Shannon in TN Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 OK, I don't know where else to post this, but I gotta get something off my chest, and I didn't really feel like I should post it to Facebook. I've just turned 44 and in the last month, lost my middle school bestie to illness (who I sadly lost contact with shortly after college, until I found her on FB), and then just found out that I lost another high school friend to cancer two days ago. For some reason, these have hit me fairly hard, even though I haven't really been in contact with them for the last 20 or more years. My friend with cancer was actually more of a friend of a friend, but I'd always liked him - he was one of those cool guys that everyone liked. I guess I've hit that age where people I know will start to move on, but it just doesn't seem right, kwim? It's also making me regret not pursuing old friendships harder, or keeping up with people who meant something to me in the past. I know that it's natural for people to come in and out of our lives, but I wonder about what would have been different had I been in touch Melanie better? I look at my DD and her middle school bestie and it makes me smile and think about what it was like in middle school for me. Then it makes me sad and wonder if they'll still maintain their friendship or will they drift apart as Melanie and I did. At least I know that both friends were surrounded by people that loved them and cared for them. I found out that Charles battled cancer for 3 years, so at least now he's at peace. He was a musician and someone had posted a pic from one of his last days with hospice surrounded by friends playing music (and he had a set of little bongos on his lap - I have no idea what they are called). I'm so thankful these people were surrounded by love and people who cared, but it still makes me sad. Sorry for being such a downer... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I'm sorry for your losses and it is a good reminder that so many relationships are precious and worthwhile things to maintain. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 :grouphug: I am so sorry for your loss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Well, one of my friends died of lung cancer on my 40th birthday. So I kinda know how you feel. No, it isn't fair. No, there probably wasn't anything you could have done to change anything. It does kind of encourage one to live in the moment and be present for the people in your life presently. But you can't be all things to all people. Just do what feels right and try not to worry about what else you might have done. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 :grouphug: I'm in my 40's, too, and I lost three friends last year, all in their 40's. It was a brutal year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I'm so sorry. I lost a friend recently and suddenly. She's on a group contact list. When I email that group, hers bounces back now. It's silly, but I just can't delete her contact yet. Instead I just get choked up when I need to generate a group email. It's sad and unfair and I miss her and her four children are devastated. It sucks. I wish I'd made the effort to see her more often. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 :grouphug: A friends young son 14 died a little more than a year ago. I didn't know him and was only an acquaintance of the friend at the time but it really impacted me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I am sorry. It stinks to know people who die, especially at a young age. I am usually the one in the group who stays in touch. I went to boarding school overseas (American boarding school) and most of us live in the USA now. Long before internet days, I was the letter writer, the social one, the one to keep the group together. I would even find ways to fly to see them when I was still single and they were married and started having families. It came around to full circle when I started having babies and theirs were old enough to stay home so they flew to see me! Now, 30 years later, my best friends from boarding school are still my best friends.......but I thank God now for internet, cell phones, unlimited talk and text, etc... All that to say that maybe your children WILL still have those friends later in life. You don't have to lose touch, especially with today's technology. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I still think almost daily about my close friend who died suddenly in 1992 at age 34. And not as frequently, but I still remember a high school friend who died of cancer in her early 30's. She and I had lost touch after high school, then reunited briefly when her older sister and I had a college class together. Within a few weeks of our getting back in touch, she was gone. Yes, it's hard. But even knowing that, it's still hard to keep in touch. I have three long-term friends in my life now, but our communication is sporadic. Our lives turned out so differently. We still care for each other but when we talk, there is just not much to say after we give updates on our lives. I will encourage my kids to do a better job than I did of keeping in close touch with old friends, and to cherish those friendship, but also to recognize that long-term friendships may not work out the way we'd like, if people change a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Speaking of which. My sister is 47 and I just found out she had a heart attack. Not sure how serious as she didn't go to the doctor until 2 days later. But yeah. I have to admit it is shocking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon in TN Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I think part of the biggest shocker about it all is that I don't feel all *that* old. In my head, I'm still early 30s :lol:. My dad has lost several of his friends, but when you're in your 60s and 70s, it's more common to lose friends. It doesn't seem to make sense for me at my current age to lose those close in age to me. Not yet. Maybe it's that sense of mortality that's bugging me, too. We're not guaranteed tomorrow, but I sure do act like it'll always be there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I understand. My best friend from high school passed away a few years ago before she turned 50. We'd been in close contact for all of those years, except for a few where I couldn't deal with certain choices she made as a result of her alcoholism. In the past two years, I've had two very close friends at the age of 50 going through cancer and chemo, both with kids the same age as mine. This past week, a cousin was diagnosed with stage IV colorectal cancer. I was also hit very hard when I found out that an old work friend passed. There was a lot of romantic interest between us over the time we worked together, but we were never single at the same time. I always imagined him living a long life, and I knew that he could have been my husband. I cried for months off and on over that one. It's always such a shock to hear of anything happening to someone you consider young or healthy. My heart grieves so for their families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 (edited) A few years ago, I was bedridden as I recovered from a medical issue. That gave me a lot of time to surf the web. I looked up my first steady boyfriend and discovered that he had just died of cancer. Sadly, his wife had also died of cancer about 6 months previous to his death. They left behind two young adult children. I was heartbroken. I had not spoken to him for decades, but the grief I felt was shocking. Not only because I knew him, but because the circumstances were so very tragic. And then, on top of that, I was shocked that I was so shocked and affected by it. One just doesn't expect to receive this sort of news about a peer in the first half-century of life; it's something that belongs to the gray-haired years, yeah? Edited February 6, 2016 by Seasider 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Speaking of which. My sister is 47 and I just found out she had a heart attack. Not sure how serious as she didn't go to the doctor until 2 days later. But yeah. I have to admit it is shocking. I find it shocking also- I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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