Does your brain meander? Can you shut it off?

[BlsdMama]

I'm wondering if there is some kind of skill?  I know that as I get older, I tend to be more within myself. I don't consider it a good thing.  I need to be more outside of myself, having cute little conversations, talking as I go.  

 

I used to be this way.

I have a very hard time shutting down my brain and just being very present in the place I am with the people I am with.  

 

Hints? Tips?  I don't know what has changed in that I know I used to be one way, I think that is the better way to be, and yet I am struggling to do that.

[creekland]

My brain meanders often.  It all depends upon how interesting what I'm doing is and how much stuff there is to meander with.

 

A boring movie, sermon, or task?  I'm definitely meandering anywhere from what I want to do later that day to upcoming trips to recent conversations to health issues (mine or others'), etc.  There are a million pathways that meandering could take.  My brain is bored and it's amusing itself!

 

Given something more stimulating - movie, sermon, task or travel, then my mind is in the present.

 

I don't mind a mix.  If my brain is caught up meandering on negative things, I will actively look for real distractions to stop the process.  "Actively look" can be an important part of that sentence.

 

With people, the same applies.  If they are repeating the same thing over and over for the gazillionth time or going on and on about something detailed I know nothing about, my mind is tuned out.  If I'm meeting a good friend - or a new friend - and there's interesting or fun conversation I'm not meandering mentally.

[mom2bee]

I find it helpful to repeat something that a person has said to me. Then maybe summarize what they said in sentence form, under my breath.

 

[SKL]

My brain is a constantly flowing stream of consciousness.  For better or worse.

 

I have a friend who says she often isn't thinking anything.  Now that is something I could not do.

 

I have always been this way.  In primary school, I'd get in trouble for daydreaming.  It's just part of who I am.

 

When I really have to focus to meet a work deadline or the like, then I can sort of drown it out until I get my stuff done.

[Miss Mousie]

My brain is a constantly flowing stream of consciousness.  For better or worse.

 

I have a friend who says she often isn't thinking anything.  Now that is something I could not do.

 

 

I'm like this, too.  My brain NEVER takes a breather!   It begins before I even open my eyes in the morning.  

 

And when there aren't explicit thoughts running through my mind, it's two or three lines of some stupid song... over and over. 

 

I find it incomprehensible that some people have times of not thinking *anything.*

[Lawana]

I have recently started trying to do something about that, using this book. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1577314808?keywords=the%20power%20of%20now&qid=1454355968&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

 

Thank you to whoever posted it here.

[Katy]

nm

Edited July 22, 2016 by Katy

[J-rap]

For me, my life has changed so much in recent years that I seem to meander a lot as a result, trying to figure out which way is up.  It's sooo hard to focus.

 

What has helped is to have a full day with something outside of my normal environment, even lunch with a friend.  Maybe it's enough to pull me out of of my daily circumstances that it then pushes me back into them again with a different attitude, one where focusing comes more easily.

[TravelingChris]

I am ADHD so my mind wanders all the time except when I am hyperfocusing. Hyoerfocusing is what got me through school with good grades.  If I had had ADHD without the accompanying trait of hyperfocus, I wouldn't have made it.

[madteaparty]

Yes, and it's never good, meaning it is always related to my anxiety. For example parents of DS's friend put DS'sfriend on the bus from NYC to our rural area for some skiing and such. By himself, couple hrs drive, we pick him up at station. They also let their kids fly alone internationally each single summer etc. Kid is 12 now, wait just turned 13.

Last time this kid did this, the return bus broke down and had a much longer trip home. When we put him on the bus back, I was freaking out worrying about it, just growing thru the scenarios. When the parents texted me that they had him, I said something to the effect, well that went better than last time. They had completely forgotten and did not worry at all. I admire the skill. I had a really hard time when my DS was away for a semester in France. I mean, I do these things anyway, but at great mental cost to myself...

[Reefgazer]

Yes, I meander all the time.  I don't want to shut it off; it's when I am most creative.

[Guest]

Uh no. The only time my brain "wanders" is when other people butt into my bubble and then I HAVE to wander to whatever they're talking about/doing. They wander into my train of thought.

 

I suggest a re-framing of the issue :)

Edited February 2, 2016 by OKBud

[BlsdMama]

Yes, and it's never good, meaning it is always related to my anxiety. For example parents of DS's friend put DS'sfriend on the bus from NYC to our rural area for some skiing and such. By himself, couple hrs drive, we pick him up at station. They also let their kids fly alone internationally each single summer etc. Kid is 12 now, wait just turned 13.

Last time this kid did this, the return bus broke down and had a much longer trip home. When we put him on the bus back, I was freaking out worrying about it, just growing thru the scenarios. When the parents texted me that they had him, I said something to the effect, well that went better than last time. They had completely forgotten and did not worry at all. I admire the skill. I had a really hard time when my DS was away for a semester in France. I mean, I do these things anyway, but at great mental cost to myself...

 

 

I think meander must have been the wrong word.  I should have chosen more carefully.  I am struggling keeping my mind in the present.  But not in a daydreaming way, exactly.  More of a play of conversations, a replay, or what if.....  

 

An, "I should have said this to x" and if I had then x scenarios could have played out.  I notice I do it when I'm struggling. Like right now, with the twins dying, I run over a thousand scenarios of the "right" thing to say to each person and I'm mentally e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.

 

I have always been a little scatterbrained.  I think I am the original "squirrel" mama. ;)  But mostly I can just stay present where I'm at and interact with the people in my house.  I find myself more lost in my head these days, worrying, playing out scenarios, conversations, "fixing" things in my mind rather than interacting.  But I'm not sure how to shut it off.   I've become deeply... introspective?  I don't like it.

[zoobie]

Yes. ADHD. Squirrel.

 

Sleep is the only time mine shuts down (-ish, depending on crazy dreams) or when I'm hyperfocusing on a good book.

 

Maybe a couple of glasses of wine, a relaxation cd, noise-cancelling headphones, a good book to get you out of that cycle? You may need to keep processing it, but at some point it becomes unhealthy and unproductive. :grouphug: Oh, running works for my DH and some friends. Hard exercise or yoga?

[Katy]

I think meander must have been the wrong word.  I should have chosen more carefully.  I am struggling keeping my mind in the present.  But not in a daydreaming way, exactly.  More of a play of conversations, a replay, or what if.....  

 

An, "I should have said this to x" and if I had then x scenarios could have played out.  I notice I do it when I'm struggling. Like right now, with the twins dying, I run over a thousand scenarios of the "right" thing to say to each person and I'm mentally e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.

 

I have always been a little scatterbrained.  I think I am the original "squirrel" mama. ;)  But mostly I can just stay present where I'm at and interact with the people in my house.  I find myself more lost in my head these days, worrying, playing out scenarios, conversations, "fixing" things in my mind rather than interacting.  But I'm not sure how to shut it off.   I've become deeply... introspective?  I don't like it.

 

There is no right thing to say.  Just say, "I'm so sorry," bring food, and offer to do whatever you see that needs to be done.  Does a sibling need to go to the zoo & get away from grief?  Offer that.   Is the laundry piling up?  Offer to come over and clean and do laundry.  Offer something concrete, not something vague.

[BlsdMama]

There is no right thing to say.  Just say, "I'm so sorry," bring food, and offer to do whatever you see that needs to be done.  Does a sibling need to go to the zoo & get away from grief?  Offer that.   Is the laundry piling up?  Offer to come over and clean and do laundry.  Offer something concrete, not something vague.

 

 

Yeah.... I've been doing a lot of talking with her.  It's more than that... It's the BIG questions that are rough on me right now.  It's the remembering of Hannah's death.  It's worry, anxiety, dealing with our loss in December, this big loss of the twins, watching her suffer through infertility, and dealing with life right now when I just want to hibernate.  It's better today.  Maybe going through the funeral and getting back to life will help.  

 

I'm thinking a lot of music.  A lot.  And boardgames.  Keeping the mind busy, yeah?

[BlsdMama]

I think you are talking about rumination, OP.

 

Meds and meditation.

 

 

Rumination.... Yes, exactly that.  Chew, swallow, burp it all back up, and chew over it slowly... again.  And then again.  And then again.  Sigh.  

[creekland]

Yes, I meander all the time.  I don't want to shut it off; it's when I am most creative.

 

Ditto.  Since I'm just watching a student teacher today, my mind is wandering a ton!

 

 Like right now, with the twins dying, I run over a thousand scenarios of the "right" thing to say to each person and I'm mentally e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.

 

This will mess with anyone's mind.  It's a huge stress on the brain.

 

Yeah.... I've been doing a lot of talking with her.  It's more than that... It's the BIG questions that are rough on me right now.  It's the remembering of Hannah's death.  It's worry, anxiety, dealing with our loss in December, this big loss of the twins, watching her suffer through infertility, and dealing with life right now when I just want to hibernate.  It's better today.  Maybe going through the funeral and getting back to life will help.  

 

I'm thinking a lot of music.  A lot.  And boardgames.  Keeping the mind busy, yeah?

 

Yes, be kind to yourself and let your brain heal from everything that has shocked it.  Don't be too hard on yourself with replaying what you wish you'd said or done. That is part of the brain being creative.  It gets more stressed now since it knows the situation is more important and wants to get things right.  Running practice drills or learning from experiences is part of its job.

 

Understanding what is going on can make it easier to deal with mentally - and easier for you to allow yourself to take breaks with music, board games, travel, discussions with others, or anything else that your brain likes.

 

It also helps to remember there isn't really anything you've done wrong.  Even if in hindsight you wished you'd said something else or did something else, you're brain is learning and doing ok.

 

:grouphug:

[Sugarfoot]

I have recently started trying to do something about that, using this book. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1577314808?keywords=the%20power%20of%20now&qid=1454355968&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

 

Thank you to whoever posted it here.

 

THIS BOOK! is on my list of life-changers, and I don't say that lightly.  I am calmer, more creative and more content having put this into practice. 

 

 

This one is the one to read after the book above, but truly you could just choose one, and the benefits would be so, so worth it. 

http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpose-Selection/dp/0452289963/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454947056&sr=8-1&keywords=ekhart+tolle+new+earth