Mama Geek Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) How do you be kind when you really don't want to pursue a relationship from the past? Years ago I had a friend from college that was pretty flaky. The last straw was when she bailed on plans to get together in her home state when I was on vacation. My family made plans and I intentionally didn't go because I made plans with her and then tried calling and calling about the time we were talking about me heading her way. She was about 2 hours away. She never apologized and never even gave a reason, good bad or other. She found me on Facebook and we now live in the same state. She wants to be Facebook friends and to know when we are going to be home. (Dh contracts and we travel with him, so we are gone from home a lot.) I don't have the energy or desire to pursue any kind of relationship with this person. We are homeschooling, we spend time with family, we have activities that we enjoy doing. I've moved on, I don't want to hurt her or be mean, I just don't want to go back there. Edited December 30, 2015 by Mama Geek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Just hit the "ignore" button on her friend request. Simple as that. You don't need to give an explanation. Most people don't even notice if you don't respond to their friend requests. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 Yeah, but she sent a message too asking if we were going to be home anytime soon. It wasn't just an invite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Yeah, but she sent a message too asking if we were going to be home anytime soon. It wasn't just an invite. That's ok. You don't have to respond to that, either. Just because someone knocks on your door, doesn't mean that you have to answer. 18 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 That's an awkward situation. I vote for not responding because there's really no "nice" way to tell people you aren't interested in a relationship with them. But if you feel you must reply, maybe "We're very busy with school, activities, and travel. Our schedule is booked solid for the foreseeable future." If she persists, tell her it really isn't convenient as many times as necessary. Be polite, but firm. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Many people don't even check their Facebook messages. She doesn't know if you do or don't. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggie96 Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 BTDT... I ignored friend request then replied to message with something to the effect of our schedule being so up in the air right now so I'll shoot you a message when dates firm up. Then, I just didn't send another message ever again. Unfortunately, I constantly have old "friends" from school contact me via facebook all the time because my brother (2 years younger so same school friends) is facebook friends with everybody and their dog from school, older and younger. I have very bad memories from those school days and have no desire to "friend" these people ever again. But I try not to be abrasive to them because they are friends with my brother and our extended circle. The above response has worked and is still working for me. HTH 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I would ignore but not hit the button. Just don't respond. Otherwise she can keep sending requests. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Delete her friend request. No reply is necessary. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 In this situation, I would block her and not respond. Blocking her will make it where she can't even see that you are on facebook at all, and won't be able to look you up, look at your page, message you, or even see your name. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 I'm so done with fb for reasons like that and many others. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Um, about the FB messages, she can see that you have read it. That said, since she can see it, I would just reply with what a PP said about being busy. I'd ignore the friend request, or if you feel too bad doing that, accept her and then hide her. If you feel she's someone who would continuously bug you, you can always block her. Then she won't be able to message you, won't see anything at all related to each other. You won't see her comments on other people's posts (mutual friends), etc. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 30, 2015 Author Share Posted December 30, 2015 I think I am going to ignore the Facebook request and just say we are home some of the time and are really busy with extended family when we are home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 You could block her and she wouldn't be able to contact you again. She'd probably guess that you blocked her, though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 If it were me I would accept her friend request and say (which is true) that for security reasons I don't talk online about when I will and won't be travelling. If it really bothered me to be her friend, I would unfriend her later on. Chances are she wouldn't even notice. People don't get notified when you do that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 She may know you read it. But I also think it is fine to delete, block, ignore. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 No reply necessary. Just delete and move on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Well, she certainly wasn't considerate of your feelings the last time you were supposed to see her, so I see no need to worry about her now. Ignore her. Don't accept the friend request. Just because someone contacts you does not mean you are obligated to respond. You don't want to be bothered with her. Why open a door to further communication? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I wouldn't go through the effort of blocking her. If someone is remotely FB savvy, it's easy enough to tell when you've been blocked, and I'd want to avoid her trying to contact me about that. I wouldn't do anything about the Friend Request. If you leave it there, it will just stay open. You never have to respond/decide. From her end, if she clicks on your profile, she'll see that there is a "pending friend request," and she won't be able to send another. I don't know about replying to her message or not. A PP had a great response about letting her know when you'd be available, but I would probably just not respond. Unfortunately, I do truly forget to respond to FB messages--if I don't reply right away, they get lost with the others and forgotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Yeah, but she sent a message too asking if we were going to be home anytime soon. It wasn't just an invite. I'd put her off. "I'm not sure, I'll let you know." Then don't. If she messages again with something specific, say you're busy at that time. Ignore anything you can. You can stop looking at her messages on Facebook so that she can see you haven't seen them. I have a friend who has ignored my last few messages to her. Well, exfriend I suppose. :) She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and I was her maid of honor. We've grown apart. As far as I know I haven't done anything to offend her but who knows. She's clearly not interested in keeping the connection. So I backed off. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 No reply necessary. Just delete and move on. I would do exactly this. I have done this several times before I got off Facebook for good. OP, if you reply, you have opened a line of communication with this ex-friend. If you ignore, then, that friendship is in the past - since you have moved on, there is no need to respond. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I'm not sure how to tackle the Facebook aspect but I have a real life situation like this with someone I often see and I just literally wave and keep walking or get involved in a conversation with someone else - I don't want to spend any more time on this relationship. When she stops me for a chat I'm polite but always committed elsewhere. She's sweet enough but I find hot-cold relationships too emotionally taxing. Facebook would make this approach even easier by ignoring / hiding I guesa. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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