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mom2bee

Am I Being Unreasonable here?

  

197 members have voted

  1. 1. Is it petty for me to want my pencil back?

    • Yes, but only a little petty.
      16
    • Yes, and VERY petty, just let it go.
      5
    • Nah, kind of childish of you, but it is yours...
      27
    • Heck no! I'd want *my* pencil back to
      149


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I absolutely love this purple pencil.

Ask for it back. I've had pens like that and I'd have been really ticked if someone didn't return them after I had explained how much I like them.

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I would ask for it back, but also, I learned not to be too quick to lend out things unless I would also be comfortable giving them away. I leant a parenting book to a friend once, telling her I really liked that book a lot and I hoped she understood this was a BORROW, not a give and I wanted it back. I did follow through with pestering her about it, but she got huffy that I was making such a big deal over the book. It is also not the sole experience I have had with "lending" only to be consumed with regret, so I am very reluctant to lend now anything that matters to me.

 

That said, probably ask once, if she acts "forgetful", move on to the other pencils in the pack and keep a crappy, gnawed-on dentist-office pencil with a bent eraser on you as a loaner. ;)

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I'd ask for it back, and buy another one so I'd have a spare. I also would make a pact with myself not to lend anyone anything that means a lot to me, period. My philosophy on lending things is simple. I do not expect to get the item back, although I would be delighted if I did, so I only lend things that I am willing and able to freely give. This includes money.

Yup. Exactly this. I have had my guts twisted in anxiety enough times over my loaned stuff that mattered to me, this has become my policy, too. If it comes back home to me, awesome. If not, well I wasn't that interested in it and was considering giving it away.

 

P.S. I don't mean the homeschooler who is borrowing my microscope this year. I don't mean you, should you happen to read this. I want that back end of school year. ;)

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I have special pencils for ds that I don't want him to lend at school so I put "run of the mill" pencils in his bag too that he can just give to any student who asks to borrow one :tongue_smilie:

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I am also willing to get you a replacement (or a spare) of that special purple pencil & mail it to you (no charge). We use a lot of mechanical pencils at my house & the .9 leads are better for my hard-pushing boys than the .7 ones that the girls use. So, I could always use a few more (non-purple) ones. PM me if you are interested & I'll get on it.

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This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves in life:  people who DO NOT RETURN STUFF!  ARGH!

 

Please, if you borrow it, return it!  Why is that such a hard concept?  It's completely RUDE to borrow something and not return it as soon as you are done with it.  It's not yours.  Give it back.

 

And, I hate to say it, but I've been burned so many times by lending out some of my favorite things and then never seeing them again that I am very hesitant about lending out anything nowadays.

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Good gracious! Just ask for it back. She probably just forgot. If she's lost it, then is the time to let it go. 

 

I didn't vote because all the answers made it sound like a bigger deal than I think it is. I think it's very minor and all the worrying about whether you should ask is blowing it up. :) 

Edited by Laurie4b
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Would love to get you an extra set, so, even if you get it back you'll have a spare. We are all entitled to a favorite pencil :) Please pm me and let me know if that'd be OK and what's the best way to go about it (buying them and having them shipped to you, send you the money through PayPal?)

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Absolutely ask for it back. You even told her that it was your favorite pencil. She should have taken better care, how rude! 

 

Also, I never lend out something I am not willing to give. I would have told her no, sorry, you don't have a pencil available for her to borrow.

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I went to 2 walmarts and a walgreens yesterday and didn't see another pack of the pencils so I'm definitely going to ask for mine back when I see her.

 

I'll tell you guys which pencil it is, but I feel silly that it is not some awesome, expensive or rare pencil. Its a Purple Bic Velocity Mechanical Pencil. Thick, 0.9 lead. Its purple and I love it. It was the only purple mechanical pencil on the shelves when I bought the pack, and I only bought the pack because it had the purple pencil in it.

 

I wanted that purple pencil. :blush:

 

I have a pink pen with purple ink. No one is allowed to use my pink pen with purple ink. I carry an extra pen in case someone needs a writing utensil.

 

I hear you.

 

I get it.

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OK, three things:

 

1.  I would totally buy it from Amazon and ship it to you bc I get it!!!  Which brings me to #2

 

2.  I totally get it.  I can't stand when people "borrow" things and don't return them, especially after they are told that the item means something to the lender.  I would rather someone said "hey, do you have a X I can have" bc then I can just give it to them and forget about it vs "hey, can I borrow an X" and then I never see it again, but it leaves me annoyed.  Even if it's a minor annoyance, but still.

 

3.  Now I want this pencil.  Then again, I want 99% of all office supplies that I see.

 

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I would go up to her with another color pencil and ask her if you can trade her for you purple pencil.  You made a point to make sure she knew you wanted it back, so it really shouldn't be odd that you ask for it back. 

 

I think that you are justified to ask for it it back, but since it is just a pencil (assuming it is not an $8 pencil, and a pack of 4 is over $20) it will look a bit petty. If you have any art supply or drafting stores in your area, they often sell mechanical pencils in singles.  You might be able to buy just your favorite color that way.  :0) 

Edited by Tap

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I'd ask for it back for sure. I'm super petty, it wouldn't even be about the pencil to me, but (kindly) laying a boundary line with that person.

 

On that note, I bought my kids a couple of their favourite pencils for Christmas ($5 each! Plus shipping!), those are nice pencils...

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I would ask if you can borrow her pencil since you don't have one. Keep the pencil. The next day ask to borrow her pencil since you forgot hers at home. Keep the pencil. Rinse and repeat. Eventually you should get yours back.

 

p.s. I have a favourite purple pencil too :) No, people can not borrow it.

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Op, did you get your pencil back yet?

No, not yet.

I haven't seen her. I saw her Tues-Friday last week, so I should see her tomorrow or Wednesday?

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ooooh! We have thos pencils!  I would have never let her borrow it in the first place.  Diamond (20), BabyBaby (14), and I are very picky, too- and none of us can afford to just hand out expensive (to us) pencils.

 

BTW, Amazon sells them in a 12-pack, all teal, for $10.99. I wonder if you find them on the BIC website if they sell 12-packs of purple? I did see the 12-packs of purple ink PENS...   :glare:  

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laying a boundary line with that person.

 

It seems excessive to me to be speaking in terms of boundary lines over a pencil.

 

It's a pencil.

 

I try to operate on the principle of "people over things."

 

Yes, the woman should have given it back. Yes, it's fine to ask for it back. But really ... all this fuss and bother over a pencil.

 

It's a pencil.

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It seems excessive to me to be speaking in terms of boundary lines over a pencil.

 

It's a pencil.

 

I try to operate on the principle of "people over things."

 

Yes, the woman should have given it back. Yes, it's fine to ask for it back. But really ... all this fuss and bother over a pencil.

 

It's a pencil.

 

The pencil is the new glass.

 

 

 

 

 

;)

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I saw a package of pencils just like this description today. I noticed the purple one in particular. Very lovely. Cannot hold a candle to a Merido Black Warrior, mind you, but if one likes mechanical pencils, that does seem a nice one.

Edited by Quill

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On that note, I bought my kids a couple of their favourite pencils for Christmas ($5 each! Plus shipping!), those are nice pencils...

I'm feeling slightly ridiculous for how much I spent on the kids' school pencils ($16-$20 each, for Lamy ABC pencils, with a nice 1.4mm lead), but they are nice pencils. Which have designated homes they are carefully kept in whenever not in use (I do let the kids use them outside of school, but I'm paranoid about getting them back). There's no way I'm lending one of those out.

 

I used to keep cheap pens in my bag to lend/give, so as not to risk my beloved RSVP pens. In the OP's shoes I'd probably have kept mum about the pencil and offered one of the pens instead. But, yeah, I'd politely ask for it back.

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I don't know, reading these boards I wonder if I'm especially confrontational or something. Maybe I'm a brute who lacks refined social graces, but if I felt this much about the pencil then I'd have waltzed right up to her the next day and said "Hey, colleague, where is my special purple pencil? You know the one that I *told you* was very special to me and that I'd want it back? Yeah, that one. Oh, you forgot it at home today? No problem, can you please bring it tomorrow? Thanks."

 

I'd be mad if she'd lost my special favorite pencil, but I wouldn't have a visible negative reaction to it.

 

The way that I see it, its my bloody pencil, it was a loan given in good faith not a gift given out of love. You have the right to expect it back.

 

I think I was you most of my life - just take the bull by the horns.  It really is the best way to be in life - not confrontational, just head on.  I honestly think forums broke me.  

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Oh it's not petty at all.

 

Graduate school... We were marking up our parts prior to a rehearsal and I loaned my delightful 4 dollar mechanical pencil to a cellist friend.  

 

Yes, he walked off with my pencil.  

 

I have vivid recollection of this day -- almost 15 years later!  

 

Never again!  It wasn't just a pencil.  For me, it was THE PENCIL.  

 

In the grand scheme, your colleague needed "just a pencil."  You didn't have one of those.  :)  

 

 

 

  

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It seems excessive to me to be speaking in terms of boundary lines over a pencil.

 

It's a pencil.

 

I try to operate on the principle of "people over things."

 

Yes, the woman should have given it back. Yes, it's fine to ask for it back. But really ... all this fuss and bother over a pencil.

 

It's a pencil.

True, I take your point and agree.

I just don't think boundaries equals fuss or stuff over relationship. Good fences make good neighbours and all that...

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No, not yet.

I haven't seen her. I saw her Tues-Friday last week, so I should see her tomorrow or Wednesday?

 

So... any update?  Curious minds would love to know!

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If you get the pencil back, can you change the title to say UPDATE in thread ##? I just have to know what went down with this pencil!

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You're allowed to be as petty as you like regarding your own property, providing that your pettiness is not actually harming other people. This is your pencil, you like it, it's not a life and death issue that this person MUST use your pencil - so yeah, ask for it back!

 

(Unless you think that asking will permanently damage your working relationship, in which case suck it up and resolve never to lend that woman anything of value ever again.)

 

And for the record, all my office supplies and most of my books are carefully labelled with the inscription "mine". If I lend them out, I go pick them up before sunset, reading aloud "MINE" as I do so. Funnily enough, nobody in my family borrows stuff off of me anymore. I wonder why?

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Update:

 

I spoke to her in the lab and asked for my pencil back on Tuesday Feb 2. She was like, "Oh yeah, I still have it. I was using it just the other day, hold on" then she looked through her bag but couldn't find it on her person. She said "I definitely didn't lose it, I was literally using it just yesterday" and I asked her to bring it next time. She said "sure, yeah."

I commented that it might seem silly, but its my favorite pencil and I actually want it back.

She says: "Girl please, it is a nice pencil, I'd be getting mine back if I were you. I'll bring back for sure."

 

That was Feb 2. I haven't seen her since then!

 

I think that the pencil is lost to me. :(.

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Bummer.

 

I hope you can find it again and buy a couple for your stockpile. I would never, ever, let anyone near my awesome, purple pencil again.

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I am wondering if she lost it and doesn't want to admit it, or if she feels a bit entitled and doesn't sense any need to actually return it, since it is "just a pencil," despite verbally agreeing with your position.

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Do you think you'll see her today since it's a Tuesday?  It's possible she just didn't have it last week and is more aware now...  Hopefully that's the case.  If not, be sure to let us know.

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Update:

 

I spoke to her in the lab and asked for my pencil back on Tuesday Feb 2. She was like, "Oh yeah, I still have it. I was using it just the other day, hold on" then she looked through her bag but couldn't find it on her person. She said "I definitely didn't lose it, I was literally using it just yesterday" and I asked her to bring it next time. She said "sure, yeah."

I commented that it might seem silly, but its my favorite pencil and I actually want it back.

She says: "Girl please, it is a nice pencil, I'd be getting mine back if I were you. I'll bring back for sure."

 

That was Feb 2. I haven't seen her since then!

 

I think that the pencil is lost to me. :(.

 

You may be right. Lesson learned to never lend anything to someone you can't track down and blackmail into giving it back. ;)

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Update:

 

I spoke to her in the lab and asked for my pencil back on Tuesday Feb 2. She was like, "Oh yeah, I still have it. I was using it just the other day, hold on" then she looked through her bag but couldn't find it on her person. She said "I definitely didn't lose it, I was literally using it just yesterday" and I asked her to bring it next time. She said "sure, yeah."

I commented that it might seem silly, but its my favorite pencil and I actually want it back.

She says: "Girl please, it is a nice pencil, I'd be getting mine back if I were you. I'll bring back for sure."

 

That was Feb 2. I haven't seen her since then!

 

I think that the pencil is lost to me. :(.

 

Thought of this thread because a boy in my dd's class borrowed her pencil today and followed her to her next class after he gave it back and wouldn't leave until dd's lab partner called her over and then he finally left.

 

So, this reminded me of your pencil. Any sign of it?

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This thread reminds me of the pen that walked off last year and still irritates me. It wasn't a particularly nice pen nor was it special in any way. BUT, I had used this pen at work every single morning for three years without it ever once being misplaced. I was so proud of that because I typically lose pens all the time. Then one day I called out sick and had a substitute. The next day I went in and my beloved pen was gone. I'm assuming it went home with the sub. That still irks me.

 

I have a beautiful handmade wooden mechanical pen/pencil set that was in the neighborhood of $40 that I would never ever lend to anyone.

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I must have missed this thread last month, but OP, count me as another person who would be happy to search for and mail you a replacement. Do you have an update for us?

 

ETA: I just realized we have a pack of those pencils, but I'm pretty sure the purple one has been used. However, they are probably still available in my neck of the woods.

Edited by MercyA
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I believe that pencil put the magical purple mojo on your coworker, she probably couldn't give it back if she tried.

😨ðŸ“👾

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I've also been thinking about the purple pencil!!! Hope you got it back. If not, hope the Easter Bunny brings you some :)

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