heroin, how to discuss this very serious topic with kids

[SparklyUnicorn]

Looking for ideas.  This scares the crap out of me.  It's an epidemic in my area.  They showed people on TV sitting in bus stops shooting up.  This was just up the street from me.  My kid uses those bus stops and the buses.  I feel like I need to talk to him about this, but how?  Is it good enough for me to say don't do this stuff because it will ruin your life and kill you? 

 

We may assume good kids don't get involved with this stuff, but I doubt this is true.  It's so dangerous that I wouldn't even want my kid to try it.  He seems to have a good head on his shoulders, but I'd still like to say something. 

 

So looking for any ideas.  (Secular in nature, but feel free to offer up whatever you want because maybe someone else here would like that sort of thing.) 

[MotherGoose]

I don't know. I'd probably start out by pointing out the people at the bus stop and talking about it very honestly with him. How old?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't know. I'd probably start out by pointing out the people at the bus stop and talking about it very honestly with him. How old?

 

He is 14.  I have not personally seen anyone do this.  And geesh I hope I never do.  I don't really take the bus. 

[HomeAgain]

We have lots of casual conversations about drugs and alcohol - and habits, expenses, criminal records, long term health....it sinks in.  They start to understand all the different aspects of why it's a bad idea.  Now that pot's legal in various places, classification of drugs has come up and why each is what it is.

[Hyacinth]

My cousin passed away last year from a heroin OD after battling addiction for several years. He was waiting for a bed to open up in a rehab facility (would've been his third and everyone thought *this* would be the one to really take). He really wanted off this damn drug.

 

Because it was so close to home, we had many conversations about self-medicating, peer pressure, gateway drugs, addiction, etc.

 

Knowledge is power. But, really, I don't know that a parent can ever do enough to totally shield children from poor choices and mistakes.

 

 

[AlmiraGulch]

There are several good documentaries out there about the heroin epidemic, several that are now available on YouTube.  They show that it can touch anyone, regardless of background or financial status, and how the "good kids" are just as easily trapped by it as anyone else.  

 

That might be a good way to spur discussion.  

 

 

[JudoMom]

I'd be honest and frank. I would tell him about the news report, talk of the dangers, etc. I'd probably watch the report online with him.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My cousin passed away last year from a heroin OD after battling addiction for several years. He was waiting for a bed to open up in a rehab facility (would've been his third and everyone thought *this* would be the one to really take). He really wanted off this damn drug.

 

Because it was so close to home, we had many conversations about self-medicating, peer pressure, gateway drugs, addiction, etc.

 

Knowledge is power. But, really, I don't know that a parent can ever do enough to totally shield children from poor choices and mistakes.

 

I'm so sorry.  Growing up my dad's department boss lost three kids to heroin. 

[JudoMom]

I'm so sorry. Growing up my dad's department boss lost three kids to heroin.

I'd tell him that and I would tell him how scared you are that it is so close to home.

[HomeAgain]

One thing you might look for in your area is a something like a peer pressure seminar.  We sent our oldest to one at around age 12 and it was absolutely great.  While they did touch on the Naughty 3 (drugs, relationships, alcohol), their main focus for the week was how to stay true to yourself, say no gracefully, and think through any decision you would make.  It was totally secular and run by a group that traveled through the area.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'm so sorry.  Growing up my dad's department boss lost three kids to heroin. 

 

My husband lost one of his closest friends to a heroin overdose a few years ago.  He was 28 years old, from a normal, middle class, well-educated family.  He was an extraordinary Blues musician whose star was continuing to rise as he gained recognition and acclaim globally, putting out several albums, etc.  

 

The day he died, he'd just finished a radio interview, and had gotten out of rehab the day before.  He wanted to be done with it.  He had everything going for him.  He also suffered from Bipolar Disorder, which goes part and parcel with drug addiction.  Total tragedy.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

One thing you might look for in your area is a something like a peer pressure seminar.  We sent our oldest to one at around age 12 and it was absolutely great.  While they did touch on the Naughty 3 (drugs, relationships, alcohol), their main focus for the week was how to stay true to yourself, say no gracefully, and think through any decision you would make.  It was totally secular and run by a group that traveled through the area.

 

Hm.  That sounds interesting.  I have never heard of anything like that.

 

Honestly, I think the bigger danger for him is not peers, but adults.  He is around older kids and adults mostly at this point. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My husband lost one of his closest friends to a heroin overdose a few years ago.  He was 28 years old, from a normal, middle class, well-educated family.  He was an extraordinary Blues musician whose star was continuing to rise as he gained recognition and acclaim globally, putting out several albums, etc.  

 

The day he died, he'd just finished a radio interview, and had gotten out of rehab the day before.  He wanted to be done with it.  He had everything going for him.  He also suffered from Bipolar Disorder, which goes part and parcel with drug addiction.  Total tragedy.  

 

That describes his kids.  They would get clean, but all it took was just that one more time taking a high dose because that is what they were taking when they quit.

 

Ugh...it's terrible and there seems no hope in sight for stopping this.  They don't even yet track this as a separate drug issue around here.  They just lump everything altogether, but lately it is a much bigger problem than pretty much anything else out there.

[kewb]

Watch Heroin Cape Cod with them. It is graphic and shows how none of these people started using with the intention of ending up addicts. Most of them die from their heroin use.

We openly talk about drugs and addiction in our house. Addiction runs strong in dh's family. Even with showing them real life examples in their family kids make stupid decisions. They believe it won't happen to them. It is difficult to resist the lure and the peer pressure.

Edited February 5, 2016 by kewb

[Nan in Mass]

It's widespread here, too.  And it scares the bejeepers out of me.  Ug.  We talk about it.  A little.  I think one of the most useful things talks I had was the one where I described getting yourself into a weird mental place where it seems like nothing really matters anymore and you aren't thinking longterm, but just trying to get through the next few hours.  We all get there sometimes.  That is a place where you can make stupid choices in an effort to jolt yourself out of the weirdness.  We've also talked about "survival mode", which is sort of like a longer version and tends to be caused more by a series of outside events.  It is easy to acquire bad habits when you are in survival mode, habits that are really hard to break when life calms back down again.  We've talked about how you and a few friends can get yourselves into a "the adult world is against us - we're doomed anyway - so nothing matters" state.   We've also talked about how when you drink, a self-medication that is socially acceptable, you alter your decision-making ability and at that point, you can decide to throw caution to the wind and do something stupid. Unfortunately, I don't have much faith that paying attention to their mental state might actually preventing my children from doing anything stupid.  I think if the answer to this were easy, we'd know it and be doing it already.

 

Hugs,

Nan

[elegantlion]

We talk, talk, and talk more. Addiction issues run on both sides of ds's family, so we have IRL examples to use.   :crying:

 

The biggest thing I've seen so far in ds (not saying this is going to stop him always, but...) he has a good sense of self-esteem and has no problem saying no and no problem feeling like the odd man out. This MAY help him overcome peer pressure. This comes from homeschooling, I have no doubt, because we have cultivated that. 

 

I am also very upfront that issues can happen in adult years too, which is probably a conversation I need to have again. Another issue I have seen in adults that scares me just as much is prescription drug abuse. Some of those are easier to get, don't require running in the same crowd, and can happen through a real injury that requires medication which could lead to addiction if not properly monitored.

[Ethel Mertz]

DS13 brought this topic up the other day. We have a subscription to Discovery Education and we sat down and watched a 50 minute video on the effect that 4 different drugs can have on one's body (meth, cocaine, marijuana, and heroin); Robin Williams was one of the narrators. So, this is the beginning of an ongoing conversation for us.

[Katy]

nm

Edited July 22, 2016 by Katy

[TammyS]

A lot of good advice in this thread.  I'd also show him information about people who died of heroin.  Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Charlie Parker come to mind.  Two guys with everything to live for....just gone, so very young.

[SparklyUnicorn]

It's widespread here, too.  And it scares the bejeepers out of me.  Ug.  We talk about it.  A little.  I think one of the most useful things talks I had was the one where I described getting yourself into a weird mental place where it seems like nothing really matters anymore and you aren't thinking longterm, but just trying to get through the next few hours.  We all get there sometimes.  That is a place where you can make stupid choices in an effort to jolt yourself out of the weirdness.  We've also talked about "survival mode", which is sort of like a longer version and tends to be caused more by a series of outside events.  It is easy to acquire bad habits when you are in survival mode, habits that are really hard to break when life calms back down again.  We've talked about how you and a few friends can get yourselves into a "the adult world is against us - we're doomed anyway - so nothing matters" state.   We've also talked about how when you drink, a self-medication that is socially acceptable, you alter your decision-making ability and at that point, you can decide to throw caution to the wind and do something stupid. Unfortunately, I don't have much faith that paying attention to their mental state might actually preventing my children from doing anything stupid.  I think if the answer to this were easy, we'd know it and be doing it already.

 

Hugs,

Nan

 

I've had these exact thoughts.  And yes to being in that place myself (many times).  The opportunity never presented itself.  But what if it had?  KWIM?  It's just too easy. 

 

At one point I panicked and thought maybe I need to stop letting him use the bus and drive him (I have offered anyway, but he wants to take the bus).  But then I thought no I really can't do that.  In less than 4 years there really is zero I can do.  And he needs to learn how to deal with life as it really is. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yep.  Lots of good points.  I drink. My husband drinks.  We don't get sloshed all the time, but we drink fairly regularly.  How can I say don't ever do any of this stuff and do that?  KWIM?  So yes there are degrees of bad. 

 

I have never tried any (other) drugs though.  Not even pot.  It never interested me.  I'm particularly not interested in anything that requires being inhaled or smoked because I can't stand that sort of sensation.  I tried a cigarette once and thought it was the most vile experience ever.  My experience with inhaling anything were prescribed inhalers that I could not tolerate using more than once. 

 

Has he seen Trainspotting? 

 

I think it's important to be honest about drugs.  Not just - they're bad.  But, they have different degrees of bad.  Consuming mind-altering substances isn't unique to humans; many animals do that too. I think it's normal to expect, at the very least, curiosity about drugs. And the reason for that (need for honesty) is, if you talk about this in terms of choices, rather than flat-out forbidding it, you remove the rebellious thrill aspect entirely and the kid can see the risks for what they are: not worth it.

 

I don't have an extensive history trying drugs, but my parents do.  With me they were honest and talked about things like sex and drugs not in moral tones, but in pragmatic, practical ones.  Basically, "I know you're at the point in your life that you're going to make your own choices.  And because of that you I need to tell you some things you should know. You're going to make your own choices and your own mistakes. I'll love you and be proud of you no matter what."

 

When I went to college my Dad called and gave me a long lecture about drugs. He made it very clear meth or heroin can get you addicted and completely ruin your life with just trying them one time.  He made me promise to never try them.  He also made me promise that if I ever did get hooked on them to come to him and he would help me. He said things like acid or coke can be okay, but know who you're getting them from, because they can be cut with things that are poisonous. He said to smoke all the pot I wanted, all it would do is make me fat.  FTR, I don't think that's true anymore.  Pot is a lot stronger than it used to be and I know addicts who do nothing. Chances are these people would be alcoholics who would do nothing if they didn't have access to pot, but that's another discussion entirely.

 

ETA for clarity.

 

[MEmama]

It's a huge problem in our area, too. It is mentioned everywhere here which does help open up opportunities to discuss it, I guess.

 

We've always talked about drugs, tobacco etc very honestly and openly. He has a natural aversion to all things that negatively affect how he feels, thank goodness, but it's hard to be confident that he will always retain his current good sense. I think, for him, being involved in sports (and one which has an unfortunate history of doping issues) has also had a big impact on his perception of damaging ones body and brain.

 

I don't know. It's just beyond scary. Good kids do very stupid things...how do protect them? Talking, talking, talking. Making sure they feel safe in tough times and when confronted with scary stuff. Being mindful and present in their lives, picking up on unusual changes and acting on them quickly yet with respect. Keeping lines of communication open. Really, really hearing what they tell us. Holding them close. Trusting them but also making sure they are surrounded by strong, positive people and situations.

 

Ugh. Tears in my eyes just thinking about this, how frightening it is.

[SparklyUnicorn]

We talk, talk, and talk more. Addiction issues run on both sides of ds's family, so we have IRL examples to use.   :crying:

 

The biggest thing I've seen so far in ds (not saying this is going to stop him always, but...) he has a good sense of self-esteem and has no problem saying no and no problem feeling like the odd man out. This MAY help him overcome peer pressure. This comes from homeschooling, I have no doubt, because we have cultivated that. 

 

I am also very upfront that issues can happen in adult years too, which is probably a conversation I need to have again. Another issue I have seen in adults that scares me just as much is prescription drug abuse. Some of those are easier to get, don't require running in the same crowd, and can happen through a real injury that requires medication which could lead to addiction if not properly monitored.

 

Yes my older kid is very independent minded for lack of a better way of putting it.   He is odd.  Not to be mean, but he is.  I am a lot like him so I get him.  I think he'll be ok, but I don't want to not say SOMETHING.  My parents never said anything about any of it. 

 

Ya know, it's stupid because I often wonder if saying too much can be bad.  Like will I plant an idea in his mind?  I never know if that is a danger.  But then I think if he is faced with a situation and knows nothing, that can't be good either. 

[pinkmint]

I used to do heroin. I credit God and Jesus with helping me get out of it, do with that what you will. But I would say an important notion that people seem to overlook is that there's a reason people do drugs. Drugs make you feel good and they are fun. Of course by the time the bad outweighs the good you may be addicted. I think pointing that out is better than the standard "drugs are bad, mmmkay" conversation.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I used to do heroin. I credit God and Jesus with helping me get out of it, do with that what you will. But I would say an important notion that people seem to overlook is that there's a reason people do drugs. Drugs make you feel good and they are fun. Of course by the time the bad outweighs the good you may be addicted. I think pointing that out is better than the standard "drugs are bad, mmmkay" conversation.

 

Yeah that is true.  I mean really who wouldn't want to do a drug that made you feel good if it were also safe?  Sign me up for that!  LOL  So just saying, "Don't do that!" doesn't really take into account that detail.

 

And so glad you got out of that.

[MEmama]

Also, agreeing there are varying degrees of vices. We enjoy a beer with dinner, but never more than 2 and not if we are driving. He sees the limits.

 

We talk, a lot, about how doing something "bad" does not make someone a bad person. It just means they've made a bad choice. Trying pot or a cigarette? Bad choice. Someone offers you their moms pills or heroin? Tell me immediately. No judgement, no penalty. Just TELL me. Same with drinking. It's one thing to try a beer, it's another thing to get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. I don't care what time it is, what town he's in, how old he is...for heavens sake CALL ME and be safe. These are things I'm sure can't be repeated enough.

[Starr]

in our case it started in elementary school by taking them to their Aunt's funeral.  :(    

[Xahm]

I'm pretty sure that seeing someone shooting up at the bus stop will be more of a deterrent than a gateway. This is coming from my prior experience as a teen rather than as a parent (at age three we've just touched on that alcohol is only for grownups, that grownups have to be careful not to drink too much, and that some grownups shouldn't drink and others just choose not to), but I think that the fact that I saw the dark side of drugs in my neighborhood long before I saw any glitzy party recreational drug atmosphere. It was partly personality, but having seen the dark side made the party side seem like a pathetic veneer. 

[Jane in NC]

Our weekly small town newspaper has just started a series of stories on the heroin epidemic.  I also heard a locally produced program on our public radio affiliate.  In that, it was noted how heroin seems to be the drug of choice for a growing number of middle class white kids.

 

I agree that "talk, talk, talk" is the route one needs to take.  In our case, there is a young man we know who is imprisoned for a horrendous crime that was committed while he was flying high on meth.  Another of my son's friends is dealing with drug addiction as I write.  I want to say that he is clean but one never knows. He is one of those amazingly smart kids who deceived many. 

 

I am horrified by it all. 

 

My son has grown up around alcohol.  We regularly have a glass of wine or a beer with meals; about once a week I have a cocktail. So alcohol is in the house.  Before my son was of legal age in this country, he spent long periods of time in Britain which has a lower drinking age.  He went to the pubs with friends there and imbibed.  I think that the issue is one of reasonable use.  None of us needs to drink in the same way we don't need sweets. 

 

But drugs are another issue especially since one never knows what one is buying.  Periodically one hears of contaminated heroin hitting the streets adding to the overall danger.

 

Yes, keep talking.

[J-rap]

We just discussed these things as we were confronted with them:  in the news, hearing about so-and-so's uncle, etc.  Talk about what happened, why it happened, how it happened.  I think the more you can personalize these stories, the harder it impacts them.  Another thing we did was to always give our kids a way out if they felt pressured.  We gave them permission to tell their friends anything they wanted about us if that helped them say NO.  

[MEmama]

Yes my older kid is very independent minded for lack of a better way of putting it. He is odd. Not to be mean, but he is. I am a lot like him so I get him. I think he'll be ok, but I don't want to not say SOMETHING. My parents never said anything about any of it.

 

Ya know, it's stupid because I often wonder if saying too much can be bad. Like will I plant an idea in his mind? I never know if that is a danger. But then I think if he is faced with a situation and knows nothing, that can't be good either.

I've wondered that too, but I don't think so. Imagine if he sees it in front him-how might he react? What if it's offered up (or pills at a friends house, or a drink at a sleepover)? Will he know WHY he's supposed to "just say no"?

 

One of the most powerful things my drivers Ed teacher did was make us look at a car that had been in an accident due to drunk driving. It was, of course, completely totaled. The place in the windshield was specifically pointed out as the place where the drivers head went through--it was an image I never forgot. I've already told DS that in high school I would insist on driving my friends when we would go out, because whereas I hoped I could trust them, I KNEW I could trust me to be sober and safe. DS very much believes, at this time any way, that he will do the same.

 

When DS was very young, I remember reading how it's never too early to start the conversations, but I couldn't imagine how with a preschooler. Then we moved to a place where everyone smoked and it grossed him out so much I found my opportunity. Although it made me sad at the time--he was only 5--in the long run I think it's good. We don't dwell on it, of course, but knowledge is power, you know? My parents never talked to me either, and boy was that a mistake.

[Farrar]

The degrees of bad thing is where I think public school drug education often goes really wrong - by putting all illegal drugs into a single, bad category. But the truth is that alcohol can also be dangerous (heck, caffeine isn't terrible, but can also be not great for you sometimes). And on the other side, marijuana isn't terribly addictive, and there are other illegal drugs that don't usually lead to addiction. All drugs have dangers. But they're not the same dangers. I think it's important for kids to know what's so dangerous about them more individually.

[*Jessica*]

Frequent conversations are good, but I would definitely make sure he watches videos/movies. Seeing what these drugs can do is so much more powerful than just hearing about it.

[Lanny]

Possibly have him watch some real life stories on YouTube about how it destroyed the lives of real people? Heroin is WAY BEYOND anything else.  When I was a young boy, in CA, they sent people to Federal Prison for Heroin (my mother had a friend who lived a few blocks from us, whose daughter went to the Federal Pen. in Lexington KY for Heroin).  I believe, unless they have changed the laws, that the penalties for Heroin in the USA are much more severe than for Cocaine and other drugs. Heroin is THE number one concern of voters in NH at this time.  I believe you should (if you haven't already) discuss what you saw on TV with your DS. He is probably well aware of it. Hopefully, he will NEVER TRY illegal drugs of any kind. Heroin destroys faster than other  drugs.  Sick people do drugs. For years, we knew an American man here who had been into Cocaine when he lived in the states. For him, it was easier to give up Cocaine than to stop smoking cigarettes.  I don't think one can give up Heroin that easily...  I think you should have a friendly, low stress, conversation with your DS about illegal drugs, because it has become "normal" for many people in the USA/Canada/Europe to use illegal drugs.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

The degrees of bad thing is where I think public school drug education often goes really wrong - by putting all illegal drugs into a single, bad category. But the truth is that alcohol can also be dangerous (heck, caffeine isn't terrible, but can also be not great for you sometimes). And on the other side, marijuana isn't terribly addictive, and there are other illegal drugs that don't usually lead to addiction. All drugs have dangers. But they're not the same dangers. I think it's important for kids to know what's so dangerous about them more individually.

 

Yeah health education when I was in school was pretty lame.  Not that I have any magical ideas for making it better, but it often felt overly clinical.  How well does a 14 year old relate to clinical?  KWIM?

[Nan in Mass]

I think the point about it feeling good is a good one. I know what kept me from drinking and running around in cars or going to bashes where everyone was drunk or doing drugs - compared to the other parties and excitements in my life, theose things looked totally stupid. While my friends were creating their own excitement with near misses getting caught drinking or speeding, I was freezing on the bow of a small sailboat, fighting throwing up and being bounced off, trying to find lobster pots with the flashlight so we didn,t wrap up our propeller and have to go for a chilly dark swim with a knife in between our teeth. The "family" parties I went to involved great storytelling of wild adventures, lots of live music that we could participate in, and really interesting characters. If I,d wanted to drink, I could have. My friends' drunken bashes were really boring by comparison. Something we,ve done is try to give our teens REAL exciting things to do, travel, adventures, physical thrills like skiing... We,ve said these things were only possible if they were sensible about drugs. I think boredom is a huge enemy. Boredom and fear of a boring, hard adult future.

 

My husband says that the reason he didn,t try cocain in college was because one of his older brothers tried it, found it really scarily fun, and then made his younger brothers promise not to even try it, saying it was a trap. So yah, talking about how fun it is can be a good idea. It can work. But I think the message probably has to come from someone that the young person knows is open minded and experienced with the current state of affairs, someone they know and trust to be not a play-it-safe person. I think you lose that position as parents if you caution about common things everyone does, like alcohol and pot. We want to convey where the absolutely-not-worth-the risk line is. Alcohol and pot are not on the other side of that line for most adults.

 

We talked (and still talk) about risk assessment. We point out that there are two factors when assessing a risk. One is how likely it is that something bad is going to happen. The other is how bad the bad is. If the likelyhood is low and the bad is small, then the risk is not a bad one. If the likelyhood is high and the bad is small enough, then the risk is ok. If the likelyhood is low and the bad is bad, better not do it, even though it probably won,t happen. If the likelyhood is high and the bad is very bad, then absolutely avoid. It would be best to prove to your teen that heroin is in that last catagory, but teens being notoriously indestructable, you might have to settle for trying to get them to realize that a low likelyhood - very bad bad is also something worth avoiding.

 

OP - You could start your discussion by announcing that today you are going to teach risk management. That is something adults have to do at work, so it is a good thing to teach, anyway, and you can pull in lots of other obviously stupid things that of course your child is not going to do as well, which might allow you to discuss drugs without it appearing that you distrust your child,s judgement. You could include the information that there are things that make it hard to make good risk assessments, like alcohol, peer pressure, and being in transition - changing jobs, relationship break-ups, leaving the familiar (to go to college), etc. I think it is especially important to talk about transitions. When the big transitions come, like going to college, you feel lost, bored until you get caught up in your new life, unhappy. There is a new set of rules that have to be learned, which means figuring out which things are still dangerous but which are not anymore. A lot of that you have to figure out by trial and error. Some risks have changed. Whereas when you were living at home, if you got very drunk the likelyhood of getting caught was high and the results were very unpleasant if you were, now the likelyhood of getting caught is low and the results not as devastating. The risk assessment for heroin remains the same. All that takes some figuring out. Risk assessment is important.

 

My grandparents told there children that they would come get them if they called, no questions asked, ever, no reprocussions. My parent told me that, growing up. We,ve told our children. Our children have used it, too, to get out of a sticky social situation or when they,d misjudged and don,t want to drive. We lent our cars willingly on the theory that we,d rather they be doing the driving if there is drinking happening, and to give them the freedom to escape easily if a situation goes bad. It has saved them a number of times.

 

Scary stuff.

 

Nan

[Katy]

I think it's also important to talk about the need for social connections. Some research is showing that addictions don't seem to take when you have a stimulating life and aren't feeling isolated.

[DesertBlossom]

My kids are 10 and under and we've had conversations about drugs and how they can be addicting and dangerous. Even cigarettes and how someone who just wants to try it out may find themself battling an addiction for the rest of their lives.

 

I read "Why Gender Matters" and the author talked about how for boys, sometimes the danger is the appealing part. Boys are drawn to do stupid, crazy things. (Ever notice almost all the youtube "fail" videos are guys trying stupid stunts? Lol!) He said for boys sometimes you have to have a different conversation besides the inherent danger of drugs and alcohol. He suggested more of a "if you do it, here are the privileges that will be taken away, etc." Instead of just "you might do something stupid" it's a "you will definitely not have car privileges anymore" kind of thing. I would probably only have that conversation with an older kid who could actually be faced with an opportunity to try drugs, but I thought it was interesting that he felt the different genders benefitted from different conversations.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think it's also important to talk about the need for social connections. Some research is showing that addictions don't seem to take when you have a stimulating life and aren't feeling isolated.

 

Yeah this is a difficult one. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My kids are 10 and under and we've had conversations about drugs and how they can be addicting and dangerous. Even cigarettes and how someone who just wants to try it out may find themself battling an addiction for the rest of their lives.

 

I read "Why Gender Matters" and the author talked about how for boys, sometimes the danger is the appealing part. Boys are drawn to do stupid, crazy things. (Ever notice almost all the youtube "fail" videos are guys trying stupid stunts? Lol!) He said for boys sometimes you have to have a different conversation besides the inherent danger of drugs and alcohol. He suggested more of a "if you do it, here are the privileges that will be taken away, etc." Instead of just "you might do something stupid" it's a "you will definitely not have car privileges anymore" kind of thing. I would probably only have that conversation with an older kid who could actually be faced with an opportunity to try drugs, but I thought it was interesting that he felt the different genders benefitted from different conversations.

 

This is something that I don't quite grasp to be honest.  It might be though that my kid is not stereotypical in his behavior.

 

I've never been a guy either. 

[MEmama]

This is something that I don't quite grasp to be honest. It might be though that my kid is not stereotypical in his behavior.

 

I've never been a guy either.

Yeah, that wouldn't resonate with my son either. I think if she had said there are different conversations for different personalities, it would make more sense.

 

(Mine isn't stereotypical either, but I don't generally agree with gender arguments)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah, that wouldn't resonate with my son either. I think if she had said there are different conversations for different personalities, it would make more sense.

 

(Mine isn't stereotypical either, but I don't generally agree with gender arguments)

 

Ok good.  Thought I was just odd.  Or we might both be odd.  LOL

 

Even my husband.  He is not a thrill seeker. 

[Acorn]

Adults need to be more aware of this epidemic too. Locally a young child was pricked by a used needle that had been left in a hotel room.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Adults need to be more aware of this epidemic too. Locally a young child was pricked by a used needle that had been left in a hotel room.

 

That's awful.

 

Few years ago a woman in one of our homeschool groups made her kids pick up trash at local parks.  That was her idea of community service.  Nice, but dangerous. And her kids were little. 

 

I have yet to encounter needles at the park, but I've seen lots of baggies. 

Edited February 5, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn

[Acorn]

dp

Edited February 5, 2016 by Acorn

[MEmama]

My kids are 10 and under and we've had conversations about drugs and how they can be addicting and dangerous. Even cigarettes and how someone who just wants to try it out may find themself battling an addiction for the rest of their lives.

 

.

I kinda think that idea can do a disservice, though. Truthfully nearly anyone can try a cigarette and not get addicted; usually that takes some effort. And kids will know this to be true, so likening trying a smoke with being as dangerous as shooting up will make you look somewhat dishonest or not to be taken seriously. Teenagers need to know their adults will be frank with them. I don't think most will trust comments like that.

[MEmama]

Ok good. Thought I was just odd. Or we might both be odd. LOL

 

Even my husband. He is not a thrill seeker.

I generally agree with you, and our boys sound like they'd get along just fine, so I'm thinking we are all odd. :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

I kinda think that idea can do a disservice, though. Truthfully nearly anyone can try a cigarette and not get addicted; usually that takes some effort. And kids will know this to be true, so likening trying a smoke with being as dangerous as shooting up will make you look somewhat dishonest or not to be taken seriously. Teenagers need to know their adults will be frank with them. I don't think most will trust comments like that.

 

Yes so true.  I've tried cigarettes.  I didn't get addicted.  Not that I want to encourage my kids to try them!

 

I'd be WAY less concerned over my kids trying pot verses trying heroin.  Again,not that I want them to try pot.

 

I guess I just want to be honest.  What if, for example, they try pot and think this isn't the scary instantly addictive thing mom told us it was.  So what else is mom exaggerating? 

 

No clue if they would think that.  My parents told me stuff that ultimately I discovered was a major exaggeration. 

[Nan in Mass]

My boys are older (28-21). The boys=danger thing, I think, is probably meant for older boys. My little ones were exceedingly cautious until they were teenagers. Then they liked excitement and thrills, but not necessarily danger for danger,s sake. They did some wild things (I shudder to think about the jumps they flipped and twisted over on their snowboards) but it was the challenge they liked and the physical thrill, not the danger. I think probably it is as much personality as gender, anyway. The fastest way to get my mother in law to do something is to tell her she can,t. There,s a personality I am thankful mine didn,t inherit. It would make those drug discussions really difficult. Although the risk assessment approach might work.

 

Nan

Edited February 5, 2016 by Nan in Mass

[AnnE-girl]

A few years ago I found a syringe and a burnt spoon in the street two blocks from our house. Our neighborhood is a mix of starter houses and rentals in a generally nice, fairly affluent town. Heroin is still a problem. My high school classmate's little brother died of a heroin overdose a few years ago. He went to one of the wealthiest high schools in the state. My oldest is only 9, but heroin terrifies me.

 

Our local newspaper did a series about the epidemic a few years ago, and several of the young addicts they profiled (living and dead) started using heroin after getting addicted to narcotic painkillers that were prescribed for surgery or other injuries. They weren't kids looking for trouble or out partying. That scares me even more.

 

I have talked to my kids about drugs and alcohol use, but not specifically about the more dangerous drugs. They learned what marijuana was from a police dog demonstration at our library. We have wine and beer and the occasional cocktail at home and when out for dinner, but they know that too much can be dangerous. I do think that the way I was taught in school that lumped all drugs and alcohol into the same dangerous category was probably one of the greatest failings of D.A.R.E. DS loves to read the newspaper in the morning and I think I'll use that to my advantage to start more conversations when there's something about drugs in the police blotter. I'm also praying a whole lot.