Please help!

[mountains27]

I have posted here before but not for awhile so I'm sorry if this is way out of the blue...I need help today.

My son is 7 (will be 8 in March) and has been homeschooling since he left PS kindergarten. Last year went pretty well I thought, he has ADHD (non medicated because being at home it seemed under control) and a pretty crippling social anxiety but being at home that doesn't play a factor so he thrived in that aspect, he does participate in team sports and martial arts so he gets out and works on interacting with people besides family. He started becoming reluctant to do any form of school work towards the end of spring and this year so far he has been extremely reluctant and we have not been able to get anything done. I admit we have had a more unschooling approach since spring. Today we met with his psychologist who we see about twice a year just to keep up with his anxiety, ADHD and make sure he is on track. I mentioned that he had started getting a little more reluctant about doing school work and that I had backed off a bit and tried a more unschooling approach with lots of playing and lighter sit down work and the therapist then proceeded to test my son to see where he was at. It was a quick 20 or so minute testing and in the end decided my son was at a early 1st grade reading level and early K level for math. He said that my son showed lots of signs of a learning disability, based on his lack of confidence when answering questions, timid nature and by my explanation of his behavior at home when asked to do any form of school work. He concluded that my son would be much better off in public school with trained professional teachers who have the ability to teach him in ways that I never would be able to. This stings, I REALLY love homeschooling my kids and have sacrificed a lot to make it happen. I am a single parent who works fulltime (mostly evenings) to give my kids as much of the stay at home mom as I can while also needing to 100% supporting them financially. I'm stretched thin but I truly believe in homeschooling and want it for my kids. This doctor has me doubting myself now and worried that I might be actually not doing what's best for my son.

This is where the help! part comes in, I need encouragement and experience to help me know what step to take next.

Thank you if you have read this and any advice is much appreciated :/

[Tiramisu]

The psychologist should know better. Seriously. A 20 minute test on a child with anxiety that he sees twice a year? Really?

 

Signs of a learning disability? It's feasible.  

 

It's probably a good idea to have a thorough evaluation if he has been reluctant to do school work for almost a year and if you have concerns about his learning.

 

In any case, I don't think anyone here would tell you ps is a solution for a kid with learning issues. But first find out what you're dealing with.

[City Mouse]

There is nothing that teachers at a public school will do to help him that you can't do at home given the right resources, but I agree that you need to get an evaluation done as soon as you can.

[kbutton]

He concluded that my son would be much better off in public school with trained professional teachers who have the ability to teach him in ways that I never would be able to. This stings, I REALLY love homeschooling my kids and have sacrificed a lot to make it happen. I am a single parent who works fulltime (mostly evenings) to give my kids as much of the stay at home mom as I can while also needing to 100% supporting them financially. I'm stretched thin but I truly believe in homeschooling and want it for my kids. This doctor has me doubting myself now and worried that I might be actually not doing what's best for my son.

This is where the help! part comes in, I need encouragement and experience to help me know what step to take next.

Thank you if you have read this and any advice is much appreciated :/

 

Some psychs are anti-homeschooling or feel that it must be abandoned at the first sign of trouble. I think you found one of those. He may also be totally correct about a learning disability or other issue--task avoidance and anxiety can be some of the first signs of a learning difficulty.

 

You may have things you can learn from this psych, but it's likely that he's going to undermine your homeschooling if he draws conclusions about school placement (home or PS) so quickly. He may also be of the opinion that single parents can't do it all, and that may be where it's coming from. 

 

A learning problem sounds quite possible. Your son could also need glasses or something, and wouldn't that man feel stupid for telling you to put your son in PS then? 

 

I think you should formulate a plan for finding out what's up, and then find the best person to support you in the long run. This psych does not have to be the one to test or to follow up. You can continue to see him for meds and be just fine leaving it at that. If he comes around and has supportive things to say (and you think he's really going to be helpful), you can use him too. It depends on if it helps you or demoralizes you!

 

If finances are an issue, you can often get evaluations through the public school (it requires a written request for evaluations from you) or go through your options a little at a time. I would check vision (with a COVD optometrist if at all possible), check hearing, maybe ask people who know your son for some honest feedback about what they perceive (socially, etc.)--ask people you trust and who won't bust your chops if they see a problem. Those things are pocket change and reasonable things to do before you get a full evaluation. You can also tinker with how much support and structure you are giving your son. Kids with EF deficits really need structure (and we all hate that they need structure, lol!). 

 

For your own confidence, I would do some honest soul-searching about how you are doing with your HS plans and organization. This is not at all to feel bad, but to have answers for people who might be quick to criticize. *If* you feel as though you need to make changes or think that you've corrected course after something didn't work, and your initial course wasn't helpful, then you can come to terms with that honestly, on your own, not in a critical way from others. It's a learning curve for all of us, and kids who are struggling will bend that curve to make it look like a mountain rather than a molehill. If you are aware of this, then you will be more prepared and confident to seek answers and seek the right kind of supports, I think. We all correct course and have our more and less disciplined moments, weeks, months. 

 

It sounds like you are invested, and invested moms can do some pretty amazing things!

[mountains27]

Thank you all! This is what I needed and knew I'd find it among other pro-homeschoolers.

 

I do plan to get my son evaluated so that I know what exactly I'm dealing with and I can research and come up with the best next step in his homeschooling. I have been feeling like something more was up with him and although I didn't agree with everything the doctor said today I can agree with him on the fact that an evaluation is a good next step.

I probably should have mentioned my son is slightly near sighted, he had an eye test this spring actually and the eye doctor said he is just barely on the cusp of needing glasses (he's a .25 if anyone is familiar with eye glass prescriptions). He doesn't wear them much yet because the prescription is so low he doesn't see too much of a difference in sight. so he doesn't have much incentive to want to wear them. Maybe I'll start pushing him to wear them more during school time and see if it helps.

 

Thank you again for the advice, I'm sure I'll be back around after the evaluation with more questions!

 

[Tiramisu]

Thank you all! This is what I needed and knew I'd find it among other pro-homeschoolers.

 

I do plan to get my son evaluated so that I know what exactly I'm dealing with and I can research and come up with the best next step in his homeschooling. I have been feeling like something more was up with him and although I didn't agree with everything the doctor said today I can agree with him on the fact that an evaluation is a good next step.

I probably should have mentioned my son is slightly near sighted, he had an eye test this spring actually and the eye doctor said he is just barely on the cusp of needing glasses (he's a .25 if anyone is familiar with eye glass prescriptions). He doesn't wear them much yet because the prescription is so low he doesn't see too much of a difference in sight. so he doesn't have much incentive to want to wear them. Maybe I'll start pushing him to wear them more during school time and see if it helps.

 

Thank you again for the advice, I'm sure I'll be back around after the evaluation with more questions!

 

Sometimes slight differences in vision can overstress the system when other things are going on.

 

Regular optometrists or ophthalmologists don't test beyond visual acuity but there are a lot of things that can go on with the eyes beyond acuity that effect learning, so that's where a covd.org optometrist comes in.

[kbutton]

Sometimes slight differences in vision can overstress the system when other things are going on.

 

Regular optometrists or ophthalmologists don't test beyond visual acuity but there are a lot of things that can go on with the eyes beyond acuity that effect learning, so that's where a covd.org optometrist comes in.

 

Agreed. COVD's check how the ocular motor skills are working. Some check for retained primitive reflexes that interfere with the brain and eyes working together. We're seeing stunning changes because of VT, and it's on the second child. Our oldest is pretty much 20/20 (slight farsighted, but correction doesn't help), and other one has an impression astigmatism and can only be corrected to 20/25 at this point. The motor parts have been the far bigger deal for both of them.

[OneStepAtATime]

Agreed. COVD's check how the ocular motor skills are working. Some check for retained primitive reflexes that interfere with the brain and eyes working together. We're seeing stunning changes because of VT, and it's on the second child. Our oldest is pretty much 20/20 (slight farsighted, but correction doesn't help), and other one has an impression astigmatism and can only be corrected to 20/25 at this point. The motor parts have been the far bigger deal for both of them.

Yep.  DS has perfect eye sight...from a visual acuity standpoint.  He also has an eye that drifts slightly out of alignment.  It makes reading harder.  It makes lots of things harder.  And not one eye exam caught it until we sought out someone trained in Developmental Optometry and I asked for a developmental eye screening (thanks to the wonderful people on this board).  Many eye doctors don't even have the equipment to run the tests, or the knowledge either.  You need someone listed with the COVD if possible.

[mountains27]

Interesting, And actually he does often have trouble with his eyes whenever he gets a cold, they water like crazy, not sure if maybe that could be connected to a deeper problem now that I'm really thinking about it.  Once last year it got so bad his eyeball and the surrounding tissue swelled up- of course we went straight to the ER and discovered he had a very bad infection that almost got to his eye nerves. Definitely going to look into this and thank you again for opening this up to me, I feel bad for not connecting these dots before. 

[OneStepAtATime]

Interesting, And actually he does often have trouble with his eyes whenever he gets a cold, they water like crazy, not sure if maybe that could be connected to a deeper problem now that I'm really thinking about it.  Once last year it got so bad his eyeball and the surrounding tissue swelled up- of course we went straight to the ER and discovered he had a very bad infection that almost got to his eye nerves. Definitely going to look into this and thank you again for opening this up to me, I feel bad for not connecting these dots before. 

Well, sometimes as parents we have sooooo MANY dots to connect that it takes a while to get the picture formed.  This isn't a 5 dot pre-K picture we are trying to draw, KWIM?   :lol:

 

And even as I am reading this and thinking about this thread and others, it occurs to me that my DS rubs his eyes quite a bit these days.  At least 4-5 times a day, sometimes a lot more often.  I am thinking it is time for another eye exam.  

Edited January 15, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[mountains27]

Just updating in case anyone is reading this post for information on the subject of using a public school for LD evaluations for their homeschooled kids-

 

I had sent a letter to my school district office to get a referral to get my son tested for possible learning disabilities. I stated in the letter that I wanted to figure out what, if any, troubles my son might be having because I have been observing increasing difficulties in his learning, particularly his math and basic memory. I made sure to state in the letter I intended to keep homeschooling and just wanted a diagnose that would help me teach him better.

Today was the initial meeting that included myself, the school special ed director and the school principal, who also happens to be a child psych. My son wasn't present as we were just meeting to figure out what tests would be best for him and not actually testing him today. I brought in some of his work, the books we use, and explained in depth my concerns and the general behavior I see in my son. The principal asked great questions and overall it was a pleasant and helpful meeting. We agreed to give my son a hearing and vision exam first and then some specific tests that will be administered by the school psych., a different person I didn't meet today. 

 

All in all a good experience! I will try to update on how the testing goes once we do that :)

[OneStepAtATime]

Just updating in case anyone is reading this post for information on the subject of using a public school for LD evaluations for their homeschooled kids-

 

I had sent a letter to my school district office to get a referral to get my son tested for possible learning disabilities. I stated in the letter that I wanted to figure out what, if any, troubles my son might be having because I have been observing increasing difficulties in his learning, particularly his math and basic memory. I made sure to state in the letter I intended to keep homeschooling and just wanted a diagnose that would help me teach him better.

Today was the initial meeting that included myself, the school special ed director and the school principal, who also happens to be a child psych. My son wasn't present as we were just meeting to figure out what tests would be best for him and not actually testing him today. I brought in some of his work, the books we use, and explained in depth my concerns and the general behavior I see in my son. The principal asked great questions and overall it was a pleasant and helpful meeting. We agreed to give my son a hearing and vision exam first and then some specific tests that will be administered by the school psych., a different person I didn't meet today. 

 

All in all a good experience! I will try to update on how the testing goes once we do that :)

So glad the initial meeting went well.  Yeah!!!  Thanks for the update and good luck with the process.

[nature girl]

So glad it was such a good meeting and that you're getting some support! It's so wonderful when a school realizes they should have an obligation to help all children, not just those registered with them. I hope you do come back once you have results. There's a wealth of knowledge (and kindness) on this board. Wishing you all the best...