Remember the parents who divorced over their child with Down Syndrome?

[monstermama]

I remember we had a lively discussion about this last year.  So glad to hear there was a happy resolution.  I figured we could all use some good news today!

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Awesome! This was special to me. My youngest has down syndrome. There are still a lot of misconceptions.

[Annie G]

I don't recall the story but  hope it works out for them. I wish the story had given more details...such as what brought her around, besides the $600k. I truly hope she just recovered from her initial fear over raising him...or whatever her reasons were before.  That baby was adorable! 

[goldberry]

I'm really glad the mom came to her senses.

[marbel]

I don't recall the story but  hope it works out for them. I wish the story had given more details...such as what brought her around, besides the $600k. I truly hope she just recovered from her initial fear over raising him...or whatever her reasons were before.  That baby was adorable! 

 

I was thinking about the money too.  Hope it was not that.  (Though I don't begrudge them the funds and of course it would make the future a little less scary.)

 

[MercyA]

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing this!

[Annie G]

I was thinking about the money too.  Hope it was not that.  (Though I don't begrudge them the funds and of course it would make the future a little less scary.)

 

 

I don't think it was the money either but it would help to have some details...it might help someone who is facing such a situation. I know several people who have had babies with pretty serious birth defects and they're quick to say that the first few weeks are really hard but once they get used to their new normal they can't imagine life without their special baby.   

[Arcadia]

I wish the story had given more details...such as what brought her around, besides the $600k. I truly hope she just recovered from her initial fear over raising him...or whatever her reasons were before. That baby was adorable!

Having that money does reduce the fear somewhat. My late cousin (died of leukemia in his early 20s) is born with down syndrome. The special schools he went to were govt subsidised heavily. My aunt and her husband worked to build up a trust fund for him even though the rest of us cousins would have helped out financially if this cousin had survived his parents.

The money they set aside were eaten up by medical bills even with insurance and they had little retirement savings.

 

So the $600k would help in allaying some fears. Not sure how welfare works in New Zealand which is where the dad and baby is.

[catz]

I always thought that story was a bit overblown and came down a bit hard on the mother.  This new mother was in a system that likely provided no support or services and she was in a post partum state.  It's easier to say I'd never do that in a first world country that at least has some support for families like this.  To me, it sounded like the doctors right away asked if they were going to keep the baby and it was presented that way in that culture.  I know several downs kids that just mesh into the regular school system with services.  If you haven't seen that and you immediately had medical workers putting the idea in your head that you give away babies like this, her thought process doesn't seem like a stretch to me.  She may have well thought institutionalization was the best thing for a Downs baby. 

 

Anyway, very glad for the happy ending to the story.  I'm sure the money takes away some of the worry and mystery about the future.

[Daria]

I'm very glad that things seem to have worked out for Leo and his family.  At the same time, I can't help thinking that the outpouring of support would have been different if the situation were reversed.

 

I know many women who are raising kids with disabilities alone because their husband/boyfriend/baby daddy left them and provides no support.  None of them have received this kind of support and many have been subject to criticism for "choosing to have a kid with the wrong man".

[Guest]

While the skeptic in me thought "money" at first too, I can see where the mother's fear is grounded. I have a friend whose ds was born a couple years ago with DS. She lives in a country where anyone with Downs is considered to be an embarrassment. People would tell her she didn't want to raise a mongoloid. She had people be outright nasty to her...including some of her dh's family. 

 

They had no doubts that they were keeping him, but she confided in me some of the things people had said. They made her feel like her son would be worthless and have no future. I at that time happened to have a boy in my Pre K class at church with Downs. A couple nights before I had gotten some video and pictures of the activities we did, and one video focused on that boy and his interactions with another boy. I showed it to her, and showed her how the other kids accepted him just like anyone else. I showed her how the teachers interacted with him just like the rest. She said it made her cry to see that people here didn't attach the same stigma that they do where she is from. 

 

 

[LucyStoner]

I don't recall the story but hope it works out for them. I wish the story had given more details...such as what brought her around, besides the $600k. I truly hope she just recovered from her initial fear over raising him...or whatever her reasons were before. That baby was adorable!

The cultural pressure to institionalize special needs kids is still very high in places like Albania. It is that simple. Where this woman is from, parents who keep a child with downs or a range of other genetic issues face stiff family and community pressure.

 

Note they are living in New Zealand and not Albania.

 

Immediately postpartum, in her home country, around her family pushing that same culture, it really wasn't all that surprizing.

 

I don't think she came back for money. I think she came back because she realized she could keep her child and that it's not something that is taboo everywhere.

 

We can't judge too harshly- our own culture used to all but legally mandate institutions for kids with special needs. My MIL works in a state facility with many aging people who have been institutionalized their whole lives for things that do not really require 24/7 round the clock care. In fact, some of them primarily need to be in an institution now because they were instutionalized and not helped from infancy or toddlerhood. Heck, just 30 years ago in a different state my parents were told they needed to send my brother with mild cerebral palsy to a state facility for developmentally disabled children and they could not get his therapy in the community or home.

 

ETA- my parents refused and moved to a state that was more progressive*. My brother got the help he needed, went on to play baseball in a league for typically developed youth through high school and is now a happily married stay at home PTA president and soccer dad who drives carpool, decorates his house, plans birthday parties, and makes Costco runs. He's living a pretty ordinary life and is a contributing member of his family. I shudder to think that we might not have my nieces here today had my parents just done what they were told to do. My brother would probably be in an underfunded group home or something. What a waste of human potential that would have been.

 

(Not progressive in the political sense- progressive in the model of service offered to children with developmental disabilities).

Edited January 23, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Annie G]

The cultural pressure to institionalize special needs kids is still very high in places like Albania. It is that simple. Where this woman is from, parents who keep a child with downs or a range of other genetic issues face stiff family and community pressure.

 

Note they are living in New Zealand and not Albania.

 

Immediately postpartum, in her home country, around her family pushing that same culture, it really wasn't all that surprizing.

 

I don't think she came back for money. I think she came back because she realized she could keep her child and that it's not something that is taboo everywhere.

 

We can't judge too harshly- our own culture used to all but legally mandate institutions for kids with special needs. My MIL works in a state facility with many aging people who have been institutionalized their whole lives for things that do not really require 24/7 round the clock care. In fact, some of them primarily need to be in an institution now because they were instutionalized and not helped from infancy or toddlerhood. Heck, just 30 years ago in a different state my parents were told they needed to send my brother with mild cerebral palsy to a state facility for developmentally disabled children and they could not get his therapy in the community or home.

 

I agree. But based on that Yahoo story, can't you see where people would wonder? I had to do a search to find the stories from a year ago when this was first in the news. That's where she explained about how she was told the baby would never walk, talk or have a good life.  The Yahoo story was poorly done...sure didn't tell much of the story.  Glad the family is back together. 

[LucyStoner]

I agree. But based on that Yahoo story, can't you see where people would wonder? I had to do a search to find the stories from a year ago when this was first in the news. That's where she explained about how she was told the baby would never walk, talk or have a good life. The Yahoo story was poorly done...sure didn't tell much of the story. Glad the family is back together.

I hear you but no one is going get in depth thoughtful coverage of the prejudices parents with special needs kids face in Albanian culture from a hastily churned out bit of Yahoo news content.

[monstermama]

I found the source ABC News story as well.  From the link:

 

"Before this, she had no idea what Down syndrome really was, or that there was hope," he added. "The doctors had told her Leo would never learn to walk, or talk or feed himself."

 

 

Ruzan said Tuesday, "At first I was very, very scared because I didn't know what Down syndrome was like. Doctors said he would be like a vegetable. It was very scary. I think I was also very selfish and then there was depression...[it was] all of that together.

 

 

It's shocking to realize that even with all of today's advances in communication, there are still places where professionals are that badly misinformed.

[Crimson Wife]

The link mentioned depression, and maternal depression after the child's diagnosis is not uncommon. My SN child was older at the times of her diagnoses (2 years 11 mos for the autism and just turned 6 years for the hearing loss) and I can't even imagine how I would've felt if I'd been dealing with post-partum hormone wonkiness on top of the child's diagnosis.

[Guest]

Yay! Happy results for all :)