just filled out an application for private school

[ktgrok]

I haven't hit send yet, as it is a $75 application fee and I'm waiting to hear if they accept midyear transfers before I do. In other words, today was a very bad, no good day with my teen Aspie. It's like having a 3 year old who is taller than you some days. I don't know what is best for him, but today I'm just trying to survive. 

 

This is the school. It's not my ideal. But ideal went out the window a long time ago. http://www.bishopmoore.org/Home

 

Edited to add: he's calmed down, and going to get caught up on vocal and math today, to earn back internet. Then caught up on history on saturday and biology on sunday. He's already caught up on latin and his college tech class. We'll see how this goes. 

Edited February 5, 2016 by ktgrok

[Mimm]

:grouphug:

 

I'm sure you'll figure out what's best for him and you.

[Cinder]

(((Hugs))) It was hard for me to send my oldest to private school but it ended up being better for the whole family. It did take months of consideration first though. I know you won't hit send in frustration but I do know how tempting it can be.

[chiguirre]

:grouphug:

[Guest]

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

 

And people wonder why us wide age gap moms seem so calm about our toddlers' tantrums.

 

I'm glad things calmed down.

Edited February 5, 2016 by Guest

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Having an outside, structured source for academics might be the break you both need.  There are a lot of kids and parents that find this the better option in the high school years.  This is not a failure on anyone's part.  It is just that different needs and different times in our lives call for different approaches.  If you end up trying this out, please don't feel like you are doing a bad thing.  If it works out well, it did because of all the hard work you have put into his education and it means that at this point he is ready for a different kind of challenge/environment.  If it doesn't work out well, you will have both had a break and maybe you will both be able to come at homeschooling from a fresh and invigorated perspective.

 

What does he think?  Or have you asked him?

[Tita Gidge]

Teenagers can be challenging.  I feel like between me and my four there should be a warning sign on the front door about all the hormones flying about.  I imagine it's that much more difficult when there are medical issues aggravating things  :grouphug: .

 

I sent my son to school for a semester (the intention was for a year) during junior high.  I had filled out applications and sat on them for months before deciding it had to be done. It was better for all of us that I considered our relationship above any social or academic hurdles that may have resulted from outsourcing school.  He fell in with the wrong kids, became their ringleader, and things fell to depths I never imagined this kid would reach. I pulled him at the semester with his blessing - he didn't want to leave, but recognized it was better for him that he did.

 

We're still dealing with some of the fallout from his time at school, and it's not been easy having him back at home. But I am stronger and better for having had that respite - however brief. I was able to come out from under the constant stress of having him home, even though I was still dealing with it some level every day. And that's helped me to help him now that he's back home. It also made him see that being home was / is a privilege, and one he's now more willing to work for. In the past he had always felt he was missing out by being home (he had never been in school and romanticized it).

 

It's hard to feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's harder to feel like you're fighting a battle on every front. I learned that no decision about school must be permanent, and that my survival couldn't come at the expense of an ideal - no matter how badly I felt the child required it. It's the whole put your oxygen mask on first thing, and I'm so glad I did.  Best wishes to you, whatever that looks like for your family!

 

 

 

[ktgrok]

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

 

And people wonder why us wide age gap moms seem so calm about our toddlers' tantrums.

 

I'm glad things calmed down.

 

Ok, tht made me laugh. And so freaking true. 

[ktgrok]

 

 

 

It's hard to feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's harder to feel like you're fighting a battle on every front. I learned that no decision about school must be permanent, and that my survival couldn't come at the expense of an ideal - no matter how badly I felt the child required it. It's the whole put your oxygen mask on first thing, and I'm so glad I did.  Best wishes to you, whatever that looks like for your family!

 

The bold is what I'm dealing with. He did go to public high school for a semester last year. He asked to come home. It isn't an option to go back, for various reasons including that he'd have to take a bunch of end of course exams to return to public school at this point. 

 

He's homeschooling at his request, but not keeping up his end of the bargain. I'v let it slide WAY more than I should, and cut back academics to the bare bones to survive, because I have other kids who should not have to deal with a full knock down drag out fight every single day, which is where we were. But now he's further and further behind, and for lack of a better term getting dumber. His standardized test scores are going down from, my belief, a lack of reading and lack of mental stimulation. He needs good scores to get our state scholarship for college. He knows this. 

 

He says he doesn't want to go to private school. But he also doesn't want to do the work for homeschool. We'll see. Maybe this was the breakthrough today. I kept calm and didn't scream and didn't engage. I also didn't back down. We'll see. 

[Tita Gidge]

The bold is what I'm dealing with. He did go to public high school for a semester last year. He asked to come home. It isn't an option to go back, for various reasons including that he'd have to take a bunch of end of course exams to return to public school at this point. 

 

He's homeschooling at his request, but not keeping up his end of the bargain. I'v let it slide WAY more than I should, and cut back academics to the bare bones to survive, because I have other kids who should not have to deal with a full knock down drag out fight every single day, which is where we were. But now he's further and further behind, and for lack of a better term getting dumber. His standardized test scores are going down from, my belief, a lack of reading and lack of mental stimulation. He needs good scores to get our state scholarship for college. He knows this. 

 

He says he doesn't want to go to private school. But he also doesn't want to do the work for homeschool. We'll see. Maybe this was the breakthrough today. I kept calm and didn't scream and didn't engage. I also didn't back down. We'll see. 

 

If it helps, know that I'm in the same situation with mine.  He has high goals for himself (a good thing), but thinks he's smarter than he is and that he's smarter than any of us (people who have actually graduated and faced college admissions and earned scholarships). It'd be way less irritating if he hadn't inherited that snarky know it all attitude from me.

 

Our solution this year has been online school.  It's not a perfect solution, but having him accountable to someone else BUT still be at home has helped. I drop him off at a deli one day a week to do lessons there, and he spends another day doing school at my brother's. That gives the rest of us a break, because you're right - the younger ones have needs also. A sane mother and calm environment are important. My youngest was not well served by the constant daily fighting with her brother, or my resulting stress.

 

Online school brought its own problems - the temptation of YouTube, Google Chat, etc. but I've managed to work around those with security settings on the computers. It's still exhausting, but less so. And it's predictable. My problem was partially wanting it to work SO MUCH that I became inconsistent. He fed off that, but I should've nipped my role in the bud way earlier. We won't do online next year. I don't know what we'll do. He wants to stay home. I want him to do the work.

 

What has helped some is that I've been dragging him with me to college fairs. It's hearing from someone else - multiple times - multiple places - what he needs to do.  It's talks and walking around tables. I have a high school senior and sophomore this year that he's also getting to see firsthand what has and hasn't worked.  One is a natural academic with strong goals who rises to meet them; the other would rather play than study, and it's showing in his ever-decreasing college options LOL.  Are there friends or family close to home that he can look to as examples, good or poor? Any college fairs in your area coming up? 

 

Very proud of you for staying calm today. That actually scared my son more than me wigging out - he knew if I was freakishly calm, then I was finding peace with my decisions. And he always knew that meant outsourcing school. Here's hoping you find peace with your decision, whatever it is.

[trulycrabby]

Good luck with your application process! I just turned mine in, and we have an interview next week. DS12 and I are preparing for the ISEE, which he has to take for two of the schools we are considering.

 

DS12 has not entered teen mode yet, but I am having minor health issues and struggling with the workload. We have tried some online classes, but they are rigorous and I have to review concepts and do probblems to be able to answer questions.

[ktgrok]

Yeah, he's smart and has high goals, but foolishly thinks being smart and charming will get him everything he wants, without hard work. 

[JessReplanted]

After reading your posts, I think you should go for it if you can afford it. :grouphug:

[Hilltopmom]

Yeah, he's smart and has high goals, but foolishly thinks being smart and charming will get him everything he wants, without hard work.

Ah, yes, I have one of those teen boys too.

Dh was just saying last night to me "you know, he's not as smart as he thinks he is & it's not going to take him as far as he thinks it is".

Yup.

 

I looked at private school websites last week, so I know how you feel. And, I too, have teens & toddlers. But makes things interesting, doesn't it:)

[ktgrok]

After reading your posts, I think you should go for it if you can afford it. :grouphug:

 

The good news is that he has a scholarship that will almost pay for it. Tuition for Catholic students is 10K a year. He gets just about 10K in scholarship money. So we'd still have to pay fees and books. We could manage. 

 

IT would be a huge PIA to drive him each day, but that's not a reason to not do it. 

[ktgrok]

I should say that if we make it through this year homeschooling then next year he's taking everything at the community college. Plus an outsourced Latin class. Nothing with me. Or he can go to private school. I am not homeschooling him next year. Period. 

[ErinE]

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

 

And people wonder why us wide age gap moms seem so calm about our toddlers' tantrums.

 

I'm glad things calmed down.

 

This. The first question I now ask my toddler throwing a tantrum, "Do you need a hug?"

 

It sometimes works for my teen as well.

[TammyS]

Yeah, he's smart and has high goals, but foolishly thinks being smart and charming will get him everything he wants, without hard work. 

 

Are you talking about my son?

 

It makes you feel insane, doesn't it?  They think that you're just being over the top, and you know that on the horizon is the reaping of what one sews.  Ugh.  It makes me weepy just thinking about it.

 

Give me a dumb kid who works hard, over a smart kid that skates by, any day of the week.

[ktgrok]

Are you talking about my son?

 

It makes you feel insane, doesn't it?  They think that you're just being over the top, and you know that on the horizon is the reaping of what one sews.  Ugh.  It makes me weepy just thinking about it.

 

Give me a dumb kid who works hard, over a smart kid that skates by, any day of the week.

 

amen. 

[fraidycat]

I am not homeschooling him next year. Period.

Change him to her and you have the exact text I sent to my DH a couple weeks ago about my 13 year old.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I got to this point with my oldest for 6th grade.  And while it isn't ideal, and it isn't a panacea, and I still have to go through the  motions with homework, projects, etc., it does give me the ability to be a mom only (as opposed to mom and teacher).  I think that part of the relationship, with some kids, cannot be overlooked.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[Melissa in Australia]

I haven't hit send yet, as it is a $75 application fee and I'm waiting to hear if they accept midyear transfers before I do. In other words, today was a very bad, no good day with my teen Aspie. It's like having a 3 year old who is taller than you some days. I don't know what is best for him, but today I'm just trying to survive. 

 

This is the school. It's not my ideal. But ideal went out the window a long time ago. http://www.bishopmoore.org/Home

 

Edited to add: he's calmed down, and going to get caught up on vocal and math today, to earn back internet. Then caught up on history on saturday and biology on sunday. He's already caught up on latin and his college tech class. We'll see how this goes. 

:grouphug:

 

I actually asked ds12 if he would like to come with me to the local primary school today. I am getting so fed up with his refusing to do any schoolwork .

 

I am thinking I have some anger control problem, 'cause while I remained calm on the outside all I could think about was giving him the strap or cat of nine tail and other things along those lines. ( maybe I should stop reading Hornblower)

 

Some days boarding school sounds like a great idea.

[Tsuga]

The 'like' is only a like of support. I wish you every good thing in this journey.