Retaining/ Holding back first grader

[lovinglife]

Update- Dd had a little virus last week so missed 3 days of school, giving us some time to think about things. She is at school this week to receive testing and give us more time to decide. Hopefully by the week we will have some more understanding of how she is doing, and be able to make a final decision about homeschooling to finish the year out, and perhaps a little longer.

The administration told me they are aware of the problems in her classroom and are doing something about it, but it won't be in time to help this daughter. I'm excited to get more answers!

 

Although I homeschooled for many years, my children now attend an amazing Classical charter school. We have had wonderful experiences there, but I'm now dealing with a difficult situation regarding my little first grader. I substitute there on occasion, when I'm not at my other job, and ran into her teacher today. After a little chit chat she mentioned , as if we had already discussed this, that she may well be holding our daughter back, but isn't sure what the best thing would be. She went on for a few minutes, and mentioned that we could push for testing, but it's difficult to get the school to test a first grader apparently? Meanwhile I had no clue what she was talking about!

Then, within a couple hours, the same child was sent home for hitting and biting an older child (completely unprecedented behavior! She's not violent ):).

So, I've been terribly concerned all day thinking about what may be going on. What are the pros and cons of holding back a first grader? My dh and I have noticed at home that she's been struggling with anxiety, and her teacher mentioned that she has difficulty paying attention. Could these contribute to poor academic performance? With reading it's like she chokes up with anxiety before sleeves gets started. Being a parent is hard! She is a bright little thing, despite being on her own time table- how much can I push for and any thoughts? I'm just feeling lost and overwhelmed at the moment.

Edited February 1, 2016 by lovinglife

[NorthwestMom]

You need to sit down with the teacher and find out exactly what she thinks are the problems: is it academic skills, behavior, anxiety, attention, or some combination? You can decide from there if you would like to request a school evaluation.  If it is anxiety or behavior issues, you might want to see a counselor outside of school who will teach your DD new strategies. If it is attention issues, you would want to talk to her pediatrician, since ADHD is a medical diagnosis and cannot be diagnosed by a school evaluation. Anxiety DEFINITELY can effect her academic performance and her behavior.

 

You are only halfway through the school year, so talking about holding a child back is a bit premature. Lots of hugs and deep breaths. Your DD is going to get the help she needs and be okay. Time to do some digging into the problem.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[lovinglife]

Thanks Northwest Mom! I think half of the problem was just feeling accosted by the information and the fact that this is the first we've heard of any trouble despite checking and keeping in good contact. Parent Teacher conferences are coming up, so I'll make sure we sit down together, and meanwhile I'll look into the counsellors that have worked with some of our older children. We've had some difficulties in the last with our oldest, who also struggles from anxiety, so I feel like I should be familiar with this, but every child is so different. I think you're right- there is still time to investigate and get her the help she needs!

[Laurie4b]

Retention has pretty bad results longterm. You can google it. The negative consequences are both social and academic and are most pronounced in the teen years, even with a first grade retention. I would not do it. 

 

Poor form on the teacher's part to pop that info on you in a casual meeting. Of course you feel accosted and flummoxed.  I would make an appt. before parent teacher conferences.

 

If the instructional style is not a match for her, then that will increase anxiety. Just the fact that the teacher is thinking of retaining her yet you've had no clue is a red flag to me. 

 

What I would do is find out what's up and get her tested if academics is the issue. You should be able to get an evaluation from your local public school (even though dd attends private). To do that, write a letter to the director of children with exceptional needs stating whatever the problems are and stating your concern that there might be a learning disability. That triggers the process. The law requires a written request to trigger the process. A phone call won't do it.  If anxiety is the issue, the local public school isn't the place to get the testing done. 

[RootAnn]

 I would make an appt. before parent teacher conferences.

 

If the instructional style is not a match for her, then that will increase anxiety. Just the fact that the teacher is thinking of retaining her yet you've had no clue is a red flag to me. 

:iagree:  :iagree:  :iagree:

[TechWife]

Retaining a child is sometimes in their best interest. However, keep in mind that children develop at different rates. I think sometimes teachers forget this. I would make sure that there are solid reasons for this decision. Also, if it is an issue of maturity, find out the ages of the other kids in a class. Some first graders are already seven, some even eight years old by this point in the school year, depending on where their birthday falls. Make sure the teacher isn't comparing her to kids who are much older than she is. 

 

If your child is having health problems (and anxiety is a health problem), it may be best for her to wait a year before going on to second grade. But, if it looks like she really might be held back, in all honesty, is it possible for you to withdraw her now and just re-enroll her in first grade in the fall? That would give time for the anxiety issue to be addressed as well as any maturity issues. If your child has begun to act out in class, it may not be the best place for her to be right now. Adding stressors on top of an existing anxiety can be a huge problem. Children don't just magically learn to mange anxiety - it might take some therapy and some maturity to get her to the point where she can manage being in a classroom. 

 

 

 

 

[TechWife]

 If it is attention issues, you would want to talk to her pediatrician, since ADHD is a medical diagnosis and cannot be diagnosed by a school evaluation. 

 

 

It depends on who does the evaluation.  A psychologist can diagnose ADHD, for example. They cannot write a prescription to treat it, but they certainly can diagnose it and can treat with non-medication interventions. 

 

[Laurie4b]

It depends on who does the evaluation.  A psychologist can diagnose ADHD, for example. They cannot write a prescription to treat it, but they certainly can diagnose it and can treat with non-medication interventions. 

 

While it is true that a psychologist (or clinical social worker, etc) can diagnose ADHD, for private purposes,  for public school, at least in our state, it must be diagnosed by an MD to get a 504 plan. A psychologist's dx is not enough. So schools here cannot diagnose it. 

[TechWife]

Retention has pretty bad results longterm. You can google it. The negative consequences are both social and academic and are most pronounced in the teen years, even with a first grade retention. I would not do it. 

 

 

 

I think that it behoves the OP to be cautious, but I do want to point out that there are times when it is absolutely appropriate to retain a student or to even withdraw them from school for a period of time (if that is permissible).  High school will matter very little if a child becomes so overwhelmed by their mental health issues that their quality of life is significantly diminished by their illness and social issues in high school pale in comparison to managing a mental illness in high school. High school will not matter at all if a child takes his/her own life. 

Edited January 17, 2016 by TechWife

[TechWife]

While it is true that a psychologist (or clinical social worker, etc) can diagnose ADHD, for private purposes,  for public school, at least in our state, it must be diagnosed by an MD to get a 504 plan. A psychologist's dx is not enough. So schools here cannot diagnose it. 

 

I have no idea if that is true across the board, but I just want to reiterate that it isn't the school doing the diagnosing, it is the professional who does the tests. The psychologist doing the tests may be employed by the school, or they may be a private psychologist. A psychologist certainly can, from a professional and legal standpoint, diagnose ADHD.  Here, if you go to an MD with potential ADHD, they will send you to a psychologist for testing. So, in reality, here, at least, you are very unlikely to get an MD to diagnose ADHD without consulting a psychologist. 

 

Paperwork for a 504 plan or an IEP is a separate issue from getting testing and appropriate treatment underway. If the treatment needs to take place at school or if the student needs accommodations while at school, then the paperwork comes into play. 

 

OP, if you are in a public school, make a written request for them to evaluate your child for learning and attention issues. This will start a clock for the school system - they now have a deadline (it varies by state, but 60-90 days from date of request to date of completion is pretty normal). They do not have to wait for any magic age or grade to test a child. The Child Find Mandate (part of IDEA) states that they must do all they can to locate, identify and test all children with disabilities from birth to age 21. The law does not require them to be failing classes or grades or to have already been diagnosed with a disability of any kind.  If they do not want to test her, they must explain why and you have a right to appeal their decision. They may not use the reasoning that they want to try classroom interventions first.  Such interventions may be part of the process, but they are not a prerequisite to the process and cannot be used in order to delay the process. 

 

You can also choose to have your child evaluated privately, at your own expense. I do not know if it varies by state, but where I reside the schools must recognize and accept private evaluations as long as they are completed by qualified practitioners. 

[Ellie]

Although I homeschooled for many years, my children now attend an amazing Classical charter school. We have had wonderful experiences there, but I'm now dealing with a difficult situation regarding my little first grader. I substitute there on occasion, when I'm not at my other job, and ran into her teacher today. After a little chit chat she mentioned , as if we had already discussed this, that she may well be holding our daughter back, but isn't sure what the best thing would be. She went on for a few minutes, and mentioned that we could push for testing, but it's difficult to get the school to test a first grader apparently? Meanwhile I had no clue what she was talking about!

Then, within a couple hours, the same child was sent home for hitting and biting an older child (completely unprecedented behavior! She's not violent ) :).

So, I've been terribly concerned all day thinking about what may be going on. What are the pros and cons of holding back a first grader? My dh and I have noticed at home that she's been struggling with anxiety, and her teacher mentioned that she has difficulty paying attention. Could these contribute to poor academic performance? With reading it's like she chokes up with anxiety before sleeves gets started. Being a parent is hard! She is a bright little thing, despite being on her own time table- how much can I push for and any thoughts? I'm just feeling lost and overwhelmed at the moment.

 

I would not do it, not unless she's very young for her grade, as in her birthday falls the day before the cut-off to enter first grade.

 

She sounds like a candidate for homeschooling.

[Reefgazer]

Don't sweat it if she needs to be retained a year.  My DS was retained in first grade, at my insistence, because he was just not mature enough to continue on to second grade at his age.  It turned out to be a very good decision, and DS is now thriving at age 11.  All this is to say.....Listen to the issues that the teacher brings up, but don't automatically get your guard up because the teacher mentioned "retention".  It's really not a dirty word, and can have a lot of benefits for some children, particularly young-for-grade boys.

Although I homeschooled for many years, my children now attend an amazing Classical charter school. We have had wonderful experiences there, but I'm now dealing with a difficult situation regarding my little first grader. I substitute there on occasion, when I'm not at my other job, and ran into her teacher today. After a little chit chat she mentioned , as if we had already discussed this, that she may well be holding our daughter back, but isn't sure what the best thing would be. She went on for a few minutes, and mentioned that we could push for testing, but it's difficult to get the school to test a first grader apparently? Meanwhile I had no clue what she was talking about!
Then, within a couple hours, the same child was sent home for hitting and biting an older child (completely unprecedented behavior! She's not violent ) :).
So, I've been terribly concerned all day thinking about what may be going on. What are the pros and cons of holding back a first grader? My dh and I have noticed at home that she's been struggling with anxiety, and her teacher mentioned that she has difficulty paying attention. Could these contribute to poor academic performance? With reading it's like she chokes up with anxiety before sleeves gets started. Being a parent is hard! She is a bright little thing, despite being on her own time table- how much can I push for and any thoughts? I'm just feeling lost and overwhelmed at the moment.

 

[Reefgazer]

This is exactly what the research data says.  The problem with these studies, however, is that they were all done on children who had specific academic problems that they were attempting to address through retention.  I can not find any peer-reviewed research on the benefits of children retained for solely for maturity issues; I suspect the data would be quite different.  The OP needs to find out if her child's issues are maturity-related or not.  If not, retention in the absence of treatment for specific issues won't be beneficial.  But if this is a maturity issue (the biting and hitting suggests it may be that), then you betcha retention is worth looking at.  That was DS's issue; retention was the best. decision. ever.  I completely agree with you on the rest of the bolded, though.  :)

 

ETA:  I would not make the assumption your child is the problem.  As wonderful as you say this  school is, it may be a poor fit for *your daughter*.

Retention has pretty bad results longterm. You can google it. The negative consequences are both social and academic and are most pronounced in the teen years, even with a first grade retention. I would not do it. 

 

Poor form on the teacher's part to pop that info on you in a casual meeting. Of course you feel accosted and flummoxed.  I would make an appt. before parent teacher conferences.

 

If the instructional style is not a match for her, then that will increase anxiety. Just the fact that the teacher is thinking of retaining her yet you've had no clue is a red flag to me. 

 

What I would do is find out what's up and get her tested if academics is the issue. You should be able to get an evaluation from your local public school (even though dd attends private). To do that, write a letter to the director of children with exceptional needs stating whatever the problems are and stating your concern that there might be a learning disability. That triggers the process. The law requires a written request to trigger the process. A phone call won't do it.  If anxiety is the issue, the local public school isn't the place to get the testing done. 

 

Edited January 17, 2016 by reefgazer

[Farrar]

It sounds like anxiety is the root. I hope you're able to get her help. The teacher may not see that she's anxious - she may think she's disengaged or not very bright or that she's aggressive when the root is the anxiety you're talking about. Of course, there also could be learning issues at play - if your dd has a learning difference, maybe she's also struggling in addition to experiencing anxiety. Maybe they go hand in hand. You need to talk to the teacher to know what's up. However, I'll say... if the problem is primarily anxiety, I can't imagine much worse for an anxious kid than being held back in first grade. I know if that were my anxious kid, he'd never recover for that. It would be a set up for him having "proof" that he was stupid for the rest of his life. :( Of course, if there are learning differences going on too, it may be necessary... there are cases where it's a good idea and many kids are way more resilient.

 

I'll also say... while the school may be amazing for your other kids, maybe it's not amazing for this kid. For one thing, if there are issues at play, whether learning differences or anxiety or what, charter schools are often very poorly equipped to deal with them (while they may be great at average or gifted kids).

[SKL]

Yes, anxiety may well be the issue, and it may confuse the issue from the teacher's perspective.  You say your child is bright but on her own timetable.  If she is bright, she may well catch up and even excel once her true colors come out.  I would be very reluctant to make a permanent change such as retention in this situation.

[kiwik]

if she is not a violent child and she was biting and hitting an older child then I would suspect it was a panic/defense reaction to feeling cornered and threatened.  It may have been an over-reaction or there may have been no threat but if she is an anxious child and the other child was bigger ... This does not mean some intervention is not required but it doesn't necessarily indicate that she would benefit from being with younger kids either.

[SKL]

if she is not a violent child and she was biting and hitting an older child then I would suspect it was a panic/defense reaction to feeling cornered and threatened.  It may have been an over-reaction or there may have been no threat but if she is an anxious child and the other child was bigger ... This does not mean some intervention is not required but it doesn't necessarily indicate that she would benefit from being with younger kids either.

 

Good point.  This happened to my kid in 1st grade when a bigger kid would not let go of her.  Bigger kid didn't mean to be scary, but little kid needed her off.  When you hear reports from teachers, they are always half of the truth, because they are not allowed to tell you who the other kid was or what they did to your kid etc.  It makes it hard to decide how to respond.

[Laurie4b]

I have no idea if that is true across the board, but I just want to reiterate that it isn't the school doing the diagnosing, it is the professional who does the tests. The psychologist doing the tests may be employed by the school, or they may be a private psychologist. A psychologist certainly can, from a professional and legal standpoint, diagnose ADHD.  Here, if you go to an MD with potential ADHD, they will send you to a psychologist for testing. So, in reality, here, at least, you are very unlikely to get an MD to diagnose ADHD without consulting a psychologist. 

 

Paperwork for a 504 plan or an IEP is a separate issue from getting testing and appropriate treatment underway. If the treatment needs to take place at school or if the student needs accommodations while at school, then the paperwork comes into play. 

 

OP, if you are in a public school, make a written request for them to evaluate your child for learning and attention issues. This will start a clock for the school system - they now have a deadline (it varies by state, but 60-90 days from date of request to date of completion is pretty normal). They do not have to wait for any magic age or grade to test a child. The Child Find Mandate (part of IDEA) states that they must do all they can to locate, identify and test all children with disabilities from birth to age 21. The law does not require them to be failing classes or grades or to have already been diagnosed with a disability of any kind.  If they do not want to test her, they must explain why and you have a right to appeal their decision. They may not use the reasoning that they want to try classroom interventions first.  Such interventions may be part of the process, but they are not a prerequisite to the process and cannot be used in order to delay the process. 

 

You can also choose to have your child evaluated privately, at your own expense. I do not know if it varies by state, but where I reside the schools must recognize and accept private evaluations as long as they are completed by qualified practitioners. 

 

My comment had solely to do with what employees of a public school system will do. I made the comment both as a person who worked professionally for years with special needs kids within our state as well as as a parent of a child with ADHD.

 

Of course, a psychologist can diagnose ADHD. I never said otherwise.  But it is utterly untrue that a physician cannot and will send you to a psychologist. Either profession can make that diagnosis. 

 

The public school required documentation from a *physician* every year that he had ADHD because it is considered a medical condition and ADHD gets a 504 plan. They obviously had psychologists on staff.   

Edited January 17, 2016 by Laurie4b

[TechWife]

My comment had solely to do with what employees of a public school system will do. I made the comment both as a person who worked professionally for years with special needs kids within our state as well as as a parent of a child with ADHD.

 

Of course, a psychologist can diagnose ADHD. I never said otherwise.  But it is utterly untrue that a physician cannot and will send you to a psychologist. Either profession can make that diagnosis. 

 

The public school required documentation from a *physician* every year that he had ADHD because it is considered a medical condition and ADHD gets a 504 plan. They obviously had psychologists on staff.   

 

Laurie, 

 

I started this conversation to respond to another poster who incorrectly said that a physician has to make the diagnosis. As you know, that is factually incorrect. That is the misconception that I set out to address.

 

Honestly, I couldn't care less what the employees of a public school system do - it is secondary to making sure that any child receives appropriate help for any illness they may have. Obtaining diagnosis and treatment from either a psychologist or a physician is appropriate and it is also a totally different issue than what has to happen for a student to receive an IEP or a 504 Plan. 

 

I also never said that a physician cannot/will not diagnose ADHD. Instead, I related what happens in my area. If you go to a pediatrician and ADHD, LD or any other number of concerns are raised, the pediatrician will refer the patient for psychoeducational testing. After the test results are available, the pediatrician will work with the family to develop a care plan for any resulting diagnosis. Pediatricians here do not take this diagnosis lightly. 

 

A student with ADHD will usually get a 504 Plan, but not all of them will. Some of them have more than one diagnosis and they get an IEP. Others don't need a 504 Plan  or an IEP. 

 

FWIW, I, too am the parent of a student with ADHD, as well as several other diagnoses. I have been around on the diagnosis/treatment merry go round more times that I care to talk about. 

[catz]

I don't doubt there is data that children that are retained struggle more.  However, there is also no data that I know of about pushing along with a child that is now having severe behavioral problems, anxiety issues, and struggling.  I know a high schooler that is struggling terribly with high school right now.  He started as young for grade and his anxiety level has gone up every year of school.  I think this retention data has quite a bit to do with keeping the child in the exact same environment and just holding the child back to endure that same environment for another year when it wasn't a fit in the first place. 

 

I am curious how old your child is for grade.  My son went to K and 1st and many of the struggling kids were the youngest in the group.  I think the behavioral, focus,  and output expectations of K and 1 have gotten pretty ridiculous.   My kid has an Oct birthday and tests as highly to profoundly gifted and I'm still glad he wasn't any younger for grade.

 

Frankly, this is a sign of poor fit to me.  I would look at an overall HUGE change.  Maybe homeschooling.  Plenty of 6 year olds aren't cut out for all day every day in a very structured environment.  If I brought her home, I might consider graduating her a year later.  I'm not a huge fan of deciding when a child is 4-6 when they're going to be ready to launch.  Plenty of academically bright kids go through flakey phases and struggle with executive function through puberty. 

[NorthwestMom]

Laurie, 

 

I started this conversation to respond to another poster who incorrectly said that a physician has to make the diagnosis. As you know, that is factually incorrect. That is the misconception that I set out to address.

 

Honestly, I couldn't care less what the employees of a public school system do - it is secondary to making sure that any child receives appropriate help for any illness they may have. Obtaining diagnosis and treatment from either a psychologist or a physician is appropriate and it is also a totally different issue than what has to happen for a student to receive an IEP or a 504 Plan. 

 

I also never said that a physician cannot/will not diagnose ADHD. Instead, I related what happens in my area. If you go to a pediatrician and ADHD, LD or any other number of concerns are raised, the pediatrician will refer the patient for psychoeducational testing. After the test results are available, the pediatrician will work with the family to develop a care plan for any resulting diagnosis. Pediatricians here do not take this diagnosis lightly. 

 

A student with ADHD will usually get a 504 Plan, but not all of them will. Some of them have more than one diagnosis and they get an IEP. Others don't need a 504 Plan  or an IEP. 

 

FWIW, I, too am the parent of a student with ADHD, as well as several other diagnoses. I have been around on the diagnosis/treatment merry go round more times that I care to talk about. 

Yes, I just want to say that I didn't express myself particularly well. I wanted to emphasize that the teacher/school cannot diagnose ADHD.

 

[lovinglife]

This has been tremendously helpful.  I've been thinking about this all weekend- as you can imagine!  I'm submitting a written request tomorrow, as well as emailing her teacher and the lead teacher of the grammar school about a meeting and my concerns.  We are also calling the counselors that have been working with our older child.  Interesting point about perhaps not being a good fit- it's such a wonderful school, but it's true that their SPED program could be better.  

 

Homeschooling may certainly be our best option- in fact it was one of the first things to pop into my head.  The 'problem' with that is that I wouldn't be doing the schooling, it would be my SAH husband for the most part, and he's intimidated by that BECAUSE of the problems she's been struggling with.  It's like pulling teeth just to get her daily reading in.  I definitely find myself slipping back into my homeschooling mindset though, and wonder if she needs less pressure and more personalized help.  We will ponder that.   She's not particularly young for grade- she will be 7 in April.  Thanks for all of the perspectives.  

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

  It's like pulling teeth just to get her daily reading in.  I definitely find myself slipping back into my homeschooling mindset though, and wonder if she needs less pressure and more personalized help.  We will ponder that.   She's not particularly young for grade- she will be 7 in April.  Thanks for all of the perspectives.  

It is entirely, completely different to homeschool than to help a kid with homework who is already frazzled from having to follow a bunch of rules with people he doesn't know very well in a public setting all day.  No comparison at all.

 

Homeschooling is cozy.  It is done during the very best part of the child's day for learning.  It is flexible.  And it is private. 

[lovinglife]

Printed off a request, emailed her teacher, and emailed the head grammar school teacher.  I'll also be making some phone calls in the morning.  It feels so good to DO something.  Phew!

[lovinglife]

Carol-

 

I know that- just need to help my husband know that  :laugh:

I have such fond memories of working with my older children when they were little.  It was always a bit hectic but wonderful.  I think that it could be just what she needs, and she'd be much more receptive.  Particularly if we were addressing the underlying issues as well and putting her in a low stress environment.  Learning is so fun at this stage!  I'll keep working on him.

[Reefgazer]

Don't assume that issues at school will transfer to the homeschool; your child may be a different student at home than in a B+M school. 

This has been tremendously helpful.  I've been thinking about this all weekend- as you can imagine!  I'm submitting a written request tomorrow, as well as emailing her teacher and the lead teacher of the grammar school about a meeting and my concerns.  We are also calling the counselors that have been working with our older child.  Interesting point about perhaps not being a good fit- it's such a wonderful school, but it's true that their SPED program could be better.  

 

Homeschooling may certainly be our best option- in fact it was one of the first things to pop into my head.  The 'problem' with that is that I wouldn't be doing the schooling, it would be my SAH husband for the most part, and he's intimidated by that BECAUSE of the problems she's been struggling with.  It's like pulling teeth just to get her daily reading in.  I definitely find myself slipping back into my homeschooling mindset though, and wonder if she needs less pressure and more personalized help.  We will ponder that.   She's not particularly young for grade- she will be 7 in April.  Thanks for all of the perspectives.  

 

[Farrar]

Get your husband on here and have him read this, especially if he might be the primary teaching parent!

 

I'm glad you're following up and that homeschooling is on the table as an option. Probably because I was thinking about how fragile my own anxious kid can be sometimes and how he can sometimes lash out or seem like he doesn't care or know much, but I kept thinking about this thread and hoping that you are able to figure it all out for her.

 

Good luck. I'm sure you'll find the right solutions, whatever they may be.

Edited January 18, 2016 by Farrar

[Ellie]

This has been tremendously helpful.  I've been thinking about this all weekend- as you can imagine!  I'm submitting a written request tomorrow, as well as emailing her teacher and the lead teacher of the grammar school about a meeting and my concerns.  We are also calling the counselors that have been working with our older child.  Interesting point about perhaps not being a good fit- it's such a wonderful school, but it's true that their SPED program could be better.  

 

Homeschooling may certainly be our best option- in fact it was one of the first things to pop into my head.  The 'problem' with that is that I wouldn't be doing the schooling, it would be my SAH husband for the most part, and he's intimidated by that BECAUSE of the problems she's been struggling with.  It's like pulling teeth just to get her daily reading in.  I definitely find myself slipping back into my homeschooling mindset though, and wonder if she needs less pressure and more personalized help.  We will ponder that.   She's not particularly young for grade- she will be 7 in April.  Thanks for all of the perspectives.  

 

My uneducated best guess :001_smile: is that she needs less pressure and more personalized help. I have no doubt that Mr. Lovinglife would be capable of homeschooling her, especially if he can understand the difference between making her do work at home assigned by people at school when she's already feeling pressured, and a child being home all day with no pressure and learning.

[RootAnn]

Printed off a request, emailed her teacher, and emailed the head grammar school teacher.  I'll also be making some phone calls in the morning.  It feels so good to DO something.  Phew!

 

:grouphug:  Hope you are getting set up to have some good meetings. We're with you whatever you end up deciding. 

[lovinglife]

Making progress- still don't know what the end result will be, but that is okay. My husband and I met the staff about testing and have the ball rolling for that. We've also discussed things a bit more with her teacher and have a parent teacher conference next week. We tweaked her home reading as well in an effort to help. After testing we will make decisions about homeschooling, retaining, etc. We also met with the counselor. She's still struggling with terrible outbursts- I'm hoping we can help her! Thanks for the kind thoughts (:

[purplejackmama]

Did you find out why the teacher bombarded you with this info? I'm still upset for you that she dumped all this on you in such a casual way.

 

Kudos to you for being your child's best advocate. Hoping you find a great solution for your daughter.

[lovinglife]

Never did- apparently she's not the diplomatic person- and I'm discovering a whole back story to the situation.  Thanks again for the swell advice- I'm hopeful.

[Alessandra]

I like all the posts, but wanted to put another idea on the table, based on things I have read on charter schools in NYC. There have been a number of articles about how they systematically weed out kids who they don't think will perform well on tests. One of the techniques for weeding out is holding back kids repeatedly. Another is sending kids home for infractions.

 

Also, many charter schools do not have adequate programming or resources for kids who have special needs. There are a number of class action lawsuits in my part of the country.

 

I realize this may not apply to your school, but a red flag for me was when you said that the teacher was thinking of holding your dd back. In the ps system that I am familiar with, that would be a joint parent teacher decision.

Edited January 26, 2016 by Alessandra

[ocelotmom]

I was held back in 1st grade. Here's what I wrote up about it: http://learninglemurs.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-experience-with-grade-retention.html

 

(Not a positive view. Linked because I can't resist commenting on these threads, but hate writing out the details over and over.)

Edited January 26, 2016 by ocelotmom

[lovinglife]

Bump with update (: