s/o What to do with kid who really doesn't like to read

[Matryoshka]

This is kind of a s/o of the "Decline of reading" thread.  Someone posted there that as an adult, they still don't like to read, but they can.  This is kind of like my dd, and I'm wondering what to do with her  - or if I should just let it go a bit, which seems to be the direction I'm headed - and if so, what does that look like?  How much letting go? 

 

This is not an issue of ability.  She can read, she just doesn't.want.to.  Everyone keeps saying there must be some underlying issue if she doesn't like to read.  At this point I really don't think so.  She's been seeing a developmental optometrist since she was tiny (because both her sisters have issues), but he's never found any problem.  She can fluently decode anything in three languages.  She does fine on reading comprehension tests - not 99th percentile, but solidly well above average.  She has a decent vocabulary, and an excellent grasp of grammar.  She was even an early reader, as far as decoding and being able to read. WHAT is her issue?  She just says she doesn't like to read.  I sent her to school for a while, and turns out she did that thing many kids do where they read SparkNotes or other summary stuff and quite successfully bluff their way through discussions and writing papers.  :banghead:  

 

Now that she's home, I've signed her up for Center for Lit's online class, which is just a book a month.  She lied about reading the first three chapters; she was trying to get by by reading summaries, but she said 'even they were too boring'.  So I caved and I'm having her listen to the audio book.  I feel like a failure.  Do I just keep letting her listen to the books instead of reading them - I still feel like it's better than having her read summaries?  At least if it's good lit she's getting auditory exposure to complex sentences and a more extensive vocabulary than from everyday speech and media??

 

As far as "college readiness", she easily tested into English 101 at the CC (she just turned 15).  But the test is really mostly grammar, mechanics, and simple reading comprehension, isn't it?  I still worry a bit about her getting through the volume of reading she'll have to do when she gets to 'real' college...

 

When she was younger she would sometimes read picture books with fairy tales (I have quite the collection), some other stuff she read without being required when younger were Alice in Wonderland (but refused to read the sequels), some Roald Dahl (though not the whole collection)... I tried 'similar' stuff but she didn't bite.  Then in 6th she read through all the Warriors and Seekers books (again, tried to suggest 'similar' titles with absolutely no luck), and since then I don't think has read anything without it being assigned and even then she's fudged it more often than not. 

 

Anyone have experience with a kid like this?  Any ideas, suggestions? 

[Hilltopmom]

There's nothing wrong with audio books. Many, many adults prefer them.

 

There's also nothing wrong with people who don't like to read for pleasure.- I don't get it, but it's ok.

 

I'd let HER pick a handful of books to read for school & count those as her lit. Rather than an online class of teacher chosen books. OR, let her listen to them instead of read them. she's still gettIng the stories & the language.

 

And there's always the mom read aloud option, to share favorites with even teens:)

Edited January 17, 2016 by Hilltopmom

[Guest]

Well this is worth what you paid for it, but a fifteen year old who is ready for cc and who knows three languages....I vote just do whatever you've been doing. She sounds like a person that will find a way.

 

My dh is not much if a reader, and was even less of one in high school, I gather. He is one of the most intelligent people I know (and a swell dude ) and he's very capable.

[Hilltopmom]

Not that it's great lit, but has she tried any of the current "in" books for teens that have been turned into movies?

 

Maybe she just hasn't found a genre she loves. It may not be what school assigns, kwim.

 

Like Hunger Games, Divergent, etc? Or in the not fantasy genre: Fault in our Stars or Paper Towns by John Green?

Harry Potter? The Hobbit & LOTR?

 

We've had fun reading or listening to them, then watching the movies & comparing.

 

My 13 yr old & I have also listened to a lot of the newer "twisted fairy tale" genre for tweens/ teens and watched shows like them too together. Once Upon a Time and it's Alice spin off from TV and listened to The Sisters Grimm series last year & currently she's listening to an Alice series for teens.

[Hilltopmom]

 

 

My dh is not much if a reader, and was even less of one in high school, I gather. He is one of the most intelligent people I know (and a swell dude ) and he's very capable.

^ this!

My dh does not read for pleasure. In the 20 years we've been married, he's read less than a dozen books. I was aghast at first. But, whatever. He reads magazines, browses websites & reads forums of interest to him. He's worked as an environmental consultant type for years & writes good reports. But doesn't read (or listen to audio) books for pleasure, ever.

He does do read alouds for the littles:)

[SKL]

My eldest doesn't like to read much.  She will say she doesn't like it at all, but she does enjoy it once she gets into a book.  ;)  She reads slowly and I guess it feels like the time could be better spent doing other things.  I also have successful relatives and friends who are very intelligent and successful, and just simply don't care to read.  I'm not sure there's anything to be done with such people; they find their success through other avenues.  Sometimes they think I am the one who is misguided when I spend precious time reading instead of working etc.  :P

 

But back to my 9yo.  Basically I force her to read some, because I can.  I don't let her do xyz until she has read what I think she should read.  If she were 15, and doing well otherwise, I would probably ask her to suggest a plan for getting to a reasonable literacy level before college.  Would she prefer a different type of book, a different way of studying literature, a different schedule?  Instead of using Cliff's Notes to pretend to read tomes, how about sampling the great authors' short stories and poems?  I do think it's important to be literate, but there's more than one way to get there.

[mathmarm]

Honestly, in my experience as both a student that didn't care for reading and a teacher--it's more important for kids to have critical reading/deep reading skills than just read lightning fast with good enunciation.

 

I would make sure that she can read the dickens out of dense nonfiction--highlighting, prioritizing main points, subtopics, outlining, and study skills. The kids who can read tons and quickly aren't the ones who do well.

 

In my experience its the ones who can read through and synthesize the main points and put things into practice. Who will take the time to read 3 pages, make notes on them, then read the next 3 pages. The one who takes the time to follow examples mentally and write things out are the ones who tend to excel in upper level academics. After 3rd grade, you read to learn in an academic setting. So I thinks it more important to cultivate in a child the meta-skills needed to learn from reading only.

 

If you need more than a pen, paper and textbook to learn something, you probably aren't ready to thrive in a college environment.

 

 

[Matryoshka]

Well this is worth what you paid for it, but a fifteen year old who is ready for cc and who knows three languages....I vote just do whatever you've been doing. She sounds like a person that will find a way.

 

 

I said she could decode in three languages, lol.  She started learning German and Spanish by 4, but she really dislikes foreign languages.  I let her quit Spanish a while back, but I insisted she continue with German.  She's got a lot of receptive German, but she refuses to speak much (although she has a great accent when she does).  Sigh.  But she can read anything aloud fluently with that lovely accent, even if she doesn't understand what it says...  and the same is still true for Spanish, even if her vocabulary is fairly tiny at this point...

 

My dh is not much if a reader, and was even less of one in high school, I gather. He is one of the most intelligent people I know (and a swell dude ) and he's very capable.

 

This is actually true of my dh too.  The only things he reads are computer/software manuals and things like the state electric code books...  I used to think dd was going to also want to build things and/or code, because she showed interest a few years ago, but now she doesn't want to do that either.  She tends to completely interest in anything that anyone else encourages or even vaguely thinks it's a good idea that she's interested in (which makes her a horrible candidate for unschooling).  I probably should have told she wasn't allowed to read, ever, and she'd be voracious...

[Matryoshka]

Not that it's great lit, but has she tried any of the current "in" books for teens that have been turned into movies?

 

Maybe she just hasn't found a genre she loves. It may not be what school assigns, kwim.

 

Like Hunger Games, Divergent, etc? Or in the not fantasy genre: Fault in our Stars or Paper Towns by John Green?

Harry Potter? The Hobbit & LOTR?

 

We've had fun reading or listening to them, then watching the movies & comparing.

 

My 13 yr old & I have also listened to a lot of the newer "twisted fairy tale" genre for tweens/ teens and watched shows like them too together. Once Upon a Time and it's Alice spin off from TV and listened to The Sisters Grimm series last year & currently she's listening to an Alice series for teens.

 

I wish.  She's been able to choose whatever she's wanted to read forever; she only attended school for less than two years total in her life.  She read the first three books of Harry Potter when she was still quite young (again, it's not ability that's the problem...), then took a long break.  The only reason I think she finally finished the series is I said she couldn't watch the film that went with a book till she read it.  I can't remember if she's read the Hunger Games, but we own all the books; her sisters have read them, and one of her sisters has also read the Divergent books and the Maze Runner books.  Same with John Green books - heck, even I've read the John Green books.  Nope, no interest.  It's not at all an issue of limiting her selections.

[Matryoshka]

My eldest doesn't like to read much.  She will say she doesn't like it at all, but she does enjoy it once she gets into a book.  ;)  She reads slowly and I guess it feels like the time could be better spent doing other things.  I also have successful relatives and friends who are very intelligent and successful, and just simply don't care to read.  I'm not sure there's anything to be done with such people; they find their success through other avenues.  Sometimes they think I am the one who is misguided when I spend precious time reading instead of working etc.  :p

 

But back to my 9yo.  Basically I force her to read some, because I can.  I don't let her do xyz until she has read what I think she should read.  If she were 15, and doing well otherwise, I would probably ask her to suggest a plan for getting to a reasonable literacy level before college.  Would she prefer a different type of book, a different way of studying literature, a different schedule?  Instead of using Cliff's Notes to pretend to read tomes, how about sampling the great authors' short stories and poems?  I do think it's important to be literate, but there's more than one way to get there.

 

 

She says she'd like to pick which books she'd like to read, but then I ask her what she'd pick, and she says "Warriors".  Um, I cannot put down a high school credit for 'she re-read Warriors'.  What is that, 4th, maybe 5th grade reading level, and written by committee?  I completely supported her reading them - I was so thrilled she was reading anything!  But I can't give a high school English credit for them. :glare:

 

I only signed her up for the Middle School Center for Lit class.  Two books are going to have challenging length/vocab (Romeo and Juliet and Tale of Two Cities), but the rest are middle or even elementary level (Hiding Place, Island of the Blue Dolphins - she actually already read that one years and years ago - and a George McDonald book).  And I will probably let her do audio for all of it.  Because I do feel like the most important thing for her to get out of this class is the discussion and how to analyze a book (and she has to write one paper).

 

 

Honestly, in my experience as both a student that didn't care for reading and a teacher--it's more important for kids to have critical reading/deep reading skills than just read lightning fast with good enunciation.

 

I would make sure that she can read the dickens out of dense nonfiction--highlighting, prioritizing main points, subtopics, outlining, and study skills. The kids who can read tons and quickly aren't the ones who do well.

 

In my experience its the ones who can read through and synthesize the main points and put things into practice. Who will take the time to read 3 pages, make notes on them, then read the next 3 pages. The one who takes the time to follow examples mentally and write things out are the ones who tend to excel in upper level academics. After 3rd grade, you read to learn in an academic setting. So I thinks it more important to cultivate in a child the meta-skills needed to learn from reading only.

 

If you need more than a pen, paper and textbook to learn something, you probably aren't ready to thrive in a college environment.

 

 

Yes, exactly.  I think this is what I'm a bit worried about letting her listen to the audio.  I guess I'm worried about her stamina with sustained reading in general.  It's all fine and good to listen to audio books for fiction, but what about texts?? 

 

Last year I had her reading and taking notes on Hakim's Story of US.  She hated doing that.  I picked Hakim because it is an easy reading level, so I thought that would make it more palatable, but it was a fairly high volume of reading to try to get through it all in a year.  She claims getting out of doing that was the main reason she wanted to go to school last year. :glare:   She's taking Zoology this spring at the CC, and has a text.  Guess we'll see how she does...

[Critterfixer]

The boys have assigned reading for school, but I also have a "prize book" program. Every quarter or so they get to pick out books from a selection I bring home based on what I think should interest them (and I'm usually pretty good at figuring that out even if they balk at first!) and they get to read a chapter a day. At the end of the reading they get to pick a small prize and we purchase it together. It's been pretty popular with both of them since we started it back in fourth grade.

One is an avid reader of fiction and non-fiction, the other is a non-fiction reader and would rather build things than read. Both are writers, however, and I can usually increase the enthusiasm by suggesting that they can pick up good ideas for their stories from the books they read.

[elegantlion]

My son does not like to read fiction except manga. His father didn't read much until a few years ago, so they are similar in that regard.  Ds will study deeply what he wants. He also doesn't like to watch movies much either. We did a mix of audio books, read alouds (all through high school), and I agonized over how to approach literature. When it became apparent that he would choose a major that didn't require literature, I focused on picking what I felt were books I felt he should read in high school, we studied some in depth, we read some just for pleasure. He can read well, but he's also a very slow reader so that made his volume lower than many here. 

 

My goal became that he respect stories even if he didn't read a lot and appreciate books in general. He's about to add another bookshelf to his bedroom. 

[Tsuga]

At her age, I think if she says she doesn't like to read, no problem. Don't like to read. That's her decision.

 

But she has to read for school. It doesn't matter if she likes it. I hated 11th grade literature--from the Scarlet Letter to The Crucible, anything Early American with its lack of insanity, sex and drugs I found incredibly boring. And the style! Ugh! I loved to read but I hated that. So what did my teachers and mom do?

 

Give me an F for not knowing the material, a D for really poor understanding indicating a minimal reading, a C indicating mediocre work, a B for moderate recall of facts and interpretation, and an A for work indicating I had read the material deeply enough to understand, interpret, and think about it critically.

 

Your daughter can read or not read. She gets the grade she gets. If she chooses not to read, she probably won't do well.

 

I don't think you can make someone like something. I do think that you can ask someone to complete a required task and mark them accordingly.

 

Not everyone likes math. Not everyone likes history. Not everyone likes biology. Not everyone likes reading or literature. We all had to learn to read the books, do the problems, do the work, and just get it done. Oh, well.

 

So, that's what I'd do. I'd stop trying to find something she likes and start trying to achieve specific outputs and be okay with her light groaning. "I know, your least favorite subject--let's get it over with." Empathy but not appreciating whining, requiring to read but not requiring to love it.

 

Side note: My ex-husband could actually read well in three languages and read poorly in two more--I mean like, newspapers, novels, etc. in three languages--and he hated to read. He had appropriate reading glasses. He liked nonfiction. Who was I to say there was something wrong with that?