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Behavior Help

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I appreciate the help with the social issues yesterday, and so, I thought you might help me again.  It is almost a daily struggle with my 10 yr old and instigating, teasing, picking, back-talk, just 'ugh' behavior.  Under handed messing with peoples' stuff and pretending he didn't, saying he's not playing a game and then declaring himself the winner, etc.  It drives his brothers nuts, which drives his parents nuts.


When we talk to him about it, he doesn't seem to understand what he does, or doesn't remember, or claims not to remember, or says that everyone is always fussing at him.  Well, he's always messing with people or their stuff, unless he is highly focused on his own thing.  He honestly doesn't seem capable of learning to not piss people off or understanding what he did.


Recall that we've had evals and are waiting on results.  I did email to tell her these things, which we did talk about before, and ask if we could get in any sooner.  In the meantime, I don't have any idea how to fix or improve this.  Do we need ABA, more excitement, meds, counseling?  Any ideas?

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Regardless of diagnosis, sometimes kids just really don't see things from outside their own perspective.  The next time you see trouble brewing consider taking out your phone and starting to recording a video.  Deal with the immediate situation as normal.  Later on, ask the trouble instigator to watch the video with you, but DO NOT rehash the back-story (all of the "I had to... because s/he..." doesn't matter.  Getting sucked into that conversation will only distract you from the goal).  Go through it a second time, but this time pause at various points and work together to make a list of choices could have resulted in a different outcomes.  If appropriate, bring the other child in on the project too, and see if you can make the list even longer.


ETA: Kid #2 should only be pointing out ways that they could change their own behavior to deescalate the situation.  Don't let one kid tell the other what to do, that will only make things worse.

Edited by Plink
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Agreeing with the others. This could be a social thing or behavioral or both. I will note that we have social skills taught to our ASD kiddo by a behavioralist. The behavioralist sees kids using social skills stuff from an SLP, and it doesn't always work because some kids need behavioral plus social to really nip the issues in the bud. An SLP doesn't really have that background.

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