How do you encourage self-control....

[snickerplum]

The title says it all - how do you encourage self-control or self-discipline in your child(ren)?

[Rosie_0801]

You might like this: http://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child-Revolutionary-Strategies-Developing/dp/0553386697/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

I'm not sure how much of it is revolutionary, but there were a few cartoons that helped me explain some concepts to dd.

[Gentlemommy]

Modeling it. Which I so frequently fail at doing. 😖 And talking them through their emotions, possible strategies and solutions, and helping them make a plan that they feel will help them.

[regentrude]

Modeling and waiting for maturity.

And activities that require it. Rock climbing, horseback riding, and, martial arts do wonders.

[redsquirrel]

It depends on the age of the child.

 

What works for a toddler isn't going to be helpful to an 11 year old

[gardenmom5]

I've done alot of talking with dudeling.  I've laid down the rules, and the rewards for follwing (or not.)_

 he tends to engage in melodrama. a. lot.  especially when ill.  I'm finally getting through to him people will be more willing to help him (AND listen to him)  - if he doesn't wail about how he can't take it anymore - just becasue he doens't feel good.  I did have to explain what melodrama was . . . he did think about it.  whether it has an effect next time, I don't know.

[Ausmumof3]

Interesting topic. I guess there's different areas too like emotional regulation and food intake, persistence with difficult tasks. Different approach for different areas.

[73349]

Direct instruction seems to be the best approach for my kid. We're using Zones of Regulation right now and have also used MindUP in the past.

We also enforce a bedtime, avoid food coloring, and try to give advance warning for challenging situations. (My first rule of parenting is Don't Provoke the Baby.)

 

HTH.

[HomeAgain]

I agree with direct instruction.  Say it, have them do it, move on.  Get to the point where you can catch things as they start and teach them how to cut that off.  Model it.  Talk your way through situations and show what you're doing.

 

My youngest is a wild one.  He is intense.  But we've been working on behavior as part of our school year, actively looking for character traits that would benefit him, finding ways to teach that, and giving him plenty of examples.  It's helping.

[purplejackmama]

Tell my kids to do the opposite of me?

[EndOfOrdinary]

There are often long, arduous, mom lectures when self control does not happen. Those seem to have really placed a priority on remembering to do things.

[Rosie_0801]

Dd has been learning a bunch of meditation techniques. I sometimes send her off to do one of those if she's needing to.

[Raifta]

If we are going somewhere/doing something where I anticipate there might be self-control issues, we might discuss some possible scenarios of things that might happen and ways we can respond to them on the way there.

 

I try to model it and then explicitly tell them what I am doing in that situation once I have enough control to be calm enough to discuss it rationally.  Depending on the situation, that might take some time (and warrant some apologies on my part).

 

With other aspects of self-control, such as no overeating when there is junk food in the house, well, just do the opposite of what I do (actually we don't discuss this much but I'm sure it will come up eventually).

[Farrar]

You know, in addition to the age thing, I find that my kids are good at it for some things and terrible for others. They never have trouble stopping themselves from, say, smacking each other. On the other hand, keeping the determination to finish a project... that's something else.

[MBM]

One way to strengthen self-control is to set up exercises where you actually practice self control. For instance, if you don't keep cookies in your house because you tend to eat them without thinking, you could buy two cookies, decide when you will eat them, and then set them out where you can see them so that you can practice your self control. Try to visualize waiting, then munching on them and the satisfaction you'll get from waiting because pausing and visualizing help to form the connections that develop self control. The changes occur in the connections between the prefrontal cortex and the ventral striatum. If you want to learn more, Richard Davidson talks about how to improve self control in chapter 11 under the subtitle "Outlook" of his book The Emotional Life of Your Brain.

 

Well-being therapy can also help. Davidson discusses how to do this as well.