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heartlikealion

Thoughts on this link? (nagging & relationships)

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http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time

 

I get it. I'm too hard on my spouse. But this article also left me thinking things like, "why doesn't he figure out how to do laundry? Why doesn't she write down the specific meat she wants?"

 

Thoughts?

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True. And I reread the part about laundry. He didn't purposely put that item in with his jeans, actually. I was thinking he just kept doing it wrong and then wondering why she was getting irritated with him. But you are right. That is the main point.

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My husband is just like the wife in the article. After decades of dealing with this, I sometimes wonder if I subconsciously "mess up" on purpose. Some form passive-aggressive behavior on my part. It has certainly hardened my heart towards him. It is what it is.

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From a pragmatic pov, nagging doesn't work. You either learn to let it go, do it yourself, or be very specific in your requests/instructions. 

 

Being assertive is a whole other thing. I guess if you have two very motivated partners, assertive communication can solve the issues at hand without nagging or giving up. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The thing is though, you have to be careful not to buy into this idea that your needs are wrong. The way you go about getting them met may be inefficient, but needing your beloved not to live like he is still 12 years old and needs a mama to do his laundry or remind him about healthy foods is not a sin. 

 

 

 

 

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Why is it a guy writing it from a woman's perspective. Just comes across like a guy that wants his wife to quit nagging.

 

I think as we get older we can get better at giving grace over the small stuff.

Also that if its not ok to do to your guy it's not ok to do to your kids.

Also that sometimes it's not really the small detail but the piles of small things adding up that bring out the rant. Sometimes totally unrelated stuff.

Mostly it comes down to respectful communication.

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I think relationships like this are really sad and awkward to watch.

 

After watching a couple like this, I once told my husband I was grateful he didn't complain about the messy house or when dinner wasn't ready, etc. He told me "well, I assume you're doing the best you can." 😯 I certainly don't always do my best (like when I get sucked into a book and don't actually do anything all day, lol) but it meant a lot to me that he said that.

 

I think about that a lot when I'm frustrated by something DH does or doesn't do. He's a good man honestly doing his best, even if he doesn't do things the way I expect him to. Thinking that way helps me to have patience and not let it bother me. And it makes me want to do better too.

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I'm ashamed to admit I catch myself doing that, more to my kids than husband, with some frequency. In the moment it seems like such a big deal but as soon as I take a breath and get some perspective I see how hurtful and bitchy it is.

 

Unlike the author my immediate response when I find myself nagging and speaking harshly is to ask their forgiveness, explain why what I did wasn't the proper way to speak to someone with respect, and try again (this time modeling the right response). Bless their hearts - everyone is so gracious with *me* that it's doubly shameful I am not always so gracious with *them*. I didn't used to be like this but it is a habit I fell into when correcting them - it turned into scolding, and it doesn't help anyone.

 

I have developed a stress management issue (primarily due to my destroyed adrenal system and the inability to physically cope with stress), and it is SO worth it to work on this, try to catch them before they come of my mouth, and be quick to humble myself and admit when I've been unkind or rude. I deeply wish that had never become habit to begin with, and my focus this year is continuing to work on treating my family with respect and keeping perspective on what is and isn't a big deal. It's so hard in the moment but the quality of our relationships moving forward depends on me maintaining a spirit of gentleness and graciousness in dealing with them - ESPECIALLY when they make a mistake (as though I don't make them too).

 

I have sympathy for anyone who finds themselves in th same boat. It sucks for the whole family and makes you feel like the most rotten human being alive. Thankfully it's fixable so long as you don't get self righteous and pretend no problem exists.

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she reminds me of my grandmother.  when she said he had the same expression as HER SON when he is chastized, I had to wonder how overboard she goes towards chewing out a child.  she's a bully.  she may have had an 'ah ha' moment, which is *only* the first step.  she has still said nothing about how she has changed or what changes she is making - or more importantly - that she has *sincerely* APOLOGIZED to her husband for treating him that way.

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An interesting article and subject. A lot of thoughts crossed my mind. How I am more patient when I have time. How little things don't matter so much when I am not dealing with something else that is stressful.

I have learned over time to be very specific in any requests if it really matters to me knowing dh does not care one way or another. Another important one was to realize that the world will not end because something did not get done today. Distinguishing the truly important from the not so important was a learning process because I like to have it all just so or used to. Learning how to ask for help or change versus nagging is helpful as well.

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she reminds me of my grandmother.  when she said he had the same expression as HER SON when he is chastized, I had to wonder how overboard she goes towards chewing out a child.  she's a bully.  she may have had an 'ah ha' moment, which is *only* the first step.  she has still said nothing about how she has changed or what changes she is making - or more importantly - that she has *sincerely* APOLOGIZED to her husband for treating him that way.

 

That jumped out at me, too, as well as when she wondered why she was belittling and haranguing her husband even though she's "not his mother" — like it's OK to treat your kids that way, just not your husband??? 

 

I admit to being suspicious as to whether that's even an authentic article, or if it was written by a man pretending to be a woman (apparently it was first posted on Reddit), but if that's really how someone was treating her husband and kids, that's not what I would call "nagging." To me, nagging is when you ask someone to pick up their dirty socks for the 12th time, or put their breakfast dishes in the dishwasher after they've left them on the table for the 900th time, even though they know perfectly well where they go. Yelling at someone for accidents, or for not buying something he had no idea you wanted, is just plain bullying and bitchiness, not nagging.

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she reminds me of my grandmother.  when she said he had the same expression as HER SON when he is chastized, I had to wonder how overboard she goes towards chewing out a child.  she's a bully.  she may have had an 'ah ha' moment, which is *only* the first step.  she has still said nothing about how she has changed or what changes she is making - or more importantly - that she has *sincerely* APOLOGIZED to her husband for treating him that way.

 

That jumped out at me, too. My heart broke a little bit for her child.

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The beginning of the story seemed fake to me.  Really, berating a guy for bringing home the wrong type of meat?  When clearly he does not typically do the shopping?  "Why can't I trust him?"  Come on.  Between the click-bait title and the hamburger drama, I short of checked out and just skimmed the rest. 

 

Sometimes my husband frustrates me and sometimes I frustrate him.  Everyone needs to just do the best they can.  "Do unto others" and all that.  It can be hard but if we catch ourselves and apologize, we can get over it.

 

ETA: Agree with what Corraleno said about nagging.  The woman in the article wasn't nagging. 

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I remember getting a piece of advice once.

Either accept that his way is different, not wrong, but okay or accept that you will be doing this task yourself for the rest of your lives together.

When I remember this piece of advice things are a lot better between us. I wish I remembered more often.

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I have a friend whose marriage is a lot like this--she's CONSTANTLY on him, even in front of other people.  It drives me crazy to watch.  And he's so darn good-natured about it.  

 

I think the root of this type of behavior is a controlling personality (whether it is in a man or a woman).  

 

For me personally, I let a lot of stuff go, even when the little control freak who lives within rebels. The hamburger thing? I wouldn't blink an eye.  

 

A good marriage often means grace and flexibility from both parties.  My husband and I try to extend these to each other regularly--never a one-way street.  Neither of us is a doormat, or a fool.  Just tonight I've had to give grace b/c my husband got sooooo annoyed at what is a very minor situation regarding tax assessment.  (It will cost us all of $11. Totally not worth the trouble to me, but on principle he's upset.)  So although I honestly felt like his reaction was overblown, instead of trying to control his emotion/reaction, I affirmed his feeling ("that really sounds frustrating") and just ignored it.  Giving him some grace to be ticked.  

 

All these minor mistakes truly don't matter in a marriage.  I hate to see people making mountains out of molehills!  Next time, she'll have the wisdom to be specific about the hamburger meat. 

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The beginning of the story seemed fake to me.  Really, berating a guy for bringing home the wrong type of meat?  When clearly he does not typically do the shopping?  "Why can't I trust him?"  Come on.  Between the click-bait title and the hamburger drama, I short of checked out and just skimmed the rest.

 

I would love to say I can't imagine a woman berating her husband (or child) for purchasing the wrong type of hamburger (or other) - but I can.  My grandmother would, and did.  (she would never have seen herself in this article)

 

eta: for a graduation gift, my grandmother wanted to buy me a set of luggage. she flew once a year. at that point, I think I'd flown once in my life.  she like brand a) but GAVE ME THE MONEY to purchase luggage as opposed to buying exactly what she wanted me to have.  she TOLD me to go to the store and buy luggage.  so I did, but I bought a different brand that was otherwise similar becasue the money would buy more pieces.  yes - she royally chewed me out for buying the wrong thing.

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I have a friend whose marriage is a lot like this--she's CONSTANTLY on him, even in front of other people.  It drives me crazy to watch.  And he's so darn good-natured about it.  

 

I think the root of this type of behavior is a controlling personality (whether it is in a man or a woman).  

 

For me personally, I let a lot of stuff go, even when the little control freak who lives within rebels. The hamburger thing? I wouldn't blink an eye.  

 

A good marriage often means grace and flexibility from both parties.  My husband and I try to extend these to each other regularly--never a one-way street.  Neither of us is a doormat, or a fool.  Just tonight I've had to give grace b/c my husband got sooooo annoyed at what is a very minor situation regarding tax assessment.  (It will cost us all of $11. Totally not worth the trouble to me, but on principle he's upset.)  So although I honestly felt like his reaction was overblown, instead of trying to control his emotion/reaction, I affirmed his feeling ("that really sounds frustrating") and just ignored it.  Giving him some grace to be ticked.  

 

All these minor mistakes truly don't matter in a marriage.  I hate to see people making mountains out of molehills!  Next time, she'll have the wisdom to be specific about the hamburger meat. 

 

bingo.

 

my understanding is control freaks feel out of control *within themselves* - so they try to control everything/everyone around them.  (if they would just put their energies into learning to control themselves, . . . they'd be so much happier, and so would everyone else around them.)

 

 

 

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She said, "I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I’d seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That’s when it hit me. “Why am I doing this? I’m not his mom.â€

 

Ummmm, I know this article is about her relationship with her husband but it's not good that her kid has that look on his face either. Just because you're someone's mom doesn't mean you should demoralize them and get on their case over every mistake. I'm glad that she came to a realization that she needs to have more grace for her husband. I hope she extends it to the other people in her life as well.

 

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That article made me sad.  The person you married is who you married.  Maybe they aren't as attentive to the same things that you are, and maybe you found that you have less in common than you had first thought, but that doesn't mean you have the right to belittle them and get after them about every little thing.

 

Of course there is such a thing as changing little habits for the good of the marriage, but that is not reached by putting someone down constantly.

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The gender role assumptions in the piece annoyed me. Nagging wife, husband who can fix the computer and lift things, appeal to wives to repent and appreciate your husbands. Uck.

 

Nagging is bad and a real problem. Sometimes I'm guilty of it, though I'm not too bad. This piece just didn't really speak to me about it.

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An interesting article and subject. A lot of thoughts crossed my mind. How I am more patient when I have time. How little things don't matter so much when I am not dealing with something else that is stressful.

 

This is so true for me. Even though it seems perfectly obvious, I just realized this myself within the last year. It helps to know which days you may be more likely to lose it, so you can be more conscious of it or just avoid things that may irritate you (if possible).

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DH is becoming *this*. In a big way. I almost cried when I read this article because I find myself doing the same thing as the husband in the article - hiding things from DH because I can't handle another "told you not to do it that way; why can't you listen" session. I've cried in the bathroom more in the past few months than I care to mention... or admit.

 

The reality is that I *know* he feels out of control right now. His dad is dying a slow, painful death 12 hours away and there's nothing my husband can do about it. He is naturally a person who likes to be in control but is generally much more graceful and less crass about it. He's in pain and feels out of control over a very, very big thing in his life. He can't make his dad better and he can't be there for his dad in the way he'd like to be. It's not even that he can't control this - it's that he feels like he can't do even one little thing to help fix it. 

DH has only been this way recently and I know what's wrong, so I'm trying my very, very best to extend as much grace as I possibly can... but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt in a big way. He's never been like this with me before, and when I mention it to him he honestly doesn't seem to realize how he comes across lately, but even my younger sister noticed the change in him when she visited for Christmas. He cried when I told him. 

 

 

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DH is becoming *this*. In a big way. I almost cried when I read this article because I find myself doing the same thing as the husband in the article - hiding things from DH because I can't handle another "told you not to do it that way; why can't you listen" session. I've cried in the bathroom more in the past few months than I care to mention... or admit.

 

The reality is that I *know* he feels out of control right now. His dad is dying a slow, painful death 12 hours away and there's nothing my husband can do about it. He is naturally a person who likes to be in control but is generally much more graceful and less crass about it. He's in pain and feels out of control over a very, very big thing in his life. He can't make his dad better and he can't be there for his dad in the way he'd like to be. It's not even that he can't control this - it's that he feels like he can't do even one little thing to help fix it.

DH has only been this way recently and I know what's wrong, so I'm trying my very, very best to extend as much grace as I possibly can... but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt in a big way. He's never been like this with me before, and when I mention it to him he honestly doesn't seem to realize how he comes across lately, but even my younger sister noticed the change in him when she visited for Christmas. He cried when I told him.

 

I'm sorry, Aimee...

 

Anne

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No, the male author on the site didn't write it. It looks like he just shared it. That threw me off at first, too.

 

I can sadly relate to the meat thing. The other day dh brought me home razors. I've told him the "right" brand before (and yes, before the shopping trip) and he said he thought I liked this one particular model from this other brand. He bought them because of the value. I was upset because I've told him several times that I don't like X brand (they hurt me, I cut myself a lot, it's not about price point or colors or something). I ended up showing him the former (used) razors and package in the bathroom from the last trip since he was convinced that he'd bought me this kind last time. I used to buy this stuff myself, but he often just decides to get it while he's out since I don't always know when I'll get to the store w/o kids in tow. I was not kind about it :( I see myself in this woman perhaps partly because we live 45 min. from the main shopping so when something is not right it is such a headache. I overreacted.

 

As to the controlling comment. Yes, I consider myself someone that seeks control, but I don't know to what extent it is fair. Like, I've offered to do the grocery shopping, but dh insists on doing it most of the time. He also insists on using technology instead of paper shopping lists. So I'll tell Alexa what to get and then he won't be able to access the Echo app in the store or I'll tell her too late or whatever. If I do go to the store with a list from him it'll be crap to me (like no brand/size). So then I'll spend part of the shopping trip trying to reach him to ask him to clarify and his phone is dead or he can't get to it. So we're both problems lol. And it's very hard (or inconvenient to me) to get Alexa to add details to a shopping list item. This can maybe be done online.

 

I don't know that my attitude/reaction is learned behavior, but I have seen other family members (my side) display this kind of behavior. We usually end up apologizing and moving on, sometimes recognizing that we're stressed or hungry or whatever and that affected our snippy behavior. But I don't think I apologize enough to dh.

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I would love to say I can't imagine a woman berating her husband (or child) for purchasing the wrong type of hamburger (or other) - but I can.  My grandmother would, and did.  (she would never have seen herself in this article)

 

<snip>

 

Yeah, I wasn't clear.  I can imagine someone coming unglued because another person bought the wrong thing. But the tone of this article was so dramatic it just seemed fake to me.   "Why can't I trust him?"  "Why wouldn't he choose the healthier option?"    I can imagine her weeping as she asks the questions.   It's over the top.   For me, it takes away credibility.  

 

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No, the male author on the site didn't write it. It looks like he just shared it. That threw me off at first, too.

 

I can sadly relate to the meat thing. The other day dh brought me home razors. I've told him the "right" brand before (and yes, before the shopping trip) and he said he thought I liked this one particular model from this other brand. He bought them because of the value. I was upset because I've told him several times that I don't like X brand (they hurt me, I cut myself a lot, it's not about price point or colors or something). I ended up showing him the former (used) razors and package in the bathroom from the last trip since he was convinced that he'd bought me this kind last time. I used to buy this stuff myself, but he often just decides to get it while he's out since I don't always know when I'll get to the store w/o kids in tow. I was not kind about it :( I see myself in this woman perhaps partly because we live 45 min. from the main shopping so when something is not right it is such a headache.

I used to get extremely over the top aggravated when I would ask dh to pick up something for me and it was wrong. It took me quite awhile to embrace technology but once I did things got better. I either send him a picture of the packaging of what I want or text him exactly what I want. If I want 80/20 hamburger meat that is what I send him. If I don't include exactly which brand/item I want I have no one to blame but myself if it is wrong. It doesn't matter how many years we have been married. The things that are important to me just aren't important to him. It took me a long time to get here.

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bingo.

 

my understanding is control freaks feel out of control *within themselves* - so they try to control everything/everyone around them.  (if they would just put their energies into learning to control themselves, . . . they'd be so much happier, and so would everyone else around them.)

 

Yes.

There can also be a large element of "If other people could reliably take care of just a few things, I could be relieved of the stress of managing those few things and become a more reasonable human being.  Why doesn't anyone want me to become a reasonable human being?!?!"

 

<---- recovering control freak

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I don't get why this is unbelievable. A man must have written it because women are never bitchy control freaks who yell over stupid stuff? Somebody tell that to my coworker, as she didn't get the memo.

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I don't get why this is unbelievable. A man must have written it because women are never bitchy control freaks who yell over stupid stuff?

The bottom had a little "about the author" thing and it was a man. Apparently though, he wasn't the author, he just shared the article on his site.

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I used to get extremely over the top aggravated when I would ask dh to pick up something for me and it was wrong. It took me quite awhile to embrace technology but once I did things got better. I either send him a picture of the packaging of what I want or text him exactly what I want. If I want 80/20 hamburger meat that is what I send him. If I don't include exactly which brand/item I want I have no one to blame but myself if it is wrong. It doesn't matter how many years we have been married. The things that are important to me just aren't important to him. It took me a long time to get here.

 

With the razors, he remembered what brand I asked for. It's just that he thought the others were ok, too. And for some reason I didn't hear the phone ring when he called to ask about something else. When I got to the phone and spoke to him he never brought up the razors. I can send texts and sometimes he won't look at his phone til he leaves the store.

 We're both impossible lol.

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My husband has a tendency to nag.  He doesn't compare to this at all and doesn't belittle, but it is really alien to me.  When stuff happens I don't like (bills left on the piano, say, or shoes around the house randomly) my go to is not to complain.  I say something if it's a real problem, and I've leared to say something if it really bothers me and it isn't simple to deal with myself, or dealing with it causes another problem.  For example - I used to just throw the shoes in the closet, but that drove him crazy, so I told him it drove me nuts to have them all over the house where I trip on them.

 

And I assume that if people forget, its not on purpose and they are trying.

 

Dh has a less patient approach.  I think part of it is that he is a person who really notices his surroundings.  And he does it way more when he is stressed.

 

The best solution I've found, apart from pointing this out, is to make fun of him.

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My husband has a tendency to nag.  He doesn't compare to this at all and doesn't belittle, but it is really alien to me.  When stuff happens I don't like (bills left on the piano, say, or shoes around the house randomly) my go to is not to complain.  I say something if it's a real problem, and I've leared to say something if it really bothers me and it isn't simple to deal with myself, or dealing with it causes another problem.  For example - I used to just throw the shoes in the closet, but that drove him crazy, so I told him it drove me nuts to have them all over the house where I trip on them.

 

And I assume that if people forget, its not on purpose and they are trying.

 

Dh has a less patient approach.  I think part of it is that he is a person who really notices his surroundings.  And he does it way more when he is stressed.

 

The best solution I've found, apart from pointing this out, is to make fun of him.

 

:laugh:

 

I think dh has realized the best solution to shut me up is to hand me food. I'm usually past due to eat (hypoglycemic) and/or stressed. He got upset the other day and then admitted he needed to calm down and eat. Apparently we're both jerks when we need food.

 

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As someone who is a control freak (although much less so than I used to be), and who knows that the need to control little things is much worse when I'm under a lot of stress from things I can't control and who is very aware of her surroundings . . .  I ditto all of these things. ;)

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The gender role assumptions in the piece annoyed me. Nagging wife, husband who can fix the computer and lift things, appeal to wives to repent and appreciate your husbands. Uck.

 

Nagging is bad and a real problem. Sometimes I'm guilty of it, though I'm not too bad. This piece just didn't really speak to me about it.

 

I don't think it was an assumption... The author shared an article written by a woman about her marriage.

 

Besides, the article was pointing out that verbal abuse is still abuse and that women can be guilty of it.

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The bottom had a little "about the author" thing and it was a man. Apparently though, he wasn't the author, he just shared the article on his site.

 

Yes, I know. I can read and understand when something is being quoted from another source.

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I don't get why this is unbelievable. A man must have written it because women are never bitchy control freaks who yell over stupid stuff? Somebody tell that to my coworker, as she didn't get the memo.

 

The author's name is Jason.  While it is possible I suppose for a woman to be named Jason, it would be rare, I think.  But others have said that he was quoting someone else.  The person quoted does not appear to have a citation telling us who it is. 

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Yes, I know. I can read and understand when something is being quoted from another source.

Um, you implied that people were saying it was a man because women couldn't be bitchy control freaks. I don't think that is why people were saying that. I think it was because there was a male author page under the article. I was not trying to be snarky.

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The author's name is Jason.  While it is possible I suppose for a woman to be named Jason, it would be rare, I think.  But others have said that he was quoting someone else.  The person quoted does not appear to have a citation telling us who it is. 

 

He said it was from a Reddit user, linked to the post he was quoting, and the post was set off in a box after he said, "This is an honest, open story from a young woman about her marriage." Not sure how that is in any way confusing, but in any case I don't think that's why people were suggesting it might be a fake post written by a male. Instead, they're objecting to the post's "gender role assumptions," etc. and implying that a nagging wife is simply a stereotype or a myth.

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The author's name is Jason.  While it is possible I suppose for a woman to be named Jason, it would be rare, I think.  But others have said that he was quoting someone else.  The person quoted does not appear to have a citation telling us who it is. 

 

Actually, it's cited right above the grey box (which usually implies quoting something).

 

 

From Tickld via Reddit:

 

If you follow the link to Tickld, there is no author listed and all it says is,

 

 

This post originally appeared on Reddit.

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Yeah, I wasn't clear.  I can imagine someone coming unglued because another person bought the wrong thing. But the tone of this article was so dramatic it just seemed fake to me.   "Why can't I trust him?"  "Why wouldn't he choose the healthier option?"    I can imagine her weeping as she asks the questions.   It's over the top.   For me, it takes away credibility.  

 

 

it sounds like a drama queen engaging in drama.  cue the violins . . .

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I knew it was a quote, but thought the gender stereotype were slightly annoying, anyway. I was probably just rubbed the wrong way because one of the samples cited reminded me that I'm probably gonna need to fix something on the toilet. lol.

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What is described doesn't sound like simple nagging to me at all. It sounds like a an irrational person losing her self control and spewing meanness out of her mouth and minimizing it as just nagging. Don't normal people immediately recognize that speaking like that to anyone is wrong?

 

IMO, nagging is like, "Please take the trash out."

5min later: "I asked you to take the trash out."

10min later "When are you going to take the trash out."

30 min later "Are you going to take the trash out of what?"

(Takes the trash out herself)

Next day "You never take the trash out. Will you take it out today?"

30min later "Do you see the trashcan is full again? I took it out yesterday"

10 min later "HI sweetie, Parent can't play with you because parent is just about to take the trash out."

5min later "Honey, did you know Sweetie is waiting on you to take the trash out yourself so that she can play with you?"

Nagger takes trash out.

 

 

See the difference? The simple nagger is not abusive in language and is merely being passive aggressive and annoying. The person being nagged is not dehumanized or hurt. Both parties are showing poor communication. Naggee should speak up and say, "Yah, not taking the trash out" or just do it. Nagger should either take it out if it bothers the nagger so much or learn to express what he or she wants and get it in a more effective way instead of getting progressively more annoyed and annoying. Nagging isn't "biting his head off." 

 

 

 

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:laugh:

 

I think dh has realized the best solution to shut me up is to hand me food. I'm usually past due to eat (hypoglycemic) and/or stressed. He got upset the other day and then admitted he needed to calm down and eat. Apparently we're both jerks when we need food.

 

 

when dudeling was younger  - his moods were very sensitive to whether he'd eaten or not.   getting him to eat was a fight, becasue he didn't recongize hunger pangs. . . and he was uber uber picky.  now, he's just uber picky, but can (not always) recongize hunger.  we're making progress.

 

and I'm talking to him about engaging in melodrama when he's sick . . . . sigh.  he did give it some thought though.

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My ex husband was like this.  One of many reasons why he is my ex.  

 

Dh isn't like this at all.  Things really don't bother him.  I'm also fairly laid back most of the time (when I'm not I can usually track it to hormones - stereotype or not).

 

I also thought it was awful that she didn't apologize when she "realized" and thinks it's fine to treat her kids like this.  Ugh.

 

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