laughing lioness Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I have been friends with a gal for over 25 years (egads I've lived awhile!) and she's been calling lately asking for "advice." The bottom line is that her marriage stinks. Really.Stinks. It's not a marriage, they just co-habitat. So, tonight, I am sending her an email. It's pretty tough and pointed. I hope she hears it in the spirit that I am sending it. Which is I love her and hope the best for her. What she has isn't the best. Life is never what we expect, is it? It really got me thinking about courage, which I blogged about. And in conclusion I really appreciate these boards and all of you who post regularly. You inspire me to do what I am doing with zeal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I feel for you. I've had to do the same thing. Not about a marriage, but about other issues with a friend. I pray she takes what you have to say in the intended spirit. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I don't think I'd e-mail advice regrading her marriage. Situations change and having an e-mail floating around that may hurt your friend or her dh may not be helpful. How about a phone call instead? JM2cents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 Stacy- that is a great point. I will hold off and think about that. I appreciate your .02! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I don't think I'd e-mail advice regrading her marriage. Situations change and having an e-mail floating around that may hurt your friend or her dh may not be helpful. How about a phone call instead? :iagree: Even on the phone, though, I would be very careful. I have a friend that still thinks I don't like her dh, just because when he dumped her once while they were dating (20 years ago) I expressed that I thought she deserved better because he didn't treat her well. She took that to mean I didn't like him, even after he started treating her right later, and it strained our relationship when they got back together and married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I don't think I'd e-mail advice regrading her marriage. Situations change and having an e-mail floating around that may hurt your friend or her dh may not be helpful. How about a phone call instead? JM2cents :iagree: Also, sometimes, they just want to vent and even though they might *say* they are looking for advice, they really aren't -- and next thing you know, you're a "B who knows everything!" ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Hm. As a divorced mom myself, I'd encourage you to think boundaries instead of opinion. "I can't talk to you about his affair anymore." vs. "You won't see he's a jerk." Or "I won't be offering any more book recommendations" vs. "Get out already!" You are probably *right* about your opinions. Ok, now to totally negate what I just said. ;) If she is in an abusive situation (and by that I do NOT limit it to physical), I'd be more direct. Often women in non physical but abusive situations don't know that they are being abused/disrespected because the control and abuse has happened so slowly, over years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyBre Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 It sounds like you've known your friend for quite a long time, lioness, and I'm sure you know her well enough to discern whether she's just looking for a vent or some actual advice. If it's actually advice she wants give it to her, but be ready to accept the consequences! What I mean is, she may actually take it. And I recommend NEVER sending strong, emotional messages via e-mail. I learned that the hard way, getting my dh's family all in an uproar over something that didn't quite come through electronically the way I meant it! :blink: A phone call is always better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 :iagree: with Joanne (as usual) about process. Hm. As a divorced mom myself, I'd encourage you to think boundaries instead of opinion. Ok, now to totally negate what I just said. ;) If she is in an abusive situation (and by that I do NOT limit it to physical), I'd be more direct. Often women in non physical but abusive situations don't know that they are being abused/disrespected because the control and abuse has happened so slowly, over years. I also agree with the others who suggest not putting it in writing but speak directly to her (making it even harder , I know) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.