Perfectionism or just age?

[ReadingMama1214]

 

Dd is 4 and seems to be somewhat of a perfectionist. Gets upset if she can't do something exactly right. It Is self-driven and I try to assure her that she's doing a good job and things take practice. Let her see me make mistakes and such.

 

One thing I've noticed recently is that she will only do certain things with me. We first noticed it when she had a pre-k assessment. She missed some things (letters, numbers, etc) that I knew that she knew well. She is a somewhat reserved, non-assertive, and not a performer. So we chalked it up to personality and being nervous.

 

Recently we noticed that she struggles to read aloud with DH. They have a great relationship and he's the more laid back parent. We usually read progressive phonics once a day and today DH offered to do it with her. It was words she's seen and read before but instead of blending them, she'd say "/l/ /o/ /t/ um I can't read that alone." Usually she'll sound it and blend it. When I asked her what was wrong she says "I just like reading with you only". I know this is a personality thing and something she will grow out of, but is there anything we can do to encourage her? We plan to have her regularly read aloud with DH from now on.

 

My only concern is that we are planning to do a charter school and they informed me they do test to assess where each kindergartener is at. My concern is that she will test well below where she is at and then be placed at a lower level for reading groups and such. The assessment is done with the kindergartener teacher and is somewhat informal wth just the teacher and child interacting. It's not written, other than the child having to demonstrate writing ability for names and such.

Edited January 19, 2016 by ReadingMama1214

[mom2bee]

I've had a 4year old do the exact same thing--only "perform" for me--which was kind of a pain, since she was a tutoring student and her parents wanted to see her progress.

 

Is it possible for you, DD and DH to read together for a few times so that she gets used to reading in front her dad, then with her dad with you near by, then with just her dad? Thats the approach I had to take with my shy tutee and her parents. She was able to read on a solid 1st grade level, but couldn't manage it without the support to "expand" her comfortable audience.

 

As for preparing for the K assessments, perhaps you can surreptitiously get video of her demonstrating her true level of ability at home with different materials in order to show to the teachers if the assessment doesn't go well.

 

If not then maybe you can begin practicing her with strangers by having a college student, aunt/adult cousin or one of your adult friends work with her a couple of times and help her get comfortable working with a 3rd party on simple/small assignments?

 

 

[ReadingMama1214]

I've had a 4year old do the exact same thing--only "perform" for me--which was kind of a pain, since she was a tutoring student and her parents wanted to see her progress.

 

Is it possible for you, DD and DH to read together for a few times so that she gets used to reading in front her dad, then with her dad with you near by, then with just her dad? Thats the approach I had to take with my shy tutee and her parents. She was able to read on a solid 1st grade level, but couldn't manage it without the support to "expand" her comfortable audience.

 

As for preparing for the K assessments, perhaps you can surreptitiously get video of her demonstrating her true level of ability at home with different materials in order to show to the teachers if the assessment doesn't go well.

 

If not then maybe you can begin practicing her with strangers by having a college student, aunt/adult cousin or one of your adult friends work with her a couple of times and help her get comfortable working with a 3rd party on simple/small assignments?

Thanks! Dad has seen her read and she will read to me in front of him. However, that even took a few months! She initially would clam up if dad came in the room while she was reading.

 

The video is a good idea and as the assessments get closer I will definitely keep that in mind. She loved her preschool teacher and has known her outside of school and still got a bit hung up on the assessments for her.

 

I think we will have her read to grandparents too. We see them about once a month and she adores them. I've been hesitant to push her to read for others because I didn't want her to feel pressured to perform, but it might help her come out of her shell. The progressive phonics books are nice because she only reads a few words per page and the adult reads the rest b