Am I Being Unreasonable here?

[mom2bee]

The other day in the lab, an acquaitance asked if I had a pencil that she could borrow. I had several pens but only my absolute favorite mechanical pencil. Now, I like this pencil, I bought the whole pack of pencils for just *this* pencil because its my favorite color/style and I wanted it.

 

I told her that she could borrow it, but that this was my absolute favorite pencil and please be careful with it and return it later. She was like "Oh yeah, sure, I know. I have a pencil that I love, I always keep it with me except for today..."

 

That was on Tuesday morning. I saw her in the lab or in the hall coming/going by the lab Wed, Thu and Fri. She has not mentioned my pencil. She has not said "Oy! I keep forgetting it, I'll bring it Xday" She just smiles, waves and walks on by, or goes into the lab to work. I want to ask for my pencil back. I actually do love that pencil. I have a pack of pencils just like it (it came in a pack of 4, but I only took out that one pencil)

 

I typically lose pencils and pens, but I haven't lost this one. In fact, I donated about 3 dozen writing instruments to my department at school because now that I have the pencil I don't need all the others.

 

Can I ask her for my pencil back or should I just let it go?

[Mama Geek]

Just let it go and buy another one.  Maybe try to have a spare pencil or 2 to lend out.

[mathmarm]

Can I ask why you want that pencil back, if you have a pack of pencils just like it at home?

 

ETA: Never mind, I get it. That one pencil is the one with the style and color that you wanted.

Edited January 30, 2016 by mathmarm

[marbel]

The woman asked to borrow the pencil, not keep it.  She assured you that she would return it. 

 

Yeah, I think you can ask for it back and not be petty.  Just keep your voice light and a smile on your face and say something like "Hey, good morning... remember that you borrowed my best pencil the other day?  Can I have it back now?"

 

(But I'm also curious how this particular pencil is different from all the pencils in the pack.  I guess I have never come across a pack of pencils where they differed in anything but color.  If it's just your favorite color, I'd be inclined to say you should let it go.)

 

And, if you carry only that one pencil, how did you get your own work done?

[creekland]

I'd ask for it back, nicely, saying something to the effect of what Marbel suggested above.

 

I'd have actually asked for it back before now, but now isn't too late.

 

There's nothing at all petty about it and I wouldn't be offended if I were the person who had borrowed it either.

 

If the pencil isn't around (aka she lost it or whatever), then getting super offended would be petty and the take away would be to never lend your favorite pencil out - keep an extra you don't care about around.

[mom2bee]

 

(But I'm also curious how this particular pencil is different from all the pencils in the pack.  I guess I have never come across a pack of pencils where they differed in anything but color.  If it's just your favorite color, I'd be inclined to say you should let it go.)

 

And, if you carry only that one pencil, how did you get your own work done?

1--its the color that separates this pencil from the others in the pack. It was a pack of 4 and I wanted the purple pencil.

I bought the whole pack just for this purple pencil. I have used (and managed NOT to lose) that one purple pencil for months (which is a feat for me. Normally, I'd lose 2+ pencils a week.)

 

I absolutely love this purple pencil.

 

2--I had a pen, but I'm a Comp. Sci student so its possible to get most of my work done without writing anything.

Edited January 30, 2016 by mom2bee

[bettyandbob]

It's not petty to want it. I'd ask for it one more time. I'd replace it and never lend her something that had more than minuscule value and could not be replaced with little effort again.

[myfunnybunch]

I have a favorite purple mechanical pencil. :)

 

I would casually ask for it back. She's probably forgotten it. She may have lost it. No biggie, it's a pencil. But at least you'll know.

[marbel]

1--its the color that separates this pencil from the others in the pack. It was a pack of 4 and I wanted the purple pencil.

I bought the whole pack just for this purple pencil. I have used (and managed NOT to lose) that one purple pencil for months (which is a feat for me. Normally, I'd lose 2+ pencils a week.)

 

I absolutely love this purple pencil.

 

2--I had a pen, but I'm a Comp. Sci student so its possible to get most of my work done without writing anything.

 

OK, gotcha. 

 

Get another pack of pencils.  Keep the purple one to yourself.  Keep the others to loan out or for emergency use.  Or, see if you can get a pack of all purple ones!

 

:-)

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

I don't like pencils but if you substitute my favorite pen.... I'd be going to get it quick.

[mathmarm]

OP, ask for your pencil back. Just don't become visibly distressed/irate if she doesn't have it/has lost it.

It was clear at the time that pencil exchanged hands that it was being loaned to her, not given to her so its not wrong to try and get it back since you clearly want it back.

 

If its gone beyond reclaiming it, them I'm sorry you've lost your special pencil. But since you still have the pack you can look them up and buy another one.

[Aiden]

I'd definitely ask for it back. I'd be wary about loaning anything to her again, since she's proven untrustworthy in this area. I'd also be on the lookout for another pencil just like that one--purple and all--so I could have a spare favorite. I'd keep other pencils in my bag for loaning out. I'd probably not keep another purple one in there, so I could loan out all the others and then if someone asked for the purple one, "Oh, sorry, it's my last one and I'm using it" would be an honest response.

[RoughCollie]

I'd ask for it back, and buy another one so I'd have a spare.  I also would make a pact with myself not to lend anyone anything that means a lot to me, period. My philosophy on lending things is simple.  I do not expect to get the item back, although I would be delighted if I did, so I only lend things that I am willing and able to freely give. This includes money.

[OneStepAtATime]

Ask casually. Sure. Of course. You made it clear you loved the pencil and it was just a loan. She made it clear she understood. Just ask. Why stress over asking? If she gives it back, thank her casually and move on. If she doesn't have it anymore, oh well. You'll know next time that lending to her probably means you are giving not lending. Hopefully, she still has it, though. Good luck. :)

[mom2bee]

Thanks everyone for not mentioning how silly I'm being about the whole thing. When I see her, I'll casually ask her for the pencil back and casually and graciously accept whether she can or can't return it.

 

[Haiku]

Never lend anything you're not ok with never getting back. I would let it go. It's a pencil. It may be a special pencil, but it's a pencil.

[Kalypso]

We have pencil arguments over favorites all the time. What I really want to know is which pencil brand it is that you like so much? I might need this kind of pencil.  :D

 

and I would ask for it back.

[Lawana]

If I had borrowed an item under similar circumstances and had forgotten to give it back, I would want the lender to remind me. Even if I had lost it, I would want the lender to say something.

[chocolatechip]

I would ask for it back. I understand about wanting it back because I hate cheap pencils and only carry two nice stainless steel barreled mechanical ones. (I'm a student.) I've had those pencils for close to three years. I don't want to have to buy more just because someone didn't return one.

 

However, honestly I have never been in your situation. I've lent pencils many times to fellow students, but they always give them back at the end of the class period. That's weird that she would walk out with it.

[Word Nerd]

I'd just remind her in a friendly way that you want it back. I never use pencils, but I'm picky about pens and don't want them to walk off. You also might check online and see if you can get your favorite one in bulk. 

Edited January 30, 2016 by Word Nerd

[Word Nerd]

Never lend anything you're not ok with never getting back. I would let it go. It's a pencil. It may be a special pencil, but it's a pencil.

 

She explained her attachment to the pencil when she loaned it to the woman. There's nothing wrong with asking for it back.

[Kerileanne99]

See, if I *really*just had to have my pencil back I would probably do something a bit silly (providing I knew this person reasonably well). Take another one of the pencils you don't care about from the pack. Tie a bow on it. Take it and present it to her, saying something like 'I was thinking you might have discovered the awesomeness that is my lucky pencil and thought you might enjoy one of your own!'

 

And then be prepared to be perfectly gracious if she has misplaced yours. More than likely she just has forgotten. If she did, then this is a fun way to remind her. If she lost it, as it was probably just a pencil to her, you can at least get closure for your lost pencil😊

[gardenmom5]

I've spent money on mechanical pencils - I don't understand WHY you haven't asked for it back yet.  if someone asks to borrow a writing implement- I'd assume they only needed it for a short time to write something down right then, and I'd also wonder what she was doing that she walked off with it.

 

 

eta: but if I had one i'd spent alot on, or had strong feelings about - I wouldn't have a problem saying - sorry, I dont' have one you can borrow.

Edited January 30, 2016 by gardenmom5

[8circles]

I don't understand your reluctance to ask for it back since it means so much to you.  But I think you are being a little silly over a pencil - even if it is your favorite kind & color.  But who cares what I think?  It's your pencil, not mine.

[RootAnn]

See, if I *really*just had to have my pencil back I would probably do something a bit silly (providing I knew this person reasonably well). Take another one of the pencils you don't care about from the pack. Tie a bow on it. Take it and present it to her, saying something like 'I was thinking you might have discovered the awesomeness that is my lucky pencil and thought you might enjoy one of your own!'

 

And then be prepared to be perfectly gracious if she has misplaced yours. More than likely she just has forgotten. If she did, then this is a fun way to remind her. If she lost it, as it was probably just a pencil to her, you can at least get closure for your lost pencil😊

 

:iagree: I'd definitely bring her another pencil from the pack & ask for mine back. DH had a favorite mechanical pencil when I first met him. (It is now in a coffee cup in his office - somewhat on display.) After we'd been dating for awhile, his friends would ask me, jokingly, if he slept with it. He REALLY liked that pencil. I totally get it. Give her another & ask for yours back. But accept that she might have lost that one, too.

[Slache]

What pencil is it? I want one.

[kewb]

It probably is a little petty but I would be asking for my pencil back. You told her it was your favorite and she said she would return it.

 

Please keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is still annoyed that 28 years ago I loaned a pair of socks to a fellow bridesmaid (not a friend of mine, a friend of the brides) during the wedding weekend due to it being freezing where we were staying and she never returned them. And she complained to the bride when she returned from her honeymoon because I asked for the socks back. I never saw those socks again. As a result I only loan things to people I know will return them.

[BlsdMama]

 

 

(But I'm also curious how this particular pencil is different from all the pencils in the pack.  I guess I have never come across a pack of pencils where they differed in anything but color.  If it's just your favorite color, I'd be inclined to say you should let it go.)

 

 

I have no opinion - I find confrontational stuff a challenge so *I* would go buy another, but on this comment I had to lol... It is the COLOR that would bother me the most.  Color makes me happy.  I could handle losing a pencil , but I'd be sad if it was my favorite color the most.

[Guest]

Never lend anything you're not ok with never getting back. I would let it go. It's a pencil. It may be a special pencil, but it's a pencil.

That's exactly it. Never ever lend something you cannot handle not getting back.

[AmandaVT]

I'm mostly just chiming in because I also want to know what kind of pencils these are. I'm always on the lookout for good pencils and pens! :-)

 

I'd ask once and then drop it. I'd also never lend her anything that I would be even a tiny bit upset not to get in return going forward. Kleenex? Sure. A dollar for the vending machine? No prob. My notebook? Nope. 

 

Good luck with pen-gate!

[Mom22ns]

I think it's a little petty, but I (like others) don't understand why you haven't asked for it. It is yours. You love it. It is purple. Why would you expect her to think of offering it if you don't ask? If it is important to you, ask. 

 

I also agree with the "never loan anything you love". I consider all loans to be gifts. If I get it back, that's great, but I wouldn't loan it if I wasn't willing to let it go.

[Gil]

I don't know, reading these boards I wonder if I'm especially confrontational or something. Maybe I'm a brute who lacks refined social graces, but if I felt this much about the pencil then I'd have waltzed right up to her the next day and said "Hey, colleague, where is my special purple pencil? You know the one that I *told you* was very special to me and that I'd want it back? Yeah, that one. Oh, you forgot it at home today? No problem, can you please bring it tomorrow? Thanks."

 

I'd be mad if she'd lost my special favorite pencil, but I wouldn't have a visible negative reaction to it.

 

The way that I see it, its my bloody pencil, it was a loan given in good faith not a gift given out of love. You have the right to expect it back.

 

[Katy]

I've learned when it comes to favorite pens...  it's best to just lie and not loan them out.  You'll never get them back, no matter how much someone swears you will.

[JFSinIL]

Stop her and ask her for it back, go ahead and mention you had just stocked up on the correct size leads for it. If she doesn't have it on her, remind her to bring it the next day. Meanwhile, ask to borrow a pencil since you do not have one for the day's work.

[Tohru]

I only logged in to vote.

 

YES! Go ask for your pencil back. Just say, 'hey can I have my pencil back that you borrowed?'

 

It may seem petty to other people, but ultimately, it is about YOUR BOUNDARIES!

 

If you let it go now, then it will forever be easier and easier for you to compromise yourself later. Unless you love her, or she's your child, or something along those lines, definitely go get it back.

[umsami]

I'd ask for it back.  Nothing wrong with that.

 

If I was the person who had borrowed it and somehow lost it, I'd, at minimum, want to buy you a new one.

[Word Nerd]

That's exactly it. Never ever lend something you cannot handle not getting back.

 

Well, sure. But she didn't say she couldn't handle it if she doesn't get it back—just that she wants it. What's the harm in reminding her?

[Tohru]

I don't know, reading these boards I wonder if I'm especially confrontational or something. Maybe I'm a brute who lacks refined social graces, but if I felt this much about the pencil then I'd have waltzed right up to her the next day and said "Hey, colleague, where is my special purple pencil? You know the one that I *told you* was very special to me and that I'd want it back? Yeah, that one. Oh, you forgot it at home today? No problem, can you please bring it tomorrow? Thanks."

 

I'd be mad if she'd lost my special favorite pencil, but I wouldn't have a visible negative reaction to it.

 

The way that I see it, its my bloody pencil, it was a loan given in good faith not a gift given out of love. You have the right to expect it back.

 

:iagree:

 

Yep, except, I'd ask to follow them home so I could pick it up!

 

It's the principle of it.

 

 

 

BTW: This was funny!

Edited January 30, 2016 by Tohru

[HeWillSoar]

I really can't vote in this because to me, a pencil is not something I'd ever really care about unless perhaps it was a special gift from someone.   But you do, and you told her so.   I would just casually ask for it back.  If she doesn't have it, get another and lesson learned. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I really couldn't vote.  I don't think it is petty or childish.  I understand having a favorite of something and wanting it back.  I do think that standing back and fretting about it is unproductive.  I agree with asking for it back but being prepared to have to go out and buy another pack of pencils.  And I agree with others who are a bit confused that you haven't done so already..  Are these very expensive?  Or hard to find?  You could even buy them online, I suspect, and have them delivered to you. 

[zoobie]

I've learned when it comes to favorite pens... it's best to just lie and not loan them out. You'll never get them back, no matter how much someone swears you will.

You don't even have to lie. No, I don't have any spare pencils.

 

OP, this board has lots of people who care deeply about pencils and writing implements. You go girl--get that pencil back! :rofl:

[mom2bee]

I went to 2 walmarts and a walgreens yesterday and didn't see another pack of the pencils so I'm definitely going to ask for mine back when I see her.

 

I'll tell you guys which pencil it is, but I feel silly that it is not some awesome, expensive or rare pencil. Its a Purple Bic Velocity Mechanical Pencil. Thick, 0.9 lead. Its purple and I love it. It was the only purple mechanical pencil on the shelves when I bought the pack, and I only bought the pack because it had the purple pencil in it.

 

I wanted that purple pencil. :blush:

[marbel]

I went to 2 walmarts and a walgreens yesterday and didn't see another pack of the pencils so I'm definitely going to ask for mine back when I see her.

 

I'll tell you guys which pencil it is, but I feel silly that it is not some awesome, expensive or rare pencil. Its a Purple Bic Velocity Mechanical Pencil. Thick, 0.9 lead. Its purple and I love it. It was the only purple mechanical pencil on the shelves when I bought the pack, and I only bought the pack because it had the purple pencil in it.

 

I wanted that purple pencil. :blush:

 

Here you go.  Got Prime?

[Renai]

Here you go. Got Prime?

Unfortunately, there is no guarantee of getting a purple pencil. They send out whatever, as long as it's the brand and amount paid for.

 

Yes, I'd ask for the pencil back. And, no, not everyone are pencil robbers. I will always make sure to give your writing utensil back to you. :D

[Gil]

Listen mom2bee, it doesn't matter if the pencil was a generic give-a-way. It wouldn't matter if the pencil was made of gold or garbage--it is your pencil. You don't have to justify why you want it back. She asked to borrow a pencil. You made it clear that it was a loan and you made it clear that you'd want it back.  She agreed that it was a loan and that she'd give it back to you. <--That right there is the end of the "justification" part of it.

 

You don't have to justify WHY you want the pencil. You don't have to go out and buy another one to avoid getting the one that you've loaned out back. It is your pencil. You loaned it out, you have the right to get it back. No apologies, explanation or justification needed.

 

No one else gets to decide which of your possessions are or and are not important enough for you to want back.

 

PS: Those are good pencils.

Edited January 31, 2016 by Gil

[creekland]

I went to 2 walmarts and a walgreens yesterday and didn't see another pack of the pencils so I'm definitely going to ask for mine back when I see her.

 

I'll tell you guys which pencil it is, but I feel silly that it is not some awesome, expensive or rare pencil. Its a Purple Bic Velocity Mechanical Pencil. Thick, 0.9 lead. Its purple and I love it. It was the only purple mechanical pencil on the shelves when I bought the pack, and I only bought the pack because it had the purple pencil in it.

 

I wanted that purple pencil. :blush:

 

Let us know if you don't get it back.  I'm willing to check Wally World/Staples and similar places around here for you - and if you're in the US - ship it to you if I find them.  (No charge to you.)

[mom2bee]

Reason # 9,871 why I love this board: You guys get it. I'm all teary eyed now.

[RoughCollie]

http://www.amazon.com/BIC-Velocity-Mechanical-Refillable-4-Count/dp/B0024EG6G2/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1454268410&sr=8-3&keywords=Bic+Velocity+Mechanical+Pencil.

[Guest]

I went to 2 walmarts and a walgreens yesterday and didn't see another pack of the pencils so I'm definitely going to ask for mine back when I see her.

 

I'll tell you guys which pencil it is, but I feel silly that it is not some awesome, expensive or rare pencil. Its a Purple Bic Velocity Mechanical Pencil. Thick, 0.9 lead. Its purple and I love it. It was the only purple mechanical pencil on the shelves when I bought the pack, and I only bought the pack because it had the purple pencil in it.

 

I wanted that purple pencil. :blush:

Then ask for it back insistently. The end. If she thinks you're weird she will never borrow from you again, solving this issue for eternity :D

[Ausmumof3]

Lol. We have a purple bic mechanical pencil that mysteriously turned up in our pencil box. I'm now wondering if the receptionist at work that dh calls a dragon actually secretly hates him because he took her special purple pencil.

 

Seriously, it's not petty and you can totally just ask for it back. It's yours and you were nice to lend it. She has probably totally forgotten about it. And I probably wouldn't loan it again if it means that much to you. I try to make sure that when I loan or give I am 100 percent willing to give away whatever it is.

 

Eta I didn't vote because none of the options fit. I don't think it's petty or childish but I wouldn't be all heck no I'd want mine back because I wouldn't care. But over a book or something equally low value Id be exactly the same!

Edited January 31, 2016 by Ausmumof3