bodiesmom Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 My youngest is 9 1/2 and still srongly believes in Santa. If I could redo this whole Santa thing, I would. But I can't. My older two had no problem when they figured out Santa, and tbh, I'm really surprised that my youngest has lasted this long. I feel I need to tell him the truth, but am REALLY dreading it. I think he is going to take it really hard. My desire to tell him is fueled by my fear of him finding out through friends and being made to feel foolish, embarrassed, and even more betrayed. Anyone btdt? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 You can't take Santa away now, the boy will never sleep. Next year if someone says something just wink and say, "If you don't believe He won't come." or "That silly rumor is going around again." There are many ways to acknowledge the reality and keep up the fun and imagination without being Grinch. :) Some kids want to keep their childhood longer than others. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiesmom Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Starr- Thank you. You are right. So right. 😄 I needed to hear this. He is presently lying next to my bed snuggled on a mat with cozy blankets. It is allllll good. Leave well enough alone. 😉 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Why do you feel like you need to have the talk? I would weigh the reasons carefully, and then proceed - or not. My parents never had the talk. As far as they know, I still believe in Santa. :) The fun just shifted. It's about creating Christmas fun and magic. DH's parents had the talk with him, and looking back - it's kind of sad. He then broke the news to all of his friends, too, many of whom still believed. I think he was about ten. 24 yr old DS here and we never *told* him. He still plays along. DS 11 yrs old suspects but professes belief, and DD 4 absolutely believes. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Oops! We cross posted! :) I'm glad you're good with things as they are. Let him keep it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 You can't take Santa away now, the boy will never sleep. Next year if someone says something just wink and say, "If you don't believe He won't come." or "That silly rumor is going around again." There are many ways to acknowledge the reality and keep up the fun and imagination without being Grinch. :) Some kids want to keep their childhood longer than others. I could not disagree more. My mom did that to me and I was very confused. I asked her about the truth and she lied. When I was little it wasn't a lie. But as I got older, she was putting off discomfort. OP--Honestly, I don't know. If he hasn't asked, then don't say anything, but maybe you can let the other kids drop hints. If he asks, be straightforward: All the kids believed when they were little but then they realized the magic was more of a metaphor for the love and charity in the world. I told my nine-year-old this year. It was harsh, but I didn't lie when she asked me straightforwardly. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Yes, please don't lie and definitely don't threaten. That really only makes it worse and you'll definitely regret it if you're already feeling unsure about the whole Santa deal. I know the above comment was meant to be sweet, but telling a child they have to believe to get presents is really no good - it's only going to increase the sense of distrust that could potentially arise. I wouldn't force the talk either though. He's only 9. You did Santa and you can't turn back now. I agree to let the other kids drop hints and you yourself could drop gentle ones in the future. But mostly I would just wait for him to ask. If he hasn't in another year or two, then start thinking about how to handle it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bodiesmom Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Great point Tsuga. We haven't made any effort to hide the truth the last two years. There have been numerous times this year when I thought....oh he now knows for SURE due to a slip in conversation, stories on the news, etc. But nope. He still believes. Little stinker...I have so far answered any question he has had very honestly. I've also attempted to challenge his thinking with thoughtful questions, etc.. No go. I wish he would just outright ask so I can outright answer. Lol. And Spryte- to answer your question- I don't know really. It's hard to verbalize. I never gave it a second thought with my older two, and really never told them to NOT blow it with their little brother. But this kiddo....his personality is such that he is sensitive to saving face, to being caught in error. As it stands for now, my lips are going to remain sealed...unless I'm directly asked. 😎 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I'm sorry, I thought the suggestion was not to answer a question honestly, not, to simply not initiate the question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 My 11 year old still believes and I struggle with it. I won't say anything unless they ask. She did ask earlier this season, and I told her there were certain conversations we have at certain ages (her younger siblings were right there), and she didn't ask again. Not sure when we'll tell her? Not unless she asks though 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Unless you are being asked directly (I wouldn't lie), I would hold off until next year. At that point, if you feel it's really time he knows, there are lots of gentle and lighthearted ways of slipping in the truth without making him feel betrayed. You could study different cultures and the various interpretations of "Santa". How some kids get gifts on Christmas Eve, others on different days, some put out shoes and others hang stockings, some places have snow for the sleigh and then there's Australia ( :) )..Plus of course a huge number of people in the world enjoy entirely different holidays and celebrations; at 10 he will likely be able to see the gaps in his Christmas story and worldwide reality. There are unlimited ways you could help steer conversations in this vein. I feel like a lot of the holiday movies deal with kids coming of age and questioning, too, and those can also make terrific conversation starters. How is Santa portrayed in one movie to the next? Do the kids always end up believing in HIM at the end, or is their conclusion a bit vague? Can you talk about the possibilities--Christmas spirit or magic or whatever words you use, instead of a fat man in a red suit? Can you include him in family traditions? I like the idea of each family member being in charge of another's stocking. There's no reason to tell him point blank it's not Santa, but when you are out and about you can mention things that would be fun for dad's stocking or whatever. It can be casual and no big deal, or you can make a special date with him to go out elving for dad, whatever he would respond best to. Get the siblings involved--can they take him out to get special treats for your stocking? It can all be done in a roundabout, lighthearted way that allows him to be an active part of the secret rather than a passive recipient. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I told all of my kids around 5. This year I told my twins, and I approached it by asking them questions about the logistics. I kind of feel like the fact that you are feeling uneasy about him still believing means that he should probably be told the truth. Disclaimer: I'm not big into Santa, and I believed until around 9 when I read the truth in a kids digest magazine. I was devastated that my mom lied to me that long. (And she didn't answer questions untruthfully, she always put it back to me and didn't correct my faulty logic.) I know there are plenty of kids that don't have this experience, but I mention it to show how it colors my opinions on the subject. You may want to disregard my whole post. Lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldilocks Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I teach a Sunday School class of 2nd and 3rd graders. There are two brothers who obviously still believe in Santa, but I think they are the only ones. They kept bringing up Santa Claus and I was afraid that another child would say something about Santa not being real. There were a few awkward moments! You said that this child is sensitive to being caught in error. I would worry that he would be in a situation with other children and learn that Santa isn't real. That may be very embarrassing for him. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I never had to tell my kids, because they always figured it out on their own. My oldest was giving a TEDX Talk, and the presenter before her said that Santa isn't real. I had my younger girls with me. No fewer than 5 people pulled me aside to tell me that presentation wasn't appropriate for young children. I had to assure them that when I mention Santa, my kids say, " Santa, huh?" Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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