out the other side. .... At some point!  :crying:

 

Mine is a girl. DH is lobbying to send her to a brick & mortar next year. I'm lobbying for one more year -- and trying to outsource as much as humanly possible because she does do better work for outsiders. (Outsourcing isn't a 100% panacea, however, as we've learned. She can still manage to get a really good grade in a class & retain nothing. She can also get behind, not ask for help, and just not get concepts -- but still, somehow, be pulling an A.  :confused: ) 

 

Just know you aren't alone. ... And thanks for sharing your vent so the rest of us know we aren't alone.   :001_cool:

[Arcadia]

My oldest is a butthead since newborn. Debate camp looks so tempting :)

 

ETA:

My youngest is a butthead whiner, has been since newborn.

Edited February 12, 2016 by Arcadia

[OnMyOwn]

Mine is 16 and we're going through some of this.  Sometimes it's hard not to take it personally, but I just keep reminding myself that it is normal and that he is just trying to break away from me and assert his independence.  That's a good thing.  If he eagerly did everything I ever asked of him, I would be more worried about that.  But, it's still not fun!

[theelfqueen]

Sometimes the biggest struggle is that my Oldest was so much easier lol

[The Girls' Mom]

I'm having one of those days too.  I love my girls, but they nearly drive me to drink some days.  Usually over NOTHING.  

[RootAnn]

When I stop to think about it, I'm so very grateful that my kids have struggled (and I've struggled with them struggling) because I have that much more grace and understanding when someone else is venting. I knew everything about parenting before I had my first baby. I sure must have sounded like a complete $@&%(# to some homeschool veterans when I offered suggestions to their venting many years ago (or even last week!).

 

So, again,  :grouphug: .

[wintermom]

Sometimes I think my hormones are just as out-of-control as the teens, because I just can't deal with it. Other days and weeks are great and I love our homeschool environment. I really wish there was some kind of visual "hormone meter" warning label on people. Or, I should just eat more chocolate (while hiding out in my bedroom). ;)

[Pen]

Always glad to know others are coping with this sort of thing too. Thanks for posting.

 

Sometimes mine seems to be suffering more from hunger than hormones.

 

Sometimes I consider that maybe I should just tell him to do the opposite of what I want.

 

Have you read Talking to Teens so Teens will Listen, Listening to Teens so Teens will Talk?

[Arcadia]

Sometimes mine seems to be suffering more from hunger than hormones.

Is your son like my oldest that have a "sugar low crash"?

 

When I studied for the national levels exams in decades past, I put my comfy chair next to the refrigerator. I ate more than half a dozen average size apples once in less than an hour :). I did get lots of studying done.

[flyingaway]

14 yo here, too. Last week my husband asked how much boarding schools cost. However, I have seen glimpses of a much more reasonable young person in there and hold onto the hope that that will one day be the norm.

[Janeway]

Or a Martian Colony

My 14 yr old is actually trying to grow potato plants now. It's working. He might be ready to go...LOL.

[Sunshine State Sue]

Why can I handle 120 of other people's teenagers but one of mine makes me want to throw him or myself out a window?

:grouphug: You know the answer, don't you?  Because you love the guy so much that you are making a huge personal sacrifice to give him an education better than the other 120 other kids.  And he doesn't appreciate it.  He should.  One day, he will.  Or so we like to think.  ;)

 

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2016 by Sue in St Pete

[Miss Mousie]

Sometimes I think my hormones are just as out-of-control as the teens, because I just can't deal with it. Other days and weeks are great and I love our homeschool environment. I really wish there was some kind of visual "hormone meter" warning label on people. Or, I should just eat more chocolate (while hiding out in my bedroom). ;)

 

A few months ago DS and I were battling over math.  One day he'd understand perfectly, and the next day he wanted a Battle Royale over a multiplication error.  I told DH, "this would be so much easier if, on Bad Math days, he'd just come down for breakfast glowing green or something.  Then I'd know I shouldn't even bother with math that day."

 

 

[freesia]

Always glad to know others are coping with this sort of thing too. Thanks for posting.

 

Sometimes mine seems to be suffering more from hunger than hormones.

 

Sometimes I consider that maybe I should just tell him to do the opposite of what I want.

 

Have you read Talking to Teens so Teens will Listen, Listening to Teens so Teens will Talk?

Yes, mine isn't great at making sure he eats enough. Last year, when he was melting down, I'd suggest or tell him to eat something and then that became a battle. This year I keep high protein bars (chocolate and caramel) in the cupboard and, when a melt down starts and I realize he hasn't eaten well, I open one and silently place it in front of him and leave. It works everytime. Another mother I know uses Coke (the soda kind lol). I think the blood sugar drop would be too awful from that, but it works for her.

[DebbS]

Yep. Sounds like a healthy, developing 14 year old boy!  From experience with this kind of beast, it'll make you appreciate him even more when he grows out of it.

[Pegasus]

Just agreeing with everyone else. Girls only here but same thing.  It does get better.  The younger DD just turned 16 and it is SO much better than just a year or two ago.  She is almost back to the same sweet and considerate youngster she was before her pre-teens.  Meanwhile, DD19 is absolutely wonderful company.

 

Hang in there. Try not to kill them.  :laugh:

[wintermom]

 

Hang in there. Try not to kill them.  :laugh:

 

My mil has a sign in her kitchen, "Grandchildren are the reward for letting our teenagers live."  

[theelfqueen]

Sometimes I think my hormones are just as out-of-control as the teens, because I just can't deal with it. Other days and weeks are great and I love our homeschool environment. I really wish there was some kind of visual "hormone meter" warning label on people. Or, I should just eat more chocolate (while hiding out in my bedroom). ;)

 

Yeah and how is it a good idea that middle aged hormonal women are in charge of teenaged hormonal children? Who thought -- there's a great combo???

 

[wintermom]

Yeah and how is it a good idea that middle aged hormonal women are in charge of teenaged hormonal children? Who thought -- there's a great combo???

 

I often wonder about this myself. It does help me understand what they're going through, though. The first time through the hormonal fog is tough, but now I'm sometimes wondering what is hormones and what is dying brain cells. ;)

[Hilltopmom]

I asked our pediatrician about this just this week, concerned about behavioral issues & stuff. She's like, umm, he's 15.

[Hilltopmom]

You are not alone. I am quite done with my dd13 daily crying over her school work, her attitude and acting like she knows everything. She does NOT do well with being corrected.

Ooooh, I have one of those too.

13 yr old girls DO know everything, don't you know?!

 

I was complaining to my parents yesterday about the teens & they couldn't stop laughing at me. I myself may have given them a hard time on occasion;)

[wintermom]

Yes, mine isn't great at making sure he eats enough. Last year, when he was melting down, I'd suggest or tell him to eat something and then that became a battle. This year I keep high protein bars (chocolate and caramel) in the cupboard and, when a melt down starts and I realize he hasn't eaten well, I open one and silently place it in front of him and leave. It works everytime. Another mother I know uses Coke (the soda kind lol). I think the blood sugar drop would be too awful from that, but it works for her.

 

Oh yes, the food issue is HUGE for my dd. As soon as a meltdown is ramping up I send her to eat protein and it calms her down really fast. She'll return with a, "Sorry, mom. I'm feeling much better now."

 

For my ds 13 it's usually lack of sleep or that he's feeling pressured (perception of too much work that still needs to get done). I should probably send him to get more food in these situations still, because with a growing boy he's going to eat and will probably feel better, too.

Edited February 14, 2016 by wintermom

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Recently after the worst of the storm, my dd had a snack. It was like a switch flipped. She said in her usual voice, "When did I eat last? Maybe that's what happened." It was obviously as upsetting to her as it was to the rest of the family. (And quite possibly the neighbors... :blushing: )  

 

Sleep too. It's like watching a toddler go through a growth spurt, only it's not physically visible. That brain is working overtime... :zombie:

[Woodland Mist Academy]

 

Sleep too. It's like watching a toddler go through a growth spurt, only it's not physically visible. That brain is working overtime... :zombie:

Change that to not immediately visible. I thought she was finished growing, but as soon as I saw her this morning, I knew. No change in height for months and months. A year or more maybe? Then this spurt. She is now officially taller than I am. This will make it much more difficult to feel authoritative.... :sneaky2: I'm pretty sure I saw a gleeful smirk looking down at me this morning... :glare:

 

It is a good visible reminder of the incredible energy growth takes.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Woodland Mist Academy

[DebbS]

 

Mine is a girl. DH is lobbying to send her to a brick & mortar next year. I'm lobbying for one more year -- and trying to outsource as much as humanly possible because she does do better work for outsiders. (Outsourcing isn't a 100% panacea, however, as we've learned. She can still manage to get a really good grade in a class & retain nothing. She can also get behind, not ask for help, and just not get concepts -- but still, somehow, be pulling an A.  :confused: ) 

 

 

 

 

You know, you could just consider that a life skill!  In the post-school world, we don't usually spend much time and energy retaining things that we don't find useful.

Edited February 14, 2016 by DebbS

[RootAnn]

You know, you could just consider that a life skill!  In the post-school world, we don't usually spend much time and energy retaining things that we don't find useful.

 

Thanks for the twist on my negative outlook. This dd has a LOT of skills & behaviors that will serve her well when she is a grown-up (lack of response to peer pressure, very motivated about learning more about the things that really interest her (country music song titles  :blink: & country music personalities), and a huge amount of stubbornness to stick to things even after everyone has told her to give up). They are just really frustrating in a teen.

[Mom2boys]

I have a 14 year old too - and it is just he and I most days as my oldest is away at college and my husband travels for work. :banghead: This is the first year that I have seriously considered giving up homeschooling. Outsourcing classes and enrolling them in drop-off activities helps - especially if the activities involve lots of physical exercise.

 

Ds18 recently witnessed an outburst by ds14 and saw his former self through new eyes. He actually apologized for all he had put me through. So take heart ladies, it does get better.

[Mabelen]

I have a 14 year old too - and it is just he and I most days as my oldest is away at college and my husband travels for work. :banghead: This is the first year that I have seriously considered giving up homeschooling. Outsourcing classes and enrolling them in drop-off activities helps - especially if the activities involve lots of physical exercise.

 

Ds18 recently witnessed an outburst by ds14 and saw his former self through new eyes. He actually apologized for all he had put me through. So take heart ladies, it does get better.

This is me with my 12 year old dd. She actually attends BM school. I don't know if I 'd survive homeschooling. I agree that I'd does get better. My college sophomore daughter is a delightful lady these days.

[DebbS]

Thanks for the twist on my negative outlook. This dd has a LOT of skills & behaviors that will serve her well when she is a grown-up (lack of response to peer pressure, very motivated about learning more about the things that really interest her (country music song titles  :blink: & country music personalities), and a huge amount of stubbornness to stick to things even after everyone has told her to give up). They are just really frustrating in a teen.

 

I do know how it is.  I have one of those kids. The only reason I can see it this way is that he is now in college, has found an interest, a sense of direction and is doing really great.

 

This was a kid who could not manage to learn to spell 5 words in a week yet could read an article about pop machines just once and know all of the buttons to press in some particular order to find out the quantity and temperatures of any given drink option.  He couldn't do much math until he got involved with a video game where he had to use physics & trig to know when and at what angle to fire the weapons.  I was amazed at the complexity of the thing. 

 

This kid made me want to give up at times. And on sometimes, over some things, I did. I figure he's capable of learning what he wants to learn. And it turns out that he is.

Edited February 15, 2016 by DebbS