Ailaena Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) In case you missed it: After an issue with MIL, SIL is not inviting my (adultish) dd to her wedding even though we were previously all one, big, happy family. Essentially I said that where one of my children isn't welcome, none of them are, and wanted to know if I was being unreasonable for taking that stance.    UPDATE  The invitation came a week ago and it was a generic email sent out to everybody.  It linked to a page where we said how many people were coming and what they wanted to eat and so on.  Since SIL had previously said friends and family, bf included dd in the rsvp. Not 5 minutes later, SIL texted and said no, it was for him, me, and baby only.  And it took until last night for him to be able to call her and talk about it. Which was so out of character because he is very much into directly confronting issues and immediately trying to talk about them. Essentially, he was embarrassed that he had assured me that she would never not invite dd, he was hurt because they rejected part of his family, and he was angry because his family just suddenly, randomly rejected dd for absolutely no reason.  So in their phone conversation, he was trying to convey to her that although she has every right to invite whomever she wants, he wanted her to know that he was very hurt by this exclusion of family when the wedding was for friends and family.  And she said that she had considered us family, "but that was before."  Before what, you may ask?  "Just before."  So yes, those of you who read the original post, that was before MIL went bat-sh*t crazy. Bf called MIL every couple of days (just to say hi) until a few weeks ago when she told him she wasn't interested in talking to him until at least after the wedding. And right after that SIL called him and said, "Mom talks about you like she talked about [our other brother]."  The other brother being the one that she cut off all contact with 6 years ago. I didn't mention that originally because I didn't want to seem like I am blaming everything on her based on her prior history.  I can take responsibility for my actions.  I, of course, was expecting it, had made my peace with it, and knew that I would not be attending. Then I relented and said that maybe we (dd, ds, and I) could just be there for the ceremony so that she could have family involved in her day of love, or whatever. Because family is family is family. And we may.  And if you are one of those people who believe family is only family if they are blood or paperwork related, we are not of that belief system.   Edited January 29, 2016 by Ailaena 1 Quote
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) I just wanted to add that I don't think either you or your br should attend the wedding if your dd is being deliberately excluded.  IMO, it would be a big mistake for your bf to attend this wedding alone. Give him the opportunity to show his sister and mother that you, your dd, and the son you have together are his main priorities and that if you, your dd, and/or the baby are excluded, he will stand with you, not with them  Given the history with his mother, it is extremely important that he shows that he is supporting you and your children. You do NOT want to give even the slightest impression to his mother and sister that your dh is at all wishy-washy about this, because that may give them the idea that they can divide and conquer, and that they can influence his decisions regarding his relationship with you.  I think you should all stay home. Edited January 15, 2016 by Catwoman 18 Quote
lmrich Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Why would they dislike your daughter now? Seems twisted and mean spirited.  It is time to move on either with them or without them.  Do not go; you have a baby and that is enough of a reason. Your BF should go and leave as soon as is possible.  1 Quote
Farrar Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 That's a boatload of drama right there. Â Here's the thing... It's all very easy for us internet people to say, draw a line! don't do it! be harsh! But something else when you're the real person who's in that situation with those emotional ties to people. I don't know what you should do. They've all had so much emotional turmoil in the last year. Maybe this is just a prolonged blip of crazy before they manage to settle down and say, gee, I don't know what was wrong with us. Or maybe they're now permanently on the road to dysfunctional horror in laws. I think you want to draw boundaries and also be willing to let go of it all if things change. I mean, mil lost her husband and acquired two grandchildren and has had her living situation change in the course of a year, it sounds like. That's so hard. It doesn't mean you have to forgive and forget, but I'd want to leave the door open to do so. Â No matter what you do, don't feel bad about it. Maybe after all this, your dd won't even want to associate with these people. 17 Quote
Catwoman Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Can your bf ask his sister what's going on? If she comes right out and says she is deliberately excluding your dd, you'll have your answer. But if it's a very small wedding, she might have a legitimate reason for having to limit her guest list -- I know it's a long shot that she has a good reason, but I think it would be worth having your bf ask his sister about it. 17 Quote
bettyandbob Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) I think all of you need to keep your distance. I'd not encourage bf to go even if it is his sister. He can tell her his family is a package deal. Â ETA I'd still send the kind of wedding gift you would have sent otherwise. Edited January 15, 2016 by Diana P. 2 Quote
Word Nerd Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I didn't read all that, but I read enough to vote NOPE! Quote
Anne Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Can your bf ask his sister what's going on? If she comes right out and says she is deliberately excluding your dd, you'll have your answer. But if it's a very small wedding, she might have a legitimate reason for having to limit her guest list -- I know it's a long shot that she has a good reason, but I think it would be worth having your bf ask his sister about it. I agree with this! If your dd is deliberately being excluded for some weird reason, I definitely think that neither you nor your bf should go. Â But the possible fallout is well worth taking that extra step of your bf calling his sister and saying, hey, what's up with this? Â Anne 4 Quote
myfunnybunch Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I voted Other. Â And no, you're not being ridiculous or unreasonable. Not one tiny bit. Â The Other is that were you a RL friend, I would tell you that I can't give solid advice one way or the other. And I LOVE to give advice. ;) You really need to choose your own boundary here. Go or don't go as your instinct tells you is the right response for you and your family. Â If you're leaning toward don't go to the wedding of someone who is suddenly being nasty to you and to your dd, then don't go. Reasonable. Â If you're leaning toward show your face and make a token appearance to support your bf and because family, and maybe it will help repair things in the future, then go. Reasonable. Â You are caught between two equally unpleasant choices, and there's no right or wrong choice here. Whatever you decide, choose it with no regret. Their response belongs to them, not you. Hugs. 4 Quote
Seasider Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I'd send a very nice card and gift, but not one of us (self, bf, kids) would be going. Â If I had to make a guess, I'd say MIL is giving SIL a lotta drama about how she couldn't possibly enjoy the wedding celebration if <whatever> conditions aren't met. The exclusion of your dd is a direct jab at you, probably not intended to actually affect her at all. Â Also, MIL is probably anguishing over the "breakup" of the codependent relationship with her daughter. I hope you SIL has a good plan to establish a healthy household with her new dh. 2 Quote
bolt. Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) I think there's some spaghetti-style crossed wires going on. Â 1. It's normal for adult step-nieces to be considered outside of the realm of a small, swift, family wedding. (Other factors: Does your daughter live at home or away at school? Are you technically married into this family or does it just feel like it?) Â 2. You are feeling rejected in you in-law circle, because your MIL is treating you like crud. Â 3. It's normal for a bride to care more about her own mom's feelings than she does about her brother's significant other. If she wants s perfect wedding day, it's time for her to take sides. Â Therefore: you feel that your daughter is being excluded not because she is too distant of a distant relation (she is, even though the relationship is warm) but because you are considered to have offended the matriarch, and are not quite welcome yourself. Â To make this decision I would ask myself: "If I had barely met my in-laws, and BF's sister was holding a small wedding, would I expect to be invited with all my family, or would I expect to be his 'plus 1'." Â I think for a small family wedding you invite your brother and whoever he is with (a wife, gf or date). I don't think it's a full-scale 'rejection' to fail to include her adult children in the invitation. Â However, in reality it would depend on how DD feels. I'd just ask her: "Hey, how do you feel about aunt's wedding plans?" Â - If she sounds really enthusiastic I'd plan not to go (I'd 'stay home with the baby' not make a deal out of it) and tell DD with regret that it's so small that BF is going alone. Â - If she sounds like it's 'great for them' but not really engaged about going herself or not, then I'd probably go with BF as his date... It's not a rejection if no one is feeling rejected about it. Edited January 15, 2016 by bolt. 17 Quote
Guest Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I do not go somewhere my kids are unwelcome. Full stop. I don't care if you are the bloody Queen of England. 11 Quote
bolt. Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I go *lots* of places where my kids are not welcome... there are lots of social activities that are just for a certain circle of people. Â I just don't go places where they are being deliberately excluded as an act of malice against me and 'people who belong to me'. 13 Quote
gardenmom5 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) is sil mad? or just recongizing her mother is unreasonable and unwilling to bend?  how is MIL handling her dh's death? I wonder if part of her issue is her own grief - for which she could be in denial and acting out in seemingly unrelated ways.  is SIL excluding your dd to appease mil - or just mil? Edited January 15, 2016 by gardenmom5 Quote
ThursdayNext Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I think there's some spaghetti-style crossed wires going on. Â 1. It's normal for adult step-nieces to be considered outside of the realm of a small, swift, family wedding. (Other factors: Does your daughter live at home or away at school? Are you technically married into this family or does it just feel like it?) Â 2. You are feeling rejected in you in-law circle, because your MIL is treating you like crud. Â 3. It's normal for a bride to care more about her own mom's feelings than she does about her brother's significant other. If she wants s perfect wedding day, it's time for her to take sides. Â Therefore: you feel that your daughter is being excluded not because she is too distant of a distant relation (she is, even though the relationship is warm) but because you are considered to have offended the matriarch, and are not quite welcome yourself. Â To make this decision I would ask myself: "If I had barely met my in-laws, and BF's sister was holding a small wedding, would I expect to be invited with all my family, or would I expect to be his 'plus 1'." Â I think for a small family wedding you invite your brother and whoever he is with (a wife, gf or date). I don't think it's a full-scale 'rejection' to fail to include her adult children in the invitation. Â However, in reality it would depend on how DD feels. I'd just ask her: "Hey, how do you feel about aunt's wedding plans?" Â - If she sounds really enthusiastic I'd plan not to go (I'd 'stay home with the baby' not make a deal out of it) and tell DD with regret that it's so small that BF is going alone. Â - If she sounds like it's 'great for them' but not really engaged about going herself or not, then I'd probably go with BF as his date... It's not a rejection if no one is feeling rejected about it. I agree with this. 50 people is really tiny. To fit the most important friends and family, cuts will have to be made. I could understand not including the brother's girlfriend's adult daughter, even if they have a good relationship. Â The BF should go. To not go to his own sister's wedding just piles on more hurt, and makes it less likely reconciliation will ever happen. I hope you can go too. 10 Quote
Alice Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 That's a boatload of drama right there.  Here's the thing... It's all very easy for us internet people to say, draw a line! don't do it! be harsh! But something else when you're the real person who's in that situation with those emotional ties to people. I don't know what you should do. They've all had so much emotional turmoil in the last year. Maybe this is just a prolonged blip of crazy before they manage to settle down and say, gee, I don't know what was wrong with us. Or maybe they're now permanently on the road to dysfunctional horror in laws. I think you want to draw boundaries and also be willing to let go of it all if things change. I mean, mil lost her husband and acquired two grandchildren and has had her living situation change in the course of a year, it sounds like. That's so hard. It doesn't mean you have to forgive and forget, but I'd want to leave the door open to do so.  No matter what you do, don't feel bad about it. Maybe after all this, your dd won't even want to associate with these people.  I think this is really wise. I'm not sure given the information you've given us if I'd go or not.  From the perspective of SIL, I'd say that as the daughter of a very difficult woman she might be be in a bind. Perhaps her MIL has made an ultimatum to not invite you or your dd. Or to just not invite your dd knowing that will hurt you. Perhaps SIL just wants to have less drama on her wedding day. Maybe she isn't ready to face up to her Mom and so the only thing she knows to do is to give in. In the ideal world of the Internet it's easy to say that SIL should stand up to Mom and invite whoever she wants and that if she's excluding you and your dd that you and bf should not go. But it's a lot harder to do that in real life. I would try not to cut off the relationship with SIL. That doesn't mean you have to go or that bf has to go but that I'd do my best to preserve that relationship. I would try and focus on the wedding being about SIL and realize that even if you have to do deal with unpleasantness from MIL that you are doing it for SIL and for bf and his relationship with his sister. 3 Quote
SKL Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) It's hard to know why they are excluding her. Could it be because other people in her category aren't being invited? Even if you all got along great together, she is not technically as close as your bf & you, and maybe she just simply didn't make the cut, with all the formalities of wedding planning. Does that make any sense?I say, go if you want to, don't go if you don't want to, but I would probably ask outright why dd wasn't invited and see what she says. You have nothing to lose. :) Edited January 15, 2016 by SKL 2 Quote
Ailaena Posted January 15, 2016 Author Posted January 15, 2016 Â I don't have long, but I really, really appreciate the responses so far, and appreciate seeing both sides of this. Especially since I didn't see it as should she include son's girlfriend's adult daughter at her tiny wedding. I only saw it as everybody considers everybody family until just now. We've all been part of each other's lives for four years, or so now. Â Dd lived with us until November and has always been a part of everything. It really is a sudden change. Â I am also hoping that everything is just temporary grief, but I won't know until it ends. If it ever ends. Â Bleh, have to run :/ Quote
AmandaVT Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I'd want to know why your DD is being excluded. Is it because the wedding is really small and they had to whittle down the guest list? Or is it out of malice? Â Bolt said everything I was thinking. 1 Quote
Annie G Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I'd be baffled about why I was invited but dd wasn't since it sounds like they're mad at you but haven't had words with dd...unless there is an incident involving dd that you haven't mentioned.  Inviting just 50 people to a wedding can mean tough decisions and it might just mean they aren't inviting step nieces.   Even though I wouldn't enjoy the wedding, I'd probably go and be there to support bf- with a smile on your face and good wishes for the happy couple. Stooping to their level is tempting but in the long run probably not going to help the relationship.  (or maybe even yours, considering it's your bf's family)  There comes a time to cut your losses and end a relationship but I'm unclear whether the way they're acting is going to blow over or not.   4 Quote
HS Mom in NC Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I think people who haven't had very small weddings might not have considered how quickly 50 seats fill up when the closest friends and family from the bride's side AND the groom's side get first priority. Seriously, think of your wedding and ask yourself, "If I had chosen to have only 50 people come to my wedding, which 50 would it have been?" Then consider how many people you would have cut and why you would've cut them and not the 50 who would've got invitations. After completing that mental exercise in its entirety, revisit this thread. There is all the difference in the world in someone not being invited because they are unwelcome and someone not being invited because the event is already filled with people who have closer, more intimate relationships with the bride and groom. I had 50 people at my wedding.  I grudgingly agreed to a small wedding to please my husband. ( I wanted to wear something cute, sign papers, take a couple of photos and take a vacation rather than have a wedding. ) When my small wedding got completely out of control because my mother had this bizarre compulsion to invite everyone she knew, and everyone one whose baby shower, bridal shower or wedding she had ever attended, we moved the date up to a few weeks, and accepted my in-laws' generous offer to have it in their home so we could limit the number of guests to 50. We had a quick 15 minute ceremony, an hour and a half of cake and punch, and it was done. Best decision we ever made.  3 Quote
gardenmom5 Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I agree with this. 50 people is really tiny. To fit the most important friends and family, cuts will have to be made. I could understand not including the brother's girlfriend's adult daughter, even if they have a good relationship.  The BF should go. To not go to his own sister's wedding just piles on more hurt, and makes it less likely reconciliation will ever happen. I hope you can go too.  for some people that's tiny - and for others that's huge.  when sil got married - her mil sent out less than 10. Quote
trulycrabby Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) I think you and your bf should both go to the wedding, because it would strengthen your relationship with SIL and her new husband, but mainly because it would really, really, really make your MIL mad. I am evil like that. :) Â I agree with homeschool mom in AZ and others who think that 50 spaces fill up quickly in a small, rushed wedding, and it is not unusual to exclude a college-aged neice or nephew. Â With family politics, especially when the other party is behaving badly and trying to pick a fight, it is always good to take the high road, to not get offended, to not take things personallly, and to never, ever, ever get mad. It puts you in a position of power (and really pisses them off) if you are unflappable and impervious to manipulation. Edited January 15, 2016 by trulycrabby 3 Quote
SKL Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (edited) I also remembered after my above comment that your daughter doesn't exactly live with you any more. So she is the brother's girlfriend's adult daughter who doesn't live "at home." She's a loved one, yes, but not all loved ones get invited to every wedding.  If the wedding has 50 invitees, that's 25 couples, 12 on each side of the family. Including an average of 1 kid per couple would limit it to only 8 couples on each side. Makes it tough. Edited January 15, 2016 by SKL 5 Quote
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Yes, you should go. You have the opportunity to do the "right thing." Just do it. Let bf deal with any family drama, and you can be removed from it.  No, you are not being ridiculous. At all.   :grouphug:  4 Quote
happi duck Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 (Hugs) Â I know someone who was suddenly a widow. Her grief has played out as anger and she seems to have picked one person in her life to take out her anger upon. That person has distanced themselves because it was really painful to take and got the grieving person worked up more and more. Â It's been some years and the relationship is not restored but the widow no longer fixates on her chosen target. Â I'm not saying this is the same. Just throwing it out there that grief can play out differently than we might expect. Â Iiwm, I'd probably have bf go but I'd stay home. 2 Quote
Samm Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 Why don't you wait until you see what the evite says? Â It could be possible that you, or dd, or even bf can't make it due to any number of scheduling reasons. Â It may be far away, etc. Â I just couldn't put a baby in the same room as MIL again, too much moodiness and anger for a baby to have to get used to from, really let's admit it, somebody who thinks it's ok to act that way around a baby. Quote
sassenach Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I'm in the camp that thinks everything is not totally clear here. If dd is enthusiastic, I would have BF take her and I would stay home with the baby. If not, I would at the very least have BF go. I truly don't think he should miss his sister's wedding over this. 1 Quote
purplejackmama Posted January 15, 2016 Posted January 15, 2016 I'm confused. Are they excluding daughter as a ploy to get back at you? Is this all stemming from the baby incident? Does sister want to invite daughter but mom is telling her she can't? 2 Quote
Little Nyssa Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 From what I understand, whether or not they invite DD is a big "if." It's not clear yet. Don't freak out and make any decisions until you know for sure. 1 Quote
Tsuga Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 It is not ridiculous to be concerned about your daughter. Â However, if it were me, me being me, I would go, not drink, and just be prepared to take the high road 100% for the sake of the wedding. Every thanksgiving? Nope. Christmas? Nope. But, I am okay with abuse for one day for my SIL. Â Then I have a spa day with my daughter. Â I wouldn't take a stance, intentional or not: The insult of non invitation, if intended, has already been thrown (if it is thrown). At that point you just choose to let it bounce off or you throw it back by declining. Â I say let it bounce. Quote
Tsuga Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 Eta: Not drink to ensure I can keep my trap shut, my smiles wide, and my toasts polite. Quote
Ailaena Posted January 16, 2016 Author Posted January 16, 2016 I'm confused. Are they excluding daughter as a ploy to get back at you? Is this all stemming from the baby incident? Does sister want to invite daughter but mom is telling her she can't?.  I don't know, I don't know, and mil is running the wedding so probably.  I mentioned to bf the 50-people limit and he just scoffed since she only has 10-12 friends and family (including us) actually coming As far as I'm concerned, 50 people is huge. If we were married, I doubt we could come up with 50 people even if we stretched way out.  And since it seems to be a thing, I don't plan on legally marrying bf. Like, ever. But that doesn't mean either of us take the relationship lightly, or we are any less committed than people who are legally married. It has never been an issue with his family before, they fully accept this.  Since our families are so small, and had previously been so close, he also doesn't buy the Idea that dd is too far removed, although I was willing to think it. People have different ideas about family, and I can accept that. And although I thought we were on the same page, recent events have shown me otherwise.  I don't know. You guys all gave me so much to think about. As much as I want to be petty and show up at the wedding with an adorable baby and be charming so that SIL's new family can wonder why grandma isn't interacting with DIL and grandson, I don't want to put forth that much energy :p  Oh! Also, I wanted to ask SIL directly and immediately, but bf wants to wait until we get the official invite because he just doesn't believe she would really exclude dd. And since the official word has not come down the line yet, I'll try to not stress until that happens.  Again, I really appreciate the things you've given me to think about! Quote
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2016 Posted January 16, 2016 I think it's a smart idea to wait until you get the actual invitations and see whether or not your dd is invited. You may be worrying for nothing and your bf's sister may fully intend to invite your dd. Â Would it help for your bf to casually just happen to mention to his sister that your dd is very happy for her and wanted to congratulate her on her upcoming wedding? (Okay, basically I'm asking you if a covert little guilt trip might go a long way toward getting your dd invited, without actually coming out and asking if she will be invited. ;)) Quote
Ailaena Posted January 29, 2016 Author Posted January 29, 2016 Thank you all again for the input <3 Quote
Annie G Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Sorry to hear that the situation isn't just 'limiting the guest list due to space/money'. I don't think I could attend. It's a tricky situation, but it's about more than just this wedding- it's about how your dd is going to be treated by your boyfriend's family. I just couldn't attend knowing that dd didn't 'do' anything wrong to deserve to be excluded. And because I don't play games.  I think your bf has to sort this out. Sorry. 2 Quote
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) Oh, mama, you are a bigger person than I am. I would not be able to bring myself to go, though I would gladly let DH go. To me, given the situation you described initially (you may have deleted), my going would feel like a betrayal of my DD, who was essentially rejected by family. I wouldn't let it slide if it was blood relations pulling that BS, and I couldn't let it slide in this situation either. If SIL/MIL want family to be there, then they need to actually consider them, and treat them, like family. (This is all IMO, of course, others may perceive it all differently.) Â I'm glad your BF worked up the nerve to speak up, even if he ultimately decides he needs to be there, with or without you. And I'm really sorry to hear that the update was that the situation was what you believed it to be instead of some better-case scenario. That just really stinks :( Â :grouphug: Edited January 29, 2016 by ILiveInFlipFlops 5 Quote
HS Mom in NC Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 It's not a limited space issue and she stated she used to consider "us" family but doesn't anymore. Does "us" me you and your daughter from a previous relationship? It's plural, so I'm trying to figure out who's in that group. Precision is critically important in disputes because vague opens doors for all kinds of misunderstandings. (Vague is a plague on everyone involved.)  So are we talking about a grown woman (SIL) catering to the irrational, erratic whims of her mentally unstable mother? Or is all of this her own doing with mommy's approval? If she's being a doormat to mommy she has serious issues that need to be addressed by a professional. Her fiance needs to take a good look at that an reconsider if he wants to join into that mess without setting some rigid boundaries ahead of time. If this is her own doing, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and everyone should be very wary of her.I wouldn't go because they do seem to have some sort of unfounded negativity toward your older daughter. That's a pile of crazy that no one should get involved with. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.By the way, the cut off brother is probably in the best situation. If it were me and my parent was causing that level problems, I'd brainstorm ways to get cut off just so I didn't have to deal with that kind of crap. 4 Quote
HRAAB Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 There is no way I could go at this point. Just could not make myself. I'm so sorry this has happened. 2 Quote
Word Nerd Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I didn't read all that, but I read enough to vote NOPE! Â My vote is still NOPE...only now it's more like NOPE! 3 Quote
Seasider Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 Good grief. Your MIL may be a real piece of work but I don't think your SIL has a backbone. That's so mean and hurtful. Â I am of two minds. Boycott (what MIL seems to really want), or, go, all smiles, and let your darling darling baby steal the spotlight. 1 Quote
Kalypso Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 After that update, there is no way I would go. 1 Quote
kitten18 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I voted no the first time. I definitely wouldn't be going now! 1 Quote
gardenmom5 Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) Good grief. Your MIL may be a real piece of work but I don't think your SIL has a backbone. That's so mean and hurtful.  I am of two minds. Boycott (what MIL seems to really want), or, go, all smiles, and let your darling darling baby steal the spotlight.  by puking on the wedding dress. or better yet - all over mil . . . . but I'm evil that way . . . .  your mil sounds like a real toxic person (and not just about this), and I'd be limiting contact. if sil wants to suck up to her mother, and not invite your dd - I think your entire family (including your dh) should stay home. she's chosen sides, she needs to live with it.  Edited January 29, 2016 by gardenmom5 4 Quote
fraidycat Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 I'd be staying home, no doubt about it. Â I also agree with HSMominAZ, I'd be looking for ways to get "cut off". The ousted brother sounds like the winner in this situation. Lucky him. Quote
Word Nerd Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 "We were going to come to the wedding, but that was before..." 13 Quote
Lady Florida. Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 "We were going to come to the wedding, but that was before..." Â ^^^^ Perfect! ^^^^ Â Â I would not go, and would make sure they know why. 2 Quote
Lady Florida. Posted January 29, 2016 Posted January 29, 2016 (edited) I thought about my agreement that you shouldn't go, while in another thread I said it's not good to hold grudges, and wondered if I was being hypocritical in my two different pieces of advice. I don't think so. I think in this case it's not about holding a grudge, but about holding someone responsible for their behavior. I could be wrong though. Edited January 29, 2016 by Lady Florida 2 Quote
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